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The doghouse

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Original poster

Husband has puppy blues/regret

34 replies

Jinnybean · 26/10/2021 15:35

Our pup is 14 weeks and a golden retriever.

She’s an absolute darling and good but she’s very mouthy and chews when she gets the chance.

Husband doesn’t seem to have bonded with her yet. She absolutely adores him though.

But he doesnt do anything with her, won’t come for a walk etc.

Today she chewed his very expensive watch box. He’s not happy and said he’s fed up with her 😭 I looked at replacing the box but they are £400 on eBay just for the box!

It’s getting me down. I feel on edge. My dad died 4 weeks ago and Jinny is helping a lot to take my mind off things but he’s making me anxious.

I love her so so so much and she’s not going anywhere.

He’s never had a puppy for and Kees joking that she’s vicious when she tries to bite.

Fed up 🙈

OP posts:

arootintootingoodtime · 26/10/2021 15:51

Well, my immediate reaction is take your husband to the shelter to be rehomed.

But that's perhaps not helpful

JemimaPyjamas · 26/10/2021 15:54

Puppies are so cute because they are also absolute buggers - if they weren't so cute none would last more than five minutes! Sorry your husband is yet to bond with her. It sounds as if he might also be looking for reasons to get pissed off with her to justify his irritation and regret.

All I can say is, it WILL get easier! Maybe just leave him out of it and hopefully, due to your fabulous training and seeing your growing bond, he'll start to be won over. Good luck!

Original poster

Jinnybean · 26/10/2021 15:55

I’m very very tempted!!

OP posts:

girlmom21 · 26/10/2021 15:57

I'm assuming she's got lots of chew toys?

Rule number 1 of owning a puppy: hide everything that you don't want chewed

rookiemere · 26/10/2021 16:01

It is hard when they are a demanding puppy and you're not the instigator of getting the dog in the first place. I'd maybe get your DH to read a puppy manual so he can see that the behaviour is perfectly normal stuff and - most importantly- won't last forever .

Did he want to get a dog ?

tickledtiger · 26/10/2021 16:01

£400 for a box, someone is having a laugh there. the watch is ok that’s the main thing.

Your husband will get over it once the dog grows up I hope. Ignore him until then. I’m sorry to hear about your dad

EnidFrighten · 26/10/2021 16:04

Did he commit to getting the puppy? I'd be leaving them alone together for the day so he has to step up.

The kind of man I'd imagine wants to spend silly money on a watch and the kind of man I can imagine enjoying a golden retriever puppy are not the same kind of man. But maybe it'll work out! Sorry about your dad.

MissyB1 · 26/10/2021 16:04

Everyone in the house is responsible for removing temptation from the puppy. If you don’t want it chewed she must not be able to get it.
To bond with her he can try sitting and stroking her and just being very close to her when she’s calm and sleepy.
This stage is a bugger and I struggled massively with it, I had to make myself bond with our dog. It will get easier, they do calm down and stop chewing! However it takes a while so he needs to stop stressing out and have some patience.

KittenKong · 26/10/2021 16:04

@arootintootingoodtime

Well, my immediate reaction is take your husband to the shelter to be rehomed.

But that's perhaps not helpful

I was going to suggest that... some people just aren’t ‘puppy’ friendly. I’m sure he will come around.

Winniemarysarah · 26/10/2021 16:08

He’s not going to bond with her if he doesn’t interact with her. I’ve got two big dogs and I love them to bits, but I find myself getting annoyed and snappy with them sometimes for a couple days at a time when they’ve been naughty. I have to put a few hours aside to take them somewhere nice or do something fun together just to remind myself that they’re not always total nobheads! Did he actually want the dog? I think you have to remind him what realistic expectations are when it comes to young puppies, and point out that a good dog comes from kind owners who teach them good behaviour. Getting annoyed with the dog is going to get him nowhere

Firesidefox · 26/10/2021 16:09

Puppies are bloody hard work at first. He will come round.

Butternutsqoosh · 26/10/2021 16:12

Puppies ARE bloody hard work - I currently have 7 of the blighters but hopefully not for long! They are labs and mum and dad dogs chewed ANYTHING and EVERYTHING until they were about 2 including DSs brand new unworn Clark's school shoes, his school ah and his bus pass 🙄 always my shoes - I hated it!! It was not my decision to get dogs but there we are! But it did stop!!

rookiemere · 26/10/2021 16:19

Sorry but I'd disagree with forcing him to bond with the puppy, depending on what the agreement was when you got her.
I categorically did not want a dog, I love our dog now but I'd still prefer not to have a dog ( please note one of the reasons I didn't want a dog is because I see it as very much being for the dog's life and take that responsibility seriously.

If DH had pushed a lot of the care onto me when rookiedog was rookiepup I'd have felt annoyed and ambushed and it would not have helped me bond with him in any way.

Aardvarkitsabloodyaardvark · 26/10/2021 16:24

I'd be annoyed that he's more upset about a box and can't see how much the pup is helping you.

Mvshrln · 26/10/2021 16:24

Having a puppy is HARD! I struggled to bond with my puppy to begin with, hated every moment and regretted the decision. Fortunately it's got tons better now that he's older, neutered and calmer!

KILM · 26/10/2021 16:29

Can you try again to get him to come for a walk with you, maybe on your days off make it an afternoon out to go for a walk at a new location with a coffee? Take loads of stinky treats so that you can practice training with her yourself etc?

Winniemarysarah · 26/10/2021 16:32

@rookiemere

Sorry but I'd disagree with forcing him to bond with the puppy, depending on what the agreement was when you got her. I categorically did not want a dog, I love our dog now but I'd still prefer not to have a dog ( please note one of the reasons I didn't want a dog is because I see it as very much being for the dog's life and take that responsibility seriously.

If DH had pushed a lot of the care onto me when rookiedog was rookiepup I'd have felt annoyed and ambushed and it would not have helped me bond with him in any way.

In my reply to the op I said he’s not going to bond with the dog if he doesn’t interact with her, I do actually agree with your opinion though which is why I asked if he wanted the dog in the first place. My oh hates pets and I got my dogs on the understanding that I do everything for them. We’ve had our oldest for 7 years and he hasn’t taken him for a single walk or picked up a single shit, and that’s ok because they’re my dogs. Saying that if the op got the dog without her oh’s agreement then I get his annoyance, if he did agree to the dog though then it’s ridiculous to be complaining about puppy mouthing and chewing. Im sure he’ll be more careful in the future about leaving silly priced items in the dogs reach

icedcoffees · 26/10/2021 16:33

Puppies can be really really tough, especially if it wasn't really his idea to get one to start with.

When we got our beagle, the decision was mostly made by me. DH did want a dog (and he did want a beagle) but he found the reality of it really, really tough. He peed on the floor, chewed his shoes, woke him up in the night, cried when he was left alone and even ate the seatbelts in his car.

But now they have a fantastic bond. He takes him fishing most weeks, shares his sandwiches with him, snuggles up to him in bed and goes and watches TV upstairs so the dog can have his naps in the bed instead of on the sofa

It does take time, and your DH needs to put some effort in if he wants things to get easier. I would go out for the day (or even half a day) so he has no choice but to walk her, feed her and play with her, tbh.

BiteyShark · 26/10/2021 17:19

The problem is you cannot force the bond or for him to even like a puppy. And trying to force that when they are in the bitey demanding stage is not going to make things any easier.

As others have asked, who was the instigator in getting a puppy? In our house I was but even I hated the Bitey monster at times (bloody love him to bits now but it was a slow burn).

Personally I would get a 1-1 trainer in to show you some fun things to teach her and ask if he would join you. The reason being is that if there is a third party showing him what she can achieve with his commands then he might want to interact rather than it coming from you.

Aquamarine1029 · 26/10/2021 17:21

If he can't pull it together for a puppy, don't have a baby with this man.

GumsAndTeeth · 26/10/2021 19:00

@Butternutsqoosh - I have a 14 week old silver lab and I was warned about the chewing but I’m still dreading it! So far it’s just toys but I heard labs are notoriously bad with it 😂. She’s very clever though… and very cute! Hoping my other dog will keep her entertained enough not to chew!

ComeTheFuck0nBridget · 26/10/2021 19:05

This age is difficult! But like others have said, it will get easier.

One thing I did with my most recent puppy was every time he started to chew, I'd shove a toy in his mouth so instead of chewing the furniture he was now chewing a dog toy. I went to places like Poundland and the Range and bought lots of different ones. It seemed to really help, but to be fair he was always by my side so it was pretty easy to do.

I would try to encourage DH to do fun things with you and the puppy, I know it's getting a bit colder now but would he come on a walk to a pub with you for example? Or what does DH enjoy doing, could you incorporate the dog somehow?

olivehater · 26/10/2021 19:10

Aquamarine that’s a bit harsh. I’ve had three kids, DH is the most hands on dad ever. But neither of us could abide a dog in our home.

Not everyone likes dogs!!!

Aquamarine1029 · 26/10/2021 19:32

@olivehater

Aquamarine that’s a bit harsh. I’ve had three kids, DH is the most hands on dad ever. But neither of us could abide a dog in our home.

Not everyone likes dogs!!!

No, not everyone likes dogs, but your husband wouldn't agree to get one, now would he? The op's has presumably agreed, I doubt the op got a dog if her husband were opposed, so he needs to buck up and deal with it.

icedcoffees · 26/10/2021 20:00

@olivehater

Aquamarine that’s a bit harsh. I’ve had three kids, DH is the most hands on dad ever. But neither of us could abide a dog in our home.

Not everyone likes dogs!!!

You're missing the point.

OP's DH agreed to get a dog and now can't be arsed to do any of the work. If he's behaving like that about a dog, why would he be any different with a baby?

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