reactive dog - a pointless rant

[Leypt1]

Had a really upsetting experience in the park today with another dog owner

Our dog is about 2.5 years old. We got him from dog's trust 6 months ago. We/our behaviourist/dog's trust believe we is "frustration reactive" - he is mega excited to play with other dogs and this boils over into frustration and over-excitement/zoomies. Since he is a big lurcher this is quite scary looking.

We have been slogging away to try and tackle this for 6 months, using a combination of training and management, i.e. keeping him on lead or long lead always, keeping distance from dogs, avoiding places where we can't keep distance etc. It's been a fucking nightmare quite frankly and has really limited life for us and for our dog, but without this management he would constantly be in a state of over-excitement.

We love him a lot and would never give him up but honestly feel pretty resentful towards dog's trust, who told us he was a straightforward dog who was just bored of being in the kennels. We got next to no support from them. I only learnt the word "reactive" for the first time after 3 weeks of internet research when we first got him.

Anyway this morning we were in the basketball court in our tiny local park, with ddog on the long lead, looking like twats as always with our mat, whistle, clicker, and matching treat bags, running around practising proximity games.

The court is enclosed but with a mesh see through fence. The fence isn't that high so we clip his long lead on as an extra precaution - we let it trail but grab it if we see a dog approaching or if he looks like he might make a bid for freedom.

Today our least favourite dog owner was in the park. This woman wanders around the park with a buggy and massive headphones on while her dog roams completely free, sometimes at the opposite end of the park to her.

She is completely fucking oblivious. On multiple occasions she has seen us successfully trying to distract our dog from hers - and then wanders off, leaving her dog to come closer and closer to us until our poor dog finally boils over and starts barking. It's OK apparently because her dog is "very friendly" and calm.

Today, as is her wont, she brought her dog past the basketball court twice. The first time our dog whined but willingly came to the opposite side of the court with us. The second time he started to bark and zoom. My DP finally snapped and shouted at her to put her dog on lead.

She immediately became really defensive, accused our dog of having issues (which he does, clearly!!) and basically told us that we were crap owners who had no business being in a park and that our dog had a sad life.

We told her to just take her dog the f away, and she says "stop talking to me so I can call my dog." We all then just stand there and watch as she calls her dog repeatedly, and her dog just TOTALLY FUCKING IGNORES HER. The dogs are metres apart at this point so ddog loses it again. "He does this every time!", she says. Yeah lady, because you do this every time!!

I held it together until we got home but I'm devastated. We have put in huge amounts of work into our dog's calm and focus and have finally got him to the point where his default mode in the basketball court and even grassy area is to actually engage with us instead of obsessively sniffing. We spend every second of his walks playing with him and training him. We keep him on a lead, always. We have spent hundreds on behaviourists, training programmes and fucking cocktail sausages. We rent a secure field an hour away every fortnight so that he can pelt about in peace. We put the onus on ourselves to avoid other dogs as much as possible. We have muzzle trained him purely to give other dog owners a signal to back off.

She: completely ignores her dog, wanders off without it, hasn't recall trained it, hasn't even put a collar or ID tag on it, surely cannot notice when it shits, and regularly and knowingly puts it in a situation where it will get shouted at by our dog - and we are the bad dog owners just because her dog happens to be friendly???

It just feels so, so unfair. The worst thing is I feel like there's truth in what she says - he has got issues and he has got a sad life because it's so limited. Nothing we do seems to have lasting impact and I can't at all see a light at the end of the tunnel.

Anyone in the same boat? What do you do to keep yourselves sane?

I have a rescue lurcher who is reactive but actually quite excited to play with others. We’ve had him 5 years and got as far as I think we can with it so now we just manage it. I’ve found some really good countryside spots with good eyeline that I can let him off and see in enough time if another dog is coming. We’ve made dog friends with some equally batshit hounds that enjoy his excessive play and he also goes to doggy day care twice a week whilst I work and he is completely fine with all the dogs as now he know them well there’s no nonsense seeing and greeting them and he has a big off lead walk with the group of dogs and lots of play.

he doesn’t have a sad life at all. Don’t get me wrong I’d love to wander around a busy country park and then sit and enjoy a drink in a country pub without him being a dick but I’ve resigned myself to that not being part of dog ownership for us. He still brings us lots of joy and in the house he is an angel

As a non dog owner but one who has to interact with these types of 'friendly dogs' with passive owners I find just standing ground and yelling no at the 'friendly dog' can actually work and gets them to back off. Forget the owner, but the dog will often respond better to a direct command from you.

Re your dogs reactivity, no idea sorry. But it seems like he does not get to interact with dogs much at all. Can you find a friendly calm dog who can gradually work with him towards calming him down?

Report her to the ddog warden. But beware op as our local council offers a fine for ddogs on court areas...

This gives me hope, although 5 years feels like a verrrryyy long time haha

Where did you find his playmates? And what was he like the first few times he went to daycare? Did you do a slow introduction?

We'd LOVE for him to have dog friends as we're very aware that he never really gets to hang out with them, but we're not sure how to go about it - sometimes by luck he'll have a nice time with friendly dogs in the park but it's not turned into lasting friendships. We also met up with another couple via borrow my doggy but ddog was so rude and annoying that by the end the two dogs were starting to growl and scrap. They haven't been forthcoming with another invitation!!

I feel you op! Sorry you've had that experience. I'm in the same boat, although my dog is properly aggressive. It's shit and extremely stressful (and lonely!).

I've given up trying to walk anywhere but pavements for the time being and even then we've been ambushed by loose dogs - recently by the side of the fucking road so I had to prevent the other dog from being run over AND being eaten by my dog!! Apparently those occasions were also still my fault. Ditto standing still, walking away, ignoring, shooing, having treats in my pocket, having my dog on a lead etc. The owners often get very annoyed, never seeming to consider I'm trying to prevent their dog from being injured above all else.

It is utterly bizarre!

As for dog having a sad life, what a mean and ignorant thing to say. Your dog has landed squarely on his feet to have been adopted by someone so conscientious, who is willing to put his needs above their own. Unlike idiotic headphones woman - honestly, the next time you see her I would just leave the park immediately. Clueless, rude people like that are not worth the hassle.

Good luck with your dog, you sound like amazing owners💐

We considered this since it seems so unfair that she can be an irresponsible, judgemental dick with no comeback! However I think it's pretty likely that they'd end up taking our dog away instead once they realised how mental he is 😂😭

Hi @Leypt1 my dogs can be idiots. It's pretty common and does mean you have to manage situations carefully.

They aren't keen on unknown dogs but have some good mates . They can be arsey at first with friends new dogs but it abates once they get to know them. We walk with a dog gang and that helps socialise all the dogs

And it's not just rescue dogs who are reactive. Most (super expensive) French bulldogs I've met are up for a scrap

Sorry she was such a dick. I don’t have any advice but just wanted to say I think you sound like a great dog owner :)

Don’t worry it hasn’t taken 5 years to get to this point I’d say we’ve been bobbing along like we are for the last 3 years. He was a pup when we got him so there was the blurry early days shit to get through too!

He was great at day care from the start my lady has a feisty chihuahua that keeps him in check. I think sometimes he just needs a few minutes to get over his giddiness but unless you know the other dogs well you can’t just risk letting him off.

to be honest knowing he has two full on days with off lead fun at day care with other dogs really takes the pressure off my own walks and I feel ok just going country walks in secluded places where I can let him off and sniff. It took a few tries to find the ideal day care lady but now we have she’s worth her weight in gold.

really sounds like you need to take the pressure off yourself so if it’s an option to use day care just one day a week I’d recommend it and don’t be put off if it takes a while to find the right one. I don’t use her but locally someone has set up a specific sight hound day care so if you lol around you’ll find someone whose not all about housing well behaved little dogs and knows how to handle a few muppets!

Hi friends were just people we got know on walks usually people with equally silly hounds looking stressed and apologetic!

Massive sympathy from me.

The worst thing is I feel like there's truth in what she says - he has got issues and he has got a sad life because it's so limited.

But NO. He has a wonderful life. He has engaged, committed owners who are working so hard to make him a happier boy. He has all the physical and mental exercise he needs, and more than enough love, and an endless supply of sausages. He's won the doggy jackpot, trust me.

We have spent hundreds on behaviourists, training programmes and fucking cocktail sausages.

Sorry OP, but I actually laughed out loud at this.

You are 100% doing all the rights things, but unfortunately there will always be twats who are oblivious to their dogs behaviour. Good on you for your commitment to your boy, and I hope it all clicks in and comes good for you soon.

(I had a row in the park with one of these twats last weekend when I berated her for wandering around with her head stuck in a phone while she allows her aggressive little shit to fly around on the end of a long lead, cussing and swearing at other dogs - after many months this has finally made one of my dogs mildly reactive to him, and him only, he loves all other dogs. She was berating me for not being able to control my three dogs, which I had close to me on short leads, while her fluffy twat was again on the end of a lead barking and swearing at mine. I was almost tempted to let them go and see if they gave him something to bark and swear about.😆)

I have been very fortunate to always have (mostly) cheerful dogs, and frankly the issues you raise are one of the many reasons I wouldn't want to take on a rescue. Dog walking should be a pleasure for dog and owner, and I have seen far too many rescues pass on dogs where life is never going to be a pleasure for anyone. It is sad.

I'm extremely cross with rescue centres these days they bloody well know some dogs aren't good on recall or training. Because they make you jump through so many hoops size of garden, do you work, do you have children, other pets. You've been finally approved because you pass the tests. Well it's a crock every breed has its quirks recall is zilch for some. So if you lived in Alaska not a creature for miles some dogs would find trouble

It sounds like she was looking for an argument and you do come across Karen's like her ignore her. As for your dog he does have a good life. Dogs don't need doggy playmates they are dogs they have you and your family. There is nothing wrong with that. My dog is reactive he won't get along with any other dog as that's the way he likes it. Report her to dog warden.

I can’t stand owners like her who can’t recall their dogs and don’t care because “he’s friendly!” I think it’s wrong to wear headphones when you’re taking your dog out. It means you are giving the dog no attention and the dog knows it.

Your dog doesn’t have a sad life at all. He’s loved and cared for, gets exercise and play, and plenty of attention from you (unlike her dog which she ignores). Dogs don’t necessarily need “doggy friends”. Your dog doesn’t know he has “issues”!

It sounds very hard work but you’re doing the right things and you’ll get there.

Hi, I'm sorry I didn't post again yesterday, I just wanted to say thanks for all the very kind messages, reassurance and advice. We'll keep doing what we're doing and hopefully at some point in the future he can start to interact with more dogs, but no pressure!

In the meantime our behaviourist runs a dog daycare, it's fully booked at the moment but we will try and get him in for a trial shift in the medium term to see if that helps

Finally, here he is being a good boy (for a change!!)

How you can look at that grin and say he has a sad life shame on you OP!

Yeah, he looks like he's having a really miserable life op!!! That is one contented pooch😍