Should children be present when it's the end?

[Anono2022]

Hi

I'm pretty certain our dog is so unwell now we are nearing the end of his life. He is 9.5 and a French Bulldog. He has been double incontinent for a while, unable to walk a few steps before falling, when he is on his feet his legs are wide apart, he moves in circles on his tummy on the floor, now add in constant sickness and breathlessness, I fear this is it.

We have the vets today and am wondering if my 8 year old should be present, in case I have to make that decision? He has grown up with him his entire life, they are so close. My son is autistic and his dog means the world to him. I don't think it's fair him not being able to say goodbye and be there in the end but my parents have made me feel guilty saying its not appropriate him being there if our dog is put to sleep.

Should children be kept away from seeing this?

Sometimes it doesn’t go smoothly, sometimes there’s a load of reflexes that kick in after they get the drugs and it’s several minutes of what looks very much like your pet fighting for life, when that happens - honestly, it’s traumatic and I’m an adult, who knows that that’s what’s happening and have rationalised the decision to have them PTS in the first place.

What usually happens is that they sedate them and give you a few minutes while that kicks in to spend saying goodbye and don’t PTS until they’re asleep anyway, so if you plan it with the vet that your DS leaves the room before they do the last bit, he’ll get the chance to say goodbye, sit with him while he goes to sleep and then leave. That would be better, IMO.

Sorry - cross posted.

Honestly, if it’s a quality of life issue, the sooner the better, it’s shitty for you, but they don’t know anything.

Aww handhold Op, it’s a horrible decision to make, but it’s the kindest thing you can do for your pet. If you really can’t face it, and that’s understandable, do you have a relative that would take him to the vet for you or a friend/relatives that could go with you and support you. Better a day too early than a day too late. It’s the saddest part of pet ownership.

It’s so hard and I’m so sorry you’re facing this.

We sadly lost one of our dogs last year, he had to be pts. We all found it completely devastating. It has been a huge loss for my children, they talk about life in terms of before our dog died and after, it has been a defining moment in their lives which is heartbreaking as a mum to see as well as being heartbroken myself at losing our dog. We all talk about him a lot.

I do think it sounds like the time has come for your lovely boy to be pts. If the vet has said he’s not in any pain, maybe give him a lovely evening with you today, his favourite food, lots of cuddles and belly rubs if he’s still enjoying them and make an appointment for tomorrow. Personally i think if he’s not going to get better and his quality of life is low, it’s better not to leave it. It is the last kind thing you will do for him.

Again, I’m so sorry.

This is my thoughts. I want to fuss him and spoil him because I know waiting until I'm ready will never come.

I feel selfish for bringing him home but she said it and in that moment it was the loneliest I had ever felt. I'm so grateful my son chose to stay with his grandparents because I couldn't hold it together. But I was overwhelmed with this feeling of loneliness when I was faced with the decision. My only decision was today or return another day.

He has played such a significant part in my life. He he held me together when my life's been falling apart. His never let me down.

What I do know is when we return I need to have someone with me

Oh OP, I can hear how sad you are. 💐 I get it completely. Our dogs are an enormous part of our lives.

Take someone with you, it’s good that you now know you need this. You don’t feel so alone with someone with you. It will be hard and it’s really hard to face but you must and you will. Your dog won’t know. Dogs live in the moment. He’ll just know he’s with you who he trusts and he loves. We all talked and stroked our boy whilst the vet put him to sleep. It was so peaceful.

I think you just know when it's time. My dog looked at me one day and I could see it in his eyes...he'd had enough. My dog had been acting strange for months, lost weight, urinating, not eating, didn't seem to recognise me sometimes etc but I put it off because he was still so bouncy most of the time and I just thought it was his age. He started howling at night and i couldn't leave him at all. I rang a vet to come to the house and she said that even though he was bouncy he showed signs of dementia and it would gradually only get worse. They told me that it was totally my decision and they would do as I asked due to his age and problems and I made the heart wrenching decision to have him pts at home. My partner was at work and my children were upstairs. They talked me through what would happen during and after. They were very sympathetic. They actually needed to sedate him because he was so wound up!! He lay down and I lay with him and they told me to tell them when I was ready and within seconds he took his last breathe. It was horrible and heartbreaking but I knew I did the right thing. I felt selfish actually keeping him going knowing he was going to get worse. The worst part of it all was them walking away with him but it was for the best. My children knew what was going to happen and once the vet took him I sat them down and hugged them and there were lots of tears and good memories. I had a photo printed for both children to put in their rooms and a plant in the garden. Sending lots of virtual hugs.

I would let him say goodbye but not be there when the dog is put to sleep.

I find that the actual death stays in my memory vividly and is haunting rather than comforting.
As an adult I stay with my animals but it seems overly intense and traumatic to me for a child.

I'm clinging to little things he does well still. But my boy too is doing all those things you've listed. Sometimes we come home and he hasn't realised we are home until 15 mins later and he will get up and appear all confused.

I'm going to surround him in so much love. I dont feel he is in considerable pain otherwise I would have gone ahead today.

This is the absolute worst part of owning a pet

You can have an animal pts at your home if you think it will be less traumatic for them - we did this with our cat and it was absolutely the best decision for us.

I've had two dogs put to sleep. I stayed with them and stroked them as they fell asleep. I knew I could do it and I knew I wouldn't break down. You know you are doing the very best thing for your beloved dog, you owe it to them to let them go and end their suffering.

The actual procedure is quite matter of fact and gentle. The just slip away peacefully.

I would never take a child along, it's way too much for a child. Whilst I can handle it, my 6feet, chunky, bear of a DH could not.

I do all my grieving when I get home.

It's time to let him go @Anono2022 , your beloved dog has lost his dignity and has zero quality of life.

It's not too much for children if they are properly prepared. One of mine was always devastated, but would have been more traumatised by not being there. Another was very matter of fact. We taught them that it's part of the deal in having a pet, being with it at the end, so it feels comforted.

They always had the choice and always chose to be there for the various rabbits, cats, dogs - even the odd chicken if it was a special friend.