Who is being unreasonable (dog related)

[Aelathehuntress]

Hi all you doggy lovers. I thought I would post here to get the opinions of dog lovers rather than AIBU.

So here’s the issue. I have two dogs that my parents look after at their house when we go away so that’s 3 weeks last year & I am eternally grateful. I have also looked after their cat for them when they go away. Since early last year when my mum got a dog I’ve been getting texts from her 2-3 times a week (when she is at work and not the same days every week, but just random days as she works shifts) requesting I go to her house at midday to let him out. I’ve been doing it although it’s meant dropping/changing plans and also my work as I WFH. I live quite close but it has been challenging & annoying as she texts on the day with no warning.

Yesterday I got the text & struggled to find time as was so so busy(my work) so I asked my son to pop round. Admittedly it was later than 12pm but I was snowed under. When he got there my dad was already home from work, thanked my son & my son came home.

Later, my mum phoned me & she went off! Was so so nasty. Screaming that it was too late, shouting me down. Attacked my son, attacked me & said my dogs go to her house & piss everywhere. Said in disgust that I only live 5 mins away. Made out I was lazy. But it’s multiple times a week that I have to change my plans! I’ve been going to her house relentlessly for months. When she has my dogs it’s planned in advance so she knows when she is having them. If my dogs have ever peed, she could have told me & I would make other plans for them. One was a puppy last time she had them.

She said she won’t look after my dogs again & has left me in the lurch as were are going away in March. 😢

For context my parents regularly look after work colleagues dogs & my brothers animals which she will drive a 20mins round trip to his house & sleep there too. But it’s only me who gets asked to let her dog out. It’s like she doesn’t respect my time or my job & thinks my time is fair game because I live the closest.

So, is it fair to expect this of me for the rest of her dogs life in exchange for having my dogs for a couple of weeks a year when she happily has others dogs but expects nothing from them in return help?

Thanks for reading.

Stop helping her out.
Get a dog sitter for your trips away.
www.housesittersuk.co.uk/

Other house sitting agencies are available. It's free! I house-sit (cats not dogs though). Good luck OP. She's taking you for granted - knock it on the head.

The arrangement is not completely reciprocal as your DM is only having your dogs for a few weeks, pre-arranged, yet she's expecting you to go see to her dog's needs 2-3 times a week. Why on earth did she get a dog if she's out so much?

It was very rude of her to sound off at you and your son, just because he went there a bit later than expected. Where's the gratitude for all the days you have been doing it?

Personally I'd find a professional dog sitter or kennel for March. We use a company where our dog goes to a family and becomes their pet for the duration (no kennels etc). Then I'd be letting DM know that the cat sitting and dog letting out ceases, as she is not respecting your time or your working arrangements.

Book kennels. Never be beholding to her again.
We take 2 ddogs on holiday and 2 go to kennels. They actually get excited driving down the lane...

Thanks so much for your insights. It’s good to know that others can see my logic as she simply won’t. I tried to tell her that what I do isn’t comparable to them having my dogs at set times for a couple of weeks but she just didn’t get it because I live close to her. It has upset me so much. I didn’t sleep last night because of it.

Your Mum is unreasonable but if you agreed to let the dog out it should have been well before 12. If I asked someone to let my dog out in the morning I would rather they say no so I can make other arrangements than leave him until 12

When your mum asked and you didn't manage to get round there, had you text her to say if wouldn't be possible, or did you say yes and then not go until midday?

If the former then your mum is at fault, but if you agreed to go then just never showed up I can understand her being angry as she may have been able to make other arrangements.

But that's no excuse for shouting and yelling.

No excuse for shouting and being nasty but you should have told her if you couldn’t get there at the right sort of time . Would it not have made more sense for her to drop her dog off at yours on days she works .

Don’t do her any more favours. Don’t ask her for any more favours. Pay for kennels or a dog sitter.

If you read the OP - it clearly states her mum asked her to let the dog out at midday! So no 12pm or a little later would not have been too late.

She wanted me to go for 12. My son went at about 2 in the end. Just so it’s out there, I often just have a missed call & voicemail or a text that day ordering me to go around so I don’t always even have the chance to agree to it, it’s just expected of me. That was the case yesterday. I hadn’t even agreed, just picked up her ordering text & sent my son as I couldn’t. She thinks I can just drop my life, job etc whenever I get a message just because I live close to her. I can’t have him at mine as she wants him at home in his environment & he is majorly destructive.

He’s likely destructive because he spends too much time home alone

If you didn't agree or say you could go, your mum is being ridiculous.

I suspect she knows that deep down - she's just angry with herself because she came home to mess and it was easier to take it out on you.

Whilst it's definitely not a fair deal, your mum is certainly with her rights to make it a if I do X you must do y in return. Just like it's within your rights to say you don't see that as a fair deal and thus not have her do X for you.

The answer is send your dogs to kennels or to get a dog sitter when you are away.