Regale me with stories of your dog being feral (and make me feel better)

[magnoliaabomination]

I'm mortified.

I was trying to sort an issue with a faulty alarm with my neighbours, and we'd both left our front doors open (communal hallway). I lost track of ddog and it turned out he'd been exploring their home. Thankfully they're dog people who didn't care and I didn't think much of it at the time.

Next time I saw them they told me he'd taken a shit on their living room carpet

They were very nice about it ("it was quite a dry poo"). We've lived here for several years with no toilet accidents in that time. He even sussed where my friend's garden was and asked to go out for a wee the first time we visited! The little git...

Please, tell me stories of delinquent dogs and public embarrassment to make me feel better

Not quite so bad but ddog got out whilst I was at the bin, made her way to the neighbour's (over the road) back garden to snarl and bark at their Jack Russell through the patio doors. Lovely neighbour brought her back telling me his dog had gone potty and knocked over a table and plant trying to get to her.

We were away and adult dd was ddog sitting in our house.. Ndn was having a party one early evening.. Dd went out via side door into our private alley(to feed the drabbits) - fence a bit run down... Ddog burst through the fence and started mingling!! Ddog didn't mingle well!!
Dd grabbed her collar - dodgy act in itself...
Dd smiled at party guests and shimmied back through the fence dragging an 8 stone rottweiler behind her!

I had a Corgi that was pretty feral despite looking like a cute chubby fox.
One winter our pond actually froze over. She bounded over, smashed the ice, dug up a frozen frog, popped it in her mouth and then sucked on it like a polo mint for most of our walk. Every now and then she’d let a bit of it stick out her mouth and I’d try and get her to spit it out. I could not get it off her. Once it had adequately defrosted and warmed up, she ate it. Crunched it up. And I expected her to get sick and throw up mashed frog bits later, but despite me dreading it, she didn’t. I didn’t train her to hunt frogs or anything for that matter. I have no idea what got into her. Maybe she was part fox and I didn’t know it.

I have a terrier who tonight found a discarded KFC box with scraps, I’ve never seen 6 inch legs grab something and run so fast.

On my then future SIL's first visit to my mother's house for afternoon tea, her dog threw up a dead blackbird on the living room rug. Then ate it again.

Our late dog, despite being on a short lead, once rolled in fox poo whilst having a wee on my parents' lawn. He then stank out the kitchen where lots of visiting family were trying to eat breakfast.

Ah yes you've reminded me of an incident where I was visiting the DParents. A bit of miscommunication - both DM and I fed my DDog.

First I knew of it, he looked like he was trying to bury something in a pile of their clean laundry. On closer inspection, he had vomited in the clean laundry, and was trying to bury it so he could come back and eat his own vomit at a later date <-- not envy

Thankfully they were DF's very old gardening clothes and he decided they'd finally had their day, so they made their way to the wheelie bin.

I did also once make the mistake of buying a dried cow's ear, which still had the fur on it, as a chew for ddog. Unfortunately he decided to save it for later - in my flatmate's bed. This was only discovered when he got into bed with his girlfriend and pulled back the duvet... you'd think I'd have learned my lesson by now but I'm pretty sure there's half a dried cows hoof buried down the back of my sofa right now.

Hot date brought a large pice of gooey Brie for the cheese course - literally half a wheel. It was very good expensive cheese. Left it on the table when we went out on to the patio for drinks. Came back to find the cheese gone and a fat labradoodle looking guilty. I had to lie and say that I’d put it in the fridge!

Years ago I had a v badly behaved JRT. Friend had an impeccably behaved mongrel. We used to go for walks together and my little bugger would constantly do naughty things.

I can't tell you how much I laughed when her dog strolled into my living room and cocked his leg and wee-Ed on my curtains

So many.... some probably outing as she's a little famous around these parts so might have to keep back her BEST stories!

DCat likes to hunt and, as you do, bring it somewhere handy. In this instance, left a large dead rat outside the back door. I spotted it, went to call DH to remove it, and by the time I turned back the rat was gone and DDog was innocently standing wagging her tail.....

Then there was the time they shared the world's biggest pigeon. Happily gnawing down together, feathers everywhere.

She has a flap to go out at night. She reappeared at 3 in the morning, jumped on bed and climbed on pillow (not normal behaviour) at which point I discovered she'd walked through shit. I had to change all bedding and mop floors!

I have an adorable little dog who the neighbours love, I really needed to borrow some food bags so off I went to pick them up with little dog in my arms as a little form of payment so they could say hi.

He took a shit whilst i was holding him and it landed on their doorstep. I was pregnant and couldn't really pick it up complete with him still in my arms but did offer them a food bag back to pick it up 🙈

In another life time a previous dog took a piss up a man's food shop he had left by his table in the local beer garden.

This made me laugh so much

My Chihuahua has stolen a sandwich from a woman in an outdoor cafe, eaten curry from the bin, ended up with the shits the next day and ran down the stairs, shitting all the way, into the garden where we were drinking tea with guests. He “finished off” in the middle of the lawn in full view of our afternoon tea guests. He’s got out through a gap in the fence and eaten a sausage from someone’s plate at the neighbours BBQ, shit in the outdoor dining area of a Michelin starred restaurant in front of the diners and peed on a neighbour’s shoe whilst I was chatting to him. He’s also rolled in fox poo from the garden and ran straight upstairs to roll all over my brand new White Company bedding……

Mine has been a shocker. He gatecrashed a dog training class and caused utter chaos. He stole sausages from a canalside BBQ, and again from a campsite when he escaped from the tent unnoticed. He tried to stick his head inside a long-dead, foul smelling badger, and wore a dry-on-the-outside-squidgy-on-the-inside cowpat as a dreadful hat and was most disappointed when I made him take it off. He has taken off across multiple fields in pursuit of furry creatures that he rarely catches up with and has been, frankly, an absolute bugger.

My pug cocked his leg and pissed over a young child's football.

I was so embarrassed I wiped it with my cardigan.

Not my dog but dd’s she’d had him about a year when her friends much loved dog died

this dog and dd’s dog where besties and played together loads

anyway after they’d buried the poor sod,dd took her dog round

ddog ran in,headed for dead dogs old bed

and did the biggest piss you’ve ever seen a dog do,in front of the whole grieving family-he held eye contact and everything

@Minimalme
i have a pug too
twice daily park trips are a joy
recent highlights include inviting himself to numerous picnics on one occasion legging it with a sausage roll.
sitting on a bloke’s feet (bloke on a bench smoking a spliff) pug gazing adoringly up at him looked like he was asking to share.
oh and he has ‘friends’ who live just outside the park. If dh doesn’t clip his lead on quick he escapes the park and hammers frantically on their front door - if they are home they answer his knock and hand feed him dog biscuits.
he is an absolute babe.

I'll take that over the woman in a cafe today (I'm not even sure it's technically a dog-friendly cafe) who, when her puppy did a huge wee, casually asked the staff for some paper towels. She appeared completely unembarrassed, was not particularly apologetic and generally didn't seem to think there was even a problem. Bizarre.

Other posts have reminded me of dogs regular attempts to steal food from children. On lead at park, chatting to a few mums while the DC play after school. But I didn't realise the lead was long enough for her to sidle up behind me to a toddler eating a ham sandwich in a pram...... MORTIFIED.

@onepieceoflollipop they are so social!

I dread when a child asks to pet him and have to keep a strong hold of his lead because he will jump and attempt to French kiss.

He also we'd up every single lamp post on our walks despite being four years old.

And he eats poo and then likes to hop up on my lap and exhale all over me once we're home and I've forgotten he has poo breath.

Actually @MsMarch you've reminded me about a visit to a large camping shop where dogs on leads were welcome.

The pug curled one out in the middle of the shop floor. I had to shout for my husband to run to the car for poo bags and stand by the poo apologising and feeling like crying with the utter shame of it.

Made some bread once, left the dough to proof and came back an hour later to find it gone.

Dog sicked it up about an hour later and then started banging into walls, doors, generally staggering around so I took him to the vet. The little shit was drunk from the yeast in the dough..

Or there is the time that he went on (paid for) dog walk and he ate 27p in change, a Lego action man and a hulk kids sock. Had to have emergency surgery and we had to rearrange our holiday to take him with us. He refused to Walk up the stairs so my DH had to carry him up in front of loads of people. Got into the room and he immediately jumped on the bed so there was f all wrong with him!

On the beach on a lovely hot early summers day, lots of families, sun bathers and kids having fun. Dog was off lead as it’s that sort of beach, a lot of dogs all trotting about fine. Dog is a regular on this beach it’s a place we know well and Dog is very good off lead. Then she spotted a horse and suddenly took off leaping over sunbathers, windbreaks, bbqs, in a bee line for the horse which was at least half a mile away. Thankfully she just wanted a look and basically just did a huge circuit of a crowded beach at a flat sprint. Not her finest hour.

When I was growing up we had a little dog. Me and my mum went out one day in the car and the dog was sat on my lap in the passenger seat. The dog shat in my lap, my mum rolled down the window, I picked up the turd in my hand and slung it out going round the island.

Went for a walk in a country park. Some people were sat having a picnic and had put a child's food on a plate just outside the circle where they were sitting. Ddog ran up and scoffed it before we could get there and stop him. We were very apologetic but the people having the picnic were furious.

Another time, I was walking Ddog and we were walking around a lake where some blokes were fishing. While I was admiring the flowers, dog disappeared for a moment and reappeared from somewhere, running hell for leather with a large piece of luncheon meat in his mouth. Found out it was a fisherman's bait, apologised and offered to replace it, but the bloke just said 'It's alright, that's dogs for you'.