Want a dog but too anxious

[Mizzimozzie]

I would really love a dog but I have such bad anxiety I just don’t know how to go about actually finding one. I have been wanting one for over a year now

I saw an appeal from a local animal rescue on FB to rehome a little dog. I’ve seen these appeals before but always been too scared to call. This time after a week I finally plucked up the courage to call.

The woman who runs the rescue absolutely grilled me - fair enough they need to know the dog will go to a good home but it’s sent my anxiety skyrocketing. She said she needed to visit the house also fair enough but that night I didn’t sleep at all and the next day I couldn’t breathe all day so I had to contact her on FB and say I had changed my mind. I couldn’t cope with the anxiety of a stranger coming to my house.

I thought maybe I could get a puppy but again I just don’t know how to go about finding one. I’m sure I could buy one from Pets4Homes or similar with minimal human contact but that seems like a very bad idea from a puppy farm/mill unscrupulous bad breeding point of view.

How do I go about finding a decent breeder? I’d love a small poodle.

I mean this kindly but dogs are very sensitive to their person’s moods and emotions, and if your anxiety is this bad, you’re going to end up with a dog that’s just as anxious as you are, which isn’t going to make for a great partnership. Could you perhaps do some work on your anxiety first, and then think about a dog?

Op I don’t think a dog is for you. Even the ‘easy’ ones can be unbelievably hard work in the beginning. Its behaviour can make your anxiety worse. How will you cope when it needs vet check ups/vaccinations/boosters/treatment etc? Do you struggle to get outside, and if you don’t now, does your anxiety get triggered by things you get stressed by? Imagine getting stressed by the constant walking and the attention you’ll get every day outside? You could become housebound. Your use of language is already worrying. The rescue centre wasn’t ‘grilling’ you, she was trying to figure out your personality and lifestyle to make a possible perfect match with one of her dogs. You took a basic questionnaire as an interrogation, didn’t sleep for 2 days and then cancelled the entire process during the initial application. This is not a good idea

If you're that anxious about a basic home check then I really don't think dog ownership is for you.

Any ethical way of getting a dog is going to involve being grilled about yourself and a fair bit of interaction with strangers.

Owning a dog can also cause anxiety, even for people that don’t usually have it.

To be really honest, if you can’t cope with the idea of a home visit, I don’t think dog ownership is realistic for you right now.

Also agreeing with the pp, dogs really mirror their owners, if you’re highly anxious then odds on the dog will become highly anxious too. An anxious dog will make you even more anxious.

The only type of dog who would possibly not reflect it and provide some obviously much needed reassurance is one like I’ve just lost, a big stoic Labrador who was the steadiest character I’ve ever known. But unlikely to find one in rescue and you’d have to do the home checks etc. The reason they do one is to ensure you’re able to cope with a dog and have the right environment, it comes from a good place.

So if you really want to do it I’d be absolutely honest about your problem with the rescue organisation, it’ll make you feel better about the process and they’ve got more idea about what to pair you with (a very steady dog).

Don’t get a puppy, I’m immensely experienced with dogs and even I freak a bit during the puppy stage, it’s very pressurised.

The problem is having a dog is stressful. I consider my pup pretty easy but every walk she likes to sniff and roll, you worry about other dogs attacking or her jumping up or running off...honestly it's not a lovely amble with a rock solid hound from day 1.
Plus they need daily walks/stimulation or their behaviour deteriorates. You need to really commit and not be too ill or anxious to tire them out.
Dogs are fab but they are really hard work and it's definitely very stressful

Yes I agree. If being asked questions about yourself sends your anxiety through the roof a dog is not for you. A good breeder will do the same,
Puppies are insanely hard work. they don’t sleep, they bite, they chew your house, they shit on the floor.
Even if it’s not behaviour it can be other things. I have two dogs, one is a reactive nervous wreck, the other is an ANGEL but has colitis. We have to be SO careful about everything he eats, watch him like a hawk on walks so he doesn’t get to something he shouldn’t. If he has a flare up it’s no sleep then it’s days of trickle feeding, calls to the vet, various medication. It’s not relaxing!

Also a lot of people end up getting dogs to help with neurodiversity or some MH issues and the reality is it’s often a disaster.
There is a reason many dogs who were bred for the job fail service dog training, let alone a backyard bred lord knows what poodle cross that.

Dogs are wonderful rewarding pets but they can be hard work, they can go wrong, one of mine is reactive while with the help of a good behaviourist he’s improving he can still have days where he can lose his mind on a walk.
Could you deal if your dog was reactive and would bark/lunge at other dogs/cars/people/children potentially every time you left the house?

I know experienced dog owners who’ve had one pup that just does not get toilet training, could you deal with a dog shitting on the floor for a year while they struggle to learn?

I think posters are being pretty hard on the OP.

I am involved with a charity that works with veterans with PTSD and believe me some of them are very anxious. Having a dog is life changing for these people.

OP do you have a friend that can help you with the home check or have some way of making it acceptable to you. Speak to the rescue and let them know of your concerns. I am a home checker and do realise how anxious people get.

We are not "checking" out your home just making sure it is safe for a dog. So I will not be looking at your decor or how clean it is just things for the safety of the dog.

However do be honest with yourself as to what you will be able to do with a dog if you have one. They do need daily walks is that something you can do? They will need trips to the vet at times again is that something you are able to do? There is no harm in asking people to help you with this.

I hope you can find a dog that can enhance both your lives - Good luck

You need to deal with your anxiety. Dogs for veterans, which I have a little experience with, are already trained and steady and can cope with their handler's anxiety. A random puppy from goodness knows whom won't. You cari't acquire a dog without human contact and you definitely can't bring up a happy, healthy balanced puppy without it.

I don't think people are being harsh - they're being honest.

Dogs are hard work at the best of times, and if you're already an incredibly anxious person you're not going to find it easy to raise a puppy or settle in a rescue.

Yes a dog from a charity for a veteran will have gone through insanely rigorous training and testing for temperament. A puppy will not. Puppies are STRESSFUL especially a working breed like a poodle.

I have had puppies before so I’m not completely inexperienced - years back I socialised puppies for Hearing Dogs. So I do understand that puppies are hard work and can be stressful.

My anxiety is only related to interaction with unknown people. I’m not at all anxious inside my house, and I do go walking outside sometimes in the nearby woodlands and fields but I can’t manage shops at the moment.

I know my vet as I’ve used the same one for the past ten years (sadly lost my cat to cancer in March) but I know I would manage to visit the vet.

You can't raise a dog without speaking to unknown people, though. It's a vital part of their socialisation.

"My anxiety is only related to interaction with unknown people. "
Um, isn't getting a cute little dog in this scenario kind of like being afraid of wasps, but covering yourself in jam every time you step out of the door? At least the interactions will probably be quite short, and having handled dogs before you presumably have done it before, but perhaps you could practice a couple of times with the cutest friend's dog you could find. (Cute dog not cute friend. Although- bonus).

Well that’s what I’m thinking, short interactions focused on the dog, not focused on me. I do feel like I’d be less anxious leaving the house if I had a dog with me.

I was thinking poodle because they are intelligent and smaller (I also have experience with poodles) but I do also adore golden retrievers - maybe that would be a better option as less more steady?

OP I also think some people are being harsh on here.

One PP mentioned a Labrador. I have a working breed Labrador and she is utterly amazing. It sounds like that would be the breed for you and it is no surprise that they are picked as assistance dogs. As you have trained puppies before for the deaf you may already have worked with Labradors. Feel free to DM me and I will tell you how I got mine. You will need to have some interaction with a breeder but no one came to my house- I just went to the breeder's house, once to meet the pup and choose her from the litter at 4 weeks, then once again to collect her. The breeder did ask me lots of questions as she wanted to be sure of a good home for the pup but you could take a trusted friend with you and explain in advance you suffer from anxiety.

Here’s a pic of her!

So could you cope with:
Training classes
Reactive dogs
Cyclists shouting at you because you don't move your dog fast enough as they career down a country path
Your dog misbehaving in public and being shouted at
Chats with random dog people

Because all of these are the reality of dog ownership

If you are experienced in the dog industry, how do you feel about the amount of dogs in rescue centres who are unadoptable due to their lack of socialisation? I feel a bit frustrated and angry for dogs who’s poor owners have passed away for eg, and after losing their family and home they are now stuck at a shelter too terrified to go near people as they have been so isolated? Do you agree that you have some responsibility in raising and caring for a dog in a way that if the worst were to happen it wouldn’t be left traumatised and terrified of other humans

I also don’t think people are being hard... they’re pointing out that now isn’t the right time because getting and having a puppy involves lots of things that would trigger the OP’s anxiety if it’s at the level that she’d struggle to talk to strangers.

That doesn’t mean she should never have one... just not now.