How do I know that it's "time" to let go?

[Diedre44]

I'm sitting here crying and crying as I ask the question...
I simply can't cope any longer with my 14yr old lab. She's become incontinent and I'm sure probably has dementia. She eats and drinks well, has very slight mobility issues, she won't walk very far now but is more out of stubbornness rather than not being able to.
I know it sounds so, so, so selfish because I absolutely love her with all of my heart but as I say I simply can't cope with the constant cleaning of pee and poop. I take her out to do her business and nothing, not so much as a dribble then within 10 mins of being home she's pee'd all over the carpet (never in the kitchen on the tiles) I have pads and dust sheets down throughout but she will scoot the pads around and more often than not misses completely and soaks through. My house smells terrible, there is nothing that gets rid of the smell I have found as yet and eventually will need to replace.
My DH point blank refuses to see that this is an issue and thinks it's just part of being a dog parent and because she's not physically "ill" then we should just let her be (he doesn't do any of the cleaning up after her) I obviously cannot limit her fluid intake and I never ever get upset with her and I can see her apologising in her eyes, she's just so so sad and this heat isn't helping.
Has anyone else gone through a similar situation? What would you do?

I'm sorry OP, it sounds like it's time. She probably doesn't like this any more than you do. It's awful, we've all been there, but it our last act of love for them.

She's not got much quality of life left, poor thing, and she knows her toileting isn't right from how she's looking at you. I'd be chatting with the vet to see what their views were. Better a week early than a day late.

Thanks both @TheOtherHotstepper and @Justkeepingplatesspinning

I think I know in my heart of hearts. It's my DH won't have a word said about it. When our last lab took poorly before we ultimately lost her we ended up spending thousands of pounds on every test and treatment just to try and keep her going (she was only 9) we said we wouldn't do it again, to put ourselves through the hope of her recovering, it affected us for years. He's busy bloody altering the entrance to our house making a ramp for her as she struggles up the 3 steps.
Again really selfish thing to say but I keep hoping she'll just pass naturally soon, but he keeps saying she's fine as she still wags her tail and gets overexcited but she's exhausted straight away and will just pant/grunt for the next hour or so and wipe herself out. It's so difficult.

It's time
For me I let my cat go too early, but he wasn't going to improve and he went before any pain or suffering and he was tired
I thought if he was a human it would be the time I would choose and being incontinent isn't what I would choose and neither would animals

It sounds like you know in your heart it's time. Could you chat to vet and explain as bout DH reluctance to let her go to rest. Then take DH to your vet with you and the dog and ask the vet's opinion in front of DH? If your vet said the dog has poor quality of life would he listen to the vet? I hope for your dogs sake your DH will face facts and allow your dog to go with some dignity. I know how bloody hard it is to let a beloved pet go but it's the last kindness you can do for your dog for all years of love and loyalty towards you. OP I made a photo mosaic of pictures of our boy. I've now after a couple of years added a few photos of our 2 girl dogs into the frame. I got a huge frame with lots of cut outs and got lots of photos printed off to go in it. It hangs in our hall. It's the first thing we see when we open the door, fitting really as he was always there to greet us by the door.

I think you know in your heart that it's time. Dogs (once house trained) are clean and wouldn't pee or poop in their own home so I'd worry that she is finding this distressing. Also hoping that she will go naturally isn't going to be a good end for your dog. I've seen it said here many times but it's so true 'better a week to early than a day too late' I'm so sorry OP, it's the hardest thing in the world

Our little toy dog was PTS January,a few weeks shy of his 18th birthday. He had cataracts,cc'd, nothing physical,no arthritis. For a year we sat up at night with him while he barked/cried/howled, frightened and confused, getting more and more frequent.Sometimes incontinent. He was long haired, and very fussy,if he had poo stuck in his fur,he would jump in the bath,and wait for you to shower him. Had various chats with the vet, she said he would be very upset to know he was like this because he was so fussy, about being clean,a right little prince. It was much worse, actually making the appointment and taking him. We've always had 2 dogs,used to have 3. We can now talk about him, his funny traits. He was a big part of our lives for a very long time. We have had 3 dogs live that long.

Speak to your vet. In previous threads on this topic people have mentioned a quality of life questionnaire that your vet can take you through that helps to identify when it's time.

Im in the exact same position Diedre44.
Ive a 15yr old cavalier who is doing the same.
He has a grade 4 heart mumour which he get medicine for 100 quid every 2 months.
Dementia.
Nearly blind and deaf.
Injections once a month for pain relief. 70 quid a month.
Needs help standing up. We have to pick him up to put him out and bring him in.
We have accidents most days he just doesnt realise he is going to the toilet as he is walking. Put him out and he goes then comes back in and poops as he is walking without realising.
Sleeps most of the day then up barking at mad hours during the night.
I brought him to the vet 4 months ago to get him checked out and have a chat about putting him to sleep. The vet seemed to think he has a bit of life left in him as he got a burst of energy and was walking around the vets office. I have to admit the pain relief injections have helped a bit with his walking but at 70 quid a month its just not viable. He has no problem eating but is looking for food alot day and night. He barks at his bowl.
I feel the way your husband feels its going to break me when he goes but im thinking now at this stage I have to override what the vet says and do whats best for him.

ImaMumtoaboy. I would definitely override your vet in your doggies case. Mine had half the problems of yours. He had CCD cataracts,so would sometimes jump if a blade of grass moved. He was fully mobile, only thing he couldn't do was jump on the sofa or bed anymore. But he was a toy breed. He lost a little weight,but was wanting feeding night and day.....he'd obviously forgotten he had eaten. He was feisty in the vets... because he hated it. Been going to the same one over 20 years. Previous year,he was barking in the night,at nothing,then he would howl,cry. First occasionally,by the year,it gradually increased to 3 times a week. He got up and sat with him. He also wanted feeding,and had no idea he was toileting.