Off lead dog attack and DHs reaction

[Dogghee]

Walking 3 dogs on lead today with DH and DS17.

On field and an older staffy comes running over, off lead and goes from one dog to the next trying to bite them.

The owner is jogging over at snails pace and I'm shouting at him to get his dog.

Dog has zero recall. And is trying to bite my small dogs.

Guy finally gets hold of the dog, is screaming at him, dog is cowering and convo goes:

Me :WTH man?! Your dog tried to bit my dogs
Him:sorry
Me: He's tried to bite all 3!!
Him: Sorry
Me: What good is sorry if I've got a dead dog or I'm at the vets with hundreds of pounds bill. You need to keep him on a lead
Him: He's on a lead
Me: what? He wasn't on a lead a minute ago
Him: he's on a lead. What do you wnat me to do?
Me: Keep him on a lead all the time. If he behaves like that he can't be off lead!
Him :Whatever

At this point my dog is trying to run away so I go to swap the lead over to my other hand

Him: Oh you're getting your phone out are you! What to take my picture?!
Me : Why would I wnat your photo on my phone?

And he left.

It was a shitty experience but what really upset me is that DH didn't say a word and then when we got home he had a go at me for shouting at the guy!

He said he's obviously a dick and nothing I can say is gonna change anything so I should have just walked away when he put the dog on the lead.

I said that I wasn't going to just slink away, I told him his behaviour wasn't acceptable and he needs to control his dog.
DH then said I put us all in danger and he wanst about to have a fist fight over it. Wtf?!

How many people would have a dog attack theirs and not say a thing?!

Apologies for poor spelling

I'm very short & not at all threatening, but once upon a time I'd have had a go too, but these days it all seems a bit lawless & dangerous, so o
ptibably wouldn't have said anything if I was alone, but with DH, 27 yo DS & 3 dogs I probably would have given him
a mouthful & expected back up grom
DH & DS.

DH should have been taking photos so you could report the idiot to the dog warden or police.

Your DH is well out of order for having a go at you. However, during the incident perhaps it might be the case that if he'd intervened as well it might have escalated. It sounds like you said what needed saying.

Sadly your DH is probably right in that saying anything won't make any difference to people like that.

Your dh was probably worried that although you got away with it this time, next time a man might thump you and severely hurt you.

Im glad your dogs are ok though

He probably wouldn't listen but how could I just not say anything. I wasn't offensive I just said he should keep his dog on a lead.

I didn't have time to think, I just told him.

Then so be it and I'd deal with that.

I'm not keeping my mouth shut for fear ohlf men being violent. I'd never say a word to anyone in that case.

My ex used to say "it's not you who's going to have to fight him when it all goes tits up!" He was right really but I was always sure there must be some middle ground 🤷🏼‍♀️

Hi OP,

I am going to give you a different perspective on this -
whilst the interaction with you and the man was happening subconsciously your DH’s adrenaline would have started kicking in- he was readying himself for a fight with an unknown, potentially dangerous threat, luckily your DH didn’t need the adrenaline as the fight didn’t happen but unfortunately the bit that had already kicked in meant he lashed out inappropriately.

These adrenaline kicks can leave you feeling pretty shaken up, it doesn’t excuse his behaviour and he does owe you an apology but I don’t think his reaction automatically makes him a dick.

Just to give you a bit of context to my post I’m female , mild mannered 40 something but I have PTSD and my fight or flight response is heightened so I experience this a lot. It’s not a nice feeling.

I'm with you on this one OP.

I'll never hesitate to say something to someone if their dog is jumping all over me or my dog.

Had one or two, mainly men, get a bit aggressive and once I was told by one charmer to 'such my fucking mouth', which I thought was lovely.

I'm not tiny - 5ft 6 - and in my early 70s but I'm still not going to stand there and ignore what's happening.

In a way I can understand it from your DH's point of view.

If a man is going to swear and shout at an older woman, as happened to me, because she's asks him to call his dog off, I can imagine a certain type of man might take a swing at another man under the same circumstances.

Well I have an enhance fight or fly reaction, rush of adrenaline, the lot.
It leaves me shaky for no reason at all, tense. Wakes me up at night in a fright etc…
I am not lashing out at people in that way. I am able to realise that my reaction is over the top and inappropriate.

So yes I agree that the DH in question was probably running on adrenaline and lashed at the OP because the OP was there.
It doesn’t mean it’s ok.

Nor does it mean that her DH and ds reaction, where neither of them backed her up, was ok.

@pigsDOfly I can also see a man like this have no issue attacking a woman but behaving in front of a man, let alone two of them!

I do feel for him.

I think if he got involved the guy probably would have ramped up his aggressiveness.

It's justba shitty situation all round.

DH just came up and apologised and said I had every right to say something to the guy, he was just worried.

I guess this is where the flip side of women having to risk assess certain situations comes in for men isn't it, the likely/possible outcome of this kind of interaction will be different for them. He still shouldn't have had a go at you OP and I'm glad he's apologised but I can see his side too. Ultimately it's the dickhead dog walker at fault here but your DH is right, there's no point trying to reason with idiots.

That's true as well.

I suppose it's just as pp said, it's having to risk assess certain situations.

Sounds like now you've both calmed down from a stressful situation you can see each other's point which is good.