Really not coping

[TestingLane]

My beautiful boy Freddie passed away in January this year and despite 6 months now having gone by I am still really not coping.

He was my little saviour, the rescue boy who came to us when my life was in a terrible place with my ongoing disability. He saved me from feeling that I had no reason to live and he gave me strength and joy every day.

I'm not sure really why I'm posting this but I feel like those around me are getting sick of me saying I miss him, like I should have moved on by now.

He was taken very suddenly by a cancer we didn't know he had, he was only 8 years old and I believed we had many seasons left together, bounding along the beach and tracking through the fallen leaves in Autumn. He was my whole world.

Please give your little companions an extra big cuddle tonight, if he was here I would never stop holding him.

I understand. Our wonderful rescue boy became ill overnight New Year 2019, vet came out at 4 AM and he was PTS (vet thought tumour, ours was older at 13) It is so shocking when they've been fine up to that point. There is no time to prepare or in any way get used to the fact you are doing the right thing to stop them suffering.

We miss him every day, but it does get easier, like all grief. Find ways to tell yourself that he had a life of security and love with you and you were his world as he was yours. That can never be taken away from you.

and (())

Oh, OP

I'm dreading this day with my boy already and he's only four. I have no real advice but it's totally okay to still be grieving six months on. They're such a huge part of your life, aren't they?

Big big hugs for you x

I completely understand. Oddly enough I’ve been having similar thoughts today about mine and have been looking at pictures of him. He was pts 5 months ago, same health problem as yours had, and was also a rescue but was older.

It’s devastating, and it hurts when people don’t understand and think you should just get over it. I don’t know what I can say to help because I’m not coping well either! I think it just takes longer to function normally again than we expect, for some of us at least. I look back to when my parents’ dogs, which I really loved, died. I can remember a day when finally I could look at similar dogs and feel a pang, but not that rush of grief and prickling in the eyes. Hopefully that day will come before too long, for both of us.

And what @CPL593H said too. He had happiness and security with you.

Painful though it is, remember that you lost him, but he never lost you. You loved him and cared for him until the end of his life.

Having lost two beloved dogs, over the years, and not prematurely as you have, I would say be kinder to yourself. I don't think we ever get over losing such wonderful companions and only learn to live with the gaps. My most recent dog is now eight months old and caring for him has helped immensely. He doesn't replace my old darling but is as much loved, which is how it should be. Talk to people who understand, not the poor unfortunates who think he was only a dog.

Someone wrote in a bereavement card for my dear dog,
'I have loved you all of your life and I shall miss you all of mine.'
Gloriously true but the agony of their loss is almost unbearable.

I don't mean to sound insensitive but it sounds to me like the sooner you have a new dog in your life, the sooner you're going to start feeling better again.

Painful though it is, remember that you lost him, but he never lost you.

What a beautiful thought, @FictionalCharacter.

@TestingLane I'm so sorry. Nothing really prepares us to lose our beloved pets. I am still mourning the loss of my last dog who was PTS almost two years ago. I think I will miss him for the rest of my life. We did get a new pup a year ago and I'm so glad we did though I was resistant at the time. The new pup will never replace our old dog but he has brought us so much joy. Do you think that one day you would like to have another dog?

Big hug to you, I understand xx

I'm so sorry about Freddie (((HUG)))

it's all been said by previous posters really, people either get it or they don't. The ones that don't are the ones we should feel pity for.

I lost my best girl many many years ago and still cry because I miss her. Try as I might, I can't stop myself making a fool of myself when one like her bounds up to me.

Another dog won't replace Freddie, but it will help to 'fill in some of the gaps' he's left behind. I'd never get another that looked like my girl, but you can love another dog as well, not instead!

So sorry for your loss.

Grief takes as long as it takes. There's no times scale to coming to terms with such a loss. Be kind to yourself.

Don't know if you're aware that Blue Cross have a bereavement support service for people who have lost pets?

They have a phone line: 0800 096 6606 which is open from 8.30am to 8.30pm, and they also have an email and webchat service.

They won't make you feel that you should be 'getting over' the loss of your lovely dog and it might help to chat to someone who really understands.

All best wishes to you.

Take care.

Would you share a photo of your lovely boy?
I've lost two of my beloved girls unexpectedly in the past year and I tear up every time I think of them, they were wonderful and are missed every day.

I am so sorry for your loss. Dogs are the absolute best things in the world and I totally understand your grief.
We are on this journey ourselves. Our lovely boy is 10 and has battled cancer twice since 2020 but it’s now in his liver and he is nearing the end.
I am beside myself and know I will never get over losing him, he has been by my side almost 24/7 for the last decade. We have had many adventures, he’s a little toughie and ai honestly thought he would be one of these little dogs you see all old and bow legged and that he’d gentle slip away in his sleep one day. Instead dh and I will have to make the dreadful decision to give the go ahead to put him to sleep, I really don’t want to have to make that decision.
He helped my through a very low point in my life and without him I fear I’ll head back there.
The thought of replacing him seems unbearable and tbh, I don’t think I ever want to go through this absolute heartache ever again.
I really understand you, 7 months is no time at all, it’s still raw for you.

I'm so sorry for the loss of Freddie. He sounds like an amazing boy who came into your lives at just the right time. We lost our boy (much older) two years ago and now look back fondly at the happy times but there were often times when we would shed a tear.

My deepest sympathy to you, dogs are just as important to us as any other member of our families are, i can totally understand your grief. I'm absolutely dreading this and worry about losing my lovely boy all the time, I honestly do not think I will cope I love him so much he is my best friend.

I completely understand how you are feeling, missing your pup every day. We lost our beloved dog today, Chili. She had the best personality & has been my husbands rock through depression. Chili was admitted into the animal hospital on Sunday. She had pancreatitis & hepatitis. They thought it may have been caused by her gall bladder, but when they operated, they found the gall bladder attached to a tumor & the liver also full of tumors. So they euthanized her during the operation. It feels like I have lost a child, not a dog. They imprint their paws on our hearts

Please go and get another rescue. Make something good come of your loss. We did after our 7yr old dog passed from cancer. I would not have got over it without getting our rescue it really was the best thing we did. Nothing can replace the one you've lost but healing another poor dog from a bad situation really feels good. Good luck.

I’m sorry for your loss, please let yourself grieve 💐.

I would echo other posters, please rescue another dog one day, centres are full to the brim.

OP he had a loving life with you. And he would have wisely sympathised with you as most dogs do. I've just lost a beloved companion of 14 years and still think of her every day and expect her to be waiting for me or on a couch. But I was better having her than not having her despite the utter heart break and she had a good life. I am leaving it a year before I consider another. All my sympathies.