Can’t leave my puppy

[3AndADog]

I’m feeling really trapped. She’s 17 weeks. I thought it would be best to have someone home with her for the first month so we did, we got her at 11 weeks, and it took about a month to get her sleeping through with one of us in the lounge with us - she’s brilliant now and takes herself to her crate at 10.30 and sleeps alone til 6.30. But in the day she’s always hated her crate in the day time. We haven’t got very far with it despite crate games etc, I’ve done the lot. The most we get is 20 mins sleep in there in the day.

She follows me Everywhere (in the lounge/kitchen where she’s allowed) but barks when I leave the room. I decided I needed to get out more so divided up the room with a pen divider and she now has the lounge with her food, her crate, some toys and bedding etc. Yesterday and today I had to leave the house without her - parent teacher meetings - and I set up the dog cam. Yesterday she barked for a couple of minutes and was asleep when my son got in 30 mins later. I thought that was a success. Today she barked for 30 mins and was asleep when DH came back 40 mins later, and I feel dreadful. The neighbours must think we’re awful - 30 mins of (intermittent) barking. She’s been clingy and needy ever since I got back in after that. Barked like mad when I went to the toilet.

Incidentally she’s fine when DH leaves her or puts her in the crate. Doesn’t make a sound. Not that we have done it very often.

We have a trainer, one to one, who thinks she’s too young for separation anxiety and is a little old school. She thinks she should be quiet in her crate for 4 hours at this age and is evangelical about crate training. Her method is to give her a few mins of barking to see if she quietens down, and if she doesn’t, make a distracting noise to quiet her and let her out after she has been quiet for 5 seconds. She disagrees with the constant stream of treats that all the crate games advocate, because she says she’ll never settle and will stay alert and waiting for the next snack (which to be fair is true, she does)

I don’t know what to do. I want to go out. I want to take my kids to a movie at half term. I want to have my hair cut. I want to go to the supermarket without asking my mum to puppy sit.

I am following the separation anxiety/dog training Facebook groups that are always recommended but I find them overwhelming and they are leading me to imagine worst case scenarios when in reality everyone I know with a pup (this breed) has been able to leave their dog for short periods since very early on and think that I’m mad for getting het up over a few barks.

I don’t know what to do…

What breed is she?

I don’t want to have to spend the rest of this thread defending my choice of breed, but she’s a cocker poo.

You need to keep leaving her for short periods of time and build up
Once she realises that you come back each time she'll start to understand and will settle

The barking is just horrendous. I don’t know what is normal puppy barking and what is anxiety. Just now I put her in her pen with some toys, water and a chew that she loves, just to stop her terrorising the kids while they ate dinner, and she barked relentlessly the whole time. Maybe the whole pen thing is wrong anyway. I have read/been told so many conflicting opinions that I just don’t know what I’m doing anymore.

@Thekormachameleon

You need to keep leaving her for short periods of time and build up Once she realises that you come back each time she'll start to understand and will settle

What you say makes sense to me, and it’s what people tell me all the time, but the stuff I read about preventing separation anxiety requires me to go a LOT slower than that, with just touching the door handles etc but sometimes I just need to go out, like today, and I am not sure I can face months and months of training just to get to 10 minutes.

No advice OP but following as have the exact same issue -age and breed (or more accurately cross-breed) except he's male. Not barking but crying +++when he can't see me, follows me everywhere. Doesn't matter if other members of the family are present in the room, he'll howl ++ if I dare to visit the bathroom/ have a shower. 🤦‍♀️
It's a good job he's so adorable!

Do you lock her in the crate or can she get out into the pen ?

Ditch the 'trainer' to start with. You need to find a decent trainer with credentials and not an 'old school' trainer!
Your puppy is definitely not too young for separation anxiety. But barking and being unsettled the first few occasions they are left isn't uncommon nor does it automatically mean separation anxiety.
Best thing would be to build up gradually. Give puppy a kong or similar. Then leave for half an hour or so. Gradually build the time up slowly. It's not reasonable to expect them to go hours straight away.
In the meantime If you need to go somewhere you need to either take pup with you or get a sitter.
Personally I have a bit of a routine with mine. So I tell them I'm going out and send them out to toilet. They then come into the kitchen for their biscuits and I make sure their toys etc are all there for them. Then they give them their kongs and put on an audiobook for some background noise. Then I leave.

There's a Facebook page about separation anxiety and they recommend a book called Be Right Back. I haven't tried it yet but seems to have good results. I think the page is Dog Separation Anxiety with Julie Naismith.
Our dog, also a cockapoo, seems to be calming down a bit, but she's 3! She's always been horrendous with SA and with lockdown she's hardly been left for 18 months. But recently we had to leave her and she was fine so here's hoping. We have her the run of the house that time. She hates being confined to a room.

When I have gone out, I have left her in the pen with the open crate inside.

The crate training I have been instructed by the trainer I have been doing once or twice a day but not leaving the house - that’s after a walk, a wee, a play, I put her in with a couple of treats, shut the door and put the blanket cover down. She barks once or twice, whines, then settles down. But she wakes and barks if she so much as hears me move, so I have been waking her up after 15 mins and letting her out so that she doesn’t associate barking with coming out.

The idea was to lengthen this so that when I go out, she is asleep in her crate, but we are no where near that which is why I bought the pen/room divider as I thought she’d be happier with a bit of space and the sofa.

My dog hated her crate. It was a waste of money.
I first left her in the puppy proof utility, then added the kitchen, then the lounge, and now she has the run of the house. She sleeps on my bed when I go out.
Sometimes barks and howls for a bit, but settles down.

@Dobbyafreeelf
Old school was maybe the wrong expression. She’s raved about locally. Everything else she does seems good - positive reinforcements, no punishments, distracting/redirecting the pup so she doesn’t get a chance to make a mistake/do something undesirable. But she’s fixated on puppies getting enough sleep and then getting that in their crate, and she doesn’t seem to think the barking is SA. She never told me to leave her cry/bark as a puppy over night for example, but doesn’t think it’s cruel to give her a few mins of barking before settling down.

@Mmmmdanone
I have the book and the FB group but I found it so overwhelming and I feel like it’s such a mammoth task ahead; plus she advocates no barking.whining whatsoever which I just can’t see is possible. My dog is incredibly vocal (which I hate)

You would be better off leaving the house than staying in. If she can hear you she will want to be with you. If your gone she will settle down. Put a camera on to monitor her if your worried.

You hate the vocal part, but poodles are vocal.
Your dog will be a bit or all of both breeds. If you know the breed traits, you will know what you can expect.

I just fed her a second dinner and she has stopped barking and is calm. Hmm. Maybe she was just hungry. I have been giving her the smallest amount according to the packet as she often isn’t interested but clearly today she was pretty hangry!

I have a Cockerpoo. He's the love of my life. However they are called velcro dogs for a reason. They want to be stuck to your side 24/7. You just need to build up his tolerance. I started with 20 mins then 30 1 hour etc. It took a while and there was barking (sorry neighbours) but now I can leave him for up to 4 hours and he's fine. Persevere. They are great wee dogs😍😍

Re the barking, she has told us to ignore/walk away, then praise/treat/play when she is quiet. We are all doing that, is that the right thing to do? Even the kids chip in with ‘good girl, nice and quiet’ when she gives a few seconds between barks.

@Mojoj

I have a Cockerpoo. He's the love of my life. However they are called velcro dogs for a reason. They want to be stuck to your side 24/7. You just need to build up his tolerance. I started with 20 mins then 30 1 hour etc. It took a while and there was barking (sorry neighbours) but now I can leave him for up to 4 hours and he's fine. Persevere. They are great wee dogs😍😍

This is what I like to hear. I keep reading how if you allow them to get distressed and bark it will only make the problem worse going forward. But IRL yours is the advice everyone is giving me, and to put up with the barking in the meantime.

Building up gently does not mean starting with half an hour.

If she is not destructive I would start with 5 minutes. Give her a knog or similar and then leave the house. (Personally I don't crate). Time yourself 5 minutes then come back in. Keep up with 5 minutes until shes comfortable then work up to 10 minutes. etc.

The sooner you do this the better, but 30 minutes is not doing it gently.

I’m also worried that because I’ve left it to now (17weeks) to start this, I’ve missed a window and it’s going to be harder than at say 12 weeks.

@Frenchfancy

Building up gently does not mean starting with half an hour.

If she is not destructive I would start with 5 minutes. Give her a knog or similar and then leave the house. (Personally I don't crate). Time yourself 5 minutes then come back in. Keep up with 5 minutes until shes comfortable then work up to 10 minutes. etc.

The sooner you do this the better, but 30 minutes is not doing it gently.

Ok 5 mins sounds ok and managable. I was just getting put off and depressed by all the stuff saying start at 5 seconds

I got my pup used to being left alone for an hour, most days, straight after her walk

So we do breakfast at 8, walk 8:15. Home 9:00, then straight into crate for an hour (I have no guilt as pup is fed and exercised)

Like kids, dogs seem to thrive on routine

I can now leave him longer, or at different times of day

Might be an idea?

(Different breed though, 5 months old)

Consider 2 dogs. It is so much easier. They are pack animals after all.

@3AndADog ah ok. When you said old school I was thinking more dominance based stuff!!!

Tbh I completely agree with her about sleep. I think we totally underestimate how much sleep puppies and dogs need. Teaching them to be calm is one of the most important things you can teach them.
I'd generally agree with ignoring unwanted behaviours and praising the ones you want. You don't want to inadvertently reward the barking by giving it attention.

I like the idea of this, but the pup has other ideas. She doesn’t do well on a walk first thing. Never wants to go anywhere. Sits on the pavement and when I finally get her around the corner she turns and pulls on the lead until we get home!!