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The doghouse

If you're worried about your pet's health, please speak to a vet or qualified professional.

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Original poster

when do you know it is time for an old boy?

22 replies

eveningbubble · 28/10/2021 00:29

Really need advice. I have been told that if I have to ask it is not time, that when you know, you know. However:

My beautiful spaniel is 14 and a half now. The negatives: He is blind, will vaguely notice if a light comes on but he can't see anything else (heavy cataracts) and profoundly deaf but managed with that for a year now. He can smell me and reacts like my young fella he once was but I have to put my hand under his nose. In the last month, I have to lead him to his food.His back legs are dodgy, he can't go for walks anymore, the last 3 times, he has tripped and he once up fine, but he can't manage it easily and is incontinent.

The positives are he eats all his food, drinks, sits in the sun, reacts well to our other dog. and his rubs; he doesn't seem distressed, as much as I can tell he is not in pain.

My children are very attached to him and think he has life left in him yet. But I just don't know if it is right. Tonight he has just stood out in the rain for 2 hours. He won't go anywhere. He doesn't want his bed, he doesn't want the other dog, but will wag his tail when I come up to him. But will not move.

If I bring him to the vet, I might come home without him, what should I do here?

OP posts:

Kanaloa · 28/10/2021 01:24

Oh dear.

For me if they can’t go for their walks, getting confused, can’t see anything, then it’s time to go. Dogs aren’t like us, they can’t rationalise these things like we can. And 14 and a half is a grand old age.

Owlink · 28/10/2021 01:37

My SIL asked me, re a pet I was wondering the same about: is he happy? And really, he was only happy for the time that I could hold him & feed him. The rest of the time, no. Time to say goodbye.

BustedCanOfBiscuits · 28/10/2021 02:02

He sounds so lovely. It's so, so sad and hard, but I do think it sounds like time to let him go. Big unmumsnetty hugs eveningbubble

123Harriet · 28/10/2021 02:13

I think it’s come to a stage where there isn’t a great deal of quality in the poor chap’s life. Even if he’s not in physical pain, there’s not much positive. Lovely that he responds to you. I think with it creeping on gradually it’s got to the stage it has. A trip to the vet is to be seen as a kindness but it will leave a hole in your life. A friend once said to me that the biggest tribute to his memory is to get another dog soon - sounded a bit heartless but I think it’s true.

CarrieMoonbeams · 28/10/2021 02:15

I'm so sorry, but it really sounds like it's his time.

Far better to let him go peacefully now than in a few weeks or months when he might be in pain with his legs, or distressed.

Nothing can make it better for you of course, but I've found that it's easier for us if we put away that dog's bowl, favourite toy etc out of sight somewhere BEFORE we go to the vet.

The other dogs will probably look for him at first, but it's amazing how quickly the rest of the pack 'heals'.

There are a lot worse ways to go than to just sleep away, safe, warm and dry, being cuddled by someone who loves you.

Hugs to you, and to your old boy too.

nonetcurtains · 28/10/2021 15:02

Sorry OP I think it's time.

It's very, very hard. Please try to be positive around him when you take him. Time for crying is after he's gone. x

BaggingAria · 28/10/2021 18:43

Sorry, I too think it's time. We lost our old boy this year, after a couple of months of deterioration - he'd become incontinent and there were other issues that just weren't clearing up as they should that indicated things weren't right. The trouble is, when you're close to them and looking for every positive reason not to say goodbye, it's hard to see the bigger picture. A very dear friend said to me last week, 'If you hadn't made the decision when you did, I was bracing myself to tell you it was time.' She was right, too - painful as it would have been.

Tanfastic · 28/10/2021 20:36

Oh op 😟.I was in a similar position earlier this year with my 15 year old boy. He was hard of hearing and couldn't see very well, had arthritis and although he would have a very short walk every day, a potter round the garden and still ate his food, he had started to disassociate himself with me and take himself off into a different room rather than sit with me. He also stopped getting that excited to greet me. The straw that broke the camels back was that we had an accident with him where he bit the end of my finger off and I ended up in hospital for three days getting it reattached. It was then I made the heartbreaking decision to take him once I was better.

In hindsight I probably left it a bit too late. I loved him dearly and still miss him. I would say it's time for your ddog.

Cookiedough123 · 28/10/2021 20:57

We said goodbye to my old boy last week. His back legs wouldn't support him and he couldn't get up unaided. He had still gone on very short walks and still pottered around the garden. I was glad the decision was made for us and he couldn't get up as it was inevitable. It was truly heartbreaking. I still feel a very deep sadness now but each day has gotten easier. Someone once said to me its better a day too soon than a day too late. I absolutely would of hated for him to suffer and we had a mobile vet come out to us so he could go at home where he was comfortable. X

gonnabeok · 28/10/2021 20:57

OP I really sympathise with your situation. I recently had to let my 18 year old westie go. I was heartbroken but had to keep thinking of his quality of life. He was eating ok, but couldn't manage the steps in the garden and his back legs would shake. He slept a lot more and was very slow when we went for a walk. What really confused me was when he would roll over on his back like when he was a puppy. Some days he seemed to forget where he was .

I took him to see the vet who said he had arthritis in his back legs and checked his mobility. I wasnt ready at that time to let him go. He had pain killers for a few weeks to see if his mobility improved a bit. It did but not by much. He looked so tired and the light seemed to have gone out in his eyes. On occasions he weed in the house but I dont think he knew it was happening.

Two weeks later I made the dreaded appointment, took him for one last short walk and cooked him bacon and sausages. Even when I arrived at the vet's I didn't know if I was making the right decision, but I had to think of him. As he was drifting off under anaesthetic I was cuddling him and talking to him so those were his last moments. It was heartbreaking but I couldn't see him struggle on. The vet said our pets will always try to please us but we need to let them go when they struggle. I think you know the time has come.

Thatsplentyjack · 28/10/2021 21:01

Honestly (and I mean no offence when I say this because I know how you feel) but you are oy keeping him alive for your families benifit. He will die eventually so everyone will be heartbroken at some point but he's having no quality of life.
Mine is 10 and I think about this situation coming up all the time and it breaks my heart, but I couldn't let him suffer like that.

Thatsplentyjack · 28/10/2021 21:02

And now I'm crying reading these posts.

CarrieMoonbeams · 28/10/2021 21:22

@Thatsplentyjack

And now I'm crying reading these posts.

Me too.

to those of us who've lost a bestest boy/girl recently. My last one was a couple of years ago, but as I have a habit of taking on wonky elderly rescued dogs, I think I'll have to go through it again next year, and a couple of years after that, etc etc

Thatsplentyjack · 28/10/2021 21:35

I've never had to go through it. We had dogs growing up, but I was a child and was never there when they died, and I had moved out by the time our last boy died. My mum didn't tell me when the vet came to the house because it was night time and she didn't want me alone with ds and upset.
I worry all the time about either having to have mine pts, or coming in and finding him. I got him as a single parent. He's been with me longer than most of the human family. I don't think I'll cope well when he goes.

Lynne1Cat · 28/10/2021 21:59

Your poor old boy is deaf, blind, can't find his way to his food, can't walk very well at all, is incontinent....... it's time, I think. It really would be kinder to let him go now. He hasn't got much of a life, has he?

Do the right think by the dog if you love him xx

Kanaloa · 29/10/2021 00:21

@Thatsplentyjack

And now I'm crying reading these posts.

I’m a bit emotional about them too! It was reading about someone cooking bacon and sausage for their dog - it reminded me of DH making our dog burgers before she was pts. She was always trying to steal them but they gave her a bad tummy but that day he made her one with all the trimmings 😢 she had been very unwell so although it was sad I think it would have been worse to see her lose her faculties and quality of life.

Original poster

eveningbubble · 29/12/2021 02:24

I want to thank every single one of you who responded on this thread. I let him go because every single message told me to and i just needed that reassurance. We still have his brother who doesn’t have the same issues bar deafness but I have learned from this. I probably let it go too far.

OP posts:

Grumpysister · 29/12/2021 02:34

Sorry to hear this but I think you made the right decision - it’s the last loving thing we can do for our dogs. He sounded a lovely boy.

SpindleSpangle · 29/12/2021 02:36

Oh @eveningbubble, I'm so sorry for your sadness, but it was the right thing to do, done in the kindest way you could.

dibly · 29/12/2021 23:35

I’m so sorry, it’s such a heart aching goodbye

catsrus · 30/12/2021 10:20

It's such a hard decision, but you were right to make it - it's the last kindness we can give them.

Tuliprain · 30/12/2021 10:41

Wondering how long we have left with our 14 year old dog. He’s going deaf and starting to make grunting noises when he sits/lays down. He’s def not there yet but guessing it won’t be long.

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