Husband hates our puppy

[Slavetolove]

We have a much longed for golden retriever puppy who is 7 months old. We were on the list for nearly a year and throughout the time Dh would say he’s excited, buying things etc.

He paid for ddog.

He hates her, she’s dug the garden up, there’s mud everywhere all time, hair everywhere. She absolutely adores him and sleeps on our bed practically on him so she wakes him up in the night 🙈 when she wakes at 5 for a wee it wakes him up.

I mean it is hard work, but she’s such a good girl apart from her recall.

He tells me he resents her. But then other times he lets her lick his face, he picks her up when he comes from work etc. she’s a proper daddy’s girl.

It’s really getting me down.

We picked her up the day mt dad was rushed to hospital and he sadly died a week later so she’s kept me sane.

It's a simple case of putting the work in. Train, train and train some more. Puppies are not born with the ability to know not to dig up the garden much less anything else. If you don't want her in the bed train her to sleep in her own bed. He's making a rod for his back and resenting her for it. Positive training is key.

Training training and more training. At least a shes young, so will pick up things quickly. Like kids they'll take a Mike of you let them. Starting with sleep, if your dh is knackered he'll be less tolerant with the puppy.

Maybe if you both went to puppy training classes together he would have other dogs to compare her to and realize her behavior is normal for her age and breed. You need to spend time training her, she doesn't know what is acceptable if you don't teach her. Recall is VERY important otherwise you can't walk her off the lead if you are not sure she will come back, its dangerous as she could get lost or run into the street. Puppy classes usually start a lot younger than 7 months so I would get her in as soon as possible. Socializing with other puppies is also really good for her and puppies can learn from their peers in class just like children. In fact I think this experience is a good fore runner of being a parent. That's because you have different styles and expectations. Your husband wants more structure and discipline in behavior while you are more relaxed. That's exactly the kind of issues parents can have! You need to decide together what standards of behavior are expected and then patiently TEACH them to your dog. She can't know how to please you if you don't train and discipline her.

As pp said, train, train, train and both of you need to be consistent. It’s no good you reinforcing one thing and DH doing the opposite.
Reinforce good behaviour; ignore, or distract from, unwanted behaviour. DDog dug a number of holes in our garden but she’s learned not to now.

If she was trained to not sleep on the bed, he might feel different. I would dislike anyone who gave me disturbed sleep and got me up at 5am

If she isn't on the bed you can take turns getting up.

There was always going to be hair everywhere. I have to hoover twice a day because of our spaniel. Thinking of getting a roomba instead.

Our spaniel dug the garden up and chance she got. So she didn't go out alone and everytime she started we told her no. If she didn't stop we would take her in. You can put them on a lead for that. She needs to know what she is doing is not what she is allowed to do.

Firstly get her off your bed and into the kitchen in her own bed - there's no need for her to sleep with you and if it wakes your DH and disturbs you.

Then focus on setting boundaries and teach her properly, both of you. Keep her off furniture unless invited up, tat way she can't spread mud. She needs to be where you say she can be. Don't leave her unattended in the garden so that you can tell her off if she digs, as she starts to do it so it means something. And most importantly work on her recall.

God, I'd hate my dog if it slept on my bed too, cannot understand how people deal with this - a cat took up enough room LOL.

Get her off the bed, preferably downstairs and out of the bedroom. At her age, you'll probably find she'll sleep through anyway, you both probably disturb her and make her need the loo too.

Apart from that, as others have said - train, train, train. It's hard, I have a five month old puppy at the moment, and although things are starting to settle you forget quite how hard puppies are.

I have not rtft but she’s only a puppy still.
Are you taking her for training? She could end up being an absolutely fabulous dog who is a dream to own. It isn’t a coincidence this breed makes good guide dogs.

It's all fixable, she sounds lovely and really bonded to you!

I'd train her to sleep in a crate, next to your bed for now if she's getting up for nighttime wees. I'd designate a digging area and not leave her unattended in the garden for now. When you are out with her,l and she's starts digging, just move her to her sandpit.

Puppies ARE hard work and they can be a huge lifestyle shock too.

I do think what he's feeling is normal to an extent. Your whole life gets turned upside down when you get a dog. They need walking everyday, you have to pick up their poo, they have accidents, they shed, they get muddy and filthy, you can't just go out all day like you could before...

I also don't think it's fair to have her on the bed if your DH resents it. Our dog sleeps in the bed but it was a mutual decision and we're both happy with it. If your DH isn't happy then I think you need to look at having her sleep elsewhere - fully grown, she'll be a big dog so I think it's important that she has her own space.

I love my dog and I also let him lick my face etc, but that doesn't mean I didn't struggle with him when he was a puppy and yes, I did resent him at times as he really changed our lives drastically.

I wouldn't be without him now though :)

I feel for him, honestly. We have an almost 4 year old German shepherd and I don't like the disruption he has brought to my life. He's ruined the house and the garden, he's cost me hundreds and hundreds in training and his hair and slobber get everywhere. I can't go anywhere without making arrangements for him and I can't go anywhere in my house without him on the scrounge at my ankles in case I drop something he can eat. A dog was something my husband wanted and I wouldn't get rid of Ben because this is his home, but when the day comes that Ben is no longer with us, I will definitely not be getting another dog. I really don't like them

What did he think puppies were like? Did he do no research at all?

She needs training. All kids do. 😁

She’s a golden retriever. You’d better train her to sleep elsewhere soon because as a full grown adult, there won’t be room for all three of you on the bed.

It is you that wants her to sleep on the bed, or is it a joint decision?

Because I definitely wouldn’t be bonding with an animal that I was forced to put up with on my bed, waking me up and disturbing my peace.

@WouldIwasShookspeared

What did he think puppies were like? Did he do no research at all?

She needs training. All kids do. 😁

You can do all the research in the world, but puppies are still a huge shock to the system. Nothing really prepares you for how tough those early months can be.

A bit like kids, really

I can understand him resenting the puppy to be honest. She is disturbing his sleep, digging up the garden, covering the house in mud and hair, plus being allowed to lick his face. I would hate that. The puppy needs proper training, to sleep in her own bed, the digging up of the garden and licking his face need to stop. You need to work together to tackle these issues in order for your puppy to understand boundaries and help your husband enjoy dog ownership. You need to appreciate the impact of the puppy's behaviour on him and support him to tackle it

I think you need to get her out of the bed. Your oh is struggling to cope with the mud and the hair in the daytime, having to sleep with her all night as well is just too much. I love my dogs but no way would I be having them in my bed waking me up constantly through the night. No wonder he’s had enough of her

Agree with ladyloth - puppyhood is just childhood, it isn't Adult Dog But Cuter.

Something like a roomba, if affordable, might be helpful for dealing with hair.

Teaching her to have her paws wiped when she comes in will help with mud.

Digging she should grow out of - or at least be trained out of. I often think its indicative of needing more stimulation so look for other activities you can do with her instead.

Sleeping on bed isn't great, she'll take up a lot of room when fully grown which will get in the way of intimacy. I'd encourage her to have her own bed.

Little sympathy with him being woken at 5 - does he expect only you to do the night wakes?

As everyone else has said - training. 100%. A friend got a retriever puppy as her first dog and I've never met a more obedient, friendly, intelligent animal, far more than my dog was! But this is only because she has spent so much time with him, masses of ongoing training. He's three now, enormous and still has training sessions because he gets so much out of them and loves going. Brilliant dog.

At 7 months I'd be expecting a golden retriever to go through the night without needing a 5am wee.

I won't comment on the bed sharing as we've ended up with a 10 month old lab on the bed! In our case it's worth it for the 9am lie ins

They are supposed to be the 4th most intelligent dog, but like any dog needs lots of training

Are there training groups near you, could you both take her?

I don’t have a retriever but mine knows she waits until I clean her paws when she comes in, she sleeps in her crate when I go out, and knows that

Hard work yes, but worth it

Puppies are HARD .
My theory is that they are so cute so that you keep them in the house
My Labrador was the a proper arsehole as a puppy, we just kept plugging away with his training and by 18 months he was MUCH better. By the age of 2 he was a joy to be around and remains so.

We have 2 dogs and they sleep in the lounge in their baskets. We have 2 cats too and they sleep in kitchen in baskets with underfloor heating on for them. In our house animals are not allowed upstairs. You are the adults, you make the rules.

I’m obsessed with my two dogs but I’d hate a lot of what you describe. DH would go absolutely spare, he loves the dogs and they adore him, but they are my dogs and mostly my responsibility, plus he’s not really a dog person like I am. They’re not allowed upstairs unless one of them is poorly and needs watching overnight.

We have a stair gate and a sign, not for the dogs to read but it reminds everyone to shut the gate so the temptation isn’t there for the dogs to go up there. They aren’t as big as golden retrievers but they’re still too big to be on the bed.

We are having building work done outside so there is a lot of mud being tracked in the house. We have hard floors and machine washable cheap rugs for now, and I sweep and mop every afternoon so when we sit down in the evening we sit in a clean environment. The dogs are allowed on the sofa but again, we have lots of cheap washable throws on there. My husband doesn’t mind the dogs licking his face but I hate it, so I try not to let them do it.

The dogs are taught to settle quietly after their dinner at 5pm, so no playing or jumping about.
They’re also really well trained so if DH takes them out for a walk their recall is solid.
Our youngest is 4 months old, crate trained, and has slept 10pm til 8am since she was 9 weeks. The dogs go back to bed after their morning toilet and breakfast until about 9.30/10, which keeps things civil at weekends.
If your husband isn’t a big dog person you have to make the effort to make having a dog a bit nicer and easier for everyone.