I'm really struggling with my dog, to the point of sheer exasperation and the situation affecting my mental health.
So background - he's a terrier cross who has always been a major hand-full; difficult, stubborn, highly-strung, mail destroying, protective of certain things to the point of snarling, anxious and very lead-reactive. Despite consistently trying behaviour modification techniques over the years, he's never improved.
I love him dearly, but his behaviour is getting exponentially worse the older he gets, to the point I'm miserable and absolutely dread taking him out or leaving him.
We've had him from 12 weeks of age (a pet for my then 9 year old DS, I'm a single parent of 1).
I think that as a pup, he & his siblings were taken from their mother way too young, and there was no provision for socialisation classes where we live.
He has an extremely soft, funnny, sweet side and is highly intelligent.
He's very good at understanding words and commands.
He seems to still enjoy life, but has good and bad days, probably 50/50.
He eats well, plays with his toys, but at times just seems so miserable and sulky. He has these great big outbursts of anger, where he destroys his toys, barks very aggressively at cars, passersby, bees, stones etc & won't come inside (I think he thinks this is a game, as I can't catch him, so I ignore it where possible).
I live in a long terrace row with low garden fences and the neighbours clearly get pissed off- even if I let him out for a wee he goes absolutely bezerk at everything, even birds and generally appears very loud, angry & at times I have to say, completely unhinged.
As soon as he comes inside again though it's like a switch has flicked and he's back to being normal & sweet. (Unless I'm on the phone, that also sends him crackers).
I'm at home with him most of the time and there's been no changes to the family situation, other than DS being around much less.
He has always been incredibly active until 3 years ago when he snapped a cruciate ligament. Tesco pet insurance wouldn't pay for an op, citing "pre-existing condition", and I couldn't afford the £3k.
We've tried every type of vet pain-management med & supplement, including Loxicom, Tramadol, monthly Librella injections costing £70 a pop for 18 months, but nothing agrees with him or seems to help long-term, other than occasional 1/4 paracetamol as per vet recommendation.
He very recently bit my neighbour, who innocently reached down to pet him, something he's never ever done before. Luckily he didn't break skin, but I was completely shocked & mortified. The vet couldn't find anything obvious that would make him suddenly go for somebody like that, said he might just be in pain and to keep up with the paracetamol. However this makes him sick and have diarrhea if it's too regular, so I have to be very conservative with how much he has.
He's always been frightened of other dogs and any loud bangs. Sometimes we'll set off to go for a walk and he'll hear something resembling a bang, (it can just be a car door shutting or a hammer) and will immediately turn and literally drag me home.
Sometimes we get only 5 paces out of the door, &
he absolutely won't ever go down any road where he's heard any kind of bang previously.
I live in a very busy, touristy area and there's hundreds of dogs around at any given time & we can't walk anywhere without him lunging at most dogs we walk past.
Additionally a few weeks ago he was badly attacked by an off-lead dog resulting in him needing more vet treatment and was then scared to go outside for another 3 weeks. It's only the last few days that we've been able to get past the end of our road, but he's now so on edge and doesn't really seem to enjoy it at all.
I've always walked him during the quieter times of day due to him being so reactive, but I can never let him off the lead these days as he's become too unpredictable. There's livestock in all the local fields and there's no provision for field hire anywhere to let him have a run. If by any chance we do find somewhere for him to run, he overdoes it and ends up with pain & stiffness for the next couple of days.
He has had two dog-walkers previously - 1 that he can no longer keep up with due to his leg (they do big long pack-walks) and then another walker who did shorter "sniffy" walks, moved away.
I do take him further afield to find quieter spots, but because of where we live there's always walkers on all paths, often with off-lead dogs, within a 15 mile radius. He's mostly fine, unless the dogs approach him and then he goes totally bezerk. Most dogs will take the cues, turn & leave, but with others it invariably turns into a scrap. I've lost count of how many times this has happened over the years, so oftentimes if I see an off-lead dog I'll just pick mine up to avoid a fight happening. I think that maybe reinforces the message that other dogs aren't safe, but at this point I'd rather that, than have him (& me) endure another fight.
To compound things, he's alwaya been terrified of the car and sits shaking uncontrollably until we get where we're going, so I don't like to put him through that too often either.
I dread leaving him home alone, he's not destructive but I know how anxious he is & I've never left him for longer than 3 hours in 10 years, after hearing him howling whilst I was out.
I've even worked from home for 7 years to avoid leaving him too long and I have barely any social life as a) the guilt I feel is crap when I go out & b) I can't take him anywhere as he royally kicks off in cafés/pubs etc if there's another dog.
My DS (19 now) is off living his life, he's grafting with 2 jobs and college so hardly ever here. I'm left feeling as though my life is being controlled by this 10kg tyrant, who completely rules the roost with his temperament and moods.
I don't feel as though I've been too soft with him to allow this to happen, I can't emphasise just how determined & strong-willed he is & in all my 45 years I've never had a dog like him, it feels like a daily battle of wills that I don't have the energy for at times.
I don't want to feel this much resentment and frustration when we only have a short time left together, but I feel as though I've tried everything and I'm genuinely now at a loss as to what else I can do. I can't afford a dog behaviourist at £350 ph and at 10 years old it's probably too late to change his habits anyway. He's worn an Adaptil collar for 3 months now, which has helped somewhat but has it's limitations obviously.
As I said, I do love him dearly and despite what it may seem from what I've said, he's my best mate at the end of the day. But I'm finding his worsening behaviour so draining and challenging- to say I dread opening the door or walking him is an understatement. I didn't expect this post to be so long, but any advice or even just understanding or empathy would be very much appreciated right now!