End of my rope

[Desperatedan12]

I can’t cope anymore with my 6 year old Golden retriever.

he has always been difficult. Severe separation anxiety that we shelled out £££ to try and fix and nothing worked. He is dog reactive to certain dogs (big males) so walking him is stressful.

we’ve recently moved house and I’ve returned to work from maternity leave and just feel like we’re back at square one. My partners away from work so it’s just me and it’s just come to a head, so far he has almost destroyed his crate (I know I know, but it was recommended by the behaviouralist to help give him a safe space when we leave the home). He’s shit on the floor 5 times over 2 days.

i feel a prisoner in my own home. I’m anxious to sleep incase he poos. I’m anxious to leave the house incase he destroys his crate.

I am done. I don’t want him anymore. All the care seems to fall to me and I’m just checked out. I think a slight bit of PND has crept in and (wrongly I know) it’s the dog that has taken the focus, not that his behaviours are helping.

when my partner gets back from working away I’m going to be straight, if you want to keep him then you do it all because I’m just done.

probably going to get roasted, and that’s fine. Maybe I am a horrid horrid person but I just can’t cope with it all. Not really after anything but a rant 😢

Not the same breed, but our labrador went through a phase of pooing in the night which turned out to be a bacterial infection. I'd set your alarm and take him out about 4am if you can stand it. I know how awful it is getting up tired and knowing there's something dreadful to clean before you do anything else, must be even worse for you with a young baby.

Thank you for all your kind words, I do expect the worse from MN most the time but it’s so nice to feel supported and understood.

to try and answer some questions ..

the behaviouralist was around 2 years ago, I certainly think he would help if we ask so I may try that thank you. (These seem such simple things I should of thought myself but my brain just isn’t functioning)

his crate - he doesn’t love it no, but he doesn’t hate it either. What he hates is being left alone for any amount of time, we had managed to build it up over months to get him to be okay with up to 4 hours which is what he does. They are crated for 4 hours, I come home for an hour so they can have a wee break. They then go back in for another 2 hours until the dog walker comes and takes them out for an hour. By then I’m home. So to the locked in the cage for many hours comment - we do as best we can to ensure time spent in the crate is as least as possible, but he will endanger himself if left to roam the house.

my partner had him with a previous girlfriend, when they split he took the dog as she was near useless with him. But until this was decided he was split between them a week at a time - I warned my partner this was a bad idea at the time but he was navigating a difficult ex and a house sale so wanted to keep peace as much as possible. He did say he showed issues before this but I am confident this is what made him to be so anxious.

Sympathies. Separation anxiety is hideous to deal with.

I sympathise. I understand that you are under a lot of pressure, but 6 hours is too long for a large dog to be in a crate (even with a wee break). A small dog in a large crate is bad enough, but the frustration and distress leading to destroying the crate as best he can is perfectly understandable here. When your behaviourist advised its use, it wouldn’t have been for it to be used repeatedly for this length of time.

6 hours in a crate is a ridiculous amount. I am not surprised you are having behaviour issues. I think if you were stuck in am cage for 6 hours at a time (bar a wee break) you might be looking at destroying it!
I am astounded you think this is acceptable and are actually blaming the dog for its behaviour

sorry op i was feeling sympathetic till i read this. it's not on, 6 hours, even with a wee break. no wonder he has been acting up. far too long even with a break.
sorry but poor thing, it's cruel. you need to rehome him asap or spend some serious time with him. it's not his fault, any of it. i understand your concerns but it's having an adverse behavioural reaction and i'm sure ur vet will tell
you it's too long for him too.

Does your dog poo in the bedroom? If he doesn’t I would leave him shut in your room overnight and not let him have the run of the house. Then if he’s restless you’re more likely to wake up to be able to take him out and avoid having to pick up poo off the floor. My dog will wee in the house if he’s allowed out during the night but since we have been keeping him in our bedroom during the night he doesn’t have the opportunity now and he will wake us up to go in the garden. We are hoping that will be enough to break the habit

he’s not doing it on purpose though he sounds anxious and unsettled do you need to both pre empt the behaviour to be able to prevent it, and help him feel more secure.

Agreed stuck in a crate for 6 hours, poor dog, no wonder he has issues.

The major welfare charities recommend no more than 4 hours alone in a 24 hour period.

Can you up the dog walker so they come twice a day? Or send them to doggy daycare? Or if you would benefit from more help around the house find someone to coming in and do some cleaning and laundry when you're out and provide doggy company while they're at it.

The poor dog sounds miserable, and you sound very unhappy too. So if you can't resolve it I would contact a breed specific rescue.

OMG you lock your dogs in cages all day. Please call a rescue and get them both taken. This is no life for them.

This dog sounds anxious and depressed. It probably feels that you don't like it much and wish he wasn't there. It sounds like he is in a crate, against their wishes a lot. That dog sounds incredibly unhappy. It's very sad.

As an owner of an 11 year old anxious Goldie, but not as bad as yours. I'd think about rehoming him. It's very difficult when it impacts your life. You're not being judged by me at all. He'd certainly benefit from a home where someone is home most of the day by the sounds of it. You'll be doing what's best for your dog. That's the most important thing.

Why are you using the dog walker when you have got home? It would make sense to have the dog walker in the middle of the time you are out.

I would also try dog daycare so he has company while you are out.

I know a baby and dog is hard. I adored my dog but he drove me mad the first year or so when we had DS. It does get better. I felt terribly guilty once we'd got through that difficult stage.
We lost Ddog last year when DS was 9. It broke my heart.

You cannot keep leaving such a large dog crated for so many hours. Imagine being stuck in a crate for 4 hours, your loved one letting you out for the toilet and putting you back in. And you not understanding why.
That is what your dog is experiencing. And he understandably hates it and is telling you that through his behaviour.

Also if the pooing overnight has only just started for a few days, it may not be behavioural. He might have a stomach bug.

@rumnraisinrocks it’s worse than that. She’s leaving him in the crate for 6 hours, the wee break is at “about 4 hours”!

Definitely breed rescue, he will be snapped up by someone more able to take care of him.
UK Goldies are unusual in Rescue and there is often a waiting list

Yeah, that's just cruel.

He's been through an awful lot.

I had sympathy until you let slip you forcibly cage your dogs for 6 hours a day.

That's actually bloody awful, especially for a dog that isn't even comfortable in a crate and has a distinct history of SA.

Get both of your dogs rehomed, this is not healthy for them.