What do I do - advice please

[FlipFlops4Me]

I have two dogs - one bitch, one dog - both neutered/spayed. Girlie is 9 years old, and my boy is 6. Girl is aggressive, no two ways about it. Not with me most of the time but certainly with my brain damaged, physically disabled dh. He raised her from a baby and is now frightened of her.

I'll say now that she is tiny (Shih-Tzu) but on the other hand, he's very damaged and is scared of a lot of things now. Totally not his fault. She bites him. Never bites me and does do what I say. Ignores dh and if he insists she'll take a chomp in passing.

I can't pass her on - I'm frightened of her reaction to children now, what she'd be like in a new home I don't know. Any advice? Part of me feels that I should have her pts, but she can be sooo lovely and snuggly when she wants to be and my boy would miss her (although she takes chunks of out of him when she gets a chance).

Advice please, and I'm feeling so vulnerable - please try and be kind?

Have you tried any sort of training or behavioural modification with her? If not, do you have the means, time and energy to do so?

If you have and it hasn't worked, or if you haven't but just feel that you can't - you must be under considerable pressure caring for your DH, so nobody should judge you - I would PTS.

Have you first had a vet check to make sure it isn't anything physical causing the reaction?

Do you have any family or friends who would be willing to take her on?

If not I would be more swayed to PTS rather than try and rehome as at that age I would be really concerned about her languishing in kennels.

Presumably she's had a vet check and you've invested in a behaviourist?

If so and nothing has worked and no underlying issues has been found then honestly if she's tearing chunks out of your other dog and at the stage where your husband is living in fear in his own home of this dog attacking him then yes I would probably consider putting her to sleep. She sounds like a ticking time bomb and potentially a very dangerous dog.

Have you had her from being a puppy? It reads to me like she has formed an attachment to you and sees others as a threat. You should try changing your behaviour towards her such as not allowing her to sit on your lap on the sofa and ignoring her when she demands attention from you. Put her in another room when the behaviour is bad.
Yes I have watched Graham Hall !

This reminds me one of those tv programmes about a chihuahua terrorising the adult owners. Resource guarding with great aggression. Often biting.

Chihuahua was completely gentle & obedient with the 2 yr old, though. The child could do anything, put dog here, move dog there, in typical clumsy child fashion, no special methods. The dog was entirely compliant with the child. Behaviourist pointed out that's because the child wasn't afraid. The dog was literally responding to obvious adult fear.

There were things the adults learn to do to prevent bites and still make dog move or give up resource guarding, basically get the dog to cooperate. As the adults became less afraid the dog's behaviour totally changed, peace restored.

That made me a big fan of behaviourists & sounds like you have a similar dynamic, so you have proof that this dog could change if your DH could learn methods to protect himself. The methods were alarmingly simple, too. Worth a try, to get a behaviourist in I mean?

If you try the Graham Hall based advice and/or a local behaviourist, plus there are no underlying health issues, I would consider every avenue explored.

On that basis, I would PTS, as this behaviour is more likely to get worse as she ages and both your DH and now the other dog are adversely affected.

We have a policy of not having a dog alone and I would consider getting a puppy a bit later on, as company for your other dog, but I would select the breed and the individual very carefully for a good calm non aggressive temperament.
Might be a better choice for DH, too

If your DH is afraid of her then she has to go for his sake. Hasn't he got enough to deal with?

I agree.

She's had a vet check and is physically fine.

I will have the means to pay a behaviourist in a month or so but if their method involve DH changing his attitude (or faking it) then it's a no go - DH is brain damaged and he is what he is. He cannot change. He's done brilliantly to reach the stage he's at, but the therapists all agree that where we are is where we stay.

I don't know anyone who would want her.

I will take her to the vet for another full check up just to be on the safe side and I will ask her for her advice. It's a huge decision and one that needs such careful thought although I totally agree that DH has enough to put up with, and does so with such stoicism. I don't want him afraid in his own home; his life is so hard and if I can make it easier then I must.