Puppy blues

[Somanycuddlybears]

Hi
After years of wanting a dog and tons of research we finally brought home a puppy two weeks ago.

I’m no stranger to dogs and their antics. I always had dogs as a child and regularly dog sit.

The puppy is gorgeous. He has a lovely nature and is wonderfully with the kids. I on the other hand am really really struggling.

I think I’ve made a huge mistake. I’m having panic attacks and the mild anxiety I can usually manage has flared into something huge. I can’t sleep and I’m vomiting every time I try to eat.

Puppy is doing usual puppy stuff but I am finding it completely overwhelming.

Husband suffers from a stress related illness and has been incapacitated for four days now. This is genuine but the details would be outing so please don’t blame him.

Any advice? I’m doing my best here but the situation is not good.

I feel so horribly guilty. I am failing the poor dog and my kids will be heartbroken if we can’t keep him.

Puppy regret is normal. It is overwhelming for a lot of people as they are bitey peeing, pooing demanding bundles of responsibility.

My advice is to not worry about doing everything right and immediately. Take a deep breath and just take one day at a time.

It will get better. Oh and join the puppy survival thread on here for ongoing support.

Here to handhold. What particular things are you finding overwhelming?

and yes to joining the puppy survival thread and know you are not alone in how you feel!

just know it’s gets better x

What breed is it? They grow up quickly and become much calmer (depending on the breed). Ours is now a 14-month-old pug and an absolute dream dog that we can take anywhere. 🥰 And we didn't put any extraordinary effort into training him. He just matured. Try to relax and not take little things too much to heart

The puppy blues are totally normal, please don't beat yourself up!

It gets so much easier when they can go out for walks and burn off some energy.

I'm on my fourth puppy and the blues after a couple of weeks were dreadful. I thought I was failing the puppy and my older dog.

I think this is common - I remember feeling an overwhelming sense of 'what have we done!' when we bought our boy home and he was immediately running wild!

It helped me to have a plan - I bought puppy books and had a schedule for training. I booked all his jabs in and booked us in for puppy classes and planned lots of places to take him for socialisation. We gradually bonded, I fell in love, he turned into the loveliest gentlest boy and I wouldnt be without him now. But I remember the nervy blues oh so well!

It is totally normal. I remember getting our staffy puppy a few years ago and thinking 'what have we done, this is never going to get better'. She was hard work! But it is worth it and it does pass! X

Oh and re the anxiety, are you able to do some self CBT around you fears? I find it helpful to write down two lists when I'm feeling anxious, one with my specific anxieties about the issue and one with the 'real' evidence.

Eg on List A would be I'm anxious that we have made a mistake and the puppy is wrong for our family and on List B would be something like - We have planned this for a long time, our puppy is lovely and I'm capable of training him up to be the perfect new family member. And so on..

It’s a real thing and not talked about enough. I never understand people who say they get a dog to help with anxiety, the only thing I have ever got anxious over is my dogs. BUT as you learn your pup more it does decrease. It does get better and they are worth it

Puppy blues are absolutely a thing. How old & how long have you had pup for, what breed are they?
We've got a 12 month collie and hes by far the hardest pup we've had !

I went through this as well. I didn't know puppy blues was a thing until I experienced it myself. We had wanted a dog for years and thought we had prepared ourselves thoroughly but nobody had warned me about puppy blues.

Agree with the poster who says it isn't talked about enough (openly). When I spoke to many friends about their puppy experiences before we committed to one, they said it was hard but nobody mentioned the puppy blues. Only since experiencing it myself and confiding in them, have they also revealed that they felt the same way. I feel there's a sense of shame/embarrassment or perhaps fear of backlash (from those who are quick to say it means you haven't thought about dog ownership enough), which prevents people from openly talking about it.

OP, it will pass. In my case, I spent much of the first two weeks crying which is most unlike me at all. I've raised two kids and other pets and not often phased by difficult things so I didn't understand at first the rollercoaster of emotions I was feeling. My kids equally would have been distraught had we given the puppy back (which, at the time, I felt was the best thing for the puppy due to the way I felt).

I stuck it out though. Joining the Puppy Blues group on Reddit helped knowing that how I felt was quite common and would usually pass. It helped to hear from others who got through it.

In my case, I'd say the puppy blues reduced significantly by week 3 and pretty much gone by week 4 as we all settled into a routine and I got to know the puppy better. What also helped me personally was I threw myself into training the puppy and socialisation. It gave me something to focus on and seeing it all pay off everyday when puppy learnt new things was very satisfying and helped hugely with our bonding.

Wishing you lots of luck. It will get better and they are so much very much worth it.

Remind yourself that no one else is "doing it better". You're not "failing" the puppy. Get hands-on help as soon as you can (vaccinations allowing etc) more for your own reassurance than for the puppy's benefit. And make sure that you're getting to do some of the fun bits as well, not just the boring, stressful, usually poo-related admin. I know some people are militant about "puppy must sleep in crate", but the exhausted cuddles are the best bit.

FWIW I think the fact that so many mums struggle with "puppy blues"shows that a lot of us have some degree of unresolved trauma from when our children were babies.

This was me when we got our first. I lost so much weight. Felt constantly anxious and panicky. It passed. can you use some of the techniques you use with anxiety normally?

I've always had dogs both as a child and an independent adult so you think puppyhood wouldn't phase me .

Oh how wrong you would be . I found it stirred up a huge range of emotions including wtf have I done! The first few weeks were the hardest for me. I felt very isolated and very anxious about 'getting it wrong'.

It does pass OP. I now have a lovely dog that is very much part of the family and whom I adore.

@WalkerWalking that's an interesting thought. I've observed that puppy blues was only experienced by the mums I know because we're all the primary care givers. My OH gets the best bit of the dog. Cuddles in the morning, a tired and happy puppy for more cuddles when he gets back from work and lots of playtime with me and the kids around during the weekend.

Whilst I never had PND and enjoyed mat leave with my kids, there was definitely some resentment at being the one to raise another baby again (the days can be so long and lonely even with all the lovely cuddles from puppy) and some envy that OH was getting the easy/best bits again without putting in the work. To be clear, I absolutely love my human and fur babies!

The thing that got me through was reading on here that as though it was a bit like having a baby, and really quite difficult at first, it's not the same at all. The stages are really quite quick and over in a couple of weeks. Soon enough you'll have a lovely dog, this too shall pass OP.

I was on here wanting to rehome the dog after we’d had her 3 weeks. Convinced we’d done the stupidest thing. She’s 2 now, sleeps a lot, loves walks, well behaved (not particularly trained),comes back to us. Absolutely completely part of the family.

the firs5 few weeks when they are bitey pooping eat everything and always on….are a bit of a shock.

top tip from a friend was it gets better once they can go out on walks and that if they are being awful they are tired and need a nap.

Absolutely this. I never knew it was a thing until we brought home our Golden Retriever puppy that I had planned for what felt like my entire life. Within hours of bringing him home, the anxiety and worry and WTF have we done thoughts started. I have never experienced anything like it before in my life. Thankfully it passed within a few weeks and now it feels like a lifetime ago (and he's only 4.5 months old!). Things that helped me were talking about how I was feeling with my family and friends, and the lovely lot on the puppy survival thread, as well as some Bach home remedies. I barely ate a thing those first few weeks. Now I'm back on the chocolate and crisps most evenings 😂 Take deep breaths, get through each hour/day/week and it will get easier, and your feelings will pass. We're with you 💛

I’m so sorry for not replying. I’m reading all your comments now, thank you for being so kind.

Watching this thread with interest. I totally understand where you are coming from @Somanycuddlybears We got our boys on Saturday, so we are 4 days in, and I am feeling.....anxious. But deep breaths.....one day at a time. We can do it 🐶

I have a 22 week old and the puppy blues have been so, so intense. We seem to have landed ourselves with a particularly challenging pup, a 'first time owners nightmare' as described by a trainer - although she said she will be a lovely dog eventually! I've lost over a stone from the anxiety and still find it extremely hard, but it definitely gets better - there was a real turning point at 14 weeks, and since then the time has gone much faster. Take it a day at a time, make the most of naptime and try to get some time for relaxation xx