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The doghouse

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Original poster

Dog waking in the night

12 replies

tangerinenightmare · 27/01/2023 10:51

All advice gratefully received on this one! Ddog is 9, and she's never been a great sleeper. We've had her since she was 3 (rescue), and she is very anxious and highly strung in general, reactive, and likes to be as close to me or DH as possible at all times. For the first few years she slept in her (comfy, fluffy) basket in our bedroom, and just got us up early 5-6am, not great, but not awful.

As she's got older she prefers to sleep on the spare bed, I think it's because it's comfier and she can stretch out more, she likes to sleep with her legs sprawled out, which is easier on a human bed than in hers. Refuses point blank to sleep in her basket, and will just repeatedly get out of it if we try and make her. So the spare bed is now 'hers'.

However what this means is that she gets lonely in the night, so will come in and wake me or DH in the early hours, one of us has to put her back to bed, and we've got in the habit of someone getting in with her just so we can sleep as she might come back in multiple times otherwise. Shutting doors is no good as she just whines and scratches for ages until someone goes to her, and gets really distressed if we don't. DH will not allow her to sleep in our bed (which I think is the obvious solution). I sleep quite heavily and also don't have much trouble getting back to sleep if I've been woken up so it doesn't bother me too much but DH is a terrible sleeper and he's on his knees bless him, today he's been up since 3am.

I'm totally stuck as to what to do - no amount of repeatedly returning her to where she's supposed to be makes any difference, I think it's because she's such an anxious dog that her desire to be with us totally overrides her desire to be a good girl, which in every other aspect she really is. But if she won't sleep in her basket, and DH won't have her on the bed, I'm out of answers. Any dog sleep geniuses out there with helpful suggestions we might not have thought of?!

OP posts:
Newpeep · 27/01/2023 11:30

Bigger bed in your room? Cot mattress maybe?

whataboutsecondbreakfast · 27/01/2023 11:34

DH horse in the spare room and the dog sleeps in with you.

Original poster
tangerinenightmare · 27/01/2023 12:24

@Newpeep I had thought of that - I think I would actually have to get a flipping toddler bed so she's raised up off the floor but it's definitely an option, it'll just be hit and miss whether she would go for it. We already have a superking so a bigger bed isn't really an option, plus DH just doesn't want her in our bed, regardless of the size of it! I would happily have her snuggled up to my legs.

@whataboutsecondbreakfast DH is determined not to be ousted from the marital bed by the dog! Tbf our bed is a superking and has a really comfy mattress on it, whereas the spare bed is smaller and not so comfy despite replacing the mattress twice in the last 2 years, so I don't blame him. We also don't really want to start 'officially' sleeping apart, even though that's what's happening a lot of the time anyway.

OP posts:
Winterpetal · 27/01/2023 12:29

Put the dog downstairs at night
use a stair gate on bottom step to keep it down
I’ve 2 dogs ,have never let them upstairs,or on beds
they have a comfy bed by the radiator
your dog is ruling the roost ,and your letting it

Eastereggsboxedupready · 27/01/2023 12:34

We have more than 1 ddog... May or may not actually be 4...
Your ddog could not possibly be lonely then op...

Newpeep · 27/01/2023 13:09

Winterpetal · 27/01/2023 12:29

Put the dog downstairs at night
use a stair gate on bottom step to keep it down
I’ve 2 dogs ,have never let them upstairs,or on beds
they have a comfy bed by the radiator
your dog is ruling the roost ,and your letting it

Anxiety is like whack a mole. Suppress it somewhere and it pops up elsewhere. Often in the form of very significant behavioural issues which are far harder to manage than the original one.

The OP has recognised the dog needs company. Good for them.

Original poster
tangerinenightmare · 27/01/2023 13:47

@Newpeep thank you! She's a rescue with a bad history, and we were told she's the most anxious dog they'd ever had at that particular rescue. 3 behaviourists later (one of whom also said she was the most anxious dog she'd ever worked with) and although she's come on in leaps and bounds and we know how to manage her better, we also know that we won't change her. Putting her downstairs or locking her in another room with no access to us would literally break her heart. If she was a 'normal' dog we would have trained it out of her by now, but we know her well enough to know that's not an option and would just cause her significant stress with most likely no result. I just want us all to be happy and get a decent night's sleep!

@Eastereggsboxedupready if she wasn't incredibly territorial and dog reactive, this would definitely be the best option, I'd like a houseful, just not sure she would agree!

OP posts:
KStockHERO · 27/01/2023 13:53

OP, I think we might be the same person Grin

Me and DP had this exact same issue a few years ago.

It's all sorted now. Our dog sleeps in the master bed every night. DP and I take turns sleeping in the master bed with the dog while the other one sleeps in the spare bed.

It's actually heaven. Highly recommended. Every other night I get the whole spare bed to myself to stretch out, sleep through undisturbed and avoid the morning walk. Then every other night I get to share the master bed with the dog which means a little more disrupted sleep but actually quite a lot of room because DP's not there and, I get big cuddles and her dream-whimpers make me happy.

whataboutsecondbreakfast · 27/01/2023 18:24

@tangerinenightmare well, what does he think the solution is?

I'm not being funny, but at the moment, none of you are getting any sleep - if he agreed to sleep elsewhere (or you slept elsewhere), you'd all be getting much more sleep and you'd all be much happier, surely?

I don't understand why he has an aversion to sleeping apart when the current situation is making him so miserable.

shimmerbubbles · 28/01/2023 02:34

tangerinenightmare · 27/01/2023 12:24

@Newpeep I had thought of that - I think I would actually have to get a flipping toddler bed so she's raised up off the floor but it's definitely an option, it'll just be hit and miss whether she would go for it. We already have a superking so a bigger bed isn't really an option, plus DH just doesn't want her in our bed, regardless of the size of it! I would happily have her snuggled up to my legs.

@whataboutsecondbreakfast DH is determined not to be ousted from the marital bed by the dog! Tbf our bed is a superking and has a really comfy mattress on it, whereas the spare bed is smaller and not so comfy despite replacing the mattress twice in the last 2 years, so I don't blame him. We also don't really want to start 'officially' sleeping apart, even though that's what's happening a lot of the time anyway.

Have a look at HiK9 raised beds.

Shamoo · 28/01/2023 02:39

We have an anxious dog too. I sleep with her in the spare bed. It’s not ideal but it’s better than any other solution. All three of us sleep ok. If we were all in the same bed my DP wouldn’t sleep. If pooch had to sleep alone downstairs she would bark and throw herself at the door.

rcat74 · 28/01/2023 03:20

Our dog sleeps in her bed in our bedroom. Just before Christmas she started getting up in the night, was up and down the stairs and trying to jump on the bed. It turned out she had quite a deep seated ear infection even though there were no signs in the day. I also think her bed had gone a bit flat which wasn’t helping and it was cold.

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