Yesterday we had to have our much loved 14 year old pug put to sleep. She had been so healthy up until March of this year, never any issues and only saw the vet for vaccinations.
In march she had a funny turn, vets discovered she had an enlarged heart. They weren’t sure she would make it, but she responded well to her tablets!
Fast forward to this month, slowly going off her food, drinking so much water and weeing constantly, sleeping all the time. Then yesterday she wouldn’t eat at all, couldn’t really stand and just seemed so sad. The vets did tests and said her heart wasn’t beating as it should, and she could also see a mass on her liver so suspected cancer. It was agreed that she was deteriorating fast so it was kindest to let her go.
The vets were beyond kind. Her favourite nurse came and spoke to me and chatted about our little pug, and then when it was time I was given time to say goodbye and the vet came in with chocolates for our little dog as she was finally allowed them! I then held her while she peacefully slipped away. She looked like she just fell asleep.
She had a fantastic long life. She was so very loved by us and our other dogs. We took her on holidays, she even made it to the cairngorms in sept and loved it!), and I cuddled her every night.
So why is the guilt eating me up? I feel like I should have done more, maybe looked into different meds, paid for more scans. I feel bad that when she passed I was holding her but not looking into her eyes , more holding her to me.
I’m not sure what I’m looking for as I know the vets were right, and I’ve said goodbye to so many dogs over the years. I just feel so sad that such a big part of my life is now gone.