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The doghouse

If you're worried about your pet's health, please speak to a vet or qualified professional.

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Original poster

Dog upstairs or not?

49 replies

GreyhoundGardens · 21/03/2022 12:35

I know at lot of this will come down to personal preference, but I'd love some insights into my particular situation.

We have a newly adopted ex-racing greyhound. He's a lovely chap. He's been with us for almost two months now, so still very early days!

He's having some issues with getting upset when the whole family goes upstairs. It started off as a bit of whinging, but it's getting worse and he is whining and barking persistently while we're up there. And we've had a few occasions now where he's wee'd on his bed while we've been upstairs. So he's clearly not happy!

It's probably worth adding that we don't leave him at home alone very often, on the odd weekday morning for 15-20 minutes for school/nursery run and we've done two other longer sessions (between 2-3 hours) since we've had him. The first time he was fine, the second time he obviously got upset and it transpires he went upstairs (he's never shown any interest in climbing them before!) and he wee'd on my sons bed. So he obviously was not "fine" being left and we're now going back to only leaving him for short periods of time again and we'll work on building it up gradually again in the future. I feel awful about this but the centre we got him from had indicated he was OK with alone time occasionally and until this incident he hadn't given us any indication that he was struggling being left.

But since he's found his way upstairs he's now getting more upset at being left downstairs. We only discovered he had conquered the stairs when we took the kids up to bed and he suddenly appeared up there with us. It was shortly after this when we discovered the wee on the bed and realised what must have happened.

At night he is fine staying downstairs. He knows the routine and goes straight to his bed after his last week break and we've had no overnight accidents or whinging/barking, etc. but when we're upstairs during the day he is getting upset.

My husband is firmly in the camp of he needs to learn to stay downstairs. I'm more of the view that we should let him join us upstairs during the day. It's causing him stress being left and it is also causing us stress when he is left downstairs as we don't know if we're going to come down to a wee accident.

We now hair a stair gate at the bottom of the stairs so he can't climb up (we've always had one at the top for the kids but didn't close this when going out as we didn't anticipate he was going to start exploring!).

I'm just not sure what the right avenue is... and would love to get some thoughts from more experienced dog owners. Before we got him my husband and I agreed we'd "see what happened" about him coming upstairs, but when he didn't show any interest in going up initially that just became the default.

Thoughts?

OP posts:

Original poster

GreyhoundGardens · 21/03/2022 12:37

We now have a stair gate...

OP posts:

Sweetleftfood · 21/03/2022 12:41

Totally my personal opinion but I think having a pet and not let it upstairs, especially if you as a family spend a lot of time there, is a bit mean.

As a rescue and only 2 months in as well, either let him/her upstairs or someone spend some time with the dog downstairs. Having the dog in the bed is different if that's what your husband is worried about.

KStockHERO · 21/03/2022 12:43

@Sweetleftfood

Totally my personal opinion but I think having a pet and not let it upstairs, especially if you as a family spend a lot of time there, is a bit mean.

Agree hard.

Pets (especially adopted ones) are a part of your family.

Why ban them from a place where everyone else in the family is allowed to go?

Purplecatshopaholic · 21/03/2022 12:44

Agree with Sweetleft. Let the poor boy upstairs! He wants to be with you, and it’s only 2 months in so he’s still settling in.

Hoppinggreen · 21/03/2022 12:46

We don’t allow ours upstairs. We didnt from day one and now he could go up there but isn’t interested

sillysmiles · 21/03/2022 12:52

How much time do you spend as a family upstairs during the day?
If that's a significant amount of time then I'd allow him up.

sillysmiles · 21/03/2022 12:54

Also could you use the time the family are upstairs as separation training - so popping back into the kitchen and put again with no fuss until he gets bored of you coming and going?

Original poster

GreyhoundGardens · 21/03/2022 13:17

Thanks for the opinions, appreciate the responses.

To answer questions - we don't spend a huge amount of time up there without him. We mainly go upstairs to get ready to go out in the morning, and then up again at bedtime (the kids bedtime). Usually when we're all up there it's a bit manic, the kids are being noisy and we're rushing around, so this is one of the reasons DH thinks he's better off downstairs. But I think if we put a bed for him in the spare room he'll probably be happy to chill in there, as long as the door is left open.

Most of the time when we're in the house is spent downstairs/in the garden, so he's not excluded from family life for large chunks of time (if that makes sense).

But I'm with you all, so I will discuss this again with DH.

OP posts:

Original poster

GreyhoundGardens · 21/03/2022 13:20

I'm just a bit annoyed with DH... because when we discussed getting him we looked at where a bed could go upstairs, etc. and now he's singing a different tune.

But also DH always says I have to get my own way, so I'm conscious it needs to be a join decision and not me nagging him until he changes his mind.

OP posts:

fairylightsandwaxmelts · 21/03/2022 14:25

Is DH worried about him wee-ing on other beds and ruining the bedding and mattresses if he's allowed upstairs?

My own dog is allowed everywhere and I wouldn't dream of banning him from upstairs, but that's easy for me to say as he's never had an accident up there, and is also equally happy chilling on the sofa downstairs while we get ready for work etc.

Dogs on furniture/upstairs/in beds is such a personal thing that I don't really think either of you is wrong - it's just personal preference at the end of the day. But if you're not going to let him upstairs then you need to put a baby gate in place so he can't sneak up there when you're out or distracted.

Auntieobem · 21/03/2022 14:30

Our dog is allowed upstairs and sleeps in our room. She tend sto get on the bed in the middle of the night. During the day she's allowed upstairs, but doesn't tend to go up there.

TimmyHos · 21/03/2022 14:36

Like the poster above our dog is allowed upstairs and sleeps in our room.

Original poster

GreyhoundGardens · 21/03/2022 18:20

This is very true.
We do now have a bottom baby gate in place so he can't get up when we don't want him to (so all the time at the minute). Even if we do let him upstairs then we'll still need a baby gate at the bottom for times when he's left at home alone.

DH was amazingly chilled out about the bed weeing. As he rightfully pointed out the dog is not to blame and we clearly ran before we could walk. We just whizzed to IKEA yesterday and got a new mattress, no bother. Dog got a nice walk in a new place into the bargain.

I don't think DH is too worried about wee accidents upstairs as we've agreed we'd only let him up there when we are there... and if there are people around it doesn't happen. If he is worried about that we can also let him out in the garden for a few minutes before we let him upstairs.

I think it's more about the fact that often when we're all upstairs we are rushing around, it's generally a bit frantic, we can't necessarily fully supervise the dog around the children as we're busy getting them/use ready, etc. and our house isn't the tidiest upstairs so there's lots of stuff lying around that the dog could get his snoot into. We also keep all the kids soft toys up there (because the dog is a soft toy thief!). I can kind of see his point, but I don't think the issues are insurmountable.

OP posts:

Mojoj · 21/03/2022 18:23

Can't help I'm afraid. My boy's part of the family and sleeps on the end of my bed. And if I'm not there, he's in with my eldest. Your dog wants to be with his pack, i.e. all of you!

Doglikeahorse · 21/03/2022 18:39

Those of you that have dogs upstairs at night, do you have young children?

We used to let ours up but now don’t and I feel so guilty! Not sure how I feel about them wandering around in the night when we have babies/toddlers in bed though as much as we trust them while we are around!

fairylightsandwaxmelts · 21/03/2022 18:43

@Doglikeahorse

Those of you that have dogs upstairs at night, do you have young children?

We don't have children but I know plenty of people with kids who have dogs sleeping upstairs :)

TimmyHos · 21/03/2022 21:11

Doglikeahorse yes, my kids are 4 and 6. My dog sometimes sleeps with my 4 year old. I know you get roasted for it on Mumsnet but in the real world I don't think it's that strange!

userxx · 21/03/2022 21:25

He must have really wanted to get up there as greyhounds and stairs do not come naturally, it takes practice. As he's such a clever lad I'd reward him and let him upstairs. He's still finding his feet at 2 months.

Floralnomad · 21/03/2022 21:31

Ours was allowed upstairs as soon as he was reliably housetrained . He always comes upstairs if I’m up there during the day and sleeps in his bedroom at night .

StarDolphins · 21/03/2022 21:41

My dog is allowed upstairs or wherever he wants, he has the choice of sleeping on my bed or my little girls bed, he gets on & curls up to sleep. He follows us everywhere, even to the loo!

when he leaves this world, I want to look back on his life knowing he had the life he deserved.

Good luck with whatever you decide & great you’ve adopted too :)

StarDolphins · 21/03/2022 21:44

@TimmyHos

Doglikeahorse yes, my kids are 4 and 6. My dog sometimes sleeps with my 4 year old. I know you get roasted for it on Mumsnet but in the real world I don't think it's that strange!

Oh my word, I didn’t know it was frowned upon haha!

All my friends let their dogs sleep on the beds too!

Best not elaborate on the lavish birthday party we throw for our dog then

GeneLovesJezebel · 21/03/2022 21:44

My dog goes upstairs whenever he wants, and he sleeps in my room.
Your dog wants to be with his pack when you are all upstairs.

sophienelisse · 21/03/2022 21:53

Our dog is allowed upstairs and he sleeps at the bottom of our bed. We have fully washable quilts which we got from John Lewis, night owl or something they are called I can't remember but I was recommended on here and are done twice weekly (they dry in a few hours over a door inside even less outside)

My daughter is changing from a bunk bed to a standard height bed next weekend it will be interesting to see who he sleeps with!

sophienelisse · 21/03/2022 21:53

@GeneLovesJezebel

My dog goes upstairs whenever he wants, and he sleeps in my room. Your dog wants to be with his pack when you are all upstairs.

If he sleeps with his bum facing you he is def guarding you.

RosiePosieDozy · 21/03/2022 21:59

Definitely let him upstairs (my opinion anyway). You don't have to let him on the human beds but as a pp said, have another bed for him up there.

He doesn't have to sleep up there at night. My dog doesn't. He sleeps in his bed in the kitchen at night with the door shut. That's what we've always done and he loves going to bed in the kitchen.

I think I would allow my dog to sleep in my bed all night if I lived alone though.

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