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If you're worried about your pet's health, please speak to a vet or qualified professional.

Deciding when to say goodbye

26 replies

UnexpectedItemInShaggingArea · 09/01/2022 18:36

DDog is 15, a mixed breed, possibly collie/spaniel cross. He was a rescue at 6m.

He's been really fit and well all his life but of course slowed down a lot over the last few years. Now he's quite frail and I'm wondering when people make the decision to put older pets down.

DDog now:

He spends up to 22 hours a day in one of his beds/baskets.

He has 1 or 2 short walks (15 mins) per day. He has to be lifted in and out of the car. He can potter in the garden by himself. He can't manage steps up or down very well (lack of confidence and back leg power).

He poops in the house a few times a week, usually in his basket when he doesn't wake up quickly enough. This distresses him.

About once or twice a week his back legs collapse and he has to be helped back up onto his feet. This hasn't happened when he's alone yet but it would be awful if it did as he gets really panicked.

He has arthritis but it's well controlled with medication.

He is deaf and can't seem to see very well.

He barks to be let out at 5am 3-4 times a week. Sometimes he forgets the way back to the door and we have to go searching for him (we have front, back and side gardens).

He's generally content and loving but gets anxious when DH leaves the house.

Has anyone had an old dog like this?

OP posts:
whylieandpretend · 09/01/2022 19:00

Oh love 😪
It's time...
It's the last thing you can do for him.
Sending love 💕

Pedestriancrossing · 09/01/2022 19:06

I'm so sorry but I agree that it is time. Better a week too soon than a day too late. Your doggo is very loved and has had a long life, it is our hardest act of caring to let them go peacefully. x

Alisae · 09/01/2022 19:14

I’m so sorry op, it sounds like it is time Flowers

Last week my parents had to say goodbye to their dog. I helped them find someone who would come to their home (cloud 9 vets, couldn’t recommend enough).

I went round expecting it to be horrible but it was such a dignified and peaceful end for the old boy. He went happily dozing away, completely oblivious (that sedative was amazing!) surrounded by everyone who loved him.

The vet said that she sees so many sad cases where the owners have left it far too long and the dog is already suffering by the time she gets there (dragging itself around by two legs etc). Parents dear old boy was pretty much in the same way as your dog, and she said it was the right time.

Ilikewinter · 09/01/2022 19:14

I agree I think its time 💐.
Its the hardest decision to make and its hearbreaking OP

Alisae · 09/01/2022 19:19

Just to add op that initially my parents were wracked with guilt, who feel somehow that they are being selfish by making the decision.

As the vet pointed out to them, it was the last and most selfless and loving thing they could ever do for ddog.

Ilikewinter · 09/01/2022 20:17

As the vet pointed out to them, it was the last and most selfless and loving thing they could ever do for ddog.

This is so true and our vet said the same to us when we had to let winterpup1 go.

MyQuietPlace · 09/01/2022 20:53

Oh, how sad. Such a shame for the poor old boy. It sounds as though he's not really got much of a quality of life. Sorry to say, but it's time, I think Flowers

Catsrus · 09/01/2022 21:27

From everything you say here it sounds like it's time. Let him go, stoke his head and tell him you love him as he gently goes to sleep. As people have said, it's the last kindness we can give them.

imnotacelebritygetmeoutofhere · 09/01/2022 21:49

"About once or twice a week his back legs collapse and he has to be helped back up onto his feet. This hasn't happened when he's alone yet but it would be awful if it did as he gets really panicked."

This would mean it's time for me. Sorry OP. I bet he's had the best life possible with you. Time to let him rest. Thanks

UnexpectedItemInShaggingArea · 10/01/2022 08:39

Thanks all. It's so tough as he's very happy 80% of the time but I think it's better to go without suffering than wait until a crisis.

Here he is.

Deciding when to say goodbye
OP posts:
UnexpectedItemInShaggingArea · 10/01/2022 08:41

@imnotacelebritygetmeoutofhere thank you Thanks he has been the heart and soul of our family. DD has never known life without him.

OP posts:
imnotacelebritygetmeoutofhere · 10/01/2022 09:09

What a beautiful boy! He looks gorgeous ❤️

onlyreadingneverposting8 · 10/01/2022 09:27

Generally, as a person who has many dogs over the years - if you're not sure and the dog is happy most of the time - it's NOT time. I'd also ask your vet - they can offer a more objective and informed judgement than on the internet.

One of our dogs is 15.5yr. Small mixed breed. He sleeps most of the time (not a reason to put him down). He potters about the garden - no walks now - he can't manage them. He's mobile therefore, not a reason to put him down. He has poor sight but can hear and knows how to get about the house. He enjoys his food and gets animated if he smells something he really wants. He's in good health - but stiff on his back end but nothing major. He's not incontinent but won't do things outside now. We have hard flooring so I see it as inconvenient but manageable.

onlyreadingneverposting8 · 10/01/2022 09:28

He likes to be settled to sleep and lets us know if he's anxious by barking. He didn't used to do this but it's just a case of sitting with him for a few minutes so he's settled and he likes to be in the room with us during the day if we are around.

See you vet and be guided by them.

UnexpectedItemInShaggingArea · 10/01/2022 14:26

@onlyreadingneverposting8 thank you. It's a difficult call. He is very content but his back legs are very wobbly and he is pooing in the house which really upsets him. We also have hard flooring so it's not been that bad.

We don't really know our vet / they don't know us. He's been so, so healthy all his life that we have hardly bothered them! My SIL uses the same vet and (IMO) they overtreated her very elderly Westie who had a lot of conditions. But that's just one case.

OP posts:
Alisae · 11/01/2022 15:06

Thinking of you op Flowers

Dora26 · 11/01/2022 15:11

I too think it’s time . The hardest most unselfish thing we have to do but it is the one time they ask us to step up. Good luck

PermanentlyDizzy · 11/01/2022 16:24

@UnexpectedItemInShaggingArea, we are in a similar position to you with our 16 year old Lurcher. To be honest, two days before Christmas dh and I felt it was likely to be between Christmas and New Year, but he has totally rallied since then and seems to be thoroughly enjoying himself at the moment.

We see our vet monthly and keep a good day/bad day weekly diary on a magnetic whiteboard on the fridge, so we can monitor any decline objectively. (Easy to do using red/amber/green whiteboard pens to score each day and noting anything new or unusual.)

My boy is also unsteady on his back legs, caused by spinal issues, but he isn’t in any pain with them and it doesn’t phase him at all when he wobbles or they refuse to work properly. He’s always been a really laid back dog and I think that helps as nothing phases him really. We have quite a large step out of our back door to the garden and he still manages that ok.

We’ve had a couple of occasions when he’s pooed indoors and not noticed (spinal issues means he doesn’t necessarily feel it happening) so it doesn’t distress him when it happens. He’s gone quite deaf and has cataracts which seem to affect his peripheral vision the most. He doesn’t like to be left alone, but there are 5 of us and 4 of are home most of the time, so that isn’t a problem. Dh has been sleeping downstairs with him for the past year, as we didn’t want him getting distressed at night after our other dog died. He does sleep a lot. He’s up at 5.45/6.00 am to toilet, then has breakfast, goes out again and goes back to sleep until lunchtime. He then has a few hours of being awake, pottering about seeing if he can caj food off anyone and reminding us when it’s time for his snuffle mat or dh’s afternoon apple and peanut butter break. Despite being wobbly, he insists on standing to watch us cook the evening meal and regularly inspecting his bowl in case any food miraculously appears in there. He can only manage 10 minute sniffy-walks every other day now, but he does love going and gets a lot out of them. He loves to spend ages sniffing every inch of our large garden, we have field mice and he likes to track their trails, as well as telling off the pigeons and squirrels. We don’t let him out there alone anymore, but there’s always at least one of us available when he needs to go out. He did start to get a bit anxious at the end of last year, which tallied with the cataracts starting to be a problem, but we put him on Zylkene supplements on the vet’s advice and that seemed to settle him right back down again.

We have had a few times now when we felt he was taking a turn for the worse, but then rallied and our vet said that is often a problem with geriatric dogs, which is why it’s important to carefully monitor him day to day for any signs of a downward slide. From their perspective, at the moment he still has a good quality of life and seems happy and engaged in the world around him. (He is very cheeky and lively at vet visits and knows where they keep the treats!)

They also advised us to write a list of ‘red-line’ events that would mean it was time to let him go, other wise you end up in the cycle of ‘he had a bad day yesterday and the day before, but seems better today’ and start to lose objectivity.

Red-events are essentially things that indicate he is no longer enjoying life, just existing or has had a significant change in health/pain levels. Basically anything that realistically means he no longer has a decent quality of life. The starting point is thinking about their life a few years ago and the things they loved to do and working out how many they are still interested in and able to do. She said eating his meals is a red herring, as food is instinctively motivating and appetite usually the very last thing to go. So while he’s actively interested in us preparing our own meals and nagging for his snuffle mat or dh’s snack time he’s engaged and interested, but if he was just wanting his meals, that’s not an indicator of quality of life. For us, him not wanting to get up and supervise the evening meal prep, not doing his geriatric version of his dash down the garden after his evening meal and mouse patrol, not being bothered about the mice/squirrels/pigeons, not getting excited when we get his lead out and not being engaged with us or wanting fusses are all red-lines.

We know his pain is being well managed, as it’s something we monitor carefully with the vet and he has had his meds tweaked regularly until we got the balance right. Unfortunately he has focal seizures, which could potentially develop into full seizures and we are mindful that we don’t want that to happen

We know we are on very borrowed time and I do lose sleep over whether we will make the right call at the right time, but ultimately all you can do is listen to your gut and have your boy’s best interests at heart. Ultimately, as others have said, it’s the final act of kindness we can do for them.

whylieandpretend · 11/01/2022 17:18

[quote PermanentlyDizzy]@UnexpectedItemInShaggingArea, we are in a similar position to you with our 16 year old Lurcher. To be honest, two days before Christmas dh and I felt it was likely to be between Christmas and New Year, but he has totally rallied since then and seems to be thoroughly enjoying himself at the moment.

We see our vet monthly and keep a good day/bad day weekly diary on a magnetic whiteboard on the fridge, so we can monitor any decline objectively. (Easy to do using red/amber/green whiteboard pens to score each day and noting anything new or unusual.)

My boy is also unsteady on his back legs, caused by spinal issues, but he isn’t in any pain with them and it doesn’t phase him at all when he wobbles or they refuse to work properly. He’s always been a really laid back dog and I think that helps as nothing phases him really. We have quite a large step out of our back door to the garden and he still manages that ok.

We’ve had a couple of occasions when he’s pooed indoors and not noticed (spinal issues means he doesn’t necessarily feel it happening) so it doesn’t distress him when it happens. He’s gone quite deaf and has cataracts which seem to affect his peripheral vision the most. He doesn’t like to be left alone, but there are 5 of us and 4 of are home most of the time, so that isn’t a problem. Dh has been sleeping downstairs with him for the past year, as we didn’t want him getting distressed at night after our other dog died. He does sleep a lot. He’s up at 5.45/6.00 am to toilet, then has breakfast, goes out again and goes back to sleep until lunchtime. He then has a few hours of being awake, pottering about seeing if he can caj food off anyone and reminding us when it’s time for his snuffle mat or dh’s afternoon apple and peanut butter break. Despite being wobbly, he insists on standing to watch us cook the evening meal and regularly inspecting his bowl in case any food miraculously appears in there. He can only manage 10 minute sniffy-walks every other day now, but he does love going and gets a lot out of them. He loves to spend ages sniffing every inch of our large garden, we have field mice and he likes to track their trails, as well as telling off the pigeons and squirrels. We don’t let him out there alone anymore, but there’s always at least one of us available when he needs to go out. He did start to get a bit anxious at the end of last year, which tallied with the cataracts starting to be a problem, but we put him on Zylkene supplements on the vet’s advice and that seemed to settle him right back down again.

We have had a few times now when we felt he was taking a turn for the worse, but then rallied and our vet said that is often a problem with geriatric dogs, which is why it’s important to carefully monitor him day to day for any signs of a downward slide. From their perspective, at the moment he still has a good quality of life and seems happy and engaged in the world around him. (He is very cheeky and lively at vet visits and knows where they keep the treats!)

They also advised us to write a list of ‘red-line’ events that would mean it was time to let him go, other wise you end up in the cycle of ‘he had a bad day yesterday and the day before, but seems better today’ and start to lose objectivity.

Red-events are essentially things that indicate he is no longer enjoying life, just existing or has had a significant change in health/pain levels. Basically anything that realistically means he no longer has a decent quality of life. The starting point is thinking about their life a few years ago and the things they loved to do and working out how many they are still interested in and able to do. She said eating his meals is a red herring, as food is instinctively motivating and appetite usually the very last thing to go. So while he’s actively interested in us preparing our own meals and nagging for his snuffle mat or dh’s snack time he’s engaged and interested, but if he was just wanting his meals, that’s not an indicator of quality of life. For us, him not wanting to get up and supervise the evening meal prep, not doing his geriatric version of his dash down the garden after his evening meal and mouse patrol, not being bothered about the mice/squirrels/pigeons, not getting excited when we get his lead out and not being engaged with us or wanting fusses are all red-lines.

We know his pain is being well managed, as it’s something we monitor carefully with the vet and he has had his meds tweaked regularly until we got the balance right. Unfortunately he has focal seizures, which could potentially develop into full seizures and we are mindful that we don’t want that to happen

We know we are on very borrowed time and I do lose sleep over whether we will make the right call at the right time, but ultimately all you can do is listen to your gut and have your boy’s best interests at heart. Ultimately, as others have said, it’s the final act of kindness we can do for them.[/quote]
Beautiful honest post that made me cry x

MrsWinters · 11/01/2022 17:32

When you decide just be with him and give him a cuss and let him know you’re there. It’s so hard, but will mean so much to him.

Marylou62 · 11/01/2022 17:45

OP.. I actually find these threads really hard... We had our beautiful Springer boy Kenny PTS in September last year... Similar situation except we knew he had kidney failure... But you know what made us make the decision...? Thinking about the actual end for him...
Did we want an awful middle of the night emergency with one of us dealing with it alone, struggling to get a poorly DDog in the car, rushing to the vets alone? Our DCs not getting to say goodbye.. Or... A lovely evening walk with everybody there, a camp out with DDog in the centre of so much love, leisurely trip via Macdonalds (we'd always been so careful about his diet!) and the beach and some last photos before the final goodbye... I'm crying now but that is what we gave our beautiful boy...
I was terrified about the other option... Unfortunately only last month my parents had that scenario... Their DDog died in the car...on a busy road.. My Mum frantically trying to pull over..
We knew with Kenny it wouldn't be long (vet said probably only a few months at best) but it was coming so we chose the quiet, calm option... My heart goes out to you all..

bravotango · 11/01/2022 17:55

Marylou what a wonderful final day you gave your dog with his family. We did a similar thing - brought him to a family party where he hoovered up everyone's cheese and cake crumbs and got lots of kisses and strokes, and then took a final walk before calling the vet out that night.

PermanentlyDizzy · 11/01/2022 18:13

@Marylou62, that is a lovely thing to do. We lost our other dog during lockdown 1. He was relatively young, but had an auto-immune condition and was in decline. We had made the call to the vet a few days prior, for exactly the reasons you describe, but they wouldn’t allow us in with him and he was absolutely terrified of going back in there after a recent emergency stay, so we couldn’t do it to him. We were trying to find someone to come out to us, when he died suddenly at home. It was a shock, but thankfully quick and painless for him and all he will have known is being asleep on dh’s legs with me next to him. I really don’t want to go through that or worse again, so we have already chosen an at home service and will give him a lovely last day before saying goodbye.

Santaisstilleatingmincepies · 11/01/2022 18:18

We had out rottweiler pts nearly 2 years ago. Suspected brain tumour.
As a dc our collie cross was pts at nearly 21!
Your ddog is probably the most handsome I have ever seen!!
I can suggest sedation.. Then you get left with ddog..pts meds are intravenous when your ddog is already asleep. The people he sees at the end are just you..
Isn't any easier yet op

Mumteedum · 11/01/2022 18:29

I was in your position when my old boy was 14 and a half. He had dementia and was having accidents too. He was physically fit and enjoyed his walks still. I had a chat with my vet and went home to have a think. The next day my old boy had a stroke and made the decision for me.

He knew I was there at the end. We had a nice cuddle and I said goodbye but I wish I could have spared him those last 24 hours.

Sending love and strength to you. It's very hard x

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