I just miss him, i feel awful

[yorkshirepudsx]

this may be upsetting I just need to get it off my chest & know other dog lovers will understand

A few months ago we had to say goodbye to one of our dogs.

He was absolutely fine then suddenly went off his food, called the vets and he was seen a few days later, within them days we watched him rapidly decline. He had tests done and the results were back fast, he had 2 types of cancer, both too progressed&aggressive to treat. We made the decision to have one last day with him and then let him cross over the rainbow bridge.

I know we made the right choice, the vets told us he would only get worse and didn't have long left - and we didn't want to let him suffer.

But I just feel awful. Still.
I miss every single thing about him. From the way he trotted around the house wagging his tail (and making a racket because he was so big) to the way he would steal dirty laundry and run around like a lunatic with it. I just miss him.

We have one dog now, she's amazing. She's made this time so much more bearable. She was his best friend and they absolutely adored each other - but I am so so scared of something bad happening to her 😭

But I can't shake this horrific feeling of guilt. I keep asking myself why I didn't pick up on any signs sooner, there wasn't any, but I still feel bad, I was the one at home with him everyday, I feel like I should have picked up on something.
Part of me feels like I could have got secondary opinions and tried to get him treatment - but then I feel selfish wondering would I have just been prolonging it all for him?
And I just feel so sick and lost whenever his name is mentioned.

We paid to have his ashes, so he's got his own little place in the living room, with pictures of him, but I really want something more special than just a box. But each time I look for something I just can't find anything 'good enough' and get upset 😩 then my brain goes 100mph through everything that happened again and I just feel awful.

I'm sorry if this upsets anybody. I have just found myself struggling to get my head around it all.

My boy passed in a very similar way to yours. Fine on the Friday, pts on the Sunday. It took us a good 6 months to get over the shock and guilt of it, and even now 4 years later there are days when I feel just so sad about him. It does ease and you will feel less guilt, but like any grief it's time that heals. X

We lost our Romanian rescue at 4.5 years back in November (on my birthday no less). Just like with your pup, it was so incredibly sudden - a bit of sickness for a couple of days, started to vomit a little bit of blood (which he did on occasion) took him to the overnight vet who gave him the anti sickness injection and the rushed him back in the morning when he passed a whole load of blood. He pretty much died in my husband's arms on the way back in.

I know exactly how you feel - just so so awful and guilty, and I also go over and over whether it would've been different if we'd have let him stay overnight at the vets, as they were 50/50 as to whether he should stay in. He had severe aggression issues, including at the vets, so I decided to take him back home and stay up monitoring him.

His last night with us haunts me, but what does make me feel better is that it clearly just was his (extremely premature) time. Everything that did conspired against us - traffic, our car being in the garage etc. He also always struggled with digestive issues over and over throughout his life, which makes us think he had an undiagnosed issue we never would've known about as he wouldn't have gone through any invasive procedures without massive stress and trauma. And if he was going to die anyway, better he had one last night curled up with the people who loved him most rather than in a cage alone or being poked and prodded.

Sounds like you did exactly the same with your guy. Dogs don't know how long they're meant to live, or what death is - all they know is who they love and who loves them and how great their lives are with you. It only hurts so much for us because we loved them so much in return - and if I had a choice between knowing mine and living with this pain now, or never having had the pain, I know what I'd pick without thinking.

I also know what you mean about finding something to memorialise him by - a lot of pet remembrance stuff seems a bit gaudy or tacky. We're going to use the money we're getting back from his insurance to commission a massive painting of him on the beach (his absolute favourite place!) to go on our living room wall above where he used to sleep.

I'm really, really sorry for your loss. You're not alone x

I've lost two dogs to cancer, so I really understand the feelings of shock and then guilt that you're going through. It's really tough. Not just the loss, but the sense of responsibility, that you should have been able to do more as a loving owner.

Our vet made the point that dogs don't experience illness/cancer the way we do. They might not feel right, or feel the same as they normally do, but they just factor that into their behaviour and carry on. There are almost no 'signs' that we could have spotted, until things were well advanced - and then we (and you) did spot them, and acted. So please don't feel guilty about that.

The other point he made, which comforted me, was to try not to draw comparisons between cancer treatments for humans and dogs. My older dog had an aggressive cancer that developed and spread in a really short time; even if we'd gone for chemo, it wouldn't have given us more than a few months and Ddog wouldn't have understood what was happening. We're used to the human treatment path for cancer, so when we don't automatically do that for dogs, it feels like we're 'letting them down', but it's not the same.

We lost another dog to complications from a spinal problem last year, and battled through 18 months of treatments, therapy, catheters, all kinds of things. In hindsight, we should have let him go sooner, instead of trying to fix something that wasn't ever going to be fixable. But you do what you feels best in the moment, don't you?

I'm sorry this reply is so long, but your pain struck a chord. Grief is grief, and I'm very sorry for your loss. Please don't add guilt and blame to the natural pain of losing a friend I'm sure you did your very best for, all his life.

Awwwww, sweetheart... I am sending you a big virtual hug. Everything about your post says amazing dog parent. Your dear doggie was very lucky to have you and vice versa. Everything happened as it should, that is for sure. You are not the kind of person who would have done anything detrimental to your dog. You did what you did at the right time and for all the right reasons. Your doggie would be saying "Thank you". Always remember that xxx

I'm so, so sorry you are finding things so tough - it sounds to me that you gave your lovely dog as wonderful life as possible and that he was very loved. You are grieving the loss of an important part of your daily family life - unfortunately with grief, you don't get over it, you have to go through it and as cliche as it is only time eases the harsh sting of it. The description I read of grief that resonated with me - it's love with nowhere to go so it builds up and comes out in other emotions of eg sadness and guilt. I hope that sting starts to ease and please remind yourself of the love and lovely life you gave your animal. It's the hardest part of having an animal - you have to say goodbye at some point.