Integrating a nervous dog help please

[HotnSunnyRainbowRoses]

Nothing is set in stone here yet, but, a mutual friend of DH and I has had a change of circumstances that means they need to now find care for their dog around new working hours.

This dog is exceptionally nervous.
Severe separation anxiety and severe general anxiety around strangers, noises, new environments, basically everything except other dogs.
Because of this our friend doesn’t feel comfortable leaving the dog at home or putting the dog in kennels.

We have offered to dog sit if they cannot find alternative arrangements and friend has suggested popping round with said dog to try and get the dog used to us.

Now I absolutely love dogs and I am more than happy to care for the dog, but, we have two existing dogs already here and I am a little concerned as to how to go about seamlessly integrating the three dogs.

Friend’s dog is incredibly nervous and our own two while not outwardly ‘nervous’ aren’t mega super confident themselves.
They are great with people and a bit unsure around other dogs.
This dog is the opposite, terrified of people and mostly okay with dogs.
I say ‘mostly okay’ because friend tells us the dog approaches other dogs very submissively initially which suggests to me the dog is also very anxious around strange dogs but says the dog runs around and plays with others very happily once the initial greeting is done.

What is the best way to go about this?

I have said to DH I don’t think the dogs should meet in the house at all, that we should take them for a long walk where they are walking near each other but not interacting but where the other dog is so nervous, a) I don’t know if we’d even be able to get friends dog far out of the house and b) I’m concerned that being so nervous a long walk might massively stress and trigger stack friends dog.

So I’m not really sure how to play this?
Should I just keep my two in the garden when friend’s dog is here?
I’m concerned that they might get very frustrated and their jumping and probably barking will frighten friends dog even more!

So the plan is that you are going to dog sit nervous dog at your house with your two dogs? Are you sure that will work for everyone?

If you do decide to do it I would proceed with smell to start with.

Can you give a blanket that your dogs have slept on to your friend. He needs to have it close to his nervous dog when he eats.

Your dogs smell = good things eg food.

I would aim to do this for at least a week before meeting 2 would be better. If possible swop the blanket regularly so that the scent is strong. Also have the nervous dog scent brought to your house in the same way.

With the nervous dog with his owner then you can walk them in a place nervous dog is happy. Massive distance between the dogs and gradually get closer depending on no reaction from any dogs - this may take more than one walk.

Also be aware that just because the tolerate each other outside this may not transfer to indoors for a while

I still think this may not be a good plan for either group of dogs but you are seeing the situation in rl so will have more insight

So the plan is that you are going to dog sit nervous dog at your house with your two dogs?
Are you sure that will work for everyone?
I hope so...
Realistically our friend doesn’t have many people to help which is why me and DH offered because we know the alternatives - dog being left alone for huge periods of time at home or being put into a kennel would be unbelievably traumatic for said dog.

If you do decide to do it I would proceed with smell to start with
Can you give a blanket that your dogs have slept on to your friend. He needs to have it close to his nervous dog when he eats
Your dogs smell = good things eg food
I can totally do this!
This sounds like a great idea thank you.

I would aim to do this for at least a week before meeting 2 would be better. If possible swop the blanket regularly so that the scent is strong. Also have the nervous dog scent brought to your house in the same way
I will do this thank you.

With the nervous dog with his owner then you can walk them in a place nervous dog is happy
This could be an issue.
Me and DH don’t drive but friend does and their new hours mean if this goes ahead the dog will be dropped off at ours pretty early, around 5am.
It’s hard for us to get theirs due to lack of car, bringing the dogs complicates things further and both our friend DH are working awkward hours.

Massive distance between the dogs and gradually get closer depending on no reaction from any dogs - this may take more than one walk
This was my plan re walking them though I’m not sure what then happens when we get to our house?
Do I just let all three dogs off into the lounge?
Should I lead them into the house together and put my two outside?
Should I focus on giving all three dogs rewards calmly and trying to encourage a settle which would have been my plan for a more confident dog?

I still think this may not be a good plan for either group of dogs but you are seeing the situation in rl so will have more insight
I’m inclined to agree, it’s hard because we don’t want the dog to suffer, which it will terribly if something can’t be arranged, we also know how much of a support this dog is to our friend.

Honestly? I don't think this is fair on anyone and it's not something I would agree to. I mean, what happens if the fear turns to aggression and a fight breaks out?

She needs to find a professional who can care for her dog on a 1-2-1 basis - though I suspect that's not going to be possible and that's why she's asking you for help.

But I would give the whole situation a very wide berth.

Honestly? I don't think this is fair on anyone and it's not something I would agree to
Just feel so bad for them, the friend and the dog I mean.

I mean, what happens if the fear turns to aggression and a fight breaks out?
This is a concern of mine.
I have to be honest, while my dogs are not aggressive, I think any aggression between the three would be more likely to come from mine.
Friends dog is very much a flight type, shakes, cowers, runs away, defecates etc.
I don’t think it has ever shown even the slightest hint of aggression to anyone or anything and it is a grown up, fully developed dog.
That said, I wouldn’t even consider having the dogs close together for quite a while.
I’d scene swap as polly suggested and walk or keep separated.

She needs to find a professional who can care for her dog on a 1-2-1 basis - though I suspect that's not going to be possible and that's why she's asking you for help
Our friend has gone through multiple trainers/behaviourists already.
I think the dog is just genetically anxious to be honest, none of the trainers have ever managed any real improvement.
Our friend didn’t ask us, we offered.
Because we know what a shit situation they’ve found themselves in, we know how important the dog is to them and we know the dog would never cope being left alone for long periods.

Such a difficult situation.

If you had time to work on a "hand over" that would be better so walk at weekends together, you walk your friends dog whilst he is there etc. The dog stay at your house for an afternoon when your dogs are not there and build up to them being in the house together. Also getting your dogs happy with the new dog around.

It could work out really well for everyone but also could be a nightmare.

If you are planning on going straight into new dog coming to your house whilst yours dogs are there - that could be very hard for everyone. I would work on a gated comunity so the dogs can not see each other at all to start with, then as they are used to smell and the other dogs being around they can then see through the gates etc BUT a big but you may not get to that stage if all dogs are overthreshold.

If behaviourists have not been able to have any improvement that is when they usually move onto medication so I would not give up on behaviourists but maybe look for ones more quaified to help.However I also agree that some dogs will never be happy insome situations .

You sound like a fab friend but do acknowledge that this may be too big an issue and not actually be the right plan for all the dogs.

I think you have great intentions OP but I just think you're also potentially setting yourselves up for a huge amount of stress and heartbreak.

If this dog has seen behaviourists with no improvement, I don't think trying to have him in a strange house with strange dogs is a good idea. As Polly says, he clearly needs medical intervention and lots of space.

I think you've made a well-intentioned, kind offer but I just can't see it being a good idea.

If you had time to work on a "hand over" that would be better so walk at weekends together, you walk your friends dog whilst he is there etc. The dog stay at your house for an afternoon when your dogs are not there and build up to them being in the house together. Also getting your dogs happy with the new dog around
I will need to check with DH to work out everyone’s different working hours but I will certainly aim to do this, thank you.

I would work on a gated comunity so the dogs can not see each other at all to start with, then as they are used to smell and the other dogs being around they can then see through the gates etc BUT a big but you may not get to that stage if all dogs are overthreshold
I already have baby gates everywhere and none of the dogs concerned are big enough to jump them so this should be no problem

If behaviourists have not been able to have any improvement that is when they usually move onto medication so I would not give up on behaviourists but maybe look for ones more quaified to help
Yes this dog is already on medication, I forget which one.

If this dog has seen behaviourists with no improvement, I don't think trying to have him in a strange house with strange dogs is a good idea. As Polly says, he clearly needs medical intervention and lots of space
I don’t disagree.
But what is the outcome for this dog if we don’t at least try to help?

This dog has severe separation anxiety, as in it freaks out if it’s owner even leaves the room.
There is no way it could be left for hours alone each day.

I think a home boarder would work if they dedicated a lot of time beforehand to gaining the dog’s trust.
But our friend is no longer financially in a position to do this.

I feel like if they cannot find an alternative arrangement (as I say, nothing has been set in stone yet) and we say no either this dog will be left alone all day or our friend will be forced to rehome.
Realistically, a dog terrified of everyone and everything isn’t going to be easy to rehome and I would be very worried what effect rehoming the dog may have on our friend.

So while i absolutely appreciate it’s a difficult situation, me and DH really would like to try hard to make this work for our friends sake so they don’t have to give up their beloved dog.
At least if it becomes clear it really isn’t going to work at least we can say we really tried.

Great you have gates up already.

I regularly have very nervous and stressed foster dogs coming into my home. I have 6 (well actually 7 but one doesnt get included in the count!)of my own dogs but they are ok with other dogs. I am lucky in that I do have a lot of space and land for them all to be on.

So when the new rescues come they have their own area where they stay in for as long as they need.It has access to outside and is a quiet room where we can sit and be with them without the other dogs. There is a covered crate for them to go into if they like and also a quiet corner with a bed in it if they prefer. They are very much left to make their own decisions on coming out of the space.

When they are happier with me and able to focus with me then I will let some of my dogs be in an area where the new dog can see them but not meet them and we build from there. Although mhy dogs are very happy to ignore new dogs and dont make it a big thing at all for the newbies.

As said above it can be the making of some dogs and it is fab to see the nervous dogs world get bigger as they become more confident.

It is very much a go at the dogs pace - the longest a foster stayed in the room from choice was about a month on one occasion (he has now not left us as he fitted in so well - he is the one I dont count as my DH thinks he is still a foster he has been here 7 years )

Good Luck I hope you can make it work for you all. Just think safety first above anything else and go ridiculously slowly.(but dont beat yourself up if it doesnt work )