Dogs, babies & antenatal classes

[AgathaMystery]

Hi all, I would really appreciate some advice if you don’t mind sharing some!

I teach a lot of antenatal classes & when I ask couples what they are most looking forward to they often answer ‘introducing our dog/s to the baby’

I always ask if they are getting ready to prepare their dog for a new baby in the house. Some are very proactive. Others not. Some say ‘yes we are letting DDog into the nursery to sniff everything’ & others say ‘yes we are making form rules no dogs upstairs anymore/in the nursery’.

I am not afraid of dogs but over the many yrs of my job I have been bitten twice on community visits to new babies. I am very cautious around dogs and always stress about not leaving dogs/babies alone.

Sometimes I hear things that are absolute red flags to me (dogs sleep in our bed and will do when baby is with us too, our dog is so kind I know I can trust it with the baby) and I have recently supported a friend who had to rehome their beloved dog when he went for her and their 3 day old baby. I wished at the time I knew a bit more about these situations.

I would really love it if anyone has some ‘golden rules’ for introducing a new baby to a dog. I am not a dog owner but I understand that these dogs are beloved family members.

wow, dog and newborn in the same bed.
madness.

I think it is really interesting that you are thinking of this, and I would love to see you ending up doing a whole session about dog/baby safety, including the idea that some dogs will not accept the new baby at all.

I love my dog, but this is why he doesn't sleep in our bed.

Thanks, it was my friends terrible situation that really got me thinking about it. Her dog (18mo) just went for her when she walked in the house with the new baby. 2 other DC at home. She spent 5 days upstairs whilst they rehomed the dog. At one point her DH had to get between the dog and her. Very odd & totally out of the blue. And absolutely heartbreaking for them all.

I really want to support ‘my’ couples to safely parent their babies & dogs.

Dogs Trust have advice on preparing your dog for a baby:
www.dogstrust.org.uk/help-advice/training/preparing-your-dog-for-a-new-baby

Yes I have looked at Dogs Trust. I am going to use the stair gate idea. I just wondered if experienced owners had any dos/don’ts as honestly if I was a dog owner the Dogs Trust advice wouldn’t have prepared me. It is not very in depth.

Again, I’m not a dog owner. Maybe it’s sufficient?

Personally I would keep dog and baby apart and supervised at all times.
Get the dog used to sounds such as crying (play recordings), put gates in doorways and get dog to practice walking calmly alongside the pram before baby arrives.

I don’t think it’s good to encourage the dog to sniff/bond with the baby. You want dog ignoring the baby ideally…….

Train ‘on your bed’ in a positive way so they stay there. Relaxed and in a safe space, not feeling excluded or punished.

Make time to spend 1-2-1 with the dog playing/training/walking etc so they don’t feel neglected.

I would actually recommend speaking to a dog trainer to see what they would recommend. Many people stop going to a dog trainer after the first few puppy classes and so won’t have that advice to hand. Ideally, you would have a trainer that can explain about dog behaviour and why you want to generally do things as different breeds will need different things.

That being said we have a 9 week old and 2 dogs (lab and cockapoo) and this is what we did:
One dog slept upstairs one night a week and we stopped that in advance of the baby coming so it wasn’t because of the baby.
Whilst pregnant we worked on stopping the dogs jumping. Introduced a “calm” command which can be used if the dogs are playing, barging past us/the baby etc.
We already had the “bed” command but we reinforced that during pregnancy. Making sure the dogs would get on their beds when told to, this means I can answer the door with baby in my arms without worrying about the dogs. It also means I can put them on their beds if the midwife or health visitor came.
We also got them used to being in a different room to us. Again helpful for when the midwife/HV came.
Put the pram up before we brought DD home. Walked around the garden with the empty pram and dogs on lead. Got the dogs used to the pram being put in the boot while they waited. Got them used to the car seat being out. Put the Moses basket up in advance and rocked it.
Played baby crying sounds. Loudly. Lots of praise when they ignored it.
Bought a doll and walked round with it, sat with it on our knees. Told them to leave it.
Bought a new toy for the dogs, this was given to them when the baby came home.
If DH had come home from the hospital separately he’d have brought something that smelt of DD for the dogs to sniff and put in their beds. As it was, we all came home together. DH went in the house first and put the dogs out, I went upstairs with DD and closed the door to the bedroom. We introduced the dogs one at a time.
Baby is never left alone with dogs. If I need to go to a different room, either the dogs or the baby come with me.
We kept the dogs routine. They still go out with their dog walker, still do their activities even if it means one of us is at home with the baby.
We bought a number of puzzle toys to put their meals in to help keep them occupied if we had visitors or DD was fussing and we couldn’t give them attention.
We still try to do something with the dogs. So DH will play with them while I have the baby and then DH will take the baby while I play/fuss the dogs.
Gentle introductions of the dogs to the baby. Always only one dog at a time and both of us supervising the dog when allowing them to sniff. Very slow introduction and at different rates for each dog depending on their reactions.
We do lots of obedience in the house. Trying to keep their brains busy. A bit of regression in behaviour can sometimes happen when you introduce a new baby (or new puppy) so we’re just reinforcing everything with lots of repetitive training, lots of treats (they’re being exercised and we use their kibble as treats so as to not over feed).

We’ve avoided doggy daycare because we found our dogs become harder to control when they’re there. They become so used to playing all day, every day and that isn’t something we want in them at the minute.

Never let the dog be with the baby unsupervised (which means one of you is awake, not asleep!) .

Don't neglect the dog - DH made sure he took ours for lots of walks, plenty of positive attention. It's a bit like avoiding sibling rivalry.

That's the main two points I think.

Any changes you intend to make, do it months in advance.
Do not neglect DDog.
Make huge fuss of DDog when you bring baby home, new toy, cuddles etc and make sure visitors do this if they normally fuss the dog too.
Introduce baby items to DDog pram etc even take the dog for a walk with the pram if need be.
Play baby crying/screaming sounds.
Make sure dog has a safe place to get away from child/visitors if needed.

We were lucky, DDog is a Labrador and loved his new friend, especially when she had food. He isn’t phased by anything, not bothered by fireworks, vacuum, washing machine etc and loves children. Boisterous though so is capable of knocking them over, which is something we have to watch out for. He also follows them everywhere, so we have to say ‘be calm’ and use a treat to entice him to another room occasionally.

The main thing is to never ever leave dogs and children unattended - always take one of them with you when you leave the room and close the other behind a door or baby gate.

Oh - and don't neglect the dog.

A lot of issues seem to occur because people suddenly seem to expect their dog to cope with loads less fuss and attention and exercise and the they wonder why the dog starts barking or having behavioural issues.

If you can't manage to walk your dog then hire a dog walker. Don't expect your dog to suddenly go from (for example) three hour long walks a day to two twenty minute walks.

Keep the dogs' routine in place and make any changes (like sleeping arrangements) before the baby even gets home so that the dog doesn't associate the baby with being kicked out of the bed etc.

To be honest we winged it when our first DC was born. I was living with relatives at the time and the four (!) dogs were used to babies, crying, yelling toddlers etc anyway. There were always people staying, and in and out of the house, so the dogs were used to visitors. Also neither DH nor I was a particularly important person in the dogs' lives, so we didn't even consider issues of jealousy.

We brought the baby home, let the dogs have a sniff, and that was pretty much that. Their normal routine continued, there was always someone with the baby and there were no issues at all. They were not at all bothered by their favourite people cuddling and carrying the baby, as they were used to this happening anyway.

So in retrospect I'd say that the key things are getting dogs used to babies and baby noises, supervising the dogs around the baby, and making sure that the dogs continue to get enough exercise and stimulation.

As you're not a dog person, you won't carry credibility with dog owners - no matter how right you are - so you need to use resources like the Dogs Trust ones.

And see if you can find a local behaviourist/trainer to talk you through, so you can be absolutely sure of what you say

Key message is never, ever together unless closely supervised by a fully awake adult (or experienced and adult-sized teenager, no younger). Closely supervised means within arm's reach, ideally with adult between infant and dog (and always up in between if you can'tngive full,attention)

Stairgates are very important for other times you need a barrier

if you have to make changes to the dogs routine, do so well in advance (same as when preparing a human toddler!) but remember you still need to fit in same amount of activity (brain and body) as before

In the immediate first weeks, you will need to give the dog extra attention (boost its morale, it's a sentient creature and will feel a loss)

I had a giant breed dog when I bought home dd and ds. My rules were - dog was never allowed to 'protect' the baby - that was my job and I didn't need a dog who had never been trained in protection stressing about baby. He was not allowed to sleep between me and the Moses basket/pram/high chair. He was behind a stair gate when baby was on the floor unless I was also on the floor and fully focused on the situation. We had stairgates between the kitchen and living room and at the bottom of the stairs so I could keep them separate.

My dog was the calmest kindest dog, but I never once trusted him to know how to be with the baby as one wrong move could be life changing for all of us.

My dog was crate trained so if baby was crying/upset the dog could go to his crate away from the noise and stress and relax. If he chose to go in his crate he would get a (preprepared and frozen so easy to grab) stuffed kong to help him chill out.

We made sure his routine didn't change to the best of our ability and actually started changing it slowly once we knew I was pregnant. Instead of getting an hour at 6am we edged his walk back to 9am over several months and made his morning walk much shorter. We paid for a dog walker in the afternoon. This meant he didn't associate the changes with the baby arriving.

He was not allowed to lick the baby - or anyone else.

Baby was never allowed to touch his toys/food/grab at him or climb on him. Baby was taught from the start 'gentle'.

You'll do great I'm sure - because you care enough to be thinking and researching! The big thing is set yourself up to NEVER leave them together unsupervised - whatever the breed or size of dog. Accidents CAN happen, and babies are so fragile...

There's quite a good book on this that we used, and we also paid for a behaviourist to consult and check through our prep plan with us.

Dogs, Bumps and Babies: Preparing... https://www.amazon.co.uk/dp/B092PGCXHT?ref=ppxpoppmobappshare

Broadly, the stuff we've done falls under planning, training, desensitisation and management. The goal is/was for the dog to find the baby boring, and 10 weeks in we're doing pretty well ((fingers crossed!)).
*
Planning*

Vets for routine check and make sure all is up to date.

Worked out a realistic routine of 'what the dog must get in the day'.

Stocked up on food and also a huge toybox of treats, chews, toys and goodies to gradually release once our baby arrived.

We also made the call to never take out the dog and the pram at the same time - there are too many bad dog owners and off lead dogs out there these days.

IMO, you can't be aware enough of issues that may arise if you're (rightly!) focused on the baby and the pram. Also, it's better for your dog to have some focused time with you every day!

*Training
*
Mine already did most of this stuff before, but we really polished her skills up:

4-on the floor

Back up cue (we beep like a lorry and she reverses)

Stop! cue - to stop as she runs toward you

Build up alone time and independent play skills (feed all meals in interactive feeders to make mealtime last a bit longer for example)

On your bed! cue - and work on generalising this to ANY bed or soft thing you point at

Getting 'leave it' rock solid

And just general good house manners... 'down', 'wait' at doors, not stealing stuff, etc etc.

Desensitisation

Baby crap around the house (pram etc)

Stair gates in early

Change routine early - starting with less 'mummy time' and more walks and fuss with DH ((sobs!))

Reduce access to upstairs - used to be free, now only when gated and supervised.

Stop access to baby's room

Get used to not having her sitting on/snuggling with/shadowing me at all times!

Noise - we meant to do play crying noises then forgot! It hasn't bothered her TBH - she just goes and takes herself off to a different room!

Management

Train your OH if you're your dog's main person - don't assume that they'll have noticed how your look after/train your dog unless the dog is a proper 50/50 family dog! This was half my prep work

Get a walker organised for the first month at least - for the dog's good and so you don't get guilt! We started with it 3 weeks before due date so it wasn't a shock.

Add a herbal calming supplement to support through transition

Manage your space and set yourself up for success. We have stairgates and play pens to zone the house and even within rooms - and they've been invaluable.

You can also put yourself and the baby IN a pen - we did for BF time for the first few weeks!

We practiced using them for a month before the baby arrived so it's all motor memory once it matters and you're doing it one handed.

We also got sorted with options for emergency boarding in case it was a nightmare in the first few weeks to give us some time to learn to be keep the baby alive! Didn't need 'em, but it was good to have in mind!

Very good luck!

Just to add - I've just read back you were asking for general advice and not specify to your own new baby - blame the baby brain - I got all distracted while I was writing! And can't see to edit (new to MN).

I love that you are asking this to include in antenatal classes! So many dogs end up on rescue or living in crates because people don't think/prep, this could be such a gamechanger for the families you work with.

Just wanted to add that there were things the behaviourist told us NOT to do:

Actively introduce dog and the baby - your goal is to have the dog ignore, not interact.

Leave prep too late - dogs need time to adjust, so start in the second trimester if you can.

Lie to ourselves - about how much would change for the dog.

Have no backup plan - it's important to be ready for things NOT being easy.

Our dog is a lovely, loving staffy - 'the nanny dog' - but we wanted to set her and ourselves up for success, and so saw this doggie prep as just as important as any antenatal classes!

Lots of people seem not to, and rely on 'bring home something that smells of the baby from hospital' and winging it. Which frankly terrifies me! One wouldn't expect a human sibling to adjust without prep, support and management... and they don't have teeth...

My honest view is that if you get a dog when you are young enough to have a baby then you should never allow certain things in the first place e.g. dogs on furniture/in your bed etc.

Interestingly I was having a conversation about this with my dog’s trainer only the other day (he’s a guide dog,) and he was saying that the most frustrating thing is that his brother bought a dog some years back, spoiled it, treated it like a baby, allowed it on the furniture and his bed, and then they had a baby and suddenly the dog wasn’t allowed to do these things, and yet these were behaviours which had previously been allowed.

If people only treated their dogs like dogs and not like children an awful lot of these things wouldn’t be an issue, because the dog would know its place and wouldn’t suddenly be put out when a new baby came along. Added to which dogs really don’t like being treated like children, no matter how much their owners think they do.

Thank you all. These are such helpful points & I really appreciate everyone taking the time to share their ideas & experiences. I think this is maybe an area that a lot of dog owners are under preparing for. My last cohort all 10 couples had dogs & one 1 couple was doing some of the suggestions above.

Evening everyone, I just wanted to say thank you to you all for your brilliant hints & tips last week.

Like many of you suggested I spoke to a canine behaviourist who repeated almost word for word what you all said about dogs & babies. He was really insightful & I feel better equipped to talk about this issue now.

Thank you all for your time, I really appreciate you all.