Rescue dog, when will things gets better

[fatherfurlong]

Got a Romanian rescue dog a year ago, my first ever dog so I had a lot to learn. Did loads of reading, asked the rescue for advice, went to training classes, employed a behaviourist and asked other rescue dog owners about their experience.
We had a fantastic fortnight a week ago when I really thought the dog had turned a corner. He seemed much calmer and was playing like ‘normal’ dogs do he seemed happy and didn’t bark at anyone in the house.
Now sadly he seems to have regressed. He barks at my husband every time he enters a room despite my husband walking him, feeding him, playing with him etc. The dog seems to have lost all interest in the toys that we bought him, won’t chase balls etc. Doesn’t really play that much with other dogs but will hang back and watch without joining in with them and running around. I was told by the rescue it would take 3 months for him to settle, the trainer said at least 6 months, another rescue dog owner said it took his dog 3 years and most recently the behaviourist we employed said we could use strategies to minimise undesirable behaviour but he was unique and would probably always have issues and we should just accept it or rehome him. Of course after a year we if we rehome him it would leave a massive hole for my daughter particularly who has special needs and loves him dearly. Our lives have revolved around the dog for the past year and I am finding it such an onerous task (as the bulk of walking, playing etc falls to me) and we seem to be getting nowhere. The dog has no recall despite practising twice daily on walks and in the garden. I am not a quitter and I love him too but the hard work and frustration is starting to outweigh the positives. I feel a failure but not sure if I can carry on at this intensity without seeing any improvements at all.

It's a journey and it will probably be a very rewarding one - I think you are thinking far too much about timescales - no one can say - you have to get to know your dog and vice versa - I'm more inclined to think 3 years - but there will be changes all the way along - it's just important you enjoy your dog at all stages - you talk about him playing with other dogs - this is simply your picture of what a normal dog should be like - your dog will be what he is - he may never be what you imagine - it's all about building trust - I have have had cats and dogs for years and they are all completely different characters - one cat took me 3 years before he was comfortable with me picking him up - the harder it is - the more rewarding in my experience - try not to have a fixed idea about what you think your dog should be like - he will have his own distinct character. He just needs to know he can 100% trust you not to loose your temper with him or treat him badly in any way so you have to be patient and consistent - my dog comes to me when she gets thorns in her pads or sticky seed heads stuck in her fur - she totally trusts me not to hurt her - it feels brilliant to be trusted so completely. Be patient - stop thinking about timescales.

Not all dogs play btw...

If he’s just not a playful dog, or he’s too stressed to play - I’m not sure investing a lot of effort into it is going to pay off tbh, as in, some dogs would play but don’t know how, sure, but if he just isn’t that in to it, or he’s too stressed, spending time playing isn’t going to make any difference because he still won’t be that into it or he’ll still be stressed.

Recall is important before you let a dog offlead... but they don’t need to be offlead, there are other ways you can work that, long lines, I know people hate them but I think they have a place - flexis, hiring secure fields mixed in with on lead walks is fine and you can carry on doing recall training but just in more fun relaxed ways.

So if you take those two away... what do you really really need help with? And what advice have you had round that stuff?

I’ve an ex Romanian dog, didn’t get him from there, I got him from a U.K. rescue, I took him knowing he’d be a project dog and having a fair bit of experience and he was still a bit of a shock to the system tbh.

Thanks for your replies.
I do use a long line in a dog enclosure which allows him freedom but means I can get him back.
My biggest issue is his complete distrust of my husband who he has seen every day for the past year. He barks very aggressively at him, snarling ears back etc when my husband enters the room he is in. The behaviourist advised that e.g if my husband wants to come into the lounge he calls the dog into the kitchen for a treat and then while the dog is occupied with that my husband can enter the lounge without him triggering the dog but the dog when he calls the dog into the kitchen the dog grabs the treat and bounds back into the lounge before my husband has a chance to get in there. My husband can be feeding him treats and all is calm. He then might go and potter about in the shed( we are both retired) and when he comes in it sets the dog off again, it’s like he doesn’t recognise him.
I do realise his behaviour could stem from cruel treatment early on, genetic traits or poor socialisation but if he doesn’t trust us after a year he must be so wound up and living in a state of anxiety all the time & I feel I am woefully inadequate to deal with it, all I do is plod on but with no idea if I can see it through.

My dog was the same with my DP and DS. the trainer I contacted to start with was... less than helpful so we just kind of muddled through it and he now only barks at them when they come in the house, which we can live with as he’s fine with them the rest of the time, well better than fine, quite happy to be with them.

With DS he threw treats to behind the dog every time he came in a room or had to walk past him, so the dog had to go away to get it. Then built on that.

With DP it was him taking over all walks that did it, he absolutely loves going out.

I’m not saying do those, but, more mentioning what we did because we did in fact do two completely different things and they still both worked - so if you can get the behaviourists plan to work fine you, it should work.

Can he shut a door to stop the dog running in ahead of him?

And you should have follow up from the behaviourist as well, so if you’re having issues then you should be able to go, um, ok, what do I do when he runs back in before DH makes it in the room?

It’s a really hard one to live with, I considered having to give mine back because of it and like I said, not my first dog and not my first dog with issues. As it was, I ended up giving him a deadline (in my head) and he improved before it and he is now happy with them other than a few barks when they come in the house from somewhere.

If you decide you’re just not equipped for him, there’s nothing wrong with that, yes it’ll be unpleasant and yes it’ll be hard to explain that to your D.C., but it is a really hard issue to live with and it’s fine to go, you know, I’m out of my depth here.

That’ll all be a bit waffly, rofl, I’m awake in the middle of the night not well, but hopefully some of it was helpful.

Not all behavioural issues can be fixed so you need to decide whether this is something you can live with long-term or not. There's no shame in admitting that you can't, by the way. It doesn't make you a failure to accept that this dog has needs that you aren't experienced enough to deal with.

Lots of adult dogs aren't really interested in play (especially with other dogs) and if your dog wasn't raised in a home with a family and toys, he may never get used to playing with them either. I also know plenty of people who've had their dogs from puppies and they still don't have decent recall - a lot of that will be breed related too and you can't out-train their genetic tendencies

None of that would bother me but the aggression you describe absolutely would bother me and I don't think it's necessarily fair to expect your husband to live in a home with a dog that is so aggressive towards him. Yes, that aggression is probably based in fear due to his past experiences but it's a very unpleasant and risky behaviour to live with long-term. It's also hugely limiting in terms of you having male friends and family in the house.

Good luck with whatever you decide

“It's also hugely limiting in terms of you having male friends and family in the house.”

You’d think so, but, the issue I’m currently having is that I have a whole training programme around visitors and I don’t get enough of them to actually get much practise in lol

But it is a hard one to just live with, what I did was I decided on a date once we’d put everything in place that gave enough time for it to work and if we reached that date, I was giving up because it wasn’t fair to the other people in my house or the dog tbh, I kept the rescue updated as well in case they were going to have to take him back.

I’d have been upset, because he’d bonded with me and had made loads of progress with everything else, but you just can’t live like that indefinitely.

Obviously it didn’t come to that, but, there should be no guilt involved when you’ve taken on a dog with much bigger issues than you were expecting, that are very hard to live with and accepting that you’re not the right person to resolve them.

Especially as a first time dog owner, this isn’t fun of the mill stuff and you haven’t done anything wrong, it’s just a hard situation.

I’m not saying you should give up or that you should carry on, that’s a very individual decision, but there’s no right or wrong answer really.

Umm, have you thought about medication? Ours is quite a nervy little soul (not a rescue, we’ve had her from a pup). She doesn’t like visitors she doesn’t know coming to the house and also was so nervous at the vets he couldn’t get near her to examine her, he has put her on fluoxetine (formerly known as Prozac). He said it would take a little while to see what the effect was, it’s only been a few days, and obviously you are still training, socialising them as well. It’s not expected to be a magic bullet, we are also going to see a behaviourist as well I think.

It might be worth considering.

I've had 2 rescue dogs over the last 15 years.
To be honest, I made little progress with either of them in terms of behaviour but neither were particularly difficult to live with. One had poor recall which resulted in several absconding episodes and she liked a scrap with other dogs but was always good with people. The other is nervous but not aggressive. Nervous dog has been slightly more portable but I can't take her out anymore as she panics in unfamiliar places.
I haven't found dog ownership terribly rewarding and whilst I make sure my dog is looked after, nervous dog has truly put me off having another rescue as it's been such a joyless experience. She just shows no happiness or enthusiasm for life, it's very sad. She had dreadful first owners and has never got over that experience.
Rescue dogs can be brilliant but it can be hard work and you don't always end up with a nice well adjusted dog, however much you try.

Does your dog only act like that to your husband when you are in the room. Or does he do the same when dh is alone in the room? Wondering if he's actually guarding you. Mine used to guard me and would act like this with my family

Presumably though you chose to bring over a Romanian street dog because you wanted a rehabilitation project rather than an easy pet that just slotted in to family life?

@thebabynanny

Presumably though you chose to bring over a Romanian street dog because you wanted a rehabilitation project rather than an easy pet that just slotted in to family life?

I wouldn’t assume so, a lot of organisations bringing dogs over from abroad very much minimise the risk of ongoing behavioural issues.

I took mine on knowing that’s absolutely what I was getting, but he’d actually shown no sign of the issue I found hard to deal with while at the rescue, the other problems I was geared up for, but not that one nor the severity of it.

We have a street dog that we can’t walk as he is so reactive to other dogs - it’s like having a Tasmanian devil on the other end of the lead. At home he is a sweet darling - playful and affectionate - he adores his family although he is wary of other people coming to the house. We did a training course and he is quick and clever but much too anxious to remember his training once we are outside. We wanted a family dog that we could take on long walks in the countryside but that isn’t what we got. We have accepted his quirks and I spend money renting a secure field instead (and trying to keep him from pulling everything out the bin and hiding it for later). However, although my children adore him, any hint of aggression towards a family member would have meant he was rehomed. That’s no way for you and your husband to live and there’s no shame in admitting that you can’t meet your dog’s needs and you’ve had enough.

Thanks for your replies. I didn't want a 'project dog' or a challenge, I have had plenty of those in my past. Knowing several people with rescue dogs who were very positive about their experience & not wanting a dog from a breeder with all sort of inherent health problems I just wanted a mutt to accompany me on walks & be part of our family. The rescue I got him from rescue dogs from here & abroad. I saw his photo & was smitten & only after making enquiries did I find out he was in Romania. He has been with us for a year so I haven't cut and run. There are positives to our dog that is why I have persevered. But the aggression toward hubby is unexplainable. My husband is fully on board with sharing chores in the home - it is because of him I can walk the dog while he minds my disabled daughter & when I get in I have a hot dinner waiting for me, or does the hoovering or the laundry so I really want the dog & him to get on. It really gets to him but he says he doesn't want to be the reason the dog is sent back so he endures it to please me. If we could just overcome that we would keep him- no question.