I am a mum of 4 young DC and we live in a flat in the centre of a city with no outdoor space. I also work FT. During lockdown, teenage cousins of my H’s adopted a golden retriever and - once lockdown was over - decided they could not look after him anymore and dumped him on us 3 months ago, telling us he will be happy “because there is always someone at home and the kids will love him.” I knew about the problem of dogs in rescues since lockdown and I did not want to add to the problem. My H was mad and wanted to give him to a rescue, but I believed we should take on the challenge and be able to handle it. He is now 9 months old.
He is a wonderful dog, a really good boy, the DC love him, but we live four floors up in a city flat. I also have a job which is gruelling and requires me to work 80-90 hour weeks between work and home and I am the main breadwinner.
I take him for walks while I do zoom calls, work allows him in my office, I spend all day with him, but there are aspects of my involuntary dog ownership which I feel are going to kill me.
The scavenging: he is obsessive over food. I cannot give the DC a snack on the sofa after school without him snatching it from their hands. He leaps on to the table at dinner time. He opens the door to the kitchen and pulls down food off the work surface and rips the packet to shreds. When I walk him, in the city park, he will run off and eat everything in sight, including horse / dog / fox / human poo. He usually throws it up later that night in the house, which I discover in the morning as I’m doing the school run. My hands are often so full with the DC I cannot monitor what room he is trotting off to, what packet he is pulling down, what food he is gobbling up.
The DC are too young that they are not consistent in enforcing rules or the training we have paid to give him. I could lay ground rules with the dog and they will immediately break them.
He wees and “marks” all over the flat. Places in the flat smell so much like a public toilet it’s unbearable. He wees on my bed. I use the dog deodorising spray, I have the carpets and floors cleaned but nothing makes it go away.
If I leave him alone in any room for any small amount of time, he will rip everything to shreds. He’s destroyed countless pairs of shoes, thousands in handbags, clothes, ripped up packs and packs of printer paper to the point I spend my evenings after the kids are in bed bent over with a bin bag picking up tiny pieces of paper.
To take him to the toilet I have to go down four flights and then to a grassy area (he will not wee or poo on the pavement.) On days when I am back-to-back with work and calls from 7am-10pm, this is time consuming and stressful.
My H doesn’t help. He says it is my own fault for taking this on. I have a dog walker who is excellent but only comes once a day.
We are now at the point that my H says he will move out because of the dog.
I would appreciate any advice about what I should do now. Is there something obvious I am not doing that is causing or not preventing these problems we are having.
Is there an age he will get to where it will be easier? Is there somewhere he can go until then?
If it gets to the point we have to contact a rescue, who should we contact? Or is there an alternative to a rescue? I’m also aware that offering to pay for all his care, including food, vet, health, training etc, even if he is not living with us, would be helpful.
Please help me think through this.