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If you're worried about your pet's health, please speak to a vet or qualified professional.

I do not enjoy DDog

57 replies

RoughGruff · 28/11/2021 19:34

I have a lovely little rescue dog. He is two , very clever and knows quite a few commands. However, he’s also very stubborn and a lot of the more complex commands are on his terms (he will only “come” if you have a treat for him and he really plays on this sometimes).

Anyway, as lovely as he is , I’m really struggling to enjoy him as I’m so anxious about him barking :( .

He’s a small breed but he isn’t yappy. He does bark at times as dogs do but I feel like I’m constantly trying to avoid a bark as to not annoy our neighbours and it’s very stressful. (Our neighbours have never complained and are very nice) .

During the week we have a good routine. He gets up around 7am and has a stuffed kong with his meal in it. This generally keeps him quiet until we leave to walk to school around 8am. When we come home he’s usually tired out from the walk and will just potter with me.

On the weekend I’m constantly on edge trying to ensure he doesn’t so much as gruff until 9am and it’s very stressful! I’m constantly refilling his kong and trying to distract him from the DC as he barks at them to play . A morning walk livens him up too much and he tends to bark more.

His barking isn’t constant. It’s single barks a few times apart when he’s playing (I remove his toy when he does this), sometimes he barks for attention (we ignore). Other times when the postman arrives or we get a delivery he is very vocal but it’s less than a minute as once we’ve “checked out the threat” he’s happy and calms down. He will often alert bark if the DC are play fighting as he perceives this as them hurting each other (this does not happen often) .

He is usually quiet mid week during the day as he tends to sleep. He’s playful around dinner time and before the DC go to bed so can do the odd spell of barking then (not constant).

Around 8pm he is very much chilled for the night unless he hears something outside and he will gruff or done one or two barks.

I’m on constant alert for it. When he goes for his final wee at night around 11pm , if he spots anything in the garden , he goes berserk and it stresses me out.

Very rarely, if he’s a bit of an upset tummy , he may need to toilet in the early hours of the morning and I’m terrified in case he starts barking at 3am!

I worry about what would happen if we ever had an emergency in the middle of the night and had emergency services over. He would go beserk. It’s always on my mind.

It sounds crazy written down but my stomach is in knots writing it down thinking of these scenarios where he will bark. I’m just not enjoying him at all because of this :(.

Does anyone have any advice?

OP posts:
RoughGruff · 28/11/2021 20:08

The more responses I get, the more I’m realising that I am way overthinking this and need to relax. I plan to keep re reading to remind myself of this .

OP posts:
Minceandonions · 28/11/2021 20:11

He sounds like a good and normal dog. Please don't let your own anxiety turn you off of him.

MrsMadderRose · 28/11/2021 20:12

Is there something about barking that upsets you or triggers anxiety somehow? Eg you were scared by a barking dog in the past? Because it really isn’t a problem for any reasonable neighbour, and the emergency services thing even less so. A dog that barks in an emergency is a good thing! At least it’s to be expected and no one would mind.

clatterclatter · 28/11/2021 20:15

In the nicest possible way your dog sounds totally lovely and I think you are focusing on this in a way that is unhealthy. Is it something you’d talk to a GP about? I don’t think your problem is your dogs barking, it’s more that your anxiety has become so focused on it.

RoughGruff · 28/11/2021 20:19

@MrsMadderRose no past experiences to trigger it. I really have no idea. When he barks it sets me in to panic mode to quieten him in case our neighbours hear.

I usually relax a little bit after around 9am when I know our neighbours (elderly on both sides) are up for the day and I think it’s a reasonable time. Before 9am and after 10pm, I’m just on edge for him barking. Confused

OP posts:
Darkpheonix · 28/11/2021 20:20

[quote RoughGruff]@Darkpheonix sorry I was responding with “I have no idea “ as to why I’m so nervous about barking in an emergency.

In the last 10 years, we’ve had services here twice. That is a good point to think about and is exactly what I want from this thread.[/quote]
If your neighbours complained that once every 5 years (average) your dog barks because you had emergency services out, the neighbour is the problem.

Not you or your dog.

Even the best behaved dogs may bark in that situation because they would pick up on the stress of the situation. They would be unsettled before anyone even arrives.

You really don't have a problem here. Do some training, to further reduce it but you dont need to.

Your dog really isn't a problem.

As I writing this one has just gruffly a few times at the back door. Very unusual but I am guessing she has heard something. I would also guess the neighbour can't hear it.

Dp took her out and nothing there. Wouldn't even occur to me the neighbours would be bothered.

MichelleScarn · 28/11/2021 20:21

Sorry if I've missed anyone saying but agree re anxiety and is highly likely ddog picking up on this and is a vicious cycle with his barking is attempting to reassure you as 'his pack'?

Girliefriendlikespuppies · 28/11/2021 20:22

I think you have an anxiety problem rather than a dog problem. The more you try and avoid the dog barking the worse your anxiety will be.

You need to work on relaxing.

Darkpheonix · 28/11/2021 20:24

@MichelleScarn

Sorry if I've missed anyone saying but agree re anxiety and is highly likely ddog picking up on this and is a vicious cycle with his barking is attempting to reassure you as 'his pack'?
I was just about to say the same.

The dog barks, op gets stressed dog thinks they were right to be concerned and draw attention to whatever they are barking for.

Rather than the dog realising their barking stresses their owner so stops.

WaltzingBetty · 28/11/2021 20:29

I think you need some help for your anxiety. This level of worry over a perfectly normal household noise is unreasonable

SweetBabyCheeses99 · 28/11/2021 20:30

Maybe the core of the problem is simply that YOU don’t like the dog barking.

That’s perfectly understandable - it’s loud, intrusive, unpredictable and puts you on edge. If this were any other noise then anyone would be a nervous wreck!

TwoLeftSocksWithHoles · 28/11/2021 20:33

I have a lovely little rescue dog. He is two , very clever and knows quite a few commands. However, he’s also very stubborn and a lot of the more complex commands are on his terms (he will only “come” if you have a treat for him and he really plays on this sometimes).

If you replace DDog with DP I could have written this! Grin

hiredandsqueak · 28/11/2021 20:42

Oh OP you are really overthinking this. I have a yappy rescue dog and tbf from the sound of it she barks more than yours does but I don't think it's excessive or something the neighbours could complain about. As it stands I asked neighbour to let me know if the barking bothered her but she says she's never heard any so the chances are your beighbours don't hear your dog either. Our dog barks at the front door at postmen, delivery people and at times people coming and going. On our cul de sac we get prior warning of the postmen at least as the dog at the top starts as he walks on and this sets off each of the dogs on our street every single day.

Summerfun54321 · 28/11/2021 20:42

I hate dogs and we have a neighbour with a really loud dog that barks including 11pm right outside my kids bedroom window when it goes for a wee every night but…. I have kids and we live in a terraced house and if I wanted silence I would live in the wilderness not near to others. Even non dog lovers will tolerate dogs barking and other general noise because that’s just life 🤷‍♀️ Someone’s got to be the noisiest neighbour and if your neighbours are elderly, maybe they’re also a little deaf 😄.

icedcoffees · 28/11/2021 20:43

Oh, OP, it sounds like you've got yourself really worked up over this.

But dogs bark and his behaviour sounds totally normal to me. I've never known a dog who doesn't bark at things you describe - it's totally okay that he barks at the door or to play. It's what they do!

I would really suggest getting some help for your anxiety as the dog will pick up on it and it could cause issues down the line.

RoughGruff · 28/11/2021 20:47

This thread has pinged a lightbulb moment. I’ve been thinking about what a pp said about latching on to something that isn’t really a problem.

Without going in to too much detail, I have a young teen DS with additional needs. He has explosive outbursts daily and I’m screamed at daily. Every day it’s like walking on egg shells and I often wake wondering how the day is going to go. I’m now wondering if DDog’s barking has become the crux of the constant state of walking on eggshells . Could that be a possibility?

OP posts:
LoveGoldberg · 28/11/2021 20:49

They park at the postman to protect you - then when they leave they’ve learnt that they were successful and that’s a good way to fix it. Our postman was brilliant over lockdown, because we were at home and in the garden more he made friends with our dog bringing treats and now she doesn’t bark anymore but gets really excited. Can you leave a pack of treats out for him to give your dog? Or take her out on the lead in the garden around the time he’s due so they can see he is a friend?

poshme · 28/11/2021 20:58

Yes I think it's that OP. Your dog doesn't sound too barky.

My dog barks when someone comes to the door - I actually like it, as I'm
Often home alone & I like it as a deterrent. (She's a total softy and wouldn't actually hurt a fly, but the person outside doesn't know that)
She occasionally barks outside- but not too often.

My neighbours 3 doors down have several dogs that bark outside All. The. Time. When I open my front door they bark. When I hang out washing they bark. When I take the rubbish out they bark. And then the owners shout at then. Every time. They just keep barking. If we are out in the garden they bark constantly.

Your dog sounds fine.

MrsMadderRose · 28/11/2021 21:18

That does seem to make sense op, about your teen. It could also be that your state of tension - regarding either your DS or your dog - feeds into your DS’s state of mind too (which is not to say I’m blaming you - just that finding a way to relax might help).

I know mindfulness is seen as a cure-all and I think that can go a bit far, but I did a course and still use a lot of what I learned to help me let go of stress and tension and not get het up about things. You might find it helpful for this.

Peace43 · 29/11/2021 07:25

Have you perhaps spoken to your neighbors? I have a dog. His barking sounds roughly the same as yours. As a puppy he was nuts in the morning so we walked EARLY to keep everyone else’s disruption down. Now we don’t need to. If I stand in my garden at 7am on a Sunday I hear noises… the odd dog bark, cars, birds, voices…. The world is not silent before 9am.

I think your neighbors would probably say they don’t even notice your dog!

spotcheck · 29/11/2021 07:35

Your dog actually sounds quite quiet.

Please stop pouring your anxiety onto the dog. They pick up on your moods.

Please stop feeding your dog into being quiet. That is really unhealthy.

If your child screams constantly, then surely a few woofs won't matter?

Mylittlepixie · 29/11/2021 07:49

You should borrow the yappy dogs from nearby for a couple days. After that you wont be bothered by yours anymore Grin
Seriously though, dogs bark. Its normal. If its not excessive its totally fine.

Phrenologistsfinger · 29/11/2021 08:26

Two things occur to me

  1. are you neurodiverse OP? It might be that the barking anxiety is actually a sensory overwhelm thing? I have ADHD, DP has ASD and we both get this. It can be worked on.

  2. can you reframe the noise? We assume a dog barking is an aggressive angry noise, the equivalent of human yelling. But in fact it is just a noise a dog makes to communicate. Sometimes it might be shouting - to deter a threat - but sometimes it is saying ‘hey, play with me, I’m excited’ or ‘look out, there’s something in the garden’ or ‘I’m hungry and want my dinner but no one is noticing’. His barking is just communication.

My old rescue dog arrived and didn’t make a sound for over two years. It was a bit sad and wrong, like a mute human. She acted depressed. We were overjoyed when she found her voice barking at cat intruders in the garden. She also started making communication whines and noises to us, which gives us more interaction. A dog needs a voice. Appreciate he is a living being who communicates.

Phrenologistsfinger · 29/11/2021 08:28

And yes, your dog sounds totally normal and actually very well-bahaved! You are lucky Smile

Phrenologistsfinger · 29/11/2021 08:29

*behaved