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The doghouse

If you're worried about your pet's health, please speak to a vet or qualified professional.

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Original poster

Separation anxiety

19 replies

Lotsofgin · 24/03/2022 21:29

Sorry this is long...Please tell me what to do..or if anything can be done.
My puppy has separation anxiety, and I'm not sure how much more I can take, he screams and poos the second I am away from him( can still be in sight it doesn't matter)I am seeing a trainer sat and have spoken to another who recommended not leaving him at all.
So I haven't left him, or if it's been necessary I've got someone to puppy sit. This isn't good enough for him and he will poo and pee in their house, although he's house trained here.
I've been doing the flitting game for weeks, he always follow.
He poos in my car when I get out even if someone else is in there with him.
I can't put him in the boot as he will poo even if I'm in the car.
It's not the car , as he's fine if I'm in it and he's next to me.
If I am away he gets awful wind, I'm assuming it's stress
We can't close doors in the house.
Crate training is awful, he will go in to eat but if I shut the door he starts even with me sat touching the cage .
I've never had a dog like him before please tell me he will grow out of it.
My daughter is missing out on after school activities and I can't even buy milk.
I'm not wanting to leave him for hours, I'm home all the time but I do need to be able to go to the shop or take my daughter to swimming

OP posts:

wetotter · 24/03/2022 21:46

Puppy? How old?

TerrierOrTerror · 25/03/2022 08:50

My dog is 18 months and we've been working with a behaviourist for 6 months for separation anxiety, we were similar to how you describe and we can now leave for 15 minutes and also walk around the house without a shadow.

I would recommend you find a SA speciast behaviourist not a trainer. I would also stop the flitting game, we were advised this was making our situation worse as she was constantly on edge waiting for us to go. Not leaving is good, we don't leave our dog unless we are training. However she is happy to go to daycare / stay with each of us if the other leaves (although the latter was difficult at her worst).

I would recommend "sharing the love" - don't start by just leaving him at a friend's, but see if he will go on a short walk with them. You need to build even leaving them with someone else up really gradually. If you do leave him with someone try to make it a non event, ideally when he is outside playing with them or on a walk. The less he sees you leave the better for now until he has some safe controlled short absenses under his belt. You'll be starting really slowly too, forget leaving for a minute at first, it took us about 5 weeks to be outside our front door for 10 seconds.

But please, please find an SA specialist for advise!

Original poster

Lotsofgin · 25/03/2022 15:37

Thank you so much, I was hoping someone would come along and say it will be fine in a few months. I am happy to put the work in, I just feel there is no light and I often wish we hadn't got him.
I will look for a behaviourist that deals with separation anxiety.
I'm not sure I can do this forever, and before I'm flamed for that, I'm a single mum who at the moment can't even pop to the shop for bread or milk without asking for someone to watch him.
The way he behaves with other people is making the pool of dog sitters smaller pretty fast too.

OP posts:

LifesABotch · 25/03/2022 15:44

Poor you, and poor puppy. The advice above is great, and shall echo that you should find a specialist, ideally a clinical animal behaviourist or veterinary behaviourist. You'll need to be referred by your vet, but much more likely to get the correct help that way. It is possible to make separation anxiety worse by leaving them too soon and frightening them .

It sounds really difficult, and you obviously want the best for your puppy. Good luck! 🐾

Blahblahblah40 · 29/03/2022 15:28

What age is puppy? I’m in the same position, single mum with primary DC. Blahpup is 5 months now and it’s gradually been getting better. I got to the point I could leave him for 20 mins to pop to the shop or the school bus but he seems to have regressed this week and barked when I was at school drop off this morning and when I nipped out to the car, despite having distractions. He is a spaniel so flitting doesn’t work for him. He will follow no matter where I go in the house. Only exception is that I don’t let Blahpup upstairs with me, he is made to wait at the bottom. I also don’t let him sleep in my bedroom, he is downstairs, but tbh that’s more for my own sanity as I couldn’t deal with him 24/7 attached to me. He sleeps well though 10:30 to 6:30 and I think a little enforced separation is good so long as they aren’t distressed. Gives you a bit of space.

I have the exact same feelings as you sometimes, I think it’s pretty normal feeling like that when you have a clingy pup. I’m lucky that he will stay with other people but it definitely makes life difficult in a way that other people don’t seem to have with their puppies.

Original poster

Lotsofgin · 29/03/2022 22:43

Thank you that gives me some hope.
He's 4 months, he's half spaniel is there a reason the flitting game doesn't work for them, I've not heard that before.
I can't leave a room without him starting, he sleeps with my daughter , which I don't mind really and she loves, also not a chance anyone would sleep if I tried to keep him downstairs or in a crate.
I've been trying to leave a room with the door shut, but can't even do 10seconds yet.
I can't even leave him outside the park while I take the kids in to play, he sounds like he's being slaughtered.
You are right other puppies seem so much easier, my mum and cousin both have puppies that are happy to sleep while they are gone.
I do feel like I have made a mistake, I'm not sure I can cope or fix it.

OP posts:

fairylightsandwaxmelts · 29/03/2022 23:26

The flitting game doesn't work for dogs with separation anxiety as they're constantly on edge waiting for you to leave and so they never relax.

It's fine for non-anxious dogs but separation anxiety requires specialist support from a behaviourist.

Blahblahblah40 · 29/03/2022 23:46

Yes I feel exactly the same way. I feel very out of my depth with it all sometimes and just when I think I’m getting somewhere it’s back to square one. PM me if you feel you want to chat about it though. Absolutely no judgement here!

HardRockOwl · 30/03/2022 00:24

I'd be considering returning him, this isn't a way to live

TerrierOrTerror · 30/03/2022 07:20

In terms of getting outside the door, have you desensitized your pup to you going out of the door first? Look up Door Is A Bore, but you can apply it to internal doors too. We did it with the stairgate before working up to getting to the front door.

If I could go back to when my dog first starting signs of SA there is so many things I would do differently, but the main thing is I would stop flitting (or never do it - fine for non anxious pups as a PP said) and also go much, much slower. We are about the reach the time outside of the home it will take us to pop to the local shop for a pint of milk, we started working with a behaviourist in August (admittedly with a near two month break because pup wasn't well).

Sisisimone · 30/03/2022 07:48

@HardRockOwl

I'd be considering returning him, this isn't a way to live

Separation anxiety affects approximately 20% of dogs. So you think all of these dogs just be given to rescue or put down instead of putting the time and effort in to help them? How about dogs that are reactive? pull on their lead? take a long time to toilet train? All be given back?

Sisisimone · 30/03/2022 07:54

OP I was recommended a book on here Be Right Back by Julia Naysmith and its been very helpful. A slow process but we're getting there and can leave him for short periods now. I'm in a slightly different position in that mine just wants to be with people so is very happy to stay with friends, family, dog boarder and we have a lot of people who are happy to have him when needed. Remember your pup is still only 4months old so only a baby. Mine is 18 mths now and it does get easier. He's much more independent and no longer follows me around the house. You will get there!

Blahblahblah40 · 30/03/2022 13:16

@Sisisimone

I needed to hear this today too so thank you. I’m going to go look for the book!

HardRockOwl · 30/03/2022 16:17

@Sisisimone of course I don't believe that

But if you'd be happy with a dog shitting everywhere the very second you turn your back then crack on?

There is separation anxiety and then there is separation anxiety

Blahblahblah40 · 30/03/2022 17:14

@HardRockOwl I know I’m lucky mine doesn’t do the pooping, he just barks and cries. Which is bad enough for him, me and my poor neighbours. Don’t think I could deal with a pooper.

fairylightsandwaxmelts · 30/03/2022 17:20

Ah, don't be so insensitive @Sisisimone.

This is not run of the mill separation anxiety - and I say that as the owner of a dog with separation anxiety.

But a dog that poos the minute you leave it is an extreme case by anyone's standards. I wouldn't remotely criticise anyone who chose to re-home under these circumstances - how can you live your life, work, go to the shops if you can never leave your dog? It's just unrealistic.

Blahblahblah40 · 30/03/2022 18:03

Bang on @fairylightsandwaxmelts. I’m at 5 months and had just got him to a point of leaving for 15 /20 mins and he has regressed all of a sudden. It literally impacts every single part of your life and crate trained or not crate trained it is utterly soul destroying not being able to even nip out for bread and milk. Every little thing has to be planned out before it happens and I regularly have to turn things down because of the puppy. I would never judge anyone’s decision in this situation. I’m lucky I have help on hand for my DC and the puppy if needed, but even then it’s the hardest thing I have ever done in my life. It has triggered my well managed anxiety problems and depression. Now the nipping has subsided and he is sleeping through I find some of it slightly easier but it’s still difficult and wouldn’t wish an anxious puppy on anyone. My first day of 1-2-1 with the trainer she asked me how I was finding it and I burst into tears!!

okthenlove · 30/03/2022 19:07

This sounds extreme, how on earth is anyone meant to live their life and look after their children when they can't even leave the house for a few minutes. Not everyone has access to expensive behaviourists, especially single parents!

No way would I neglect my own child or have no life because a dog can't be left for even a few minutes. This is crazy.

stillherenow · 02/04/2022 09:03

I have a dog with SA too. I find it very hard as I'm a lone parent. I've got him to 15 mins now and I've had him since Sept, we keep getting to an hour and then regress so I'm going very slowly now . Yesterday I tried and I couldn't even do 2 mins but I'm hoping that's a one off as it was windy. His adaptil collar has also just run out so could be that also. Usually he's fine when I have a shower but today was howling . Taking a break and will put a new collar on tomorrow . He's nervous but better on walks now . I wouldn't have another dog again because of this although I'm keeping ddog !

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