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If you're worried about your pet's health, please speak to a vet or qualified professional.

Making difficult decision about whether to rehome dog.

25 replies

MoirasWigStand · 20/09/2021 21:25

Ddog is 2. She's had issues for a while, some health (allergies that cause recurrent ear infection, anal gland issues, itching etc) and behavioural (over excited jumping and biting. I've asked advice on dog before and taken it. I'll outline the issues, but please understand that this feels like an impossible decision.

Health issues first. She is under a dermatologist vet and on a special diet. She was on steroids to control symptoms which I've slowly reduced. Unfortunately she is a food obsessive so our exclusion diet has had mixed results. We keep her away from food, but I do have two children who occasionally slip up. She's also got hold of a dead bird in the garden (boak) and some stuff on walks. She will not walk with a muzzle, she's been muzzle trained. She'll put it on, but refuse to walk. She weighs 30kg, can't be dragged and no amount of treats (limited due to allergies will make her move). Twice at doggy day care she has stolen food too.

Behaviour. She goes zoomie like and jumps and bites. Both on lead and off. Although easier to get her somewhat under control on lead (she still bites my hand though until calm. I have sought help with this behaviour through a fully qualified (degree, MA) recommended on here. We were making some good progress.

But then, my marriage ended, ex-dh moved out and then I was very ill. This meant being in hospital for a week and unable to do much for a while. I'm still unable to do any form of exercise. I can walk her, but not far or fast. During this time she was on I looked after (at home never sent away) y my family, friends, ex, etc and lots of the training went out of the window. Now, I ajve obviously reinstated the methods I was using. She has now developed new issues in too of the biting. She now barks and lunges at some dogs (certain breeds/big dogs) and has now started at random people. These mainly seem to be men, older men and usually ones in their own (ie without a dog/partner) but not always. Always when she's on the lead, but sometimes out of the blue (someone comes round the corner or brushes past us at a park). So far she has bitten the clothing, but nothing more thanks god. I have started to move her away where I see someone coming, do reward stuff I've discussed with behaviourist.

When all of this isn't happening she's a lovely dog and she's calmed down loads from her puppy days. But recently I'm finding it harder and harder to feel in control. I contacted the behaviourist again this week after something happened. Her opinion was that she could offer some advice, but it was not unreasonable to consider rehoming her at this point. That she needs someone with the time and energy to work with her. Probably someone without kids. I work full time as well (at home, she isn't left.)

The breeder would take her back, I know that. And work with her and hopefully find a good home. Or there are rescues. I spent all night and this morning crying every time I thought about it. I love her, the kids love her. But I also can't help worrying about her biting someone when I'm distracted or not strong enough and her having to be put down.

I have to make a decision that is best for her and for all of us. And I just done know what that is. My family and friends seem to think rehoming might be right now.

OP posts:
Profilejacket · 20/09/2021 21:27

I’d give her back to the breeder x

Tempusfudgeit · 20/09/2021 21:36

She's a dangerous liability. Her best chance of a happy life is being rehomed to someone who can give her the training she needs. Do the right thing and give her that chance.

MaenadsJustWannaHaveFun · 20/09/2021 21:37

Definitely give her to the breeder.

What type is she?

Indoctro · 20/09/2021 21:40

A responsible breeder will take her back, and seems like they are offering to so absolutely put the dog back to them.

Beebopalooola · 20/09/2021 21:47

Give her to the breeder. I don't know for sure but her behavior could be because she is feeding on your anxiety which is understandable. It might explain the escalation. She needs an experienced firm hand. I take it she has been checked for pain as a result or on top of her conditions you mentioned.

MoirasWigStand · 20/09/2021 21:49

Yes she's been checked for oian a few times.

OP posts:
MoirasWigStand · 20/09/2021 21:52

That should say pain.

OP posts:
MoirasWigStand · 20/09/2021 21:55

Has anyone done this, I'm so upset and worried the kids will hate me. I know it's my job to make the grown up decisions. But they will be heartbroken

OP posts:
Tempusfudgeit · 20/09/2021 22:02

It would be more heartbreaking to lose the dog in a shocking situation - being put down after properly biting someone for example. It's a good opportunity to demonstrate to your children that you should always do the right thing in life, even when it's hard. They'll be sad, then they'll get over it, I promise.

MoirasWigStand · 21/09/2021 07:25

I know. She's sitting cuddling me now, while I sob.

OP posts:
ThreeB · 21/09/2021 07:39

First of all, I'm sending you a big hug as this is a horrible situation to be in.

The fact that her behaviour has deteriorated since you went into hospital, and the fact that she's lunging, sounds like a fear reaction. Her world has changed massively with the separation etc and she's acting in the way she knows how.

You know that the breeder will take her back and that she will be cared for but that doesn't make your decision any easier. I have two dogs that developed fear reactions after a break in and you're constantly on egg shells waiting for the next trigger. It's hard and it's pretty exhausting.

While you are making your decision, stop walking her as much and do brain work instead. Dogs don't die from a lack of walking. Brain work may help to calm some of the behaviours and give you a bit of breathing space. Check out scentventure.dog for ideas of enrichment you can do that doesn't involve putting either of you in a stressful walking situation. absolute-dogs.com is another great resource.

Whatever you decide, you're deciding out of love for her and for your family x

EmeraldRaine · 21/09/2021 07:43

You simply can't keep a 30kg dog that you can't control. That dog is incredibly dangerous, she needs to be in the right hands and sounds like it needs more exercise than you can give. Rehome her and look for a small easily trained dog. Maybe an older rescue so you can be a bit more sure about the temperament.

Myfilterisbroken · 21/09/2021 07:43

Ahh you sound lovely and have done everything you can for her. I would re-home her too.

villainousbroodmare · 21/09/2021 07:57

Sounds like a very easy decision made difficult by your emotions. Sooner she goes back the sooner they can start attempting to solve some of her many issues.

GrumpyMiddleAgedWoman · 21/09/2021 08:07

I would say that the sooner she goes back to the breeder or to a competent breed rescue, the better. The longer she stays with you, the more her issues will become ingrained.

Really tough on you, OP - I'm so sorry. But rehoming now is a more responsible decision than hanging onto her until there is a serious crisis.

I've owned a reactive dog. He did get better as he got older, but he was never easy and it could be massively stressful, so I deeply sympathise.

Clymene · 21/09/2021 08:17

Yes back to the breeder is best. I can understand that it's heartbreaking and I really feel for you. But you'd feel worse if she bit someone and you had to have her put down.

Working with dogs with severe behavioural issues is a full time job and if you don't have the time to do that, it's very difficult to turn this kind of behaviour around.

PollyRoullson · 21/09/2021 08:22

Tough Love here but meant with care.

I remember your other posts (you have named changed?)- this has been going on for ages.

Your dog is getting worse your situation does not allow you to change the dogs behaviour.

It is now time to do the best for the dog and give back to the breeder. (was that an option before or I may have got you mixed up with someone else)

PieMistee · 21/09/2021 08:24

We had to return a rescue dog after two years. He bit me and I couldn't risk it around the children. We were all sad for a while but it was the best thing for the dog and us.

PinkFootstool · 21/09/2021 08:25

You sound like you've done so much. The breeder will take her back which is great.

Send her back. It's OK. It's the right thing to do.

JustHowILikeIt · 21/09/2021 08:30

Back to the breeder Flowers

MoirasWigStand · 21/09/2021 08:49

I know. That's why I posted really. Because I knew you lot would talk sense into me. I was hoping you'd comment @PollyRoullson. Yes it is me. I hadn't realised it was an option last time, but it was. If that makes sense. Breeder is calling me todsy to sort it out.

I feel like I've failed her horribly. Shes such a lovely dog (I know it probably doesn't sound it). When I was ill (I had a heart attack of sorts) she was with me, I was alone as dc were with their dad. She was wonderful, she is wonderful.

OP posts:
Izzy24 · 21/09/2021 08:58

You poor poor thing.

You clearly love your dog very much, so,as PPs have said, your decision to return her to the breeder is absolutely the right thing to do.

Where you are wrong is saying you have failed her. You haven’t. You’ve done your very best and have now reached the conclusion that is best for everyone.

The relief of this ongoing stress will help your recovery and when you feel much better you will be able to reconcile all this.

Wishing you all well.

FeatheredHope · 21/09/2021 09:02

You know she has to go back to the breeder. Please do this soon before she bites someone and the option is taken out of your hands.

Both of you have a chance for a better, happier life.

tabulahrasa · 21/09/2021 09:20

“Shes such a lovely dog”

She can be that and too hard to manage - my last dog was both the best and worst I’ve owned at the same time.

If you’re unable to work with her, the breeder is a better option than a rescue, a dog with health and behavioural issues is hard to rehome.

PollyRoullson · 21/09/2021 10:47

@MoirasWigStand

I know. That's why I posted really. Because I knew you lot would talk sense into me. I was hoping you'd comment *@PollyRoullson*. Yes it is me. I hadn't realised it was an option last time, but it was. If that makes sense. Breeder is calling me todsy to sort it out.

I feel like I've failed her horribly. Shes such a lovely dog (I know it probably doesn't sound it). When I was ill (I had a heart attack of sorts) she was with me, I was alone as dc were with their dad. She was wonderful, she is wonderful.

You have not failed your dog. You are wise enough to acknowledge that she needs more than you are able to give her.

You also deserve some support and rehoming will help your dificult situation and give you time to breath and heal.

Speak to you breeder today and start the road to recovery for both of you.

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