The right time for another dog

Womble18 · 2022-03-29T07:36:33+00:00

We sadly lost our dog a month ago and I still miss him terribly. He was my first dog and I adored him. Some friends have told me to wait until get another dog, others have said don't leave it too long. I'm torn - there's a huge dog shaped hole in my life but I also don't want to regret my decision. Anyone with advice on what they did? Thanks.

tattychicken · 29/03/2022 08:42

It's really just up to what works for you, there's no right or wrong time. Some people get another one very quickly, some people wait years.
Personally I waited a few months. I wanted to grieve her, and also, honestly, to have a break from clearing up elderly dog wee and poo before moving on to house training a puppy. After a few months I was ready, and it took a few more months to find the right dog. And it really helped being so thrown into caring for/training a new one, rather than seeing the ghost of DDog 1 round every corner.
Whatever you think is best for you. And sorry for your loss.

StellaOlivetti · 29/03/2022 08:54

I’m sorry for the loss of your dog. It really does leave a gap doesn’t it. There’s no right or wrong answer, it’s whatever feels right for you. I swore blind I would never have another dog because the idea of experiencing the sadness again when they die was unbearable. But, like you say, a dog shaped hole! We got our current dog 11 months after we lost our lovely Susie - that was the right time for me. But my friend couldn’t contemplate a dog less house when her old chap died, and got her new dog the same week. Neither is wrong x

Doglikeahorse · 29/03/2022 08:58

I’m sorry to hear about your dog.

When mine died I got another straight away. I think I was searching the very next day and got her not long after.

Nobody’s way is right or wrong, I just felt I could offer a dog a good home and had plenty of love to give to my old dog and a new one. Both completely different so I didn’t really compare the two.

MrsWinters · 29/03/2022 09:12

My newest boy is a dead ringer for my first dog. Really uncanny. He still doesn’t feel like that dog though. The full the hole but occupy a different space if that makes sense?
They never feel like a replacement, but they can help.
What you need to remember, is not only have you lost a best friend, but also the routine that comes with them, so it hits you twice. Another dog, won’t solve the missing friend, but they do allow you to carry on doing the things you enjoy- walks, snuggles on the sofa, etc

Original poster

Womble18 · 29/03/2022 09:25

Thank you all for your lovely replies. You've all hit the nail on the head. It's not just him I'm grieving, I've lost a huge part of my day and my walking partner. Very aware the lack of getting out in fresh air for a walk is not helping my mood. I can't face going to our favourite woods without him. Looking for his shadow round the corner is exactly what I'm doing.

Suppose I'm concerned that I will compare the new dog which isn't fair on new pup. Alongside worrying that it will seem I didn't care enough that I can just replace him. When it's the exact opposite.

OP posts:

axolotlfloof · 29/03/2022 09:34

I think you should get a dog. It will never replace him, but will give you new joy.

TreetopsandTailwaggers · 29/03/2022 09:57

I am so sorry for your loss.

We lost our dog recently, but knew it was coming for a long time and had already put plans in place for another, expecting to have to wait a long time, possibly a year when the time came. As it turned out, it will be just short of 4 months when we bring home our new puppy. We had a family meeting when we found out it was going to be that quick and everyone agreed that that felt right.

The new pup will never replace my boy, no dog ever could, but it will be a distraction from the pain of losing him and will bring some much needed love and laughter back into our home. It will also get me up and out again, as I have been avoiding walks since he’s been gone.

We’ve chosen a completely different breed as, like you, I was worried about making unfair comparisons. I currently have an odd mix of grief, excitement and guilt going on, but in my heart I know we’ve made the right decision for us as a family.

Ultimately there is no right or wrong answer, it’s so individual and personal. I’ve been through this multiple times over the years and it’s even been different with every loss. All you can do is be honest with yourself about how you really feel and trust your gut feeling.

BrokenBathroomWindow · 30/03/2022 23:03

Please be careful, we only waited a month or so before getting another after my beautiful, perfect boy passed away. I regret it every day and cannot bond with the new dog despite him being perfectly lovely.

We would never rehome as don't agree with that but sometimes I feel I have ruined my own life by getting him. Whilst I give him all the care in the world, I don't love him.

I miss my boy more than life, he was my world.

Original poster

Womble18 · 31/03/2022 07:14

@BrokenBathroomWindow

Please be careful, we only waited a month or so before getting another after my beautiful, perfect boy passed away. I regret it every day and cannot bond with the new dog despite him being perfectly lovely.

We would never rehome as don't agree with that but sometimes I feel I have ruined my own life by getting him. Whilst I give him all the care in the world, I don't love him.

I miss my boy more than life, he was my world.

I'm so sorry you are finding it difficult to bond with your new pup. It must be very difficult when your previous boy was clearly so loved.

Hopefully in time you will be able to create new memories with the new boy that will by no means replace your old boy but allow you to bond with the new one.

For us after reading everyone's thoughtful replies I think I need to wait a while longer.

OP posts:

GeneLovesJezebel · 31/03/2022 07:16

When my dog passes I’m going to have a good holiday before I get my next dog.
I always feel so bad being parted from them that it would be nice to have a holiday without the guilt.

Brownlongearedbat · 31/03/2022 11:30

I think the funny thing is, you believe that you could never love another dog as much as the one you have lost, but you do. You love them all equally as individuals. I have had quite a few dogs over the years, and each one has been a true and loved friend, and I think of all the departed ones with great fondness. I suppose it says a lot about dogs' generous and loving natures that they can so easily assimilate themselves into our lives and hearts.

SerenShine · 03/04/2022 09:34

Ah it is so hard when we lose our dogs. I lost mine not long before Christmas and he was my absolute rock, he'd got me through a really rough year or two.

A week later I started walking a dog at the rescue centre where I got my beautiful boy from. There was one dog who had been there years with no interest whatsoever. After walking him for a couple of months I brought him home three weeks ago and right now I bitterly regret it, it feels like a huge mistake.

He's not the easiest of dogs, but neither was Merlin. After so long in rescue everything is new and scary, but in the first week he just reminded me of what I've lost and I'm struggling to bond with him. I feel trapped. I know it's really early days yet, but right now, I wish I had waited. Even though I recognise that having him has been a helpful distraction. I blame myself because I had doubts in the run up to getting him.

I would say listen to your instincts as well as your heart and if you feel the time is right go for it.

ChewbaccaBabe · 03/04/2022 09:40

@BrokenBathroomWindow

Please be careful, we only waited a month or so before getting another after my beautiful, perfect boy passed away. I regret it every day and cannot bond with the new dog despite him being perfectly lovely.

We would never rehome as don't agree with that but sometimes I feel I have ruined my own life by getting him. Whilst I give him all the care in the world, I don't love him.

I miss my boy more than life, he was my world.

Oh this is exactly how I feel. My new dog is challenging, not his fault at all, he's been let down throughout his life. But I am struggling so much and feel I've spent months thinking about what he needed in a home instead of thinking about what I needed... and I'm really struggling.

It is early days and like you, I don't believe in rehoming, but I just feel so stressed and anxious that I think if months down the line things haven't improved then it may be the only option. Even though it would break my heart to put him back in kennels, never mind what it would do to him.

I keep hoping and praying there'll be a breakthrough... sending love!

whatisthisinhere · 05/04/2022 21:42

I waited three years to get another, I now have a 5 month old pup. I'm glad I left it a while, because I would have constantly compared with my previous quiet mannered ddog, my current pup is a bit of a firebrand 😄
But really, f it wasn't for lockdown, I'd have got one sooner.maybe after a year