Anyone here good with dog psychology and could help understand this situation?

[JMSA]

Hello everyone. I am posting on behalf of a work colleague who is worried about her dog. The dog in question is an adult female rescue, a cross between a Chihuahua and Pomeranian. She has been with my colleague and her daughter for years. She's not an easy dog in some ways; she's fairly anxious and doesn't easily take to new people.

My colleague has recently - well, a month or two ago now - moved in with her partner. He has been trying hard with the dog, and this includes taking her to his work every day so that she's not on her own. She's happy there with him and at his work anyway, they seem bonded. He also walks her while there, and gives her a special chair with a cushion on!
At home, however, it's a different story. She presents as being scared of him. She won't go to him, and shakes if he's near her. She refuses to even 'go toilet' for him. She's the same whether my colleague is at home or not.
He is not sure where to go from here. He had hoped that their success at work would transfer to home, but that's not the case. He did make a couple of changes since the dog moved in, and that was to no longer allow her on the bed or sofa. She is now sleeping in the kitchen. He's a nice guy though, and this transition was gently managed.
The dog often goes out with both my colleague and her partner together, and as a family. She is definitely not short of love or attention.
I suggested using a crate at home, to give her her own space and help make her feel a bit more secure. Colleague said they tried that after the move and had real difficulty getting her out of it, as she didn't want to leave. However it might be different now that she has been in her new home a while. They obviously had overnights at the new place prior to moving in.
Any thoughts? They are truly baffled. Hopefully it will just take time.
Thanks

Why did he come into the dogs' home and totally change her routine? And why was your friend okay with that?

Are you sure they're as bonded at work as he claims they are? Does he treat the dog nicely?

He has changed her position in the pack.

All dogs need to know their place whatever it is the pack to feel happy and secure. Obviously the higher up the better.

He has come into her home, downgraded her position in the pack and by doing so she no longer gets cuddles on the sofa or bed with her alpha. Alpha has allowed this to happen. Alpha now cuddling on sofa and in bed with new pack member.

It’s an awful thing to happen to a pack member. Where they sleep is important to pack animals. If she had never been allowed on the sofa or in bed there wouldn’t be such an issue, but she was!

The poor dog will be devastated. My chihuahua would be

I would be do certain that this dog is happy at work. I’m not a dog behaviourist or psychologist so am only coming at this as another mammal and my experience as a child when my mum remarried. Because he was a problem.

She’s moved home and at the same time, He’s changed her routine, He’s changed her sleeping place, and She has to be around him permanently because he walks her, then is home with her, then is at work.

It sounds like she’s miserable around him really. How is she with your friend when he’s not there?

If your answer is that he’s always there then I would be leaning into the idea that the dog is genuinely scared of him and he’s lying about it being fine at work.

Yes I would add, I would bet the dog isn’t as happy as he is making out at work…

You don't need to be good with dog psychology to understand the issue ie the partner coming in and uprooting dog's routine etc. Dogs don't playact in their behaviour, if she is acting scared then it is because she IS scared of him. I would lay a bet that he is lying.
The colleague needs to step up and advocate for her dog as the dog was there first.
As an aside, I often think that the way a person interacts with animals is a good indication of their true personality. Certainly my dog and horse are excellent judges of character and if they don't like someone then they it usually turns out down the line that they are correct!

Thanks everyone. Some very interesting points. With the work thing, I think he genuinely meant well.

I suggested using a crate at home, to give her her own space and help make her feel a bit more secure. Colleague said they tried that after the move and had real difficulty getting her out of it, as she didn't want to leave

This reads as if the crate has now been taken away again? Is that right?

If so, from the dog's perspective she has had a favourite "safe spots" (sofa and bed) taken away from her, then was given a crate which she clung to because she was feeling insecure so they took that away again too, is that right?

Also, the new partner has come in, changed the rules and changed the dynamic and is essentially forcing a bond on her by taking her to a strange place (work) every day.

This poor little dog needs some safe spaces and they need to respect them and let her bond with the partner in her own time instead of pushing her to interact and to do things his way.

Dogs are not pack animals. They're social animals. The Alpha theory was put forward by one person who years later said he was wrong and it's been completely debunked by many others. Please don't try any solutions that involve that theory as a basis.

The thing is, you can't come into a dog's home, totally change their routine and their way of life, and expect the dog to just accept you and carry on as before.

You also say this dog is sensitive and anxious anyway - and then some stranger comes into their home, kicks them out of their comfort spaces (bed, sofa) and then takes them away from their human all day to another strange environment surrounded by more strangers.

Nervous dogs thrive off routine and predictability. If he didn't want the doh on the sofa or in the bed, that's a discussion he should have had with your friend before moving in. And if I was your friend I'd have been saying "the dog was here first and this is her home. If you don't like the way I treat her, you can't move in".

No way would I let a new partner come in and turn my dogs' life upside down like that.

@coffeecupsandwaxmelts

He's hardly 'some stranger'
And colleague moved in with him, not the other way round.

Thanks for your replies folks. I'll be honest, I was looking for practical advice to help them move forward. It doesn't look like I'm going to get that here, so I'll ask them to seek professional advice - with no judgement - and move on from this thread now.

He is a stranger to the dog though

You've got plenty of good responses here, it's just not the easy fix your "friend" is after.

So you didn’t get responses you wanted and are leaving? This man IS the issue. He needs to change how he views and interacts with the dog.

My practical suggestion would be to row back, prioritise the dog, give her a safe space if her own in the house and the room to adjust to the changes. If it were me and my dog, I wouldn’t have allowed him to isolate her in the first place but your friend has allowed that so it’s going to take time to rebuild trust.

The dog is not at fault here. They have upended her life and routine, by the sounds of it practically overnight, and now she has a strange man with her all the time. I’m not saying he’s fundamentally a bad man, but they have gone about this all wrong.

Absolute bullshit. The pack leader/alpha stuff has been totally debunked years ago even by the guy who coined the term.

OP point your friend in the direction of the fb group “Dog Training Advice And Support”. Lots of up to date, qualified advice from behaviourists, vets etc.

The dog is not at fault here. They have upended her life and routine, by the sounds of it practically overnight, and now she has a strange man with her all the time. I’m not saying he’s fundamentally a bad man, but they have gone about this all wrong.

Exactly.

You'd be understanding if this was a child adjusting to a new home, a new step-parent, and a new daily routine all at the same time, so try and show the same understanding towards the dog.

@EamonsPalliativeCareTracksuit

Thank you for the Facebook group tip. There's a few by the same name. Would you mind pointing me in the direction of the right one. Many thanks.

Most dogs would have a melt down if their routine had been changed like that let alone an anxious one. They don’t understand change and its stressful.

Dogs also don’t generalise. Work and home are different.

Put things back the way they were. Make changes very slowly at the dogs pace if at all. Then build value in the partner with play, treats, walks and just time.

Sounds like some home visits from an APBC certified behavourist are in order.

Colleague's partner isn't necessarily lying. I fostered a lurcher once and he was terrified of my husband (who is normally a dog magnet) for weeks. It is possible (though not necessarily so) that your colleague's dog's previous home contained a man who was a "street angel, house devil".

It's very early days. What was the dog like with her partner before they moved in together? Has she always been nervous of him or that changed?

Okaaay I hope your 'friend' gets help.

@SixOClock

I am a happily single mother of 3, as I'm sure my other posts will attest. But thank you for taking the time out of your day to post so 'helpfully'.

Over and out. I'd have been better off posting on AIBU

I’d think professional help might be called for tbh.

A change of house, routine and a new person is a lot of changes.

First thing I’d recommend (I’m not a professional btw, so this is just my opinion) is probably that he needs to step back, trying to get a stressed dog to accept a new person can often involve less interaction not more, you want them to feel safe approaching you, which can mean ignoring them.

From their point of view they’re asking to be left alone and being harassed instead.

So doing things like sitting quietly in a room away from you so they’re moving away from you to get them rather than then having to come to you and being really predictable and letting them sit and watch that you’re a safe person to be around, again without making them come interact.

That should read...

So doing things like sitting quietly in a room throwing treats away from you so they’re moving away from you to get them rather than then having to come to you

This one

No idea why it’s a sensitive image 😂