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The doghouse

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Original poster

Toddler + puppy

29 replies

happymum94 · 12/10/2021 12:41

Feel like I've bitten off more than I can chew 😩 we got a pug puppy yday, my husband has been desperate for a fawn boy forever - we already have a black girl who is 7. Now our little boy is 16 months I finally caved as I felt he was old enough but he absolutely hates the new puppy, he is very jumpy and a bit nippy so every time the puppy goes near him he cries even though this is never unsupervised and I don't let the puppy jump at him at all. I just feel like this is going to be so much harder with a toddler around and I didn't expect it to be so hard - my husband works a lot so the majority of responsibility is going to fall at my feet I can already see it. I just feel so overwhelmed already, does anyone have any tips to make this any easier?

OP posts:
Wallywobbles · 12/10/2021 12:45

You have years of regret ahead of you. I got 2 puppies springer and cocker when me DC were 2&3. Big big mistake. Never enough time to train properly. Everyone got less than the best of me ever after.

bunnygeek · 12/10/2021 12:58

Umm, unfortunately it's not going to be easy. At all. This is why rescues, and indeed many breeders, often won't rehome puppies to families with children under 5 years. It's a LOT. Especially if you're on your own with toddler and puppy and existing dog at the same time.

Do you have any family to help during the day when husband is at work? Single parenting dogs and toddler during the day is going to drive you to despair.

Etonmessisyum · 12/10/2021 13:16

Puppy pen
The more your pup practises this behaviour the worse it will get, you’ll be angry at a pup for Normal puppy behaviour. Have pup on lead for interactions with toddler with both of you so you can manage the pup and pup him away if he becomes overexcited.

Teach him calm, praise when he’s quiet and settled - give him a boundary. Find a good dog trainer. I have a year old pup and 10/11 year old and that’s been challenging couldn’t imagine it with a toddler.

Original poster
happymum94 · 12/10/2021 14:01

Literally no family on hand whatsoever. My husband has also just announced he's working away tomorrow then going to stay in London at the weekend for work! Interesting that breeders and shelters don't normally rehome to those with kids under 5 I didn't know this, our breeder knew we had a toddler at home and said this was fine, puppy was used to being around young children etc. I really don't know what to do in this situation, I love dogs but just feel like it's one more thing to feel guilty about, i took my boy to toddler group for an hour this morning and felt guilty leaving the puppy 😢

OP posts:
Hoppinggreen · 12/10/2021 14:04

Send it back to the breeder.
Your husband wanted it and he’s not there so you are dealing with everything

Original poster
happymum94 · 12/10/2021 14:04

@Wallywobbles

You have years of regret ahead of you. I got 2 puppies springer and cocker when me DC were 2&3. Big big mistake. Never enough time to train properly. Everyone got less than the best of me ever after.
This is what I'm worried about now, my son is getting upset when I'm holding the puppy bless him haha. How did your situation pan out? I'm thinking see it out until the puppy stage ends, I've already got puppy training booked for as soon as he can start which I'm hoping will help but not gonna lie today I've just been thinking I bet a life without dogs is a lot less complicated when you have kids
OP posts:
kikipie · 12/10/2021 14:05

Yes, there are very good reasons why young children and puppies aren’t a good mix. In your shoes I’d return him to the breeder ASAP while he’s still young and cute

PineappleWilson · 12/10/2021 14:08

I'm amazed that your breeder didn't comment on you having a toddler.

Original poster
happymum94 · 12/10/2021 14:10

Nope toddler was first thing I mentioned, they said they had a 3 year old relative around all the time and pups were fine. Don't get me wrong the puppy is just being a normal puppy but my little boy is just terrified bless him which I didn't expect at all. Need to speak to my husband really as I would just feel awful returning him to the breeder but the responsibility is overwhelming and making me feel very anxious

OP posts:
icedcoffees · 12/10/2021 18:26

I'm really surprised your breeder allowed you to take a puppy with such a young child in the house - however, that's done now.

You have a tough 12-18 months ahead of you - if you can't cope it is best to return him to the breeder now before he gets too attached to your home and your family. However if you do want to persevere, then be prepared to put the work in - lots of separation between toddler and puppy, crate train the puppy so he has a place where he can go and rest/have some peace, and invest in some training classes too.

It can be done but the first couple of years will be a bit of a baptism of fire!

negomi90 · 12/10/2021 18:33

Return to the breeder now.
Otherwise you'll persevere for a while, both toddler and puppy will learn bad habits. You'll then either have a poorly trained dog or a dog who's difficult to rehome because he needs retraining and people will be wondering what's wrong with him that he's being given up at x months old.
Returning now, means easy to rehome puppy with no bad habits or dubious record. Its the best thing for the dog (the innocent in this), the toddler (who's getting jealous), you (for your sanity and own wellbeing) and your husband can try again in a few year when toddler is older and he's prepared to stay and do the work.

SinnerLikeMe · 12/10/2021 18:44

I'm amazed that your breeder didn't comment on you having a toddler.

I’m not. Although there are some more responsible breeders, most are just people who couldn’t give a toss about anything except the money.
It’s difficult to understand how anyone could think it wouldn’t be extremely difficult to manage a toddler and a puppy if they’d done the slightest bit of research.

OP, you’re going to need to get the dog trained well and have safe spaces for your dog and your child. And expect to be very busy for a long time yet. Your husband sounds like an irresponsible child, wanting something he can’t take responsibility for, I wouldn’t have entertained his idea.

Swimmingwiththefishes · 12/10/2021 18:46

I echo what others have said

The puppy stage can last up to 18 months before behaviour and routine starts to settle

If you wait until the end of the puppy stage you will feel even more guilty, your DH would have got attached, the puppy would have learnt bad habits and the breeder will find it impossible to rehome

If you send it back now, it is fairest on the pup to be rehomed quickly.

We got our Labrador before children and it honestly nearly broke me. I can't imagine doing it with a toddler now. It just wouldn't be fair on anyone.

Justanother123 · 12/10/2021 19:52

We got a puppy when our toddler was 15 months old.
It was hard work, trying to find motivation to walk him and lug the toddler round too.
We managed though! He’s now 1, the toddler is 2 and they are the best of friends! The dog (clumberdoodle) is brilliant with the 2 year old after the initial doggy shark phase (he likes hanging out under her high chair 😂)
We do have a 14 and 17 year old as well though and they are a massive help with walking and looking after the dog and we also have a dog walker a few times a week. I don’t know if I could do it without the extra help.
Dogs are hard work - it’s like having another baby in the house. If I did my time again I probably would have waited but we wanted the older kids to experience dog ownership and if we’d waited they would have probably left home by the time it was the ‘right time’.
You just have to weigh up whether you can get through this phase or whether it is too damaging for your baby and for the puppy.
We were lucky, our pup has really settled and I can’t imagine life without him (even if he did kill my kitchen sofa when dared to pop out for an hour!)

Powertothepetal · 12/10/2021 22:55

Do you have a crate?
I’d be putting the puppy in it for nap time a lot throughout the day.

Young puppies ideally should get at least 16 hours of sleep a day and they are far less bitey if well rested.
If you are regularly putting him to bed and taking him out with you (carried) whenever you go out with DS that doesn’t leave much time in the day for him to jump all over your DS.

I think your biggest issue will be toilet training, my youngest is 5 and I’m finding it a nightmare!

XelaM · 12/10/2021 23:09

Ah sorry I commented on your other post, but I see you already have a black pug so you know the breed. Ours is phenomenal with children and is the most perfect boy, but then my daughter is 11 (but I'm on my own)

Toddler + puppy
Original poster
happymum94 · 13/10/2021 08:10

@xelam yes already have an angel pug! Wouldn't have agreed to any other breed, he is actually as far as puppies go so so good, haven't had a sleepless night with him, no mess in his crate and his toilet training is really good already but keeping on top of him and the little one is hard work 😩 my little one seems to be warming to him a bit more it's just the jumping and nipping which I know will get better as he gets older, I'm thinking it could just be puppy blues but going to see how today goes and then see how I feel!! Your boy is gorgeous

OP posts:
Original poster
happymum94 · 13/10/2021 23:03

So basically the breeder has shut down any chance of us returning the pup. Feeling absolutely horrendous, trapped and stupid.

OP posts:
XelaM · 14/10/2021 01:46

I'm sorry you're feeling this way, and if it was a spaniel or a labrador I would definitely say it will be a nightmare to combine it with a toddler, but given that it's a pug, I think in a few months your pug will mature a lot and will start being much calmer and gentler with your toddler. Plus he is bound to learn good manners from your adult dog. Ours is 8 months and a real teddybear who sleeps most of the day. .

Bogeyes · 14/10/2021 04:56

Your husband is a selfish man. Your son should come first. Take the dog back to where it came from. You are ignoring your son's unhappiness. Why can't you see this?

WhoWearsShortShorts · 14/10/2021 05:39

@Bogeyes

Your husband is a selfish man. Your son should come first. Take the dog back to where it came from. You are ignoring your son's unhappiness. Why can't you see this?
You could at the VERY least read the Ops updates considering it's not a long thread.
Frenchfancy · 14/10/2021 05:56

You are stuck between a selfish husband and a rubbish breader.

Puppy pen is essential. When DH is home he needs to deal with both dogs. Do not feel guilty when you are with your DD and not the puppy. It isn't ideal but DS comes first.

Frenchfancy · 14/10/2021 05:57

Sorry DD obviously should read DS.

Piccalino3 · 14/10/2021 06:02

I'm sorry but I would chalk this up to a big mistake on your behalf (mostly your husband actually) and I'd admit defeat. If the breaded doesn't want him back you can contact some pet rescues, either locally or larger ones. If you do this now he has a much higher chance of getting a foster home and good habits and being able to be rehomed. If you keep him through the puppy stage you may ruin that for him. He'll be attached, and so will your son, he'll have bad habits and non puppies are harder to rehome. Please think about doing the kindest thing for all of you.

Ylvamoon · 14/10/2021 06:23

I'm amazed that your breeder didn't comment on you having a toddler

I’m not. Although there are some more responsible breeders, most are just people who couldn’t give a toss about anything except the money

I don't think it's as simple as that. If somebody wants a puppy then they will get one. If a "responsible" breeder refuses to sell a puppy, then people just move on until they find someone who will sell them one. And that is how puppy farming and poor breeding is supported.

I'm not having a go at you OP, I just find it strange that MN always places the responsibility at the breeders door. When in fact the person buying the puppy knows more about their own circumstances then any breeder will ever know.
I have had a puppy and a toddler, it worked fine for me.

My best advice is, take puppy out for a 5-10 minute training walk when DH is home. A firm no / leave when puppy is nipping your toddler will teach puppy quickly not to do it. A Puppy pen is always a good idea. Use it to give puppy & toddler a break from each other.

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