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The doghouse

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Original poster

Struggling to bond with my puppy

27 replies

CharlieBoo · 04/02/2022 21:56

Please don’t flame me.. I desperately want to love this little puppy with all my heart..

I’ve had him since October when he was 12 weeks old. He’s gorgeous, so super smart, very loving but he’s just so full of energy. I can’t seem to find enough time to wear him out!

I lost my old dog last year who was the same breed but a female. She was just the best, loveliest, gentle girl who only had eyes for me and I adored her. I missed her so much and I thought a new dog would help me heal and I could recreate that bond with another dog.

But… I just cant feel it with him. He’s just at everything, full of beans constantly. I’m out every morning walking him at 6 and then again when I get home from work. Twice I week I have a dog Walker just to give him some socialisation and to give me a morning off getting up so early.

I’m hoping that the love will grow and I will make a bond with him. Has anyone else been through this?

OP posts:
GingerAndTheBiscuits · 04/02/2022 22:19

Is he home alone all day? That might explain the pent up energy

Original poster
CharlieBoo · 04/02/2022 22:26

I leave for work at 8.30 and am home for 3.. he’s walked for 30 mins before I go and again when I get home. Twice a week he’s out with the dog Walker and the other 3 days my mum goes in at lunchtime.

OP posts:
Psychgrad · 04/02/2022 22:34

It took me a while to bond with my second dog as I was constantly comparing him to my first dog. Maybe try snd stop comparing snd just go with madness, you’ll bond eventually. Look up how to do scent work as that really tires dogs out, book him in for doggy day care a few times a week perhaps?

Littlehouseonthefairy · 05/02/2022 01:03

I think he is probably just excited to see you. 8.30 - 3 (6.5 hours) with a walk in the middle is quite a long time for a puppy. He may sleep a lot which would preserve all his energy for when you return. He'll be ready to go and want to be into everything. He'll not be that way forever. In a year he'll be much more settled. In 2 years he'll be a very different dog.

Lifeispassingby · 05/02/2022 01:30

I know that you know this but a young puppy is very different from an older loyal loving dog. It takes time to create bonds and it can feel impossible when you’ve not long lost an older dog that you had for along time. Not the same but we our older dog was 6 when we got a puppy and I found that hard because what I wanted was another older dog not a puppy lol.once I learnt to enjoy the pup for what she was then i found it easier not to compare them or feel exasperated by her! Plan to try some regular simple training and games/play sessions as it’s not just walks that tire a puppy out, and help to break up the length of time that the puppy is left to its own devices (that’s when they usually start getting into mischief!). These will also help create/strengthen a bond between you x

Susu49 · 05/02/2022 02:06

I think you just need time. It's easy to forget how bonds grow and deepen when you have a new pet after losing an older one, and young puppies are so demanding that it can a bit of a shock.

You'll get there, one day you'll just look at them and know .

user1477249785 · 05/02/2022 02:13

OP I think this is normal with puppies. When they require most work is ironically when we are least bonded with them. I remember doing a lot with mine out of duty while not really feeling much connection and then one day bang there it was. I can imagine this is even more accrue if you have the memory of a much loved old dog too.

fairylightsandwaxmelts · 05/02/2022 07:40

OP, I'm sorry but that's far, far too long to be leaving such a young puppy, even with a dog walker coming in at lunchtime.

You're leaving him alone for over six hours a day - that's more than the recommended time for a fully grown adult dog.

The reason he's at everything and constantly full of beans is because he's not getting enough time, company and stimulation during the day.

At six ish months he'll be just hitting his teenage phase and he needs positive outlets for his energy - not to be left by himself all day to create his own outlets Grin

Could you afford doggy daycare a couple of times a week, or could your mum help out and have him at her house?

Mine went to a home based daycare at that age, and then as he got older my in-laws would help out and have him while he worked.

I think the one of the reasons he's playing up is because he's left on his own so much and he then does anything he can to get your attention when you're home.

wetotter · 05/02/2022 08:01

6.5 hours is a long time for a dog to be left alone, and too much for your dog from the sound of it.

I recommend that on working days you always walk early morning, get a lunchtime dogwalker, and then walk again in the evening.

The morning walk need not be long, just a toilet walk with a good chance to sniff everything you pass. Then fun with the walker, and a longer more active walk with you in the evening, plus a daily training or play and tricks session (dogs need to think as well as be physically active)

Early mornings always feel worse at this time of year, and there's nit much light in the evenings either. But it will get better!

bert3400 · 05/02/2022 08:04

Keep the faith OP, we got a rescue puppy who was only 5 weeks old, 18 months ago ( not in the uk and it was a very sad story, so please don't question the timing of her arrival ) . We really struggled for the first year and it was such hard work . But we trained her and spent a huge amount of time focusing on her behaviour But now we have turned a corner & she is my little cuddle monster , full of love and follows me everywhere. I dearly love her but she occasionally still does my nut in Grin

GeneLovesJezebel · 05/02/2022 08:05

You have to remember that this dog is an individual, he will never be anything like your previous dog. You need to make a connection with this new individual.
And he’s alone too much.

NiceTwin · 05/02/2022 08:07

The dog walker's walk should not be instead of his morning walk, it should be in addition to.

Have you tried wearing him out mentally by doing training with him in an evening, if you have time.

Your love for him will come, remember he isn't your old dog, he has his own personality.

SmolCat · 05/02/2022 08:10

Could he go to day care rather than stay home alone? He’ll get his energy out all day and you’ll have slightly more chill time in the evenings.

ShittyFingers · 05/02/2022 08:35

What breed is he?

I wouldn’t leave a young puppy for that long every day. The longest I leave my adult dog is 5 hours and even then I feel guilty.

What training do you do?

StrawberryPot · 05/02/2022 09:44

Agree that's far too long for a puppy to be left alone. Asleep overnight, alone for most of the day. How do you expect him to behave when you are around?

Psychgrad · 05/02/2022 09:58

You need to mentally stimulate him. I have two rescue dogs, one is ridiculous lazy and only needs minimal walks, wouldn’t know how to do scent work or anything while the other one is nuts, she’s a working breed (which I knew nothing about before I adopted) she needs 90 minutes walk a day, maybe even more. I book in a dog walker on top of my own walk and she’s much better behaved as a result. With high energy dogs you need to give them work to do, scent work, puzzle toys, antler chews, social meet ups with other dogs, training classes or training at home if you’re good at it. Never in my life did I ever envision getting up at 6am to walk in the dark, freezing cold before work but I do it for her. If I didn’t, she would drive me up the wall.

Hoppinggreen · 05/02/2022 12:19

He is on his own for far too long, I wouldn’t leave my 5 year old dog for that length of time
All his behaviour sounds pretty normal for a puppy that age (especially one that is left to his own devices so much) and you are expecting too much.
I think you have forgotten what puppies are like

Original poster
CharlieBoo · 05/02/2022 15:16

Thanks for your messages.. he’s out with my dog walker for 2 hours by the time he’s collected and brought back and my mum comes in at lunchtimes for an hour and watches bargain hunt with him lol! So he’s not on his own for 6 hours..

He has lots of training, my teenage kids do most of that with him, he’s super clever and picks it up so quickly. He loves it at the park with all the other dogs and we do that daily.. he’s just got more energy than any other dog I’ve had.. he’s a cavalier King Charles spaniel.

OP posts:
fairylightsandwaxmelts · 05/02/2022 15:24

Hmm, that's still a long time alone for such a young puppy, and I expect it's why he plays up a bit in the evenings - he doesn't see you most of the day so he just wants to get your attention and has figured out how to get that. Remember, for dogs, all attention is good attention!

Does your mum walk him or just sit and watch TV and give him some company? I would encourage her to walk him if possible, or do something like scent games in the garden if not. You need to work him physically and mentally if you want him to be happy on his own for such long periods, or else he will find his own amusement.

Floralnomad · 05/02/2022 15:32

Ido think it’s too long to be on his own ( hope he’s not caged ) but if that’s life then there’s not much you can do except have the dog walker every day which would be better . WRT how you feel about him I don’t necessarily think another dog helps you get over the loss of a much loved dog . Our current dog is definitely the dog of my life from a love point of view , when he goes we will get another but I don’t expect to ever feel about another dog the way I feel about him . I also think that when you’ve had an older dog it’s very difficult to remember how full on it is with a puppy .

Greenlight4 · 05/02/2022 15:40

Agree that puppies take some getting used to.

In a bit like missing an adult child, then having a baby. Although you went through the baby stage before, it always seems that much worse! And the bonding time seems longer, and the things you miss doing together like family days out, long walks etc aren't the same with a misbehaved toddler! Your older dog had many years of learning how to fit your routine, how to responsd an how to be your best friend and this one's just learning

It can really amplify personality differences etc but eventually you'll come to appreciate their personalities individually

MaryLennoxsScowl · 05/02/2022 16:04

I adored my puppy from the start, but DH didn’t - he took much longer to bond with him. What helped were puppy classes really - DH loved trying to teach DDog things and went on to teach him all sorts of tricks. It was the dedicated hour a week in which you’re not trying to fit in anything else and can just focus on the dog, and there’s someone there to help if you get frustrated or stuck. Could you manage a dog class once a week? It doesn’t have to be puppy classes; it could be agility or something. You’ll start to get proud of the dog for learning things and that’ll go a long way - and the class will wear the dog out so they’re quieter at home, so win-win!

Original poster
CharlieBoo · 05/02/2022 16:13

@MaryLennoxsScowl yes agility classes would be fab! At 6 months old he can do paw, other paw, sit, lay and turn.. he’s amazing with the ball and brings it back to me every time.. he is super clever and learns things so quickly… my old dog was the complete opposite, no tricks just a nice snuggly lap to sit on and she was happy! But new puppy loves to be on the go and I think agility classes he would love!

I had such a strong bond with my old dog and I so want it with him too, I think it will just take some time..

OP posts:
fairylightsandwaxmelts · 05/02/2022 16:24

Please don't try and do any agility yet, he's far too young - you need to wait until he's at least a year old to protect his joints. Most good classes will have age restrictions for a reason.

lisaandalan · 05/02/2022 16:42

That's too long for a puppy to be alone he needs to be in doggy daycare.