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The doghouse

If you're worried about your pet's health, please speak to a vet or qualified professional.

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Original poster

Dog has cancer, should young dd be there when pts?

23 replies

Nowthereistwo · 16/12/2022 14:22

Hi, our 9yr old greyhound has inoperable cancer.

We have a mobile vet who's excellent and will put the dog down in his own bed when the time comes.

My dd are 9&7, the 7 Yr old is especially attached to the dog.

When the guinea pigs died the girls were sad and took comfort in seeing the body and then burying them. Although they died in the hutch without us knowing and the dog will probably be put to sleep - so prior knowledge.

The dog will be cremated so no burial.

What did you do? should they be in the house then see the body? Say goodbye before school and come home with him gone? Not sure they should witness the deed itself.

OP posts:

Levriers · 16/12/2022 14:28

I don’t have kids, but I don’t think they should be there for the actual deed. The important thing is the dog, for him to have calmness and quietness and I wouldn’t want to risk them being upset - both for themselves and the dog. I think say goodbye in the morning but tell them that he won’t be the hen they come home. No need to see the body in my view

Goodywhoshoes · 16/12/2022 14:29

We chose for our dog to be pts at our home. When DC (a little older than yours) came back from school we told them the sad news, said how she wasn’t suffering and how she had had a good and happy life with us then let them see her body to say goodbye. They took a little snip of her fur to keep.
They wrote a note to put in the grave with her, will you be getting ashes back?

Goodywhoshoes · 16/12/2022 14:30

We didn’t mention it before school as didn’t want them being upset all day and kids do tend to, if sharing such news, cause each other to be upset and -before you know it-half the class would be crying!

Ohdearnotagain76 · 16/12/2022 14:31

Only you know your children but I personally wouldn’t as sometimes the dog can cry when sedated which isn’t nice. I think ask the kids what they would like if you wish but it would be a no from me

RaraRachael · 16/12/2022 14:32

So sorry to hear about your lovely dog.

We had to have an old cat PTS when my daughter was 5. She asked if she could come to the vets with us so we agreed. More than 25 years later she still speaks about it and how she held his paw when he went to sleep. I think it was better for her rather than coming home from school and he just wasn't there any more.

But everybody is different 💓

Alexandernevermind · 16/12/2022 14:33

I am sorry you are going through this.
We are all different, but my first instinct is no, as euthanasia isn't always as quick or smooth as we would like, and you need it to all be as calm and quiet as possible. Your attention needs to be on your dog, not worrying about your dc. Ask your vet to sedate before they euthanise btw.
Letting him be in the house overnight is useful for the grieving process for everyone. Just have him in his bed covered with a blanket. If the dc want to see him, they can lift the blanket, or just touch the blanket if that's what they prefer. Just have an old towel under him to catch any leaks, which you can whip away when you need to.

Original poster

Nowthereistwo · 16/12/2022 14:50

Thanks. We've told the girls he has cancer and that we're going to ensure he's not in pain and that we're not sure how long he's got.

So they are processing it already. I agree about not telling them before school. I might get them to say goodbye then have someone walk them round the woods whilst he's pts then they can come and see him before he is taken away.

I would hate for them not to have that final goodbye

OP posts:

ElephantInTheKitchen · 16/12/2022 15:40

One of the reasons to have pets for children is so that they learn about dying and death.

I'd allow them to see the body if they want to so that you can all process it together and talk things through. I sometimes wonder, if people didn't have pets growing up, when they first see a dead body - and it's probably a close relative when they die.

ShirleyHolmes · 16/12/2022 15:49

My DD was 9 this year when our dog was PTS. She was old so we had spoken in general about it. They’ve experience pet deaths before and have always said goodbye prior to pet going to try the vet.

On this occasion, DW and DS were away and a crisis situation came where it was necessary to have her PTS immediately. Vet still not undertaking visits due to covid. So I explained to her and gave her the option to come with me, or stay with friends whilst I took her. She decided to stay, said her goodbyes to the dog and off I went. Actually DS was more upset due to being away and not having the chance to say goodbye.

So I would explain and give them them option.

c24680 · 16/12/2022 16:03

My 4 year old came with us to put our 10 year old Labrador to sleep, she was a big part of her life as well as ours, she gave her the biggest cuddle and said I love you. She doesn't speak of the PTS part but always talks about the good times and how much she misses her.

When I was a child my mum put our 16 year old dog to sleep without telling us, I was fuming (7 at the time) when it came to put our next dog to sleep when I was 24 years old it really upset me because I thought she was going to do it again without telling me.

So I would tell them what's going to happen and when, let them say their goodbyes, it's going to be hard whatever choice you make.

2bazookas · 16/12/2022 16:04

Sorry about your greyhound; ours went the same way. After he was PTS (best/only option for him) I wept for hours and vomited. Even though we've had half a dozen loved dogs PTS in the past, each time is awful.

So, I wouldn't let your children witness his end. Even thought it's kindly, gently perfectly done and no distress to the animal, the death decision is a terrible responsibility and the loss of beloved companion a deep emotional wrench to YOU . You will be in a very fraught emotional state.

I don't think there;s any benefit for small children to witness their parents out of control and very distressed. You'll be in no fit state to comfort them.

Beamur · 16/12/2022 16:07

I think they're a little young. I would tell them it's happening and let them say goodbye at home.

MyMilkshakeScaresAllTheBoys · 16/12/2022 16:12

I was with our lab at their age. It takes a few min and is gradual. The vet left my mom and me alone once the injection was in.

I'm glad to have done it and would do the same with DS.

Whatever you decide do try to be in the room. A lot of per owners don't and some pets can be afraid.

I couldn't go in with the last cat as it was Covid but she had a disorder where she had regular blood tests so was used to that at the vet. That's what I tell myself.

Snowmansnose · 16/12/2022 16:13

We let our children decide if they wanted to be in the room as our dog was pts in her own bed. They opted not to watch, but came in afterwards. I’m glad they had the choice. It was very peaceful and they would have been fine if they had been there.

catchthedog · 16/12/2022 16:16

I wouldn't. watching my dog get PTS is the worst thing I've ever had to do and I hate having to live with the image.

Dacquoise · 16/12/2022 16:44

Having had to put both my dogs to sleep in the last couple of years I wouldn't allow a child that young to witness it. I found both experiences quite traumatising although I was determined to be with them at the end and grateful for the privilege of cuddling them while they went to sleep. One of them really objected to the insertion of the catheter so it wasn't as peaceful as I would have liked.

My female dog, who we lost early this year, was actually closer to my daughter but having gone through the trauma of putting my beloved male to sleep I wanted to spare her the experience even though she's not a child. She said her goodbyes at home before we took the dog to the vet.

So sorry you're having to go through this. It's the horrible part of pet ownership but at least we can stop any pain or suffering. 💐

Roselilly36 · 16/12/2022 17:19

I wouldn’t, just incase. Sometimes, it doesn’t go a smoothly as you would like. It could be traumatic for your DD. So sorry you are in this situation.

ShouldIknowthisalready · 16/12/2022 17:20

I would not encourage my young children to be present. PTS is not always peaceful and can on occasions be quite traumatic.

My children live on a farm so are used to life and death but they were quite a bit older before they saw a pet being PTS. PTS is harder for some people to process than a natural death.

It is also worth considering how you will feel and maybe you want your own time rather than having to care for you children during the procedure.

catsrus · 16/12/2022 20:59

My DC were present at most of the deaths of family pets, particularly the ones they were close to, if it was planned (and not a vet emergency that needed a swift decision).

We always said it was part of the deal in having an animal, to be there at the end so that it knew it was loved and wouldn't be afraid. They were always given a choice, asked if they thought they would be able to be calm, and not get distressed until it was over so as not to distress the animal. They always managed it, even from a young age.

Talk to your DC, explain that this is the last kind thing you can do for the dog and it needs to be as gentle and calm as possible, let them make the decision about being there. Explain what will happen so they are prepared. Tell them it's OK not to be there because you will be, and your dog won't be afraid, but if they can be brave and manage to be there without distressing the dog then they can be. OF course all the tears might come when it's over - or not - and that's fine too.

Ihatethenewlook · 16/12/2022 21:11

ShouldIknowthisalready · 16/12/2022 17:20

I would not encourage my young children to be present. PTS is not always peaceful and can on occasions be quite traumatic.

My children live on a farm so are used to life and death but they were quite a bit older before they saw a pet being PTS. PTS is harder for some people to process than a natural death.

It is also worth considering how you will feel and maybe you want your own time rather than having to care for you children during the procedure.

This. I don’t think the children are the right age for this. Younger or quite a few years older could possibly cope. But I agree with pp who said things go wrong all the time. We’re huge advocates of taking on sick/elderly rescue animals and have gone through this many times. We’ve had needles snap off in legs, multiple doses having to be given to one dog because for some reason the drug wasn’t having an effect, he faded bit by bit with the vet having to come back and check for a heartbeat before injecting him again. Multiple cats and dogs having violent spasms as they died to the point where they look like they’re having a seizure. They also regularly let go of their bladder and bowels. The worst ones for me for some reason are the ones who refuse to lie down as they are injected. You watch their heads go down before they collapse and you have to grab hold of them so they don’t head butt the floor or twist their legs under themselves. I know it can be a lovely but heartbreaking memory giving them a last cuddle as they go, but it’s regularly very traumatising.

Moonatics · 16/12/2022 21:12

It probably depends on the child and what they want.
If they can be calm and realise for those few minutes it's about the dog and then after you can wail and sob then yes. If they cant manage that which is fair enough, it takes everything I have to be calm for the animal at that time, then no probably best not to actually be there.

Both my children were over 10 before they were with me and the animal, due to circumstances rather than them being unable to cope and it was heartrending for us all but I'm glad they were there and saw that it was peaceful and the best thing for that pet at that time.

Coffeeismylife · 25/12/2022 22:10

I wouldn't have DC there. We had to have our lovely boy PTS at 14 and while it was absolutely the right decision for him, it was not an easy process. It took 3 injections and was by no means quick, while the vet was brilliant and so gentle with him it was incredibly hard to witness and I'll never forget it. DC saud their goodbyes before and I'm very glad they weren't there.

Gwdihooooo · 27/12/2022 09:07

RaraRachael · 16/12/2022 14:32

So sorry to hear about your lovely dog.

But everybody is different 💓

This is similar to our experience with our dog.

My then 7yr dd old asked to come with me to the vets. She did and I’m glad. 2yrs later and she talks about how she was there to help him.

My dh and then 11yr old ds chose to say goodbye at home and not come to the vets.

It’s all about choice

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