Everything seems too much

[mumtodogdaughterandhusband]

Hi everyone I just feel like everything is getting too much lately . Well I did before we got our dog . I work long hours . Also have one hell of a lazy teenager and a workaholic husband who's also lazy . I come close to having a breakdown this time last year but thanks to medication I got out of that dark place . I'm still very anxious day to day but no where near as bad as I was .

So we got our dog . I absolutely adore him he's 7 months old and a golden retriever. But I'm finding it so hard to keep on top of cleaning . I work come home walk him then sort four , cloths , play with dog and sleep then work . No one will walk him just for me to get on top of things . And I'm feeling very stressed out . I feel like running away from it all . Today I'm on annual leave and I'm trying my best to have a good clean of the house but the dog is not having non of it and my daughter will not take him out so I can just get on with it 😥. I just needed a rant and that's it's normal for your house to get in a mess when you have a puppy ? Just feeling like a failure

Having a dog does create mess no doubt about it , ours isn't even long haired and there seems to be hair everywhere! We're your husband and daughter on board with getting a dog ?

Thankyou for the reply . Yes totally. More than me Infact . I had the you won't have to do anything for him we will do it all . They have done nothing ! Plus he's bonded with only me now so makes it hard . I have given up so much work because of him . Not wanting to leave him ect . He didn't have the best start to life and has been she still is rather poorly. So back and forth the vets at least once a week

God yes, my house is a total pit since also getting a GR. Not the hair so much, it's the fact that they pull things apart, get into whatever you leave out, and walk in all manner of rubbish from the garden.

But your daughter and husband's behaviour is really not OK. if it was your decision to get the dog, then I think you're responsible for looking after him or her. However, the other two... no, I'd be stopping cooking, cleaning, washing for them. They are being pathetic.

Sorry - just read properly, they wanted the dog more than you.
You are quite literally the house dogsbody. So unfair, and it's only by withdrawing your contribution (i.e., doing everything) that they will learn and change their ways.
Daughter wants a lift to her friend's? Nope.
Daughter has no clean clothes for school? tough.
Husband hungry? Oh dear. You just do for you, and cuddle up with the dog.

Are either of them doing any housework or not ?

My husband has started doing a tiny bit the last week or two but just generally moving stuff out of site . And my daughter did the same last week too but that's it . I want a cleaner just once a week to help me but my husband says in lazy for wanting one . Also my dog is so hyper ! I wanted a German Shepard but only reason I didn't was because I got told on a thread on here they are very active hyper dogs and I best for for a golden as they are a lot calmer and needy . I have had a shock to the system with mine because he's all that and more lol

my husband says in lazy for wanting one - wow!
So he can do whatever you would want a cleaner to do - and in the time and as peacefully as a cleaner would do. No need for reminders, just turn up and do the job please "d"h.

No? Too much hassle?? Fine, get a cleaner.

Re the dog - I would put a chart up with all the people who promised to look after Ddog. Tell them you will rehome if they don't get cracking with the walks and clean up.

To be honest, it’s not the dog that’s the problem, it’s your dh and dd. Dogs do bring a lot of extra work and mess, but it sounds from your op that they aren’t doing anything to help, dog care or otherwise.

Having dogs does mean you will, barring regular cleaners coming in and you topping up daily as well, most likely have to drop your standards in terms of mess. There’s always going to be mud and leaves tracked in, fur everywhere toys shredded etc, but if you are a three person household and all wanted the dog it should be a shared responsibility to care for and clean up after them.

I do understand, I have one older teen with a chronic illness and one who is neurodiverse with mh issues that mean they are unable to help much, plus a younger dc who is just becoming a teen and developing the ‘Kevin the Teenager’ attitude, so every request is a battle. BUT, everyone can and should do something.

In my experience the only way to address it is to make things uncomfortable for them, as a pp said, no lifts, don’t run around after them, if they don’t have what they need it’s on them. I will admit to being hopeless at this myself, but I have had to learn to stop myself constantly being there for everyone except myself. It goes back to that age old ‘saying put your own oxygen mask on first’. If you go under because they haven’t pulled their weight then things will be a lot worse for everyone.

Given what you went through last year, have you sat down and actually had a calm, but frank, discussion about it all with them? Explain how you are feeling and where you think they could help, then agree specific jobs they can take over. Carve out some time for yourself and tell them at this time on x day I won’t be available.

In addition, if your husband is always working and simply not around to help, maybe a dog walker - even just one day a week - to take some of the stress off you and give you a break. If you walking with your pup would actually benefit your mental health, could you maybe prioritise that and farm out your washing and ironing to a service and/or pay a cleaner to keep on top of the basics?

DOg walker and cleaner is required immediately

If you husband is out all day he may not even know.....

However you do need to address the workload with everyone - you deserve better

Cross posted. Your husband is an arse! You are doing everything, he knows it nearly broke you before you had a pup on top, he does nothing in the home and he dares to call you lazy!

That would be it for me, I would book a cleaner anyway and he could lump it.

Don't despair about the dog's energy levels. My friends have a young retriever and he's pretty full on. Their older one is still energetic but calmer.

Your family is utterly selfish. Of course a retriever adds to the hoovering and general cleaning as well as all the walking. You were naive to believe a teenager would walk the dog (though I know some do) but your DH is beyond selfish. What a cheek he has.

I'm on my own with a dog that was crazy when I got her, though a lot better now. My dog-walker takes her out a couple of afternoons a week which gives me a break and is good for the dog too.

Having a 7 month retriever is pretty much like having a toddler as far as getting things like housework done tbh... because they follow you round going - ooh, what we doing? Can I play with that? How about that?

So yes, totally normal to need backup from other people.

DH needs to do his share or help pay for a cleaner.
Dog Walker once a week?

A 7 month old dog of any breed is always going to be hard work - they're in their adolescent phase and are basically just naughty, hairy toddlers

How old is your daughter? Is she confident enough to take the dog out alone? The idea of walking a calm adult dog on a sunny day is very different to the reality of walking a naughty puppy in the mud and pouring down rain, lol.

I would think about hiring a dog walker or sending her to doggy daycare a couple of times a week. It will do her good to be separated from you and to spend some time with other dogs as well.

Dog walker and cleaner. My DH wouldn't dare call me lazy for wanting and having a cleaner as he respects me and sees the house as much his responsibility as mine!
Stop doing favours for your daughter eg. Lifts, until ahe sometimes walks the dog and cooks etc.

Absolutely stop doing any of their laundry - not washing, drying, folding, ironing, sorting it.

When your H moans "well I don't have time too busy cleaning"

Stop doing their share of the work around the house/lifts etc Your H would rather work than does his share well you would rather walk the dog or relax his choice.

I got a dog Walker and also doggy day care, dropped him there twice a week for a day of playing. It was quite pricey though!

In my house the rule is one person walks the dog, the other person cooks dinner.

I don’t think your dog is the problem, I think your DH is.

So husband works long hours.
You work long hours.

Yet all the housework and dog walking is your responsibility? Does not compute. Sod that for a game of soldiers.

Everyone has to muck in. This will be good for your entitled child, lest she end up with a partner and behaves like her father. I dated one like that. I dumped his lazy ass.

I’d call a family meeting and tell them what all you do and give them options:
We split the chores equally
Or
We hire a cleaner and dog walker to do it. This will cost in the region of £15 a day for either.

Why should you have to do ‘their’ jobs for free!

Any “you’re lazy” crap should be met with “no I’m not you are”. This should then culminate in a full on strike unless they share the chores.

No more washing their clothes
Cooking their dinners
Shopping
Dishes
Sex with “d” h.

Tell everyone at home to either buck up or get out, my son is 11 and has disabilities, he still helps when I ask him to, absolutely awful that you’re being treated so horribly.

Well I have finally stopped cleaning from 8 am this morning ! But still got steaming off the floors to do . I'm dead ! I'm sitting right next to the lazy hubby 😬 so will message back some abuse in about an hour or two 😂😂

Steaming floors? Who does that of an evening?? Nop. Just don't.