Struggling with puppy

[kittymu9397]

Hello everyone!

I would really like some advice/reassurance. I really don't want to be judged about what I'm going to write- I'm really struggling because of my puppy.

In Feb, our first dog (Frenchie) passed away suddenly. She was only 2, and she was the calmest, cutest and friendliest little angel. My son was born on Xmas day and she was so protective and so sweet with him. I'm tearing up as I'm writing this. I'm absolutely distraught that my son won't grow up with her by his side. She was the best dog anyone could have asked for. My cat adored her too, and they were best friends.

My husband was incredibly distraught and it was the first time I saw him cry (apart from when I gave birth). To this day we can't mention our first dogs name, or else he will break down into tears. Because of our love for dogs and mainly our first dog, I surprised my husband with a new dog a couple of weeks later!

The dog is the same breed, however he's a male. I thought great! Hes 3 days younger than my son and they can grow up together. I want my son to get used to animals and see them as a companion, as me and my husband are half Arab and in that culture, they're not really into their pets especially dogs.

With that being said, I'm really really struggling with this puppy. I didn't have these issues with my first dog.

Yes, he's sweet, and he loves to kiss you, lie down onto his back and asks for belly rubs. He genuinely has a lot of love to give. HOWEVER, here are the main issues I have with him:

1. He just doesn't want to co-operate when it comes to house training. We very rarely let him in the living room or any other space in the house for this reason. Upstairs is a no-go which was not the case with our first dog. He's in the kitchen with puppy pads, and the garden door is also open and he can still see us in the living room and knows we are there. We have a baby gate so he can't come in to the living room. Regarding the puppy pads, he'll chew those up too AND he will still decide to pee on the floor.

2. He's constantly chewing at our feet / toes and doesn't let us walk around in the kitchen with slippers in peace. Same goes with trainers. He starts growling and stealing our slippers. There's been times he's bitten our toes to get our slippers off.

3. He is constantly barking at the slightest shit! Can't hoover without him barking- I can guarantee the whole neighbourhood hears him. I can't even move the hoover, he will recognise the noise and immediately start barking. I can't mop either!! He will bark at the mop and will try to attack it/chew it. He growls and barks non stop until I stop mopping. He will also bark if I sit in the living room- doesn't matter if I'm in his view or not. He. Will. Bark. He also barks when we put him in his crate for bedtime.

4. He doesn't want to leave the cat alone in peace. I feel so so sorry for her. We took our time introducing the cat and dog. The cat is so so friendly she was immediately washing him and sleeping next to him, but he's chasing her or starts play-biting which hurts her. I have to get him off of her on a daily basis.

5. Can't get anything out of his mouth without the risk of being bitten. He growls and growls and then bites when you try taking something from him. We were once walking and he found a battery. Tried to take it out of his mouth and he growled then bit me and bit my friend too. Can't play tug of war either. I'm too scared.

6. He is much better at walks now, before it was almost impossible. He's better at walking next to me on a short lead, but he will STILL bark at other dogs and tries to run towards them. He's not like this with people just other dogs, he nearly yanked me onto the floor today trying to get to 2 dogs he was insanely barking at 😭

Because of these issues, I can't trust him around my baby. I've had days where I'm breastfeeding and I let him in the living room. As I was in the middle of a feed he ended up having a big wee and poo on the carpet even though he had access to the outside (thank god for the Vax carpet cleaning machines!!). So then I had a screaming baby and had to chase a puppy into the kitchen.

My baby is going to be crawling soon so I don't want him to be in an unhygienic environment, and I want him to be safe. I really cannot trust my dog near him. He tries to be nice to the baby and lick him etc etc but it gets toooo much and I can guarantee he will try to take his socks off and in the process bite my baby. Him being nice can be aggressive sometimes and it makes me worried about my baby.

My husband told me to sell him for our baby's safety and it's causing the cat distress too, but I don't want to sell him 😢 at the same time I'm getting exhausted with training him without getting anywhere and looking after a baby. No amount of walks or training can drain his energy and he's like a super strong Duracell battery. I feel like jts my fault but I'm doing my best everyday, put him on the best raw diet and just treating him how any good pet parent treats her pets.

I can't afford dog training people at the moment as due to our rent and energy bills + car I'm on an extremely tight budget for the time being. I've ignored his bad behaviour to show that bad behaviour isn't tolerated and isn't going to give him attention, but he doesn't respond to that. He will carry on barking/chewing and doing all sorts whether I ignore the bad behaviours or not, and whether I award the good behaviours or not.

Any help/advice/reassurance would be appreciated.

Poor poor puppy!
I'm sorry but it was a really silly decision to have a puppy at the same time as a newborn!

You have him shit in the kitchen all day with. O or little interaction from you. He's bored of course he is going to shred things and bark and chase the cat. He needs you and your interaction. He needs to be with you.

He needs you to teach him where to go to the toilet. How is he supposed to know? You need to take him outside to wee every half hour to start with and stay outside until he goes.

Rehome the poor puppy. What on earth possesses people to have a baby and puppy at the same time?! It really would be kinder to take him to a good rehoming centre like Dogs Trust.

Don't just sell him to anyone.

I was going to go through your points one by one... but honestly, they’re mostly the very basics of puppy training

https://www.facebook.com/groups/dogtrainingadviceandsupport/?ref=share

join that Facebook group, read the puppy guides.

Will the breeder not take him back? Good breeders will always take back or help regime at any stage of the pups life. Have you spoken to them for advice and support?
As someone else said, you need to be taking him outside very frequently so he learns where to toilet. Lots and lots of praise when he goes in the right place.
If he has something he shouldn’t, offer him something better! Teach him to swap the item for a really tasty treat.

Puppies are 99.9% management whilst you wait for them to grow up.

Separate him from the cats. Stair gates, dividers etc. doors. Make sure they are never allowed to get to each other. I have a working terrier pup and a cat. We live this life until she grows up. We also reward a lot for calm behaviour around him. She’s improving.

Toilet training - you need to sit on them. 100% supervision. If you can’t then accept it will take a long time.

Taking things away - remove everything grabbable. If it happens then swap don’t take.

Hoover - give him a chew somewhere else until you have time to counter condition him.

walking - loose lead walking takes time. There are things you can do again to help with this but in the mean time management. Good Y harness and take him quiet places where he won’t meet other dogs on lead.

If you change his environment then he’s going to make better choices. I’m not sure how you’ll do this with young children though. We’ve found it hard enough with two adults and a very laid back cat but it can be done IF you want to.

This dog must be about 4 or 4.5 months old.

At that age:

1. Few are housetrained. You still need to be taking him out every 30 mins PLUS immediately after he wakes, play, eats, drinks PLUS anytime he starts to sniff around or pace. Every time. Every time you don't do this, he learns that peeing inside is the right thing to do and it undoes the training. Expect this to continue for another couple of months or more.
2. Many are still mouthing and many are still teething. Give him nice cool items to chew on (frozen carrots are good). If he bites you then offer him a toy instead. If he persists then ignore/remove yourself from the room. He will grow out of this - they almost all do. Expect this to take about another 2 months, perhaps with some periods of regression later on (hopefully short lived)
3. He may go through mutiple phases of finding everyday things scary. It's your job to show him they are not. If he barks at the hoover then think about ways to make the hoover time enjoyably for him. Scatter high value treats nearby so he can snuffle them while you hoover. Or a licky mat. He cannot eat and bark at exactly the same time. Do not tell him off, tell him to shut up or react to his reactions. Simply stay calm. Same for other barking - use treats to distract so that he has a chance to habituate to sounds without reacting too much. In fact, at this age it's possible and OK for very little of his daily food to be in the format of an official meal. Kibble can and should be used as a training reward pretty much all day long - but obviously only within his daily allowance. A young frenchie cannot and should not carry any extra weight at all.
4. He will be pespering the cat. That is normal. Give the cat lots of space he can escape to and keep puppy on a house lead if they must be in the room together - so that he cannot reach the cat and the cat can always get away. Your role is to make the presence of the cat the least interesting thing in the world and to give the cat multiple ways and chances to get away.
5. Stop taking things off him. Train a swap instead. Train, train, train until offering you something in exchange for a toy or treat is second nature. Only then should you try to take something off him (though, I agree, you had no choice with the battery). In the meantime constant scanning of the environment to minimise the times he can get hold of something he cannot have. Actually, tug of war can help with that if it involves surrendering the toy in exchange for another round of tug. But, otherwise, then it's fine not to tug.
6. This is a classic age when reactivy develops on walks. Use treats and distance to ensure he never gets to greet other dogs while he is pulling and to encourage him to totally ignore them. If he is pulling then you are TOO CLOSE and must give him more distance in future. It makes walks annoying because you will spend your time looking for ways to do this, but it is important. Pulling towards them at this age can easily lead to frustration which is unpleasant for the dog - which leads to him linking other dogs to feeling bad - which leads to him hating other dogs. The effort now can minimise or remove that risk.

Also worth bearing in mind he probably doesn't have the best breeding behind him - simply because of his breed popularity and the short notice you had to wait to get him. Therefore, he already got a poor roll of the dice and may need much more help and support than your last dog.

In short: 4.5 months old is a baby. You will not have seen any real effect of any training you have done by now and it's unfair to expect it. If you have the dog you want by the time he is 2 years old, you will be doing well.

Oh and get insurance if you don't already have it. This breed really needs it and it often covers behavioural support (at least, the good insurance does). if you have insurance and it doesn't cover behavioural support then think about changing it beefore your dog has any pre existing conditions. Frenchies absolutely need the very top level of insurance.

p.s. am typing this quickly as short of time so excuse brevity

Your dog sounds like a totally normal puppy. None of the behaviour you describe is unusual or even problematic - it's what puppies do.

However, it's also exactly why people say you shouldn't get a puppy and a baby at the same time - because the baby naturally takes priority and the puppy doesn't get the training and management it needs.

A decent breeder would never have let you take home a puppy with a newborn in the house so i suspect returning to the breeder isn't going to be an option - so you either need to fully commit to your puppy and put in the hours needed to train him, or accept you can't cope and give him up to a rescue - do NOT sell him on. He needs to go to a rescue where he can be re-homed responsibly.

I missed the fact that he spends all his time in the kitchen with puppy pads - in the nicest way, no wonder he's not toilet trained and doesn't listen to you - he spends most of his time alone and isolated!

I have a 14-week-old puppy. That's what they do, it's entirely normal puppy-like behaviour.

Getting a puppy and a newborn together was a totally mad idea. Getting another Frenchie was just a bad idea.

Sounds like normal puppy behaviour.

As regards toilet training, puppy pads teach the dog that it's OK to go in the house. Leaving the outside door open confuses the inside and outside so they think it's all right to pee in or out.

Selling the dog on is terrible behaviour. If you don't want him find a breed rescue organisation.

I also think when you chooses to buy a dog to cheer someone up without discussing it with them, resentment can set in because the person grieving is hoping for a dog similar in temperament and behaviour to replace the gap left by the one they've just lost and it sounds like you got very lucky with your last dog as the issues you mention are all just standard puppyhood and not something that can easily be one they've just lost. It's constant basic training at this age and as you have a newborn, your husband needs to be a lot more hands on, you can't divert and distract if you're busy with a baby and if there's really no other way then I'd rehome but not by selling.

I'd return to breeder, decent ones will take them back or to a charity that will vet new owners to make sure he isn't gonna end up in the hands of someone irresponsible. The money would not be important to me, the dogs well-being would.

I know they're really expensive to buy but it's a risk take when buying a puppy, id rather my dog goes to a home for free that can meet his basic needs than recover the money i assume you could afford when choosing to buy. You mention not being able to afford any training, can you afford vets bills if breathing issues need sorting?

Your husband breaking down in tears at just hearing the name of other dog sounds like he's not ready for a new one yet and if your both comparing to your last dog, this puppy is never gonna meet unrealistic expectations.

This has disaster written all over it , please take the pup back to the breeder so they can rehome . Actually I'm not so sure the breeder can be trusted to rehome since they sold you a dog . Please take the dog to a good rehoming shelter .
Don't get another dog .

Rehome him through a reputable breed rescue / dogs trust or similar . A puppy won’t house train itself just because you leave the door open , if anything that makes things harder , they need showing where the correct place to go is and praising for getting it right . Quite honestly from reading your post you don’t sound remotely suitable to have a dog .

I’m sorry, but you sound like you have a normal puppy.

1. House training - every interaction you have with a puppy should be considered training, and they have the memory of a sieve.
2. Attacking your feet - he thinks this is a game. Stand still and take the fun out of the activity.
3. mine barks at the hoover, mop, broom etc as well.

Actually to summarise, get to some puppy classes, read Easy Peasey Puppy trying, look at videos on YouTube etc.

one thing I learnt when getting a puppy is that is the adults that need the tracing, not the pup. The puppy basically responds to what the adult Says and allows it to do.

Poor cat

They aren't the best breeds for health and training but that's normal puppy behaviour. I wouldn't have got a puppy with a newborn. Please don't sell it,it's animal if you can't cope take it to an appropriate rescue.

Ok firstly, sorry for the loss of your dog. That must have been really hard.
But the reality is that you have rushed into owning a new puppy to help you get over your heartbreak when, in fact you are just not to right owners for a puppy just now.

You have a newborn, you have a cat, you are still grieving for your last dog, you can't afford training and you are shutting the dog away from you all the time so he can't bond and become a proper member of your family.

Please return to the breeder or rehome via a reputable rescue and do not sell him!!

Yes you'll lose money but honestly, anybody who gets a puppy as a "surprise" for somebody else need to accept that as a possibility.

Finally, don't get another dog for a good few years. Let your children grow up a bit and make sure it is a family decision. They're not toys.

I’m another that would say rehome- he’s a baby/toddler learning to navigate the world around him! If you do there’s still the interim,

Taking things away - remove everything grabbable. If it happens then swap don’t take.
If I could grab one piece of advice it’s this! Have teddies that are puppy safe ready to hand off to him at any stage- he feels like chewing or he grabs something offer him something else then make a big fuss over him. And actually go make a fuss over him now, puppies should only feel love. Get the ‘He’s not safe around a baby’ thing out of your head- the most trained dog in the world cannot be left with a baby- it’s not just your dog!

Rehome, you clearly don't have time to properly train the dog and things are only going to get worse. It was a terrible idea having a baby and puppy at the same time, please find someone who will take good care of the dog and you focus on your child.