To rehome?

[wiemermama]

Hi all,

I'm in a really tricky emotional quandary. I have a beautiful 3 year old dog, large breed. She is the most loving pooch and adores everyone she meets. Ive loved the bones of her since we got her as a pup.

Whilst she's amazing with people. She has reactivity to some of dogs but is ok once properly introduced (although you can't do that on walks with strangers). We've had multiple trainers who have been of little help. Including a behaviourist who was extortionate and useless. She is a bouncy, overly excited dog and often doesn't realise quite how big she is.

Unfortunately, due to financial circumstances We've had to downsize to a small 2 up, 2 down with a tiny garden which offers little space for all of us. On top of this, we have a newborn. DDog has so far been really great with the baby but all the other issues still persist. I can't walk DDog at the same time as pushing the pram as chances are that she'll pull us over if she sees a dog she's not a fan of. Daily life is so hard trying to make sure that baby and dog are kept separate when i need to do anything in the house. Finances won't allow for doggy daycare and im worried she's not getting enough mental stimulation.

We have no option but to stay in this property at the moment and I'm wondering whether she would be better off in another home. I can't believe im actually typing this as I love her so much but I can't help feeling that im letting her down and she's not getting the life she deserves.

Grateful for any thoughts and hopefully a sympathetic ear.

I have many dogs about to become 9) ranging from large breeds to medium sized breeds and some Sighthounds who are impeccably behaved until they see a squirrel.

I bought a belt in America that I can attach multiple leads to so I can be hands free.

It's very important to have the dog or dogs on as short as lead as possible to have maximum control.

The longer the lead, the less control.

The dog needs to be taken out by you or husband first thing for a good walk/run so that when you next go out with baby in pram, dog is calm.

Is there a reason your partner or you can’t take the dog a walk without your baby?

I wouldn’t use a sling for your baby, if you’re worried about being pulled over when your baby is in a pram, surely the risk is there with a sling too, if not more so.

use some scent games for your dog in the garden. Hide treats under plant pots and around the garden. A few minutes of mental stimulation will tire a dog out.
Use a snuffle mat to feed him, he has to work harder and again, tires him out, or scatter his food (assuming an it’s kibble) on the floor instead of using a bowl
Get a kong and stuff that to entertain him. This doesn’t replace a walk, but it’s all things that make his life more interesting when sometimes the walk has to be shorter than normal. lick mats are also a good way to give the dog something to do

get a baby gate to you can separate the baby and the dog . This way you have peace of mind (I’d never leave a dog with a baby no matter what the temperament).

life changes so much when you have a baby to look after. I had 2 dogs when my child was born and admit that the 3 walks a day were cut down to one for a short while. But it does get easier, it’s a case of finding a routine for you all. But I’d certainly look at brain games for dogs and try those.

Why can't she be left with the baby? Has she shown any aggression towards the baby? I grew up in a house with multiple large dogs who basically mothered me like a puppy, as I got older they would get in between me and my mum if I got wrong bless them.

I loop the lead around my waist if I need both hands when walking ours. Means if I have to drop down legs open and he isn't pulling me over no matter how he'd he tries. You can let go of the pram if you need to

Not leaving dogs and young children together is the absolute basic rule of parenting and dog ownership.

@tabulahrasa honestly how do you think kids grow up on farms and in breeding houses? Plus the baby will be in a play pen or crib when mum is out of the room so is away from the big scary dog anyway. I've just retrieved DS's bestmate aka one of the dogs from his playroom to feed her. We live semi rural and I don't know many people who don't have at least one dog with kids many have multiple.

The hamster bites him, the dogs either see him as a food source or their best friend and wouldn't dream of hurting him. He's been nipped and kicked by animals before but is still determined to work with them as an adult.

The toddler stage is hard with a kid and a dog, DS went in the playpen and the girls followed me around the house. A few times they sat on the other side of the play pen looking at him like haha your in a cage. To be honest even without the dogs if I left the room DS would have gone in the playpen.

OP if your determined to keep them a part what about a stairgate on the doors so you can shut your little one in one room and have the dog with you. Have their room as a bit of a playroom if you need it with a stair gate.

Muzzle the dog on a walk then even if it breaks the lead he can't hurt another dog and you can go retrieve him. If a muzzled dog ran toward me I would grab the lead for the owner as it can't hurt anyone.

“the dogs either see him as a food source or their best friend and wouldn't dream of hurting him”

The problem is, by the time people realise there’s an issue, it’s often too late and young children can end up with life altering injuries or even dead.

I had dogs with young children, it’s very easy to not leave them alone together, the op is just (understandably) overthinking it because she has a new baby.

Before babies are mobile you take the dogs away from them if you leave the room, after they’re mobile the baby needs supervising anyway unless they’re asleep or safely contained and if they are asleep or safely contained you again just take the dogs away with you.

I do think the suggestion of a run or something first thing in the morning is a good one. Could you hide treats in those doggy things in the garden to give her some mental stimulation? You could also check one of the various websites which match dog owners with dog lovers and then you maybe can get someone who wants a dog and can't have one who will be happy to walk the dog?

You are in the newborn fug right now so I'd recommend, if you can, just having a few more months and letting things settle before making massive decisions

I had a reactive dog (with other dogs) when my little one was born. I got a sling and we got in the car every day drove somewhere quiet and walked somewhere we knew it was a very unlikely we would see another dog walker. This was the only constant for me and my little one during maternity/lockdown and it kept me sane, I look back on those walks fondly and now I have a bouncy toddler who loves being outside! My old dog is sadly no longer with us :(

Practically speaking, I would do a mixture of the following:

One of you needs to get up early in the morning and walk the dog without the baby. Then, when DH gets home from work, the dog needs to go out again for another walk. Split this between you so the burden for walks doesn't just fall on one person.

Create a good routine during the day - I find that giving a chew to my dog after a walk really helps him settle down and he always sleeps afterwards. A stuffed kong or natural chew would be a good option - you could also freeze the kong to get it to last longer.

Feed meals out of kongs, snuffle mats and slow feeders so that she has to use her brain - it should help tire her out as it makes her work for her food. Read up on the "ditch the bowl" method of feeding.

Make sure she's being fed a good quality food as this can make a huge difference to her energy levels. Obviously budget is a consideration but often you feed less of the more expensive foods so it works out about the same in the long run.

Work on training in the house so that she learns how to settle down on her own while you get on with caring for the baby and doing basic household tasks. She shouldn't need too much interaction and stimulation during the day if she's getting two good walks and access to plenty of chews.

I totally understand why you're feeling so overwhelmed but honestly a lot of this sounds fixable with a schedule and some hard work. Good luck!

Thank you all for some really great ideas. I'm definitely overthinking and always seem to go to worst case scenario (it's an issue of mine). Felt a bit helpless this evening and really just felt like I wasn't coping.

Long story but DH isn't really overly fond of DDog so whilst he walks her, I feel the resentment he seems to have for her (another story).

@Sweetpea1989 I really like that suggestion and I've got the perfect location that's normally always empty. She hasn't always been reactive, it started when she was attacked by another dog so. It's been so difficult as most the lovely places to walk around here are FULL of off lead dogs with owners that seemingly have no ability to recall.

“Long story but DH isn't really overly fond of DDog so whilst he walks her, I feel the resentment he seems to have for her (another story).”

But he’s not doing it for her, he’s doing it for you because you’ve just grown and delivered a whole entire person.

I used to prefer to leave the D.C. with my DP tbh, because the dog walks were like bonus time off 😂 but not for the first few weeks, he had to do it then.

Long story but DH isn't really overly fond of DDog so whilst he walks her, I feel the resentment he seems to have for her (another story).

That sucks. But that just means he gets to bond more with the baby while you and ddog go out for peaceful long walks. She needs the exercise, you need the downtime, he needs to be daddy. Win win 😉

Long story but DH isn't really overly fond of DDog so whilst he walks her, I feel the resentment he seems to have for her (another story).

That's unfortunate but he presumably agreed to have a dog and a baby so he really just needs to suck it up and get on with it.

As you settle into parenthood you may find that you prefer being the one to walk the dog as it gives you guaranteed "time out" from the baby and the house, but until then he just needs to walk the dog to help you rather than because he wants to do it, iyswim.

I have an 8 week baby and a dog who I adore so I feel like I can relate. I can't take them both out at the same time either. I probably could practically, but for me it's not worth the risk of anything happening - my pooch is also quite reactive.

So far my partner has been doing all the dog walking, unless we've gone together all of us. I note your partner is doing the same, if you feel he's resentful then could you do the dog walking while he sits with the baby instead? Or at least mix it up?

It really sounds like you love your dog, so I think you need to hold on tight for now. This newborn phase will pass and you (and I!) will become more and more available for other things as the baby grows.

In terms of leaving rooms etc, we don't use baby gates but I just encourage my dog to follow me from room to room if I'm leaving the baby for 2 minutes to get a drink etc. it's not perfect but it's the only way to ensure safety. I also shut doors. Bit of a faff bringing the dog to the bathroom with me but what works, works 😂

None of it sounds insurmountable tbh. Even reactivity can be worked on and managed.

More brainwork and more legwork! Your partner needs to step up - owning a dog is all in or all out thing. Let him be a dad and you have some nice time out with the pup ;)

I have a tiny garden. I have small dogs but high energy. Gardens are for toilet and the odd bit of training or sunbathing. So don't worry about lack of space.

Have you looked at some of the guides on the Dog training and advice facebook group? Loads there on reactivity and it's quite easy to apply too.

Not sure if I’m missing something, why would the dog need muzzled within the home? If it’s always friendly with family then surely it’s not that big of a deal if it dislikes other dogs. What breed is she?

Firstly, create a safe space the dog goes in during the day. We use the kitchen with a baby gate for ours. Give her some things to do, kongs or lickimats are the best for keeping mine busy. The dogs are loose when I’m around as long as they are calm (any silliness and out you go!) but go behind the gate if strangers come/children are running riot. We also have a fenced run in the garden for times children are playing football etc. Saves the worry of someone being knocked over.

With regards to walking, one of you gets up early and walks the dog or walks the dog while the other is putting baby to bed etc. It doesn’t take two to do everything with a child- my husband baths and puts to bed 3 small children while I walk ours because I hate walking the dogs with the pram, your supposed to be working as a team! It’s become my time to get away from everything and just relax.

Reactivity is hard but really it’s not the end of the world. Not everyone loves interacting with strangers and dogs are the same. What training have you tried? As long as you can walk past in a controlled manner then she doesn’t need to be everyone’s best friend, you need to manage your expectations of her. Train her to wait/heel/walk past and get on with it rather than trying to push her into making friends.

Honestly this newborn bit is so short… you’ll get into the swing of it!

Please stop commenting this on threads, I’ve seen it on at least two recently. The majority of dogs do not need two hours off lead, mental stimulation combined with a minimum 30 minute walk, twice a day, is much more effective for wearing a dog out.

Thanks to all the posters that have given me some really great ideas. After waking up in a better headspace I can see how emotionally drained I was yesterday and thinking the worst. I've already ordered some lick mats and some kongs which I'm sure she'll love. We've also had a chat, me and DH, and he's going to step up more (and try and not moan about it). Glad I posted and that (most) people posted without judgment

That's wonderful OP. Your family's needs will evolve very quickly and this time next year you will look back and think wow, that was a serious wobble!

Hope everything goes a lot smoother now

As well as licky mats, use items already in your house as a way to switch it up.

• get an old tea towel and sprinkle kibble on it., wrap it into a sausage and thread it through toilet roll insides
• sprinkle kibble in cardboard boxes filled with scrunched up paper

Pup sounds more scared reactive than aggressive reactive so building their confidence will work wonders.

Ugly walks are also a godsend. Industrial estates at weekends, supermarket car parks at night. Anywhere where you won't bump into other dogs will give you both a break.

And take a look at the concept around dog stress buckets. If you can understand what her triggers are, you can go a long way to making sure her bucket doesn't get to the reactive stage.

What is your obsession with every dog having to have 2 hours of off lead exercise a day? Every flipping thread you pipe up with this nonsense.

I’ve always had working breeds- collies and GSD mainly and none of them have needed to run for 2 hours every single day.

Mental stimulation is key. Involve them in daily life, train them, join an agility or training group, take them to watch the world go by, give them things to do or toys to keep them out of trouble.

Yes almost all dogs need a daily walk but you really don’t need to run a dog into the ground to have a healthy well adjusted pet.

Absolutely this. You just end up with a supremely fit dog (which is not a bad thing of course but not necessary).

I move in training circles with the vast majority of people having working breeds. None get that much exercise every day but they do get mental stimulation and enrichment, often appropriate to their breed type. I could walk my last dog all day up until she was 14/15 and she'd still be up for more. An hour at agility had her shattered and it wasn't the running - it was the thinking.

OP - have a look at a Toppl as an alternative to a Kong. I find them more versatile.

I'm glad you've had a fresh look at things and got DH to step up. Your girl is better with those she loves.