Please help - feeling desperate

[Staffymumma]

I have a 3yo staffy bitch and a 10 month old DD. My staffy is the sweetest, and lovely girl however she has severe anxiety. Won’t walk past a bit of fluff on the floor etc.

Recently she has been growling at DD, she has lunged for her twice😔. Both lunging incidents have had triggers (baby being too close etc). I have never ever let my baby crawl at/near/on my dog. The problem I’m now facing is that DD was in her high chair having a bottle, was silent, hadn’t thrown anything or made noise etc and my dog came over and just growled for what seemed like no reason.

I can’t have them near eachother at all because I don’t trust my dog, she can’t even look at DD. I really feel for my dog because she’s quite clearly petrified, and not coping. I really really don’t want to lose her but I can’t risk my DDs safety.

Does anyone have any advise? I’ve contacted a dog behaviourist and have a vet appointment to double check she’s okay. Other than that I keep them on separate floors of the house, if we’re upstairs, dog is downstairs and vice versa. Someone please help

This is an awful situation - I really feel for you. Is there anyone without DC who could look after the dog for you until she can see the behaviourist? You need expert advice, but in the meantime, as you've said, your DD's safety has to be the priority. You're doing the right thing by separating them, but it sounds as though just being in the same house is stressful for your dog.

@ArchwizardTVampirebat thank you so much for replying. I feel so desperate because I can’t imagine my life without my staff but I know she isn’t coping well. She loved DD initially but as she’s become more mobile, she’s so scared.

That’s a good idea for sending her to someone to be looked after while waiting for a behaviourist, might contact my FIL and see if he would be ok with that! Thank you!

Oh, I do hope your FIL can take her. If your staffie and DD used to have a good relationship, hopefully with the right behavioural support this can be brought back .

Personally I wouldn't keep the dog. The risk is too great. It takes one time. A nervous dog who is uncomfortable with a baby is a dangerous dog to have in your home. I really feel for you as it is a terrible situation to be in.

I was in your situation many years ago and ended up re homing the dog.

This is really not faworth the risk.

Im sorry, i know you love your dog, but you love your daughter more. The safest thing to do is rehome your dog. Shes not happy and the baby will only get louder and more mobile and its an accident waiting to happen.

Thank you for your comments. I know you’re all right, I just want to know I’ve tried absolutley everything before having to make that heartbreaking decision😔

This is heartbreaking and I can imagine how you must feel but really the kindest thing is to rehome, your dogs not happy and you would never forgive yourself if she bit your DD.

I know its hard but try not to dwell on this too much, really no one is getting hurt here. Your dog will be so much more settled and you can relax at home too so try not to over think it and turn it into a big trauma. These things so happen and you're doing the responsible thing better to be proactive than end up in a position of having to get your dog PTS. You're protecting him.

I really think you need to re-home her, for her sake as much as for your daughter’s.
But you need to remove her from the situation now, while you decide.

I am a huge doglover(prefer dogs to people really).I do think you need to rehome your staffi.It is best for her and your daughter.Your staffi would be happier in an one to one adult home.She clearly has huge anxieties.I feel for you,but sometimes the hardest decision for you is the kindest for your staffi.All the best.

@Fluffyteal272

This is heartbreaking and I can imagine how you must feel but really the kindest thing is to rehome, your dogs not happy and you would never forgive yourself if she bit your DD.

I know its hard but try not to dwell on this too much, really no one is getting hurt here. Your dog will be so much more settled and you can relax at home too so try not to over think it and turn it into a big trauma. These things so happen and you're doing the responsible thing better to be proactive than end up in a position of having to get your dog PTS. You're protecting him.

Totally agree with you.

You're doing, and preparing to do, all the right things op. I'm so sorry you're in this situation

Oh gosh, what an awful situation for you, and for your dog who is unhappy, as you have acknowledged. You clearly adore her, and it is an awful position for you to be in, but it is an unworkable situation, given the potential for your child being bitten - your dog is trying to communicate her discomfort, whatever the reason for it (could be pain etc,) without biting but it could escalate to that, given the growling has escalated (to her, it will feel like nobody is listening, and that is not criticism of you, it's just a fact - you are not a dog!) If your FIL can't take her immediately, a local Staffie rescue would likely take her as an emergency foster.

Thanks all, you’ve made me feel a lot less shit about the rehoming route. Next week we have the vets and the dog behaviourist so I will see how they both go, if no improvements or solutions I will have to rehome her.

I feel awful, I had a stillborn at 24 weeks in 2019 and if it wasn’t for my dog I wouldn’t be here now, she got me through it and I feel so shit at possibly having to give up on her 😔 but as I said I just cannot risk my daughters safety😔

I was in exactly the same position a year ago, except my DD was a newborn. Unfortunately, my 3 yr old hound became a nervous wreck when DD was born (lockdowns and change of routine didn't help his anxiety). Ultimately, I knew I didn't have a choice. I couldn't trust him. I couldn't even trust him whilst I was holding DD in my arms. He would stare intensely at her, lunge and the final straw was when he bit my face for no apparent reason. My beautiful, loving boy had become a different dog. I was absolutely heartbroken, but I didn't really have a choice. I wasn't going to wait for something to happen before taking action. He was miserable, I was stressed and my DD was at risk. I realised he was still young and had a chance to have a happy, more relaxed life in a child-free home, with people who could devote their time to him.

Never in a million years did I ever imagine I would rehome a dog. I loved him SO much (still do). I will never stop thinking of him, but I also don't regret my decision. It was the right thing to do for everyone, including him.

You are doing the right thing by seeking help from a vet and behaviourist and thinking about rehoming as an option. Sending lots of sympathy, it's so so hard.

@Mimi91 thank you so much for sharing your story and I’m so sorry you’ve been through that. I sadly don’t feel like I can trust my dog anymore either, and I’ve said to my OH I’m not waiting for her to bite the baby to then rehome her, I don’t want to put either of them through that. For now they’re completley separated and if the vet and behaviourist don’t work the sadly she will have to go😭 I don’t know how I’ll live with the guilt, I feel like I’ve failed her

@Staffymumma if you can get a behavioural vet - they can prescribe things such as Prozac or Xanax also if it's anxiety based which can really help. We've tried a couple different behaviourists now and the behavioural vet was a lot more detailed and helpful. Good luck I hope it all works out

@A1b2c3d4e5f6g7 thank you for this! I had no clue a behavioural vet existed, I will look into it!

From my behaviourist recently, just some things that were suggested to us. You probably know this already, but don't tell her off for growling, as that's her warning that she's uncomfortable. Distract her if she looks uncomfortable around your child with commands etc or taking her away from the situation before or escalates to a growl. Work on mental stimulation for her like finding treats around on different levels, finding treats in boxes, commands etc. Give her things to do like this to distract her. Watch your body language also - if you're uncomfortable with her and your child, she will pick up on your anxiety and think there's something to be worried about. We were told to let out a big audible breath like a sigh, as that's a signal to them there's nothing to worry about. Seems bonkers, but really helps our dog

@Staffymumma we had no clue either, we muddled through with a trainer, and then a behaviourist and then were recommended a behavioural vet and medication. We have an anxious nervous rescue dog about the same age as yours. We also worked on muzzle training on recommendation also (a basket muzzle), which was very easy surprisingly. He doesn't need it, but it's a good to have if you're worried about her snapping at your child. And tbh I'd probably want her wearing it if you're doing any of the exercises around your child or desensitising her to her. But check with your behaviourist if they think it's a good idea.

You haven't failed her! You've given her a loving home and a great start to her life ❤. Really hope things turn around, but if you do end up rehoming, know that you're doing it because you love her. She won't feel the same emotions you will. I feel waves of sadness from time to time, but i know my old dog won't be lying in bed thinking about how much he misses me. For the first few weeks he was in a rescue shelter, I rang and checked up on him...he was apparently very chilled, well behaved on walks, playing nicely with other dogs and sleeping well..it must have been a huge relief for him..and now he lives in the countryside in a child-free home (hopefully loving his new life).

I know it's the worst feeling in the world, but you didn't plan for this to happen and are doing all the right things. Hope it all works out.

@A1b2c3d4e5f6g7 Thanks for the info! We have found a vet behaviourist and are booking in with her! Thank you so much for the recommendation :-)

I still wouldn't keep the dog. I had a dog when my son was a baby,never showed any sign of aggression. He jumped on my bed, told him to get off,he bit me,I had him put to sleep,I wouldn't ever trust him again. Oddly one of my work colleagues had a young rescue staff,she kissed him and he nearly tore her face off. She did take some responsibility for kissing the dog. But that could have been a child. She had him put to sleep,was really upset,of course.

[quote Staffymumma]@A1b2c3d4e5f6g7 Thanks for the info! We have found a vet behaviourist and are booking in with her! Thank you so much for the recommendation :-)[/quote]
I'm so pleased. Has really helped my dog. Good luck hope it all goes very well.

Get rid.