Really struggling with my rescue

[newnamefordoggydisaster]

I've namechanged for this as I'm embarrassed by how badly I'm coping!

I've had dogs and other animals all my life, and have the loveliest other dog that everyone comments on how well behaved and kind she is, so I'm no stranger to dog ownership and training.

But, a few weeks ago, DH and I adopted a 10mo rescue retriever, who has had four homes already due to a series of circumstances not related to the dog. The timing wasn't great as we've got a lot of personal crap going on at the moment but when she was offered to us, we felt we could help her and give her a good home and the training and consistency she so badly needed.

The problem is when she's in the house. Out of it, she trains well, listens and learns and does amazingly well. She's a different dog to the one we picked up, out of the house. In the house, however, she's a nightmare. There's the usual puppy stuff of mouthing, chewing everything, etc etc which we've obviously experienced before and are working on, but the main problem is the aggressive way she barks and wails AT us whenever we stop giving her direct attention . And nothing works.

I get she's been shoved from pillar to post, she's feeling vulnerable and unsettled, and I fully understand why she does it. Its just that none of the usual ways of working on this are making the slightest difference, even weeks later. Its the second she's not getting our full attention, so when I'm cooking, showering, on the toilet, doing anything with the other dog, unpacking the shopping, anything. I actually found myself taking my clothes downstairs and getting dressed in my kitchen the other day so she'd be quieter. She's so LOUD with it too, she's got a real big-dog bark, the neighbours have commented and while they were understanding at first they're starting to lose patience.

I'm actually starting to regret taking her on, and while I know its not her fault I just don't know what to do to help her! Any ideas would be greatly appreciated

Dog training advice and support Facebook page is really useful. Read the guides before posting, then when you post remember to say which guides you have read.

Our retriever is really bossy and hasn't even been moved around a lot! He gives up eventually after being ignored but eg when he thinks there is someone at the door the only way to get him to stop barking is to go to the door so he can see you look and confirm there is no one there otherwise he doesn't believe you...

I think the key is to never give in to it so they learn it doesn't get them what they want. Because mine is just a bit annoying and it isn't a real problem I don't do that but I should.

Maybe it will get better with a combination of ignoring and enough time to understand that he is safe secure and not going anywhere

'The Pet Gundog' by Lez Graham is full of good advice.

Please remember it can take up to 6 months + for a rescue dog to decompress and start adapting to their new home. She is scared, confused and anxious, please don't expect her to act like a non-rescue q10 momth old, you have to treat her as if she is an 8 week old puppy again and start with the basics in everything.
Agree join the page Dog Training Advive and support, they have a book too. Run by qualified behaviourists and lots of advice/support available.
You have taken on a rescue dog, which are usually surrendered for a reason, so you owe it to her to get the help and support to get her through these very stressful first few months. Otherwise she ends up as a boomerang dog.

Gosh that sounds challenging. My first instinct is to ignore, but I appreciate that's really difficult if she's doing it all the time - and you are already ignoring her.

Do you have a room where she's less audible to everyone? Is it worth instantly putting her in that room for time out every time she barks, so that she learns she only gets to be with you if she's quiet?

I think I'd seek advice from a professional behaviourist

Well done for helping her, try and go through this period and I am sure things will settle down. The poor dog is probably confused and scared. It’s heartbreaking hearing of kennels over run after impulse buying of puppies during covid 😭

Thank you for the suggestions!

*She is scared, confused and anxious, please don't expect her to act like a non-rescue q10 momth old, you have to treat her as if she is an 8 week old puppy again and start with the basics in everything

You have taken on a rescue dog, which are usually surrendered for a reason, so you owe it to her to get the help and support to get her through these very stressful first few months. Otherwise she ends up as a boomerang dog*

That's exactly what we've done. I'm fully aware of the commitment we've made to her and have absolutely no intention of giving up on her. I did explain that I understand why she's doing it, I just want to help her.

I suppose I just feel like we're failing her. I knew it wasn't going to be easy, and I'm of course going to persevere, I just wanted a handhold I suppose.

Handholding here then 😊 would definitely recommend getting professional help and the Dog Training Advice and Support group are excellent as they are all about force free, positive reinforcement which is what you need with a rescue dog. None of this outdated "be the boss of your dog" crap which is wholly unsuitable for a rescue.
Good luck and I'm sure in time, with lots of training and love, you will have a cracking dog. Remember getting a brand new 8 week old puppy is equally stressful, just in a different way.

I've joined the group, it does look very good.

I am also going to seek help from a professional. Thank you everyone

Just make sure you choose a properly qualified one, not necessarily a local person who claims to have completed an online course etc. Ask them lots of Qs as so many inexperienced/unqualified people have set up as "behaviourists".

It is hard with some rescue dogs who are just in panic mode, I think. You will get there, it is just going to take longer with this one. You sound lovely and I am sure she has realised this and doesn't want you to leave her. Can you distract her with a toy or Kong full of food?

It does seem worryingly unregulated for something so important!

She does love a kong. She's managed to chomp her way through a regular one so she's on the black ones designed for mastiffs and the like 🤣

Good luck! Retrievers are such kind dogs, but they are bloody clever and can take a while to mature, so whilst they have a reputation as great family pets they can be challenging in their own way. I think sometimes others can look at retrievers and thing you have it easy because they are such nice dogs, but all that personality comes with it’s own trials.
youll get through this as she learns about you and becomes more settled and understands this is her home for life and not another stopping post.

Hi @newnamefordoggydisaster
we were in your shoes last October. We lost our old boy the year before - he was bloody golden - a bombproof 12 year old crossbreed. Still miss him every day.

Anyhow we adopted a 5 month old rescue pup - thinking we are experienced dog people we can do this. Rosie was a bag and nerves and quite reactive. She’s been HARD work and like you I spent 4 months plus wondering what we had done and considering giving up. Well we are almost a year on now and have an absolute sweetheart. She’s great with our cats, other dogs, people, she’s great in the house and out and about, our challenge is still some men who she can struggle with but is simply nervy with.
we worked with a fab 1 to 1 trainer who helped us - and Rosie greatly and gave us confidence that we could do it. We are in the West Midlands if you are anywhere near I could give you her details. But honestly it was hard but with strategies we did it. Here’s our lovely girl now

@Benji13 thank you for that, it's encouraging to hear! We're quite a distance away from your area but I'm definitely going to be searching for someone to help us.

Thank you everyone!

Some stern talking coming

Do not feel embarassed

You are not failing your dog

Some dogs are just really really hard work.

It is nothing that you have done and you are not to blame.

You are good enough and you can sort this as well as anyone else can (probably better!)

It is total shit no bad dogs only bad owners - trust me in my line of work I meet some really challenging dogs and the loveliest intelligent owners ever.

I would however get some 121 support. It is hard, really hard living with some dog behaviours and we all need support and it will make the training more effective and quicker. Having someone in rl who you can call on and at times rant at and then get you back on track is vital.

You should be able to sort this with some support

@forumsempronii thank you, I needed to hear that too. I appreciate it

Hi, Iv just come across your post as currently going through a similar situation with a new 3yo rescue dog and was wondering how you’re getting on now? I’m currently at the stage of feeling like what on earth have we done.

More hand holding. It will get better with time but there are also things you can do. Make sure her brain is worked - puzzle feeders, tea towel games etc. Not too many as you overstimulate them - a fine line I know (been there!)

Are you attending in person training? That's great for tiring them out and also you being able to have a vent. We all need it.

I'd enlist some one to one help but I will bet as he settles he will stop. Our last dog was a rescue, adolescent and she was a total nightmare to begin with. Aggression, hyperactivity and lots and lots of destruction. Agility was the best thing we did for her when she had grown up a bit. She turned into a fabulous pet, was a really easy dog to live with and took me to several national finals in agility. She retained her distrust of people but it was manageable.

You've got this. You really have.

Op I had to comment have you got a golden retriever ? They are an absolute nightmare when puppies . I had one because everyone said how calm and easy going they are . I'm surprised I didn't get sectioned when he was a pup .😂.

They are land sharks of the dog world ! They are extremely needy , sensitive, attention seeking fluff balls . But they do calm down eventually. Hang in there op honestly they are the best dogs ❤️

OP have you taught her to speak? I know that sounds mental but it worked with one of my vocal ones. When your neighbours are out or just knock and explain your gping to be doing some training for a while and expect some noise but will benefit them in the long run...perhaps some Chocs to bribe. Do something you know will make her bark and say speak, and when she does reward with her favourite treat, repeat this. Don't give her a treat if she barks without your command, only on your command. Then once you get a few barks say quiet and wait for her to be quiet for a few seconds then reward. Don't reward too soon else you'll be rewarding the bark. After a few days of doing this she should know quiet means stop barking. If she doesn't stop, turn your back and ignore her and when she's quiet say quiet and reward again. Retrievers are extremely clever and she will pick it up quick but they can also be stubborn so stick to your guns. Be patient it'll take time. Good luck