Unwanted attention

[ghostinthehouse]

At a pub right now on a rare night out with OH. We've barely been able to have 5 minutes of conversation because people keep coming up to say hi to our dogs. I don't mind a quick hello, but some of these people really hang around like a bad smell - asking tons of questions, spending ages trying to cuddle them, generally being annoying.

It's particularly irritating because the second Ddogs have finally settled, someone comes and upsets the balance, and they start pulling on their leads and getting all excited again.

I don't want to be an ungrateful grinch and normally I love interaction - however, I'm clearly out on a date with my OH, and would appreciate being given some space to do this and actually have a conversation.

The same moment our food arrived, someone came and started going on and on and on about the dogs - food was pretty cold by the time he left us alone.

It's our local so really don't want to be rude or abrasive.

They are not a particularly rare breed fwiw.

Anyone else?

You might get more replies in AIBU 😉

Don’t take the dogs with you is the obvious answer .

Well, the reason I didn't post in AIBU was because I was hoping I'd get advice from other dog owners instead of it turning into a "you don't need to take your dog everywhere" thread... but clearly that ship has sailed 😂

I guess part of me just needed a rant, but I am also seriously asking how to deal with this. It's been going on for a while now but feeling seriously fed up tonight. Surely we should be able to go out with the dogs without receiving constant unwanted attention!?

It's also the assumption that my dogs are there to be played and cuddled with just because they are in a pub. The amount of times someone's dived in without even making eye contact with us, let alone asking if they can say hello... the worst are the "dogs love me" brigade (our dogs are friendly and "love" everyone), closely followed by the "my cousin/brother/etc. has one" type - I get it, you like the breed and want to say hi, but read the room!?

Just start eating! Absolutely no need to let your food go cold. The more you interact with them the more they'll keep talking.

I share your pain…Try having a Leonberger in a pub/cafe 😂

I just politely say, “lovely to chat to you but our food has just arrived/the dog is a bit tired/whatever”. After years of people not getting the hint that this is not a local version of ‘discover dogs’ 😂 and that I’d like to eat my food whilst it’s hot, I found being direct is the only way.

I used to ask ddog to focus or watch me meaning look at me and ignore everything around and they would hold that until I released them

I changed the command to ignore as people did not get the message now it's alot easier if when they approach they hear me telling the dog to ignore them they tend to ask first and I can say no she's training

If the dog is small enough I would start training them to sit under the chair or table as well this cuts out alot more unwanted attention

I was advised to get a dog in training leash / sash and ask people not to approach them, didn’t really work but I know trainers who stick by this

Just say politely ‘oh my food has now arrived so if you would excuse me ‘ .

You can't change people, so your only options are to not take dog to these places, or be blunter but may come across as rude. I'm a dog owner so not saying this harshly, just that you can never stop people approaching you.

Just say the dogs had enough and you want to eat in peace?

Not hard!

You need to be firm and tell them to piss off. If you keep engaging with them, then of course they're going to think it's okay to continue the conversation.

We keep the dogs (well, one dog now 😔) at the back of the table, away from people if she or we need space.

You need to be more assertive and speak do your dogs and yourself - "hi, thanks, yes they're lovely, if you don't mind we're eating dinner". "Yes, he's very tired though so we're giving him a break". "Hiya, no he's here for a rest so we're keeping him under the table this evening".

Take control back. Imagine being so unable to ask for space that your dinner goes cold!!

Train the dogs to focus on you using ‘watch me’ and also train them to go under the table.

I have the same problem as @Netaporter
Walking two 70kg dogs anywhere creates lots of attention. They tend to stop traffic at least once a week!

I just keep walking as much as possible. But in a situation where I am in a cafe or trapped I just ask people not to touch the dogs as they don’t like it. I also try and put the dogs somewhere they can’t be touched without someone getting passed me. Probably come across as a hard faced bitch but it gets wearing after the thousandth time that day! I think you just need to be tougher 😄

Thank you everyone, I figured I'd get some replies about being more assertive...

I really like @RockSocks suggestion of the "ignore" command, feel like this makes it about the dog and its training rather than the person, but also sends across a clear signal. Will start working on that one tonight!

@Leonberger @Netaporter I have to admit I giggled a bit when I thought about doing this with your dogs! Hats off...

Dog pics are needed

Also to those saying "it's not that hard" or "imagine being so unable to take up space" - believe it or not, I don't actually struggle with assertiveness in general. However, I'm not British and am still trying to adjust to the culture around politeness... I don't really have an inherent understand of what is "polite but firm" and what is just "rude."

I've actually fucked it up on a few occasions and had people tell me "wow, you got really upset with X!" when I thought I was just making a completely neutral comment 😅 lol

But I will trust you wise MNers and use some of the phrases provided! Or just get OH to do it, although he is more tolerant than I am and less bothered by the whole thing...

But surely it wasn't date night but a family trip to the pub?
We did similar but it was quiz night...
Here is ddog joining in..
*beer photo is staged and ddog wasn't actually drinking alcohol...

This is what you do...

Someone comes up to speak to you or fuss your dogs...

You speak in a nice, clear voice to your OP: "darling, did you GET cream for that rash in the end?" ... "and what did the doctor say about it being contagious?"

Your OP answers: "I need to pick the cream up tomorrow and, in the meantime, the DR has told me it's pretty catching. Though it's also very embarassing so I pity the poor bugger that stands too close and catches it"

Then you both eat your dinner in peace

@Sheepsheepeverywhere gorgeous!!! Winning team surely? And yes you are right, no such thing as a date night anymore 😂

OP = OH 😂

She has an absolute resting bitch face when in a mood... And when a beagle came over she absolutely cut him dead.... Poor thing came over many times. Snubbed I tell you snubbed. Poor lad...
She has no time for other ddogs except our other ones..

This 👆

I just politely say that the dog is being trained to be calm in crowded places, and try to keep him out of the way. I have been known to stand up and block people who approach without asking.

I think people just naturally think if you have a dog with you then you are open to interactions and chats. We have a puppy and you can't get further than 2 feet before someone asks her age etc, some people are just being friendly.

Why take them on 'date nights' though. Surely they'd probably like a bit of peace and quiet tucked up at home.