Puppy triggered PND?

[ColinAllOccupantsOfInterplanetaryCraft]

I honestly don't know what to do - single mum, ASD Daughter (12). Have fostered dogs previously but inbetween fosters we adopted a cat. The cat had previously lived with a dog, but not sure what breed.
I've been considering adopting a dog for a long time and approached a rescue I knew my friend to have used who were great. I was advised to get a puppy as a younger dog can adapt more easily to living with cat. I didn't particularly want a puppy but could see their logic so agreed to a 6 month old pup they had available. Since it came home I have been waking every morning with the same cold sweats and sense of dread that I had when DD was born - in that instance I had severe PND and was out of action for three months but it built up over time. I feel the same exact way currently - almost sick at the thought of the days ahead. I'm exhausted and unable to look after myself, let alone the three of us. I am doing the bare minimum to get through the day and feel constantly sick. The poor cat is terrified, her and my daughter are living and eating upstairs and the dog and I downstairs behind the baby gate. I miss my bed, eating without having to manage the puppy, I miss spending time with the cat. The dog fixates on the cat and tries to chase - the cat cannot go into the garden or downstairs at all. She comes looking for me and the dog chases her away.

I just don't have the energy to do this properly. I'm scared I'm going back to the darkness I was in before when DD was born. I wrote to the rescue to ask they find her a new home as I wasn't coping. They replied to tell me as they are a small rescue they don't have space for her and fosters are limited as it is summer. I'm contracted to rehome this dog back to the rescue but I can't keep going like this. What do I do if they can't rehome soon? I know I made a mistake and I want this puppy to have better than I can currently give her but how can I manage if the rescue can't help?

P.S I knew 'puppy blues' were a thing, didn't think it would feel so much like PND

It sounds very difficult.
I think you need to insist the rehoming place take the puppy back

They said they can't - as they are a small rescue run by volunteers it is hard to get hold of anyone. I don't know why I thought they would be able to take her straight away, just assumed they would have someone who could.

Take the puppy back to them and say either you take it or your sign it over to another organisation, they will tell you they can’t take it but you can’t look after it and it’s not fair on anyone

We have a great rescue local to us but I'm contracted to rehome through the original rescue so I don't know what to do in that respect.

They probably know puppy blues are a thing and want you to give the dog a chance, do you need to contact them again and say they you should never have taken the dog and insist they take it back, this is not puppy blues it is clinical depression and you can not cope. You might need to speak with a different volunteer to make them understand the severity.
please don’t ever get another dog or pet after this.

Can you get a dog behaviourist to help? I think a 6 month old ‘puppy’ is too old to be introduced to a cat without the issues you have outlined. My two would have gone crazy if id bought a cat into the house at that age. An actual puppy would have been much easier on you from that perspective. Which is why you need some professional help. This is resolvable. You won’t have the puppy blues forever, but you have to put some work in to solve this issue. If you can’t afford a trainer, check out YouTube for some practical help. Lots of people have these issues and they are not insurmountable. Good luck

There are lots of posts in doghouse on puppy blues it can definitely impact your mental health as much like a hyped toddler, that eats everything and can't put in a nappy. It is very intense & hard work, lack of sleep & stress can easily tip into not coping without history of depression, which is why many pups are rehomed.

Please don't feel like you have failed in anyway, it can't be helped that they aren't a good match. I'm sure you have achieved some things with puppy even if doesn't feel like it and you will be able to give rescue much more detailed information on pup so they can can match to more suitable home. Puppies are usually more in demand so shouldn't take too long to find a home

The fosterers aren't going to be on holiday for more than a couple of weeks which may help you feel better in the meantime knowing there is an end date in sight, even though the days may feel like forever at the moment.
The rescues I've been involved do struggle to take dogs back at short notice (I.e expectinh dog collected in 24/48hrs) because they run at full capacity & indeed has been in news about boarding kennel shortages but they would try sort something out to help and use SM to put call out for new fosterers even short term help. They could also see if anyone local that could help take puppy out to give you some respite as that could make time at home bit more manageable till a foster can take them. My dog walker has good network with walkers in area and would try help, they may know safe people that have recently lost a dog or would like a playdate which may help tire pup a bit or interested in being homed checked to foster for rescue.

Did the rescue give much advice about how to train the puppy around the cat? Puppies maybe easier to accept a cat but their natural behaviour is to want to play chase, which may not suit a more nervous cat who doesn't stand their ground and require greater management to resolve. There are adult dogs in rescues that have either lived with cats previously or tested to have shown low interest which may have suited your overall situation better so I hope it doesn't put you off forever. Personally I find lot of benefits to adopting adult dogs, puppies are cute but more pressured workload and blank slate rarely turns into a perfect dog anyway.

I can totally see why someone said get a puppy with an existing cat but not a 6 month old puppy who has obviously not had the greatest start in life otherwise it wouldn’t have been in a rescue ! Phone the rescue and tell them that they take the dog back this weekend or you will be taking it to another rescue as it’s not working . Personally I wouldn’t tell them about your issues but instead stress that it is not working with the cat and for his safety the dog has to go immediately .

If the rescue won't take the puppy back they'll have to accept that you're re-homing it through another organisation! It's them who are failing to keep the "contract", not you!

You need to tell them in writing or email that they have to collect by x date or you will have it over to another charity.

If I were you I would take the puppy back to them, explain the situation to them that you are just not able to cope - then have a meltdown - pretty sure they would do something then - walk out the door without the puppy if that's what it takes and lesson learned hopefully.

Thanks all for your messages. The rescue very quickly found a local foster who was able to take pup in when they realised how ill I was getting.

I really appreciate the kindness - I've fostered dogs previously - in fact my last foster was severely reactive and could only be walked v.v. early or v.v late - she required lots of care and attention and I never felt like this with him. I suppose I wasn't prepared for how triggering I would find the 'baby' behaviours - lesson learned. I've really received an ASD diagnosis myself and wonder how much of that anxiety might be linked. Regardless, thank you!