Making that final decision

[Olddognewtrick]

I have a nearly 14 year old terrier. He is deaf, stiff - possibly a bit better on supplements with no signs of pain according to the vet, very slow, and has dementia/cognitive decline. Is largely functionally incontinent in that he has control over his bladder and bowels but just goes anywhere and rarely where he should - I can walk up and down the garden with him for twenty minutes with nothing happening and he'll come back inside and pee in the kitchen. Sleeps most of the day but wanders at night, and has started crying at night for no apparent reason. He doesn't like to be shut in anywhere now as he wants to walk around so much, but gets confused in corners etc. The other night our puppy woke me up and I found the elderly dog stuck underneath our bikes which was incredibly upsetting.

I can cope with him being deaf and doddery as long as he still enjoys the occasional nice walk (takes about 15 minutes to potter down to the end of our road), but the wandering, getting stuck and crying makes him seem clearly not happy, and I'm wondering what the kindest option is here.

I haven't had to make this decision before and I'm finding it difficult. Dh gets very stressed about dealing with the wees and poos in the morning as he's usually first up, and also youngest dd has just gone to university - so both of these are complicating factors, but I want to keep ddog at the centre of the decision.

Any stories of how you knew it was time to say goodbye would be gratefully received.

Oh OP, it's such a hard decision. What does your vet say?

I had daisydog put to sleep nearly 3 years ago and still questioned myself until about a year ago when I found an old video from 3 months before she was pts and I knew I'd done the right thing.

The saying goes "rather a day to early than a day to late".

You've got to do what's right for your boy.

Sending you hugs.

We put our boy down in August who was bladder incontinent and just slept all day.
After speaking with the vet we agreed that he had next to no quality of life. That was the balance for me. He was still eating fine but we had to keep him on daily medication that he hated and it didn’t change his general demeanor or give him a new lease on life.
We made the appointment, and stayed with him as he passed.

I know it was the right time because I don’t feel guilty at all. We were keeping him with us without thinking about what he would have wanted.

Good luck making the decision. As they always say, better a day too soon than a week too late.

Hi OP, having had to make that very decision just last Saturday, you will know when the time is right.

I would say you already do know that it's time to say goodbye but you just need someone to tell you that it's ok.

It is an absolutely heartbreaking thing to have to do and I still have moments where I feel like I shouldn't have made that decision, but I know in heart it was the right thing to do for my wee man because as much as it hurt me it meant he was no longer suffering and that was the most important thing.

I’m going to be really blunt, sorry, because I know how horrible it is.

But, reading that doesn’t make me think he’s got a good quality of life...and if he’s how you describe, if he was mine, I’d be discussing having him PTS with the vet.

How much of his day is he actively enjoying? Not sleeping or just not miserable, but enjoying - Compared to how much he’s confused/stressed/unhappy?

It is time, mine’s dementia meant he was drinking water day and night and having to go to the toilet every hour or so. He stopped sleeping at night, couldn’t sit down even if he was falling asleep on his feet, at some point he started falling down the stairs in the middle of the night trying to get more water or go to the toilet. I wish I had put him to sleep months early but as the changes come so gradually you don’t realise how bad things are.

As someone above, I saw a video of my dog a year after he was PTS and… well I can’t believe I showed the video to a friend trying to explain her that he was still ok and fine, but she saw what I couldn’t see. The vets were trying to help, but at the end of the day, I think they were trying to keep him alive to keep me happy more than to keep the dog happy.

We recently had our lurcher pts; the vet said to me that we had to find some pics or videos of three or so years previously and remind ourselves what they were like, as decline was slow. We could see that comparing how she was with how she was now, it made the decision for us. She was getting very close to no quality of life at all. ❤️

I think deep down you know his time has come.

(When I had to take one of my dogs for the final visit to the vets, she was very calm and looked at me with some relief.
She knew what was coming.
On previous visits she would not stay on the vets table, had to wear a muzzle and was generally a pain!)

I think you already know that it's time, but need affirmation from other people who love their dogs and want to do the best thing for them. Here it is.

Our vet usually comes to us for this, which makes it far less stressful for ddog.

We had a terrier like this who was 18 , my mother refused to have her put down even though the poor dog had no quality of life and it was very cruel. Dog ended up so sick in the vets and really suffered her last few days. My advice would be to make a plan with your vet about when it's the kindest time to let your dog go and do so knowing that you put their welfare first. My mother was incredibly selfish and put herself first

Thank you all for your compassion and understanding.

He had a good check over and I had a long chat with the vet about 6 weeks ago - she said that apart from the dementia he's in decent physical health for a geriatric dog, and not in any obvious pain, and while he was still having more good days than bad he was doing ok.

I think since then it's tipped over though. He loves having a cuddle and he is still keen to go out (he gets a wander about in a dog field once a week (was twice until the end of last month but it's too dark to bother doing that after work now), and the rest of the week probably doesn't go out of our road due to his extreme slowness, but loves having a good sniff.

It's been really helpful to read your input, even the blunt ones and even though they made me cry. I think you're all right and that I do know in my heart.

I have a 14 year old mastiff, so I know exactly where you're coming from. I look at him constantly and question whether his quality of life is acceptable. But he is not incontinent, still enjoys a 10-15 minute potter up and down the road, and is not confused, so for the minute I'll leave him to enjoy his twilight years.

I've never had to euthanise an elderly pet though, my last staffy boy died naturally at home at 12 years old and my 3 year old boy was put to sleep in May this year when he became paralysed with bladder and bowel damage

When I read your comment about him crying and getting stuck under the bikes I teared up, so I guess what I'm saying is that would probably be it for me. When they reach the point where they're confused and are getting stuck then I think it's the right time to say goodbye. I remain eternally grateful that we have this option for our beloved pets and wish we had it for our elderly relatives as well

I made this decision earlier this year and found it really really hard. Mine had dementia and arthritis. His enjoyment of life was minimal vs the pain and confusion. His quality of life was poor. He was continent and tbh had he not been that would have decided me quicker. It sounds like the time is right if he can't sleep and is anxious. Mine went on gabapentin for his pain but it also possibly treats dementia and anxiety. He improved on it but also slept a lot more. You've got my sympathy in such a difficult decision.

It's such a hard thing but it's much much better to be left with good memories rather than being plagued with worrying and sad ones.

The best thing about animals is that we don't have to let them suffer.

I almost don’t want to ask for fear of complicating it, I’m 5 minutes behind you in this with a similarly ancient dementia dog so you have my complete sympathy. Is he worse since your DD left? Could the additional decline be him pining? Me and DD were suddenly away from home for 10 days earlier this year and when we got home my dog had lost every spare ounce he had, was walking with a real list to the side, and his eyes had sunken right in. Within 48 hrs of us being home he was straight and bright again. You know him though, I don’t and I could be way off the mark. It’s so hard to make this decision but like the others have said it’s better one day early than one day late,

When I read your comment about him crying and getting stuck under the bikes I teared up

I cried my eyes out over him for about half an hour, it was awful. Fortunately not long after I'd gone to bed, and thank god for the puppy alerting me.

Is he worse since your DD left? Could the additional decline be him pining?

No, I don't really think so, she's only been gone a couple of weeks, and he's been slowly and steadily getting worse for months. Just makes it worse thinking about having him PTS while she's not here - she doesn't really remember life without him.

Op, wrt dementia. Is the dementia making him confused/anxious? My dog was very active until the last months (he was 17 when PTS) but the dementia kept him on edge and awake, the poor thing was very fit and active (just couldn’t get his legs to respond when he wanted to sit/lay down in the last few weeks) but as active as he was, there was no peace in dementia, being obsessed with drinking water and the hourly trips to the toilet were not an easy thing for him

The saying is better a week too early than a day too late. Honestly if he's not finding his way around the house anymore and is incontinent it's probably time. Better to let them go with a bit of dignity at a time you choose than the alternative.

for you op

Thanks again everyone xxx

Is the dementia making him confused/anxious? - yes I think so, he wanders a lot at night and a couple of nights lately he's just started crying, even if someone's with him.

@Olddognewtrick I really feel for you, this but is so hard but you can let him go gently and that is such a blessing

My vet was amazing at the end. They gave him something which relaxed and took pain away and we had 10 minutes of cuddles as if he was well again. It made me very anxious about 'was it the right decision' seeing him so well but it also showed a contrast between how he was and should be and I knew the 10 minutes was a fleeting drug induced moment. He had a very peaceful death in my arms. The vet sent a card which said it was the right decision. That was such a comfort to me. I'm crying thinking about losing him but the pain of watching him suffer was also terrible

I had a dog who behaved in exactly the same way. My vet thought she'd had a stroke which had given her brain damage. And I kept her going because I couldn't bear to lose her but eventually she had a series of strokes or fits, not sure which, in front of me, one after another. So that was the decider.
It's a very difficult situation trying to assess the quality of their life.

We're in a similar position to you OP with our 12 year old greyhound. He's also got cognitive decline, arthritis and will wee whenever I leave the house (or even the same room as him) we think due to anxiety - which he didn't use to do pre-dementia. I've had moments of questioning whether we're "there" yet. It felt much more clear with my last dog as sadly her larynx collapsed when she was 13. Despite his difficulties our boy is still enjoying food and gets excited for his short walk, so I'm using that as a guide that while we're close I don't think we're at the end just yet. If either of those change then that would lead our decision. Thinking of you OP, it's such a difficult choice to make. What do you feel your dog is telling you about how happy they are in life?

Oh OP what a tough situation. We've had to make the decision twice with our DCats and it is so so tough as you cling on to the good moments.

Until your last message, I was going to say he sounds quite happy and could you start crate-training him/containing him somehow at night so he can't wander. But then you said sometimes he whines even when he's with people, which suggests he is pretty confused, or perhaps even scared or in pain. Sadly I think it's probably time.

We had a very poorly cat - so many ailments - but he was only 8 so when he was having a good day and responding well to treatment, he was this perfect cat, it seemed so strange to have to PTS. Then, one of the diseases suddenly threw a clot that lodged in his spine; he couldn't lift his head and was walking all lopsided. Happened so suddenly, he actually had a good day and then bam, then over the next 24 hours... It was horrible to watch. In hindsight, I wish we had PTS a little earlier so that I didn't have those final memories of him, wondering if he was in horrible pain, scared and confused and feeling so vulnerable.

But it's so painful to do and I'm sorry you're in this position. I bet you've given your boy a wonderful life.

I had to make this decision about one of my dogs a few years ago. It was the toughest decision but I did the right thing. He had no quality of life.

He was blind, deaf, could only have prescription food, he was diabetic and he also had cushings aswell as joint pain and a bad back. It was his time.

He slowly declined and after day 2 of food refusal, water refusal and just lying in bed all day I decided it was kinder to let him go.

Mine also wondered, started howling - I was told that was a sign that he was alerting everyone his time was near.

To be honest, I wish I hadn't left it that long because looking back now, he didn't have the quality of life he should have had.

Thank you again to everyone who commented, I found this so helpful, and if you are reading it trying to make the decision yourself, then much love and I hope you find it helpful too.

Went and had another chat with the vet after posting this and decided it was the kindest thing to do. My dd already had a visit home planned (has only just started uni), so talked to her about it and she really wanted to see him to say goodbye. Getting through the last week was tough, but we spoilt him lots, and actually it really reinforced our decision, there were no doubts from anyone once it had been made. Dd got home and could see the deterioration in just those few weeks.

We gave him marmite toast and a little cup of tea on Friday night (he and I were very well matched!) and on Saturday morning we went to a dog field (regular booking) and he had a really good potter about, even had a little trot, tail up. And then cried all the way home about being in the car 🙄

Dh and I then took him off to the vet - the vet was incredibly kind to us all, and he went to sleep peacefully on some cosy blankets on the floor with us both sitting with him and stroking him. Very hard but absolutely right.

Grassy photo is him on Saturday morning, other one is him freshly groomed in his prime.