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The doghouse

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Original poster

Would you say something -poor dog?

49 replies

Lookingforrecommendations · 24/04/2022 22:23

I've changed some details so as to not out myself, although name changed this morning so hopefully be ok.
I have a friend with 1 year old Springer spaniel, both parents are working dogs. Friend lives in a small village in a rural area and lots of places to take dog a walk.
Dog doesn't get walked everyday, they think letting it run around their yard is enough exercise. I'd say it gets walked off lead once every few weeks. Friend and her dh work 5 days a week. Neither wfh and dog is locked in a medium crate all day as they feel they can't trust her as she like to chew and eat what she shouldn't. This is from 9am until 4am and can include weekend days too if they decide to go out for the day with their kids.
They left dog alone all day yesterday ongonto a family wedding, and it soiled all over itself and the crate, friend didn't seem bothered about it, her neighbour has offered to let dog out in the past (they've refused), and there is no reason why the dog couldn't be left outside with a kennel as yard is secure.
I have dogs, I'm so angry she does this but dh says that dog is fed and cared for so would be hard to prove neglect. Saying something would ruin our friendship (we are intrinsically linked but I don't want to explain how as might be outing, think distant relatives).
My friend is a good person (I think), she absolutely does not see this as an issue and it absolutely astounds me, how do I approach this? I'm getting angrier everyday as I thought she'd be starting to let the dog out by now but she just doesn't, always making excuses, I can't even offer to help as I work full time and live about 30 miles away from her.
What would you do/say? My dogs are spoiled, they get two long walks a day and I wfh part time, I just couldn't imagine even a hardened dog owner would think this was ok 😔

OP posts:
Maydaysoonenough · 24/04/2022 22:27

I reported my bff when her dh was abusing their ddog. Didn't think twice. She never knew it was me who reported them.
Report op. Every single time she tells you. Tbh I would reconsider wanting such a friend.
Very sad.
Awful woman.

Maydaysoonenough · 24/04/2022 22:27

I would also inform the original breeder.

GrandRapids · 24/04/2022 22:31

I wish I hadn't read this thread. That poor poor dog. Your 'friend' deserves a slap.

MumofSpud · 24/04/2022 22:31

Please report - I have a springer too and the thought of leaving him in a crate all day is terrible - he is chewing from boredom and soiling because he needs to be let out Sad

Original poster
Lookingforrecommendations · 24/04/2022 22:36

If I report, all she has to do is deny it really, how can you even prove this 😢 I don't know who the breeder was either, the dog is such a lovely good natured girl, she doesn't deserve to be treated like this, worst thing is whenever they're at home, they spoil her, she is treated well, gets to sleep with them in bed etc.
It's breaking my heart, I'm definitely taking a step back from our friendship, and I will probably end up telling her what I think, I just wanted to make sure I wasn't being irrational, as I treat my dogs almost like they are my kids, and people say they're spoiled. She tells me she feels bad for not walking the dog everyday, but does f*CK all about it

OP posts:
rookiemere · 24/04/2022 22:36

I wouldn't want to be friends with such a horrible person. Poor dog - why get a puppy to lock it in a cage and never walk it ConfusedSad?

Original poster
Lookingforrecommendations · 24/04/2022 22:41

rookiemere · 24/04/2022 22:36

I wouldn't want to be friends with such a horrible person. Poor dog - why get a puppy to lock it in a cage and never walk it ConfusedSad?

This is it, I asked her this before, why get a dog , I just don't get it, she does come across as though she loves the dog and cares, and her dog seems happy and has no behaviour issues,but she then switches that off as though the dog just needs to do as it's told and lie in a crate all day.

OP posts:
Mamabananananana · 24/04/2022 22:43

Yeah it would probably make me think twice about being around them
an unwalked Springer? No wonder its wrecking the joint when given an opportunity
dont worry OP, im sure itll chew the wrong thing soon enough and end up on gumtree as yet another untrainable, unhomable lockdown dog ...

ive found that people dont want your opinion, so when it comes to this sort of thing: i think it would be pointless if you do have to maintain a relationship. You dont need to pretend to agree with her about her treatment of the dog. Just change the subject if she brings up the dog
the rspca will do nothing; the dog is fed and has shelter.

SheldonesqueTheBstard · 24/04/2022 22:47

Your friend is not a good person and she would be getting telt.

Original poster
Lookingforrecommendations · 24/04/2022 22:48

Mamabananananana · 24/04/2022 22:43

Yeah it would probably make me think twice about being around them
an unwalked Springer? No wonder its wrecking the joint when given an opportunity
dont worry OP, im sure itll chew the wrong thing soon enough and end up on gumtree as yet another untrainable, unhomable lockdown dog ...

ive found that people dont want your opinion, so when it comes to this sort of thing: i think it would be pointless if you do have to maintain a relationship. You dont need to pretend to agree with her about her treatment of the dog. Just change the subject if she brings up the dog
the rspca will do nothing; the dog is fed and has shelter.

That's what DH said, the animal is well fed and is a happy dog to the outsider looking in, we do have to maintain a relationship (again don't want to be outing but a fall put wouldn't make life easy) but I'll definitely be pulling away from her, I have told her a few times the dog would be better outside with a kennel in the spring/summer months, they have lots of space, and she said she'd worry dog would be stolen as she is a valuable bitch.
So valuable she treats her this way, I'm glad to hear I'm not overreacting about this, I was worried that this is just how some people do things and o was blowing it put of proportion because my dogs are treated like family really.

OP posts:
GrandRapids · 24/04/2022 23:07

I would not be able to maintain a relationship with someone who treated an animal in such an abhorrent way. You have to say something, please, try and talk some sense into this idiot. The RSPCA should also be making decisions on welfare in accordance with the five animal freedoms. If the dog is shut in a crate all day every day she WILL be distressed, she WILL be in discomfort and she cannot express normal behaviour. That's three major failings on the part of the owner. If you think she will deny it, perhaps record your conversation? Please consider reporting her because if you do nothing this poor dog hasn't got a chance.

Hollywolly1 · 24/04/2022 23:12

Just an idea here,could you tell her you love her dog and would she be interested in giving it to you,terrible to have it in a crate🥲just shocking and try to do something about it,you seem so kind

TheFuckOffCar · 24/04/2022 23:41

It’s like she thinks the dog is a toy and when she’s finished with it, she can throw it back in it’s box.
I’m really upset after reading this post, these crates are not meant to be used for locking the poor animals up for 8 hours at a time. They’re supposed to be used occasionally for a few hours and other times left open for the dog to rest in there by choice but personally I don’t like them at all and would never use one.
Is the neighbour who offered to let the dog out aware she’s left in the cage for hours on end?
I know pp are saying the RSPCA will do nothing but if you report what’s happening, you can ask them not to say who reported it, I’m pretty sure they wouldn’t anyway!
But they may call round to check on the dog and ask what happens to it while they’re in work all day.
Your friend/relative has no empathy whatsoever, she sounds like an bloody stupid cow.
I’m trying not to swear here but I’m absolutely effing fuming!

BookkeeperBobby · 24/04/2022 23:50

Aw OP you do sound lovely and you are right to feel sad about the dog. Would the RSPCA be interested though? Lots of people are quite shit at owning dogs sadly. I guess at least if you report then you've done what you can and maybe that will stop you from getting so upset about it.

onemorerose · 25/04/2022 00:00

Report. If only because it will hopefully make the owner think twice about what they are doing.

LINABE · 25/04/2022 00:24

Your friend is a 'good person'? seriously?
No she is not. She is an abusive, cruel, disgusting individual that needs to be reported immediately.
You have a responsibility to the poor dog to do something about it.
I feel sick to my stomach to read this and that you choose to be friends with this utterly vile person. Shove her in a crate 24/7.

Monty27 · 25/04/2022 00:31

OP please report it.

SarahSissions · 25/04/2022 06:19

Her dog will seem happy partly because it knows no different and you’ll see it only when it’s happy to be released or have company. The question is how it it when it’s alone- a dog soiling itself in its bedding area will not be happy, a dog lacking mental stimulation will not have a great quality of life.
the reason why they will not want a neighbour helping is because they will not want anyone knowing how long it’s left or the true extent of the situation- if that is what they are happy for you to see, what are they not sharing?
if it’s locked in a crate all day it will never get understand the behaviours that will let it have free run of the house- even most crate owners will have that moment when they leave the door open for the first time and cross their fingers- but it will have been paired with lots of house manners training.
the way I see it you have 2 routes- report them or take the softly softly approach and try to nudge them into taking more interest and the right behaviours- so maybe suggest meeting up in the evening after work for a dog walk and drink- tell them your thinking of doing a mantrailing/hoopers/agility session and do they want to join.
for me the old adage that a tired dog is a happy dog. This approach seems to be storing up a lot of problems for the future. By standing by doing nothing you are complicit.

dirtythirty33 · 25/04/2022 06:29

It's awful but sadly I don't think it would be on the RSPCA's radar. I recently reported a relatives neighbour for poor dog ownership and neglect. The dog and her puppies were living outside in all weathers, one was visibly injured, they weren't properly secured and kept getting out into the road and looked mangy and malnourished. I got absolutely nowhere with the RSPCA, it was quite depressing.

I don't understand why you'd bother getting a dog just to crate it for 90% of the time.

XelaM · 25/04/2022 06:32

I think the RSPCA might do something. I know a Cavalier who was rescued because it was shut away in a crate for most of the day. I can't imagine an energetic dog like a young Springer Spaniel being happy in a cage most of the day! That's abuse

LoveSpringDaffs · 25/04/2022 06:48

Report it, the RSPCA may well do nothing, but if you don't report it they definitely won't.

Tell them about the neighbours offer being refused too.

poor pup 🥲

Girlintheframe · 25/04/2022 06:58

I've always had dogs both as a child and an independent adult so you think puppyhood wouldn't phase me .

Oh how wrong you would be Grin. I found it stirred up a huge range of emotions including wtf have I done! The first few weeks were the hardest for me. I felt very isolated and very anxious about 'getting it wrong'.

It does pass OP. I now have a lovely dog that is very much part of the family and whom I adore.

Girlintheframe · 25/04/2022 06:58

Sorry wrong thread!

spotcheck · 25/04/2022 07:12

Educate?

Perhaps you could ask if she wants to go to agility training or enhanced obedience training, and start making conversation with the experts there about exercise needed?

fairylightsandwaxmelts · 25/04/2022 07:21

This is why many people are so "anti-crate" - because scenarios like this are actually incredibly common.

People go to work all day, crate the dog and just play with it in the evenings and walk it at weekends.

I know everyone on MN walks their dogs four times a day and never leaves them longer than an hour, but in the real world unfortunately this is very common.

The RSPCA wouldn't be interested if the dog is otherwise happy and healthy.