Worried about my mum and her dog.

[YourHandInMyHand]

My mum has had a dog for a couple of years now from being a pup. It's from a reputable breeder, and is beautiful and lovable but he's an absolute untrained nightmare!!

Several of her grandkids won't visit due to the dog. He's too big, bouncy,, and loud. One of mine will only visit if the dog can't get to them, and instead of moving the dog to another part of the house my mum says my child can go in a room on their own with the door shut.

Its knocked over an adult before in the street. It's knocked a child over too. My mum has been almost pulled over by him a couple of times walking him on a lead and I'm worried he will injure her if she actually does get pulled over.

Dog has no recall. Pulls on lead. Barks so so loudly all. The. Time.

My mum let's the dog sit with his face hanging over her food plate while she's eating and just laughs.

It's putting us all off visiting.
Neighbours have moaned about the barking.

She says it's due to lockdown but realistically he could still have been walked just as much, trained and socialised etc. Mum works from home and dog is very needy of her eg barks when she's on the phone, knocks phone out of her hand, barks if he's not being talked to etc.

I know realistically there's not much I can do, but it's so frustrating that nothing has changed and I'm worried about him injuring her, and I'm sad for my child that essentially gets put in another room if we visit (which I've decided we won't be doing, I feel its not a nice message to my child tbh).

Im not sure why I'm posting really, other than to get it off my chest. I can't control what my mum does, it's just a worry.

I'm a massive dog lover, we have a dog too but mine is quiet and well trained. I put a lot of time into ensuring good recall, nice lead walking etc. He is a smart, beautiful dog but currently like a huge spoilt noisy toddler in a dogs body.

Hi op
What type of dog is your mums dog? Certain breeds have more clingy tendencies
Have you suggested lightly to your mum that she needs a professional trainer? There's no shame in it I've had a very expensive one in for my own dogs!

If your mum can't see that there's an issue then she isn't going to put the effort into learning about dog training and then applying that. There's not much you can do about that.

The good news is though that - if this is just training and not behaviour (ie he jumps up, can't sit on command and is doesn't come with called - but doesn't have separation anxiety, reactivity etc etc) then it would be relatively easy for someone motivated and with a modicum of skill to train him.

I am glad you're not going there, your poor child. No way would they be shut in a room if they were mine, we would all leave and not visit again.

Is it fully grown, or still getting bigger/stronger? It may well injure her at that rate, or bite her if it is that needy and out of control, with no boundaries (especially with food).

Essentially though, the question is whether your mum thinks any of these things are problems?

Has she ever trained a dog before?

Sounds like a nightmare situation but unfortunately there isn't much you can do if your mum refuses to train the dog.
She could benefit from a professional trainer I'd say.

I agree I wouldn't be taking my child there anymore, no way I would have my child sitting in another room on their own because she refuses to train her dog.
She needs to understand that if she isn't willing to put the time/effort and money in to training she can't expect people to want to come to her house.

I'm also a big dog lover, I have two but irresponsible owners who don't bother to train and let their dogs do what they want really annoy me, it's what gives so many dogs a bad name

The dog is a retriever. He's fully grown now.

He is definitely trainable. He can give you his paw for a treat, he likes fetch if he's in the mood for it, sits sometimes on command. He's okay being left with a kong and seems happy enough with that so I don't think separation anxiety is a major issue.

I don't think it's the dog so much as lack of training. We've always had dogs, but looking back the dogs my mum had on her own (so hers to train) were very similar.

Yep it's very frustrating and worrying.

Trainers have been mentioned. Sometimes gently, sometimes bluntly. Nothing ever comes of it.

@YourHandInMyHand

The dog is a retriever. He's fully grown now.

He is definitely trainable. He can give you his paw for a treat, he likes fetch if he's in the mood for it, sits sometimes on command. He's okay being left with a kong and seems happy enough with that so I don't think separation anxiety is a major issue.

I don't think it's the dog so much as lack of training. We've always had dogs, but looking back the dogs my mum had on her own (so hers to train) were very similar.

Yep it's very frustrating and worrying.

Trainers have been mentioned. Sometimes gently, sometimes bluntly. Nothing ever comes of it.

It definitely sounds like with a bit of training he could be a lovely dog!

Retrievers are lovely dogs but they are big and strong, untrained they could do a lot of damage - even just the knocking over you've mentioned in your OP is enough to cause injury.

I think all you can keep doing is reminding her you're not coming to see her until she has the dog trained. If she refuses to listen there isn't much else you can do really

Yes we have a history in our family of various relatives having retrievers so I know the breed quite well, and how well they can be trained. He's a lovely dog, he's just currently a bit too untrained.

I really hope she sorts things out. I feel sorry for the dog too really as well as worrying he's going to knock my mum over (or someone else again).

FWIW I think this is partly a generational thing. My grandmother was born in the 1910s and had absorbed her own ideas on dog rearing from her own, Victorian, grandmother.

Looking back, they all had lovely natures, but were only loosely trained. Recall - they came back if they felt like it (never occurred to us at the time to take treats out!), they jumped up constantly (but were only little so it didn't matter so much), and they were awful for begging at the table. They could do a sit and a lie down on command, but not much else. No one thought that any of this was a problem.

My DF has absorbed his ideas on dog rearing from her, and when he dog sits for me it's a battle just to get him to take treats out with him for recall. I cannot tell you how many arguments we've had about it - he thinks the dog should just come back because he says so and the dog loves him. According to him I was "cruel" for putting the dog's food in a puzzle toy, until I put down a bowl of food and a puzzle, and he saw the dog choose the puzzle first.

None of it, I should add, involved hitting dogs or anything awful. It predated by many decades Barbara Woodhouse, let alone Cesar Millan. They were lovely dogs, but looking back they were quite undertrained.

I think what people expect of dogs has changed a lot - many members of the public expect reliably impeccable behaviour from dogs (even though, fully grown, they have the cognitive abilities of a human 3 year old!) whereas there was much more of a recognition that dogs will be dogs years ago. I remember being a child, and the dog bit me very mildly. After being asked what I was doing, it was swiftly determined that it was my fault and I was told off... quite right too!

That's interesting! My experience family history wise has been different. My grandparents always had 2 dogs at a time and they were very well behaved. Would sit outside a shop silently and wait, never jumped up or knocked anyone over, only barked at an intruder etc. My dog has good recall, which isn't a given for her breed, and I don't rely on treats while out with her. I did put a lot of time in with her the first year or two though.

It is interesting to think about how our views of what we expect from dogs over the years has changed though.

Like I say he's a lovable dog just rather wild, and being a big lad I worry he will knock my mum flying.