Rescue dog but DD1 doesn't want one

[Rockbird]

DS2 (10) is desperate for a dog, has been for years. DH grew up with many dogs, works from home. There is someone home all the time, we have a good secure garden, plenty of parks and commons for walks and we only ever holiday in the UK, mostly in a family holiday home and dog could come with us if we wanted. We have the perfect set up for a dog.

But DD1 (14) doesn't want one. In theory that's not really a problem, she barely leaves her room, doesn't engage with our cats at all, and wouldn't be expected to do anything with the dog. I suspect if we had one that would change but anyway...

So firstly, is this a workable situation. I'm aware of the seriousness and responsibly of taking on a dog and don't want to get it wrong.

And secondly, I'm concerned about the meet the dog thing where all family members have to attend. She could be bribed to come but one look at her glaring from the corner and they would know she's not keen. This would presumably be a problem.

But DD2 is so so desperate for a dog and she'd be fabulous with it. What to do?

My grandson is similar...stays in his room a lot and is just interested in his own stuff, wasn't keen on a dog.

A puppy was bought..roll on 15 months and they're best buddies..he still stays in his room a lot but loves the dog and goes to the local dog fields to join in with the rough and tumble with him and talks a lot about his antics to his mates online!

TBH whichever you choose you will make one child's life a misery at first. That said, my DB (also ASC) hated dogs. We eventually got a dog when he was 11. As a puppy he avoided her, but when she got a little bigger he became very fond of her. He was devastated when she passed away aged 15, and now as an adult is very happy to walk my dog and spend time with her. In fact, having just bought his first house he's already discussing when he can get a dog.....

Is there certain breeds DD1 is more comfortable with? Is she better with smaller dogs? I would talk to her and try and find a compromise.

'Forcing' a dog onto a teenager who really doesn't want one seems like a likely source of family stress or conflict and is unlikely to benefit anybody at this stage, least of all the dog.

This. It is not fair on any dog to be taken to live in a home where not everyone in that home is in agreement to get the dog. Some people might be less keen on dogs but in agreement to take one on for the wider benefit of the family: fine.

To go into a home where someone activiely doesn't want you there but has been forced to, is a different situiton and is not fair on the dog.

Look into the cinnamon trust or dog fostering, have a dog live with you for a few weeks. If dd1 realises she'd love/not mind a dog then great, you can look for a suitable rescue. If it makes her stressed and miserable then you can hand the dog back guilt-free, and maybe look at 'borrow my doggy' for dd2.

Hi
My eldest has ASD and is very wary of dogs. I had always said no to a dog until lockdown and now DH works from home most of the time I thought we would get one if eldest said OK. We picked a breed and I had the opportunity to rehome a 9 month old. Eldest said he thought he would be happier with a puppy. Well, he is besotted with her. He now has his own flat but she will go and find him and he comes home not to see us but the dog. I wonder if she'd be happier with a puppy particularly of a chilled breed. Ours was only mouthy for a short time and has been not too bouncy or lively around him. Your daughter is anxious because dogs are so variable - can be bouncy, can be leapy. My son is still wary of the head and doesn't like licking or too much snootering. He cuddles her by putting his head on her back.

Just to clarify in case it's not clear, I'm not planning to force anything on DD1, that's why I'm asking for advice. If it comes to it and she absolutely says no then so be it. My youngest has been asking for a dog since she was about 3 and the reason we've never done it is because I felt it had to be a family decision.

But it is hard when essentially I have to choose between the girls and DD1 always gets the final say. DD2 always loses out. But I'm aware that the dog's needs come first, of course.

Thanks for all your thoughts.

I think getting a dog is a family decision. I wouldn’t get one unless every family member was on board. Even if you don’t want the dog, it will become part of your life because they’re always around. And for me it isn’t fair for the dog or the family member.

Presumably in a few years she’ll be off to uni and living in accommodation etc/living her own life. You could get a dog then.

I was in this situation as the autistic child. I was 16, younger siblings of 12 and 9 really wanted a dog. Sensory hell for me (smell, movement, noiae) and at that point, outright fear of dogs.
My parents waited until I was away on a 3 week school trip and got a dog then. With no communication about it whatsoever. Great lesson in knowing my needs did not matter.