Really don’t want a new puppy

[Mycoffeemugismassive]

We have a dog - she’s 7, super well behaved, well trained and great with the kids. We have 4 kids between us ages from 9-15. I work from home but do go out visiting clients a few times a week, out for a maximum of 6 hours and I can be out from anything from zero days a week or all 5, it varies and our dog is quite ok with this - she’s walked before she is left, doesn’t get distressed, she’s excited when we come home, no accidents or bad behaviour when left. She’s a small-medium sized mixed breed and a proper softy

We (me, 2 kids and dog) moved in with my partner around 2 years ago - though he has known the dog (and me and kids!) for now 4 years in total - but since before we moved in he had always said he had wanted his own dog - he wants a male Staffordshire bull terrier. He does refer to our dog as ‘ours’ though - not mine

At the weekend he saw a staff puppy that he wants to get.

I said no but he has pressed on to the point that he has told both his and my children - my children agree with me that it’s a really bad idea but his kids, my DSC, both really want the puppy

Reasons for me saying no being the following:

• he has taken the assumption that with me working from home that I will take on the daily care of the dog - I’m really unhappy with this. Currently when working from home I have nice calm days with our dog, we have a little walk at lunchtime and I can work without any interruption - she’s a really chilled out dog
• our car though 7 seater will only reasonably fit 1 dog in with us having 4 children between us (boot space zero with boot seats up so dog sits on one car seat) so what do we do here? Choose between them? It’s not fair on the dog we have. We do often have days out with the dog
• Our dog can be left for decent periods so I can visit clients - I can’t imagine being able to leave a puppy for decent periods until months down the line
• cost - I pay for all vet/boarding bills for our dog as she is ‘mine’ yet he doesn’t seem to have spare cash to do so - so who will pay those bills? Our dog also only has 1 tin of food a day - a Staffordshire bull terrier would easily go through double this amount. In addition - doggy day care again couldn’t ever be an option as I know he cannot afford to pay it
• On any weekends where we don’t have our kids and we go out, my mum ‘babysits’ our dog. We drop her at my mums for an overnight stay - my mum treats our dog like one of the grandkids. Our dog will just chill out with her. But being realistic, she’s in her 70s and I know she wouldn’t want to be left with 2 dogs and especially not a potentially more playful staff bull terrier

Now our dog is great with other dogs - she regularly plays with a quite boisterous relatives dog but is supervised by all of us when doing so - if I’m being honest I wouldn’t feel comfortable leaving her alone with another dog, especially one that is potentially bigger and a bit tougher than her - she does get to a point where she has had enough so I’d worry if I wasn’t there to supervise that situations could escalate and she could get hurt

Please help with any other things I can say or how to handle this situation - he’s not listening and is still insisting on us pressing ahead and seeing the puppy - kids viewing too - on Thursday. He’s insistent that if I still don’t agree after seeing the puppy that he won’t get it but it’s going to be glaringly obvious to my DSC that it’s me that’s said no - and I’m really going to be the bad guy here!

Your partner is being a dick, he is clearly trying to railroad you into getting this puppy and taking the kids along to meet it so your forced to agree or be the bad guy is just emotional blackmail. I'd be looking at him in new light tbh as it's just selfish and dismissive of your opinions, he's not thinking of your family needs or this pups welfare. Chances are when the novelty wears off you'll be left doing all the work ( not just when he's at work) and funding it's care it seems.

Rescues tend to avoid homing when not all family members on board as highly likely adoption will break down even when there is one willing adult to do all the dog care, so you could phone up and tell them you won't be proceeding which at least would cancel the viewing & upset children.

He is being very unreasonable and irresponsible about this. Your reasons are all totally sensible and valid. Honestly, don't even entertain going to view it as that's just giving the kids false hope. Seeing it isn't going to make any of your concerns lessen, it just allows him to use the children to emotionally manipulate you into agreeing 🤷

It's really callous and manipulative of him to involve his kids in this. What excited dog-loving child isn't going to fall in love with a puppy in need of care?
A decent rescue wouldn't release a dog to a family where a principal adult has reservations like yours. You're not being the selfish one here.

Thanks everyone for the supportive comments - really really appreciate it!

Im going to be standing firm on it - every reason I have stated is totally valid.

Yes I do have the option (and last resort) of contacting the rescue centre myself and saying it’s not coming but really would like this decision to come from within our family - I mean otherwise if this rescue centre says no then there’s really nothing stopping him from going somewhere else or buying a puppy privately - I do know he has some money coming his way quite soon

I’ve spoken to my children again this morning - both of them totally on my side with it. Both of them already see how much I do and that a puppy would be a nightmare

As for our dog - I’d just feel utterly bereft for her. She’s a lovely little thing! So excited and wants to play when the children come home but equally just massively chilled - and none of them really bother with her then I get comments that she’s ‘my’ dog because she’s always with me - she’s always with me because she gets attention from me and I feed her. My little shadow!

A decent rescue organisation won’t place a dog in a home where everybody is not on board with wanting the dog, and they will want to meet everybody in the home before they place a dog (including resident dogs).

That being so, he is in fact wasting the rescue’s time going to see it and possibly delaying the pup’s chance of finding a home where everybody wants him/her.

Puppies in rescue normally have people queueing up for them.

Time for your partner to be a grown-up and realise now isn’t the time for a puppy. Better to not get one now than face having to part with one further down the line.

Well a great update for you - I got home yesterday and DP told me that the rescue had contacted him to say the puppy had been rehomed. Unfortunately it looks like the puppy has been rehomed by the original person looking to rehome it rather than the rescue so they are upset that the puppy might not have gone to a good home - looks like the woman who had been rehoming it was rehoming due to him being a bit too bouncy for her, but either way it’s now not a current issue in our home.

I did however reiterate my thoughts again in an effort to put him off thinking about it again. In fact his children were also present when I made my thoughts clear so they now also know too. I’ve no doubt the situation will arise again in future but I will remain firm on it.

The last few days have proven to me how unbelievably amazing our dog is - just got back from a meeting and other than greeting me with her toy and being given a treat, she’s back in her favourite spot snoozing away whilst I work. I just wish he would fully understand how blissful our dog situation is!

Well whew for that update but you've still got yourself a silly billy as a partner. Will he give up on the idea?

I'd put together a rough monthly/annual budget showing how much an extra dog would cost, incuding day care that you are not willing to provide - and ask him to only consider a dog when he can afford it and you're all on board.

TBH someone saying 'we've got a dog but I can't be bothered with it, I've always wanted a macho manly dog' would put me off him as well as the immaturity of trying to take on responsibility without being able to manage finances and logistics.

Yes this attitude makes me a bit sad too really - especially as our dog absolutely loves him, cuddles up to him and indeed decided herself that she wanted her bed on his side of the bedroom - she used to plonk herself on our throw pillows on the floor on his side hence we moved her bed. She adores him! She’s so excited when he gets home.

Financially he definitely had not thought it through - but this is common in other factors in our life which is why I take charge with a lot of the financial planning in our home. Because of my planning, we are actually really financially secure now - and yes our finances are completely separate with aspects we pay both jointly and equally.

You moved into HIS home, with your dog and children, knowing he was clear he wanted his own dog. I can certainly see his side too. It seems to be all about you, your children and your dog. Move out again?

Sorry it's probably late now but I have 2 Staffies aged 18 months and 8 months and although I absolutely adore them. Staffies are utterly bonkers til they are about 2. As pups they are incredibly hard work (as most pups are) I'm at sahm mum to school age kids and my dogs are like having toddlers at times!