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Original poster

How to help my Foster dog

32 replies

TootHole · 12/02/2023 08:47

We've taken in an abused dog, for fostering. There's a lot of issues, that's fine, we knew there would be.

The main one that is challenging, is the separation anxiety. The minute you go out, he runs around constantly barking. He also jumps the baby gate and there's no option to get a bigger one or put him elsewhere as he's a little destructive.

The behaviourist at the rescue doesn't bother to respond, so is useless. I've got some calms to try, and will keep trying with the training. Any tips anyone can offer will be appreciated.

OP posts:
Suzi888 · 12/02/2023 08:54

A lovely thing to do. Pretty bad that the behaviourist /rescue isn’t helping more.

What breed is he and how old?

Do you walk the dog before you go out? You need to build up the time very slowly, 10/15 mins at first.
Leave the radio on.
Leave something of yours around, a blanket perhaps or item of clothing you don’t care for much (I’ve never done this, just saw it on another thread).
Lick mats, kongs and so on.

Separation anxiety is really tough.

Lastqueenofscotland2 · 12/02/2023 09:09

Separation anxiety is really really hard. We fostered a lad we really loved but sadly had to send him back to live in kennels as the separation anxiety was so severe we couldn’t leave the room let alone the house.

The advice I got is to wait until they stop following you round the entire time, then start leaving them for minutes, gradually adding time. Unfortunately if you need to go out for 30 mins right away that can make them worse.

Original poster
TootHole · 12/02/2023 09:09

He's mixed, looks like a chihuahua face, in a staffie or boxer body. Not even a year old, around 11 months they think. This is his 4th place, so the behaviour is understandable.

We do walk before, and also a final toilet in the garden. Will get a kong/lick mat, as the mind toys you put treats in don't help for long. Will also leave him a jumper of ours too.

Thank you, much appreciated

OP posts:
Original poster
TootHole · 12/02/2023 09:11

The trouble is I work from home, where people come to me. I was explicit in my application on this.

We cannot leave the room, he doesn't like to leave our side. He's such a beautiful, loving boy, but it's going to cause huge issues for my work, but I don't want to give up on him.

OP posts:
Lastqueenofscotland2 · 12/02/2023 09:20

It’s hugely unpopular but we gave our foster boy up as honestly I couldn’t see it working without one of us quitting our jobs, which obviously wasn’t sustainable

WhoNeedsSleepNotISaidMyBody · 12/02/2023 09:24

Poor puppy, 4 places (at least) in 10 months.

Do you both/all(?) need to be ot of the room at the same time?

would he settle on a bed/rug in the room you're working in? (Try it with a friend being the 'client').

if you want to keep him you're going to have to start very very slowly. Leave the room, as soon as he's quiet reward him. Build it up.

Rescue was unreasonable placing him with you and disgraceful not supporting you now.

Wolfiefan · 12/02/2023 09:30

Dog training advice and support on FB have great advice on separation anxiety. You need to never leave him longer than he can cope with. Really hard to sort.

Artemisty · 12/02/2023 09:32

Start by not leaving him alone.
The more anxious he is the worse he'll get.
Seconds at first (NOT 10 minutes!) and build up by a 1/3 each time. Only extend the time when you can see he is okay.
This will be literally opening and closing the door, or if he starts to get anxious at that point it's key in the lock, or putting shoes on.

Never put him in situations he can't cope in. You want to build his confidence that he can deal on his own.

MissingNightshades · 12/02/2023 09:34

Hi, I'm sorry your behaviorist hasn't replied.
So a few things you can do. Where does the trigger start for him to start his anxiety? Do you have a set amount of things you normally do before leaving? Showering, getting bags ready, doing a packed lunch, checking doors or windows?
Wherever he normally starts to get anxious you need to, when you're not going out do these steps (or pretend to) over and over.
If he doesn't get anxious until you lock the doors for example, do that lots of times then come in and sit back down again. Then get to the stage where you leave for a few seconds, come back then eventually do it a bit longer.
The other part is your body language, most of us leave the house anxious, either because of where we are going or worrying about who we're leaving behind. If your shoulders are up near your ears or your breathing and heart rate goes up before leaving your dog will pick up in this.
I promise this isn't a criticism most of us are stressed before we go out. Try and take a few seconds to control your breathing, relax your tense body (roll your head etc) No matter what he is doing you need to try and act completely in control, nonchalant at his anxiety (not bloody easy)
Also I've had better results with a mix of skullcap herb and catnip. Catnip is a mild sedative for dogs and humans he won't start bouncing off the walls (it's even used in some children's cough medicine) It's so underused. Also anyone who's had severe anxiety or animals with anxiety and used skullcap swears by it. I am both of those it's brilliant.

Original poster
TootHole · 12/02/2023 09:43

We do need to go in/out, so staying in, until he's better is not an option, and again one we explained in the application. We have a dog sitter we used for our old boy, but we obviously cannot have someone here all the time and we definitely can't afford that.

You literally cannot be out of his eye sight, and will follow you everywhere. Is more attracted to my husband than me.

I'll order the skullcap and catnip, really appreciate that suggestion. We've got CBD oil left from our boy (he had dementia), but it's playing around with dosage.

OP posts:
Wolfiefan · 12/02/2023 09:45

If you can’t be out of his sight without him being upset and you can’t manage to stay with him at all times then you can’t solve separation anxiety. With proper separation anxiety dogs experience real panic when left. And each experience like this just reinforces how terrifying it is to be left.

Lastqueenofscotland2 · 12/02/2023 09:49

Wolfiefan · 12/02/2023 09:45

If you can’t be out of his sight without him being upset and you can’t manage to stay with him at all times then you can’t solve separation anxiety. With proper separation anxiety dogs experience real panic when left. And each experience like this just reinforces how terrifying it is to be left.

Yes I agree with this. Honestly from what you’ve said I suspect you are not the right home to help him work through this, and that is no reflection on you AT ALL. More on how severe and complex separation anxiety is

Artemisty · 12/02/2023 09:55

I agree. Sorry OP. He probably needs to go to someone that doesn't have to leave him. Totally get your situation and not your fault. But that poor dog needs help and you need to make clear to the foster that the next one cannot leave him and has to work on it with him.

Original poster
TootHole · 12/02/2023 10:00

They are looking for someone else, but I'm not giving up on him whilst he's here, and I don't know how long he will be here. They haven't exactly listened to me have they.

Yes he does follow us all over, but the barking/running up and down only starts the minute we leave.

I can appreciate what you are saying, and we actually agree. He is more than what we can give, even though I WFH. My heart breaks for him, I worry about his future and everything he's been through in his short life so far. I feel like I'm also failing him.

OP posts:
CopperMaran · 12/02/2023 10:37

Have you got the funds to get your own behaviourist involved? Southend Dog training often has success with dogs that other trainers haven’t been able to help. Some owners have travelled with their dogs from Europe for their help.I’m sure they’d speak to you in the phone or do a video consultation as a starting point.
there are more options to consider:
for example would a second dog that they can bond too helpx as you would be able to make sure the two dogs were always together more easily.

Original poster
TootHole · 12/02/2023 11:03

I know the owner of SDT, I have worked with him on our old boy. We are local to him.

I feel I've got good experience and skills for training, and I'll certainly happily take this little guy there too - but I have limited expenses and time. I do work full time.

OP posts:
Original poster
TootHole · 12/02/2023 11:04

Oh and this dog is dog aggressive, so no companion unfortunately

OP posts:
Lastqueenofscotland2 · 12/02/2023 12:41

I’ve just seen you dog aggressive comment. Your situation mirrors the one I was in so much if he wasn’t so yours I’d wonder if we’d both had the same dog!
It’s a horrible situation but don’t beat yourself up. You have not failed the dog by returning them to a home where they won’t be left the only people who have failed the dog are the rescue

Lastqueenofscotland2 · 12/02/2023 12:41

So young that should say!

coffeecupsandwaxmelts · 12/02/2023 13:11

Unfortunately as PP have said, you can't solve separation anxiety until you're in a position to never leave the dog while they're unhappy.

My beagle has separation anxiety - he's five now and it's only in the last year or so that we can leave him for an hour while we pop out to the shops. Luckily my in-laws help out and will look after him if needed.

Medication - especially the herbal stuff - won't fix the core problem and likely won't make much difference if the anxiety is as severe as you describe.

It's likely that you'll need prescription medication from the vets.

Original poster
TootHole · 12/02/2023 13:59

You are all right. He needs more than we can give.

We are returning him to the rescue this evening.

I hate this.

OP posts:
TrevTro · 12/02/2023 15:08

TootHole · 12/02/2023 13:59

You are all right. He needs more than we can give.

We are returning him to the rescue this evening.

I hate this.

You're doing the right thing - I've fostered many, many dogs and for two of those, I was not the right fit.

I'm sorry you've had such a stressful experience and I hope it hasn't put you off fostering completely.

Original poster
TootHole · 12/02/2023 15:42

Definitely not put off of fostering, I really want to help. I just feel bloody awful about this,and wondering what's going to happen to him. I'm also not going to foster again for this rescue. They probably don't want me to foster for them either.

I also loathe people who do this to animals.

If you have any tips for fostering TrevTro I'd be super grateful if you had time to comment.

OP posts:
Lastqueenofscotland2 · 12/02/2023 15:44

Do not beat yourself up. It’s horrible to go through and it’s ridiculous how quickly you get attached (even to the difficult/aggressive/reactive/destructive ones) but it’s so the right decision for the dog.
As I said upthread I have been in a near identical position and it was horrid but I simply could not offer the degree of support the dog needed and hold down my job or even have a semi normal life in my own home. Be kind to yourself OP. It doesn’t make you a bad person or dog owner, you are doing the right thing by the dog.

MonicaFree · 12/02/2023 15:48

My last two dogs had separation anxiety - you can 100% cure it but you need so much patience.

Basically, you let them stay with you all the time. Literally all the time(It’s exhausting!) and gradually they decide that actually it was nicer in the garden than the kitchen, or that they’d rather stay on the sofa than rush to come to the bathroom for a pee. And they resolve it themselves.