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The doghouse

If you're worried about your pet's health, please speak to a vet or qualified professional.

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Original poster

Prefer dog to toddler

12 replies

worstmum · 27/01/2022 09:00

I had to name change for this. I have a toddler around 18months. Motherhood has been the hardest thing I've ever done, im already on antidepressants before anyone says im depressed. I know I'm depressed. It's part pandemic fatigue/ part PND / part 'this shit is hard/ part 'no childcare but back at work' fatigue.

But right now I'd rather rescue 10 problem dogs than spend the day with my toddler. It's all so fucking relentless. I guess this doesn't really belong in the Doghouse but I'm to afraid to post anywhere else! I already one really problematic dog I don't need any more in my life. But somehow I've now gotten in touch with two rescues and there are two potential dogs I could adopt tomorrow if I wanted to.

I have support and help for my toddler, I don't need another rescue with fear or sep anxiety issues.

OP posts:

RunningFromInsanity · 27/01/2022 09:07

No reputable rescue is going to rehome a dog to a home with a toddler.

I get that you are struggling but don’t inflict your currently chaotic life on an innocent dog.

Original poster

worstmum · 27/01/2022 09:20

@RunningFromInsanity I'm not in the U.K. where I am dogs are left on the streets to die, it would be very easy for me to re home a dog that was abandoned, either an adult or puppy.

Thanks for the harsh comment though. It's probably what I need. I want to rescue another dog to give them a better life but also clearly to feel better about myself and to have a break from the feed/nap/play& manage tantrums & hold down a full time job cycle I'm living

OP posts:

LizziesTwin · 27/01/2022 09:22

Normally when life is hard people reduce complications rather than adding them.

Motorina · 27/01/2022 09:24

I don't have kids. A big part of the reason is I fundamentally prefer dogs to children. So I'm 100% with you there.

I also understand the urge, when your life feels broken, to take in a broken thing that you can fix as a proxy. That will - it feels - love and adore you, in a way that it probably feels like your toddler doesn't right now.

It won't help. It will just be another thing in the work/sleep/work/clean/sob cycle. Another commitment to juggle and to feel bad over.

It's not good for the dog and, more importantly, it's not good for you or your child.

I agree you need things to get better. This is not the solution to make that happen.

XelaM · 27/01/2022 09:58

I am often much nicer to my dog than to my kid. She's not a toddler, but an early teen and I find myself constantly nagging her/arguing with her whereas I'm always so nice to the dog (because he's so cute and cuddly and doesn't talk back ). I can understand you but honestly don't add to your stress by getting another dog!

Friendofdennis · 27/01/2022 10:08

So sorry that you are struggling with your baby and being a mum. It must be hard having to combine working with your other responsibilities. Is there any way at all that you could cut down on your hours a bit ?

Original poster

worstmum · 27/01/2022 12:49

Thank you for the kind words. I wrote my post in a 4am haze after another difficult night and me trying to keep my toddler quiet so the rest of the house could keep sleeping a bit longer.

I know it's just a fantasy brining another dog into our lives. Wouldn't be fair on anyone. I'm not actually going to do it, but in my dark moments I like to think about it. I always thought we'd have two dogs, but our first is a handful in ways that are not his fault.

DH and I recently decided we were sticking to one child for many practical, and real reasons and I feel right about it. Can't imagine going through any of these early stages again. But it's made us both think about what we actually what from our lives and I want more dogs. I want to go on dog holidays, go to dog parks, meet other dog people. I had wanted to do agility with our current dog but that's not possible for his health reasons.

I appreciate the stern talking to and I won't be irresponsible enough to bring another into our chaos as one poster put it.

OP posts:

RunningFromInsanity · 27/01/2022 13:18

Ah you sound much less chaotic now!
I know my post was harsh I was hoping tough love might work.

For what it’s worth, my dog has issues and dog parks, dog meet ups etc are impossible which has soured my view of dog ownership. I so want to be able to do what other dog owners do, but can’t.

Ylvamoon · 27/01/2022 14:44

My DC are convinced that I love my dogs more than them... DD (17!!) Is still jealous of the dogs .
On a practical note, what is it that you enjoy about having a dog?
Some doggy activities can be crossed with toddler activities, thus all will be at least tired and ready for a few hours rest!

Original poster

worstmum · 27/01/2022 17:12

@RunningFromInsanity

Ah you sound much less chaotic now! I know my post was harsh I was hoping tough love might work.

For what it’s worth, my dog has issues and dog parks, dog meet ups etc are impossible which has soured my view of dog ownership. I so want to be able to do what other dog owners do, but can’t.

Thanks @RunningFromInsanity . It's been a rough week! Teething has ousted sleep from my house!

I'm sorry to hear about your dog guardianship experience. Mine is unfortunately the same. Mine is highly reactive and also cannot do the things which I described.

I yearn for things to have been different with our current dog. It's occasionally hard to accept the reality and an imaginary second dog fixing all the issues is a highly magical daydream.

I do love my toddler. He's amazing! Super cute and fun, but still not talking and starting to tantrum due to lack of communication. I've been without childcare since he was born and went back to work full time for financial reasons. I felt I never properly enjoyed my maternity leave as I was in the worst of my PND. It's strange how all these issues become entangled together at 4am with lack of sleep.

OP posts:

Original poster

worstmum · 27/01/2022 17:23

@Motorina

I don't have kids. A big part of the reason is I fundamentally prefer dogs to children. So I'm 100% with you there.

It won't help. It will just be another thing in the work/sleep/work/clean/sob cycle. Another commitment to juggle and to feel bad over.

It's not good for the dog and, more importantly, it's not good for you or your child.

I agree you need things to get better. This is not the solution to make that happen.

@Motorina I can't tell you how much your post helped me. I read it, re read and re read it and it's so on point.

I can't seem to fix broken me, I want to fix something else that's broken.

Also I have to say the whole street dogs thing is very real and is distressing to witness over and over again without being able to do much except donate money to charities which I already do.

OP posts:

Pumpkintopf · 27/01/2022 21:22

Op you sound amazing with all the things you're juggling. It must be really hard seeing dogs on the street, I'd want to take them all home. Mothering a toddler is tough, but it does get easier. I echo a previous poster's suggestion to do activities dog and child can both enjoy- if your dog is reactive then maybe isolated walks I guess.

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