How to tell DS (2) that the dog is going to die

[koalalala]

Morning,

Sorry this is a sad one but I really need some advice from others that have been through similar as I just want to get this right.

DDog is 15. She's had a few concerning lumps for a couple of years now and we've known all along that the vet suspected one to be cancerous. Surgery was ruled out due to location but regular steroid injections and some chemo kept things from progressing and she's been happy albeit recently on some pain relief.

The last 2-3 weeks the lump has grown a lot so we took her back to see vet. They've said this is it now and we have to really PTS as it's going to get worse quickly and nothing more can be done. We brought her home and we will book her back in soon.

My DH is devastated! Although she's now a family dog she predates our relationship and he's had her from a pup. He's struggling to get his own head around it finally being time and I understand that BUT I need to talk to DS (2) and prepare him that the dog is not just poorly but isn't going to be around / going to be gone.

I want to be honest with DS as he's a smart kid and he'll know we're upset but I just don't know how to start this conversation. He adores DDog, well actually they adore each other.

Any help please?

Ime at that age they accept things quite easily. I lost my gran when dd was 2, almost 3, and I just factually told her that great gran had died and we wouldn't be seeing her again. And that that was what happened when people and animals got really really old. She was very accepting and not bothered at all as I remember. She was much more devastated when we lost other gran at about 14 years.

You don't really need to tell him anything, that's for your benefit not his, he's too little to process it. If you have to say anything now, a general "He's really ill and the vet is trying to make him better". No matter how clever your child may be, trying to explain a timeline of illness and subsequent death is not a conversation a 2 year old needs to get their head round.

I’m preparing to have this conversation with my two year old. I’m not going to go into much detail- just that she has died and that means she’s gone away and won’t come back, and it’s sad and we will miss her. Given his age and knowing my son I might have to say she’s gone away to help paw patrol 🙈 but I’ll avoid that unless he’s really questioning where she is, as he won’t grasp the concept of death.

My DD was 2 when our dog died. I told her as it was and I said that she was very very old and she had died and couldn't be with us anymore.

I was very careful not to say that she died because she was poorly because I worried that she would think that anyone who is poorly would die!

She took it very well and whenever she would ask about Ddog we would remind her that she had died and wasn't here anymore.

IMO being honest is best, you can't avoid death.

Small children accept death really easily IMO - it's the adults that struggle!

Just be factual and answer any questions honestly and in an age-appropriate way. He'll be fine.

I'm sorry for what you're going through - it's the worst part of pet ownership

I wouldn't tell him that the dog is dying at this point, just that she is very ill. After her death you can explain honestly that she is dead. But your son is too young to really understand the permanence of death. That has nothing to do with intelligence but with cognitive development. It's not unusual for very young children to say things like "When she finishes dying will she come home?" So don't be surprised if you have to explain what has happened numerous times.

Also I would recommend avoiding the phrase "put to sleep" when talking to your child. Young children tend to be quite literal and a metaphor like this can be confusing or even frightening for them.

I'm sorry you are facing this very sad situation. Knowing when to say goodbye is the last gift we can give our beloved pets but that doesn't make it any easier.

I would not tell him until it happens. Because he is so little, he will likely cope very well or be easily distracted by something basic like a new toy or a packet of chocolate buttons.

I would say something quite straightforward like: ddog was very old, much older than [granny] and so she died. She had a very happy life.

Depending on what you believe/want to say, you can add that she is now in heaven.

Thanks for all the replies. Finding it really helpful.
Looks like keep it simple and factual.

Interesting points about using 'poorly' so I think I'll avoid that and just say DDog was very old and died, she's gone now and can't come back but she was happy whilst she was here etc.

God I think it might actually be harder to deal with DH. He's been in an awful mood since yesterday and I'm finding it hard. I understand he's feeling sad but it was expected. I think having to book the appointment and chose when is actually worse than if he'd had it done before.

It's the worst side of pet ownership!