How common is it to regret getting a dog?

[LittleGreyFluffyCat]

I've just lost my little cat to a car accident. I suspect it's the grief talking but part of me is tempted to research getting a dog.

My mum and step dad have always had dogs. Their latest is a rescue and she can't be left alone for any period of time (not sure what she does I'll need to ask them). They have to take her out with them in the car and can then leave her nearby to them in the car for 1 hour, so this limits their lives. They started using a kennel for special events or holidays but then that didn't work out for this dog either (not sure on why really).

My mum and step D both huff and puff a lot about how they shouldn't have got this particular dog, and I do remember some moaning about their previous dog who chewed things.

Have they just been unlucky or is this type of thing common?

I'm not up for getting a dog if it's going to mean I can never meet friends or go on holiday. Most of the time I'm home, but even so, I don't want it to become a prison!

I got my first dog 2 years ago, as a puppy.
I adore her and she has made me fitter, more social ...we pass and say hi to many other people walking theirs daily, and I have discovered love of the countryside! She doesn't chew, is brilliant in the house and is daft and loving.
BUT... goodbye sponteneity! And despite socialisation and good training, she is selectively reactive so some walks can be difficult (hence my love off quiet fields and country walks!)
Holidays? Well a last minute week abroad is not happening any time soon, and I am already dreading leaving her with anyone when Australia's borders reopen (my son is there) and I visit.
I don't regret her as she brings such love, but I do wish it was less complicated!

I work from home like you OP. I got a puppy in advance of my adult DC leaving home. The structure it gives me is great. The daily walks are good for routine, physical and mental health. They are also quite social - better than the water cooler! The companionship has taken the edge off suddenly living alone. I specifically selected a quiet puppy as it would not be in a lively home. I took him to puppy training and from an early stage I've left him home for progressively longer periods during the day, up to 3 hours at the moment. I've also cultivated friends who expressed an interest in the dog, inviting them round when he was cute and taking up offers to look after him for a day, so that they bonded! I have back-up and am soon leaving him with a friend for a few days while I visit a relative. So there are pros and cons to getting a dog. Your position - wfh and living alone - I can see lots of pros. You can minimise the cons by the kind of planning I've done.

I will just put in the caveat that our dog is leash reactive and doesn't like meeting other dogs apart from loose at day care.

He doesn't like other people visiting our house so has to be shut away for that.

So he makes being sociable more difficult.

If you like the idea of being forced out of the house for a dog walk twice a day offer your services to neighbours with dogs. You'll be inundated! That way you'd get the benefit of the dog's company and also get ti know different breeds and temperaments. I thought I'd love having a dog until I borrowed a neighbour's. Way too much work. Now I know I'm a cat person. Lots of affection and cuddles but they are totally independent.

I do love my dog, he brings some happiness to us and more exercise to me than I would otherwise get probably but if I had my time over I would not have gotten. He is just too much of a tie, costs too much in kennels and limits my freedom, which I could have a lot of with 50/50 custody of my children. I got him at a not-great time in my life when I was feeling quite vulnerable and I don't think I fully thought it through in terms of all the different scenarios like changing job, moving house etc, all of which have happened. My advice would be to park any decisions for at least 3 or 4 months and then re-visit.

Dogs are a huge commitment and vets bills for even relatively basic things are getting steadily more and more expensive. My rescue pug has just cost me the best part of £300 today having her atrocious teeth sorted out and is set to cost the same again in the new year and that's quite cheap! Especially for a pug, the breed are very prone to dental issues and her previous owners didn't take care of her teeth at all, hence me having to sort it out now. I have never regretted any of my dogs, I have loved them all dearly but they are definitely an expensive, life changing decision that has to be factored in to day to day life.

I can see from your post that you are grieving the recent loss of your cat, my condolences, we have lost two of our elderly cats in the last year and it's so hard. I would hold off on making any big decisions until you have had time to process your loss.

I rescued a dog a fortnight ago. I also lost a 20 year old cat a few months ago.

I'm finding it hard and honestly right now I wish I hadn't done it. However, I think it will be ok. I think it's a huge adjustment and it's hard to realise in advance how massive it is. But I think that I will adjust and it will be ok. And dog needs to adjust . We don't love eachother yet. But it's much much harder than I thought and I cry a lot . I am starting to relax into the daily routine more now though and have moments where I 'get' why people have dogs.

But it makes me miss my cat and the bond we had -and how I always knew what she wanted - so definitely wait a bit - I waited 9 months and I stilll miss the cat !

Although I've just gone in the other room and seen dd and the dog snuggled up together , so if it makes her happy, I'm happy . I think I take longer to attach...!

Dogs are very tying. My experience sadly is that people get dogs, don't realise just how big a commitment they are and then expect everyone else to commit their free time to look after them, because they want to do xyz or go a holiday, usually because they don't want to pay for kennels. There are vets fees to consider too and they are horrendous. Please research carefully if you are thinking about getting a dog. Don't get one if you work long hours.

@tiddlysquat

I rescued a dog a fortnight ago. I also lost a 20 year old cat a few months ago.

I'm finding it hard and honestly right now I wish I hadn't done it. However, I think it will be ok. I think it's a huge adjustment and it's hard to realise in advance how massive it is. But I think that I will adjust and it will be ok. And dog needs to adjust . We don't love eachother yet. But it's much much harder than I thought and I cry a lot . I am starting to relax into the daily routine more now though and have moments where I 'get' why people have dogs.

But it makes me miss my cat and the bond we had -and how I always knew what she wanted - so definitely wait a bit - I waited 9 months and I stilll miss the cat !

I hope it works out for you both tiddlysquat.

Please don't worry too much, it does take time to build a relationship, that's completely normal

You just have to learn a new 'dog' language ...I recommend the books by Turid Rugaas.

en.turid-rugaas.no/calming-signals---the-art-of-survival.html

We have two adoptees who had very difficult puppyhoods and it took each of them a year to settle in properly. But they were both much better incrementally by 3 months, 6 months, 9 months so don't give up! Patience and gentleness and calm confidence will win the day. It's mainly about the bodily "energy" you project which dogs can read like a book (rather like a toddler can sense whether or not you are serious when you say "no"; it's not the words you bring to it but your mindset when you say it) and being very gentle and consistent.

@Aurorashields99 thank you for the encouragement ! At the moment she is too nervous and won't walk (but fine inside and in garden) so I'm going a bit mental stuck inside as I used to go for an hour walk each lunchtime. Let's just say she is teaching me patience which is not my natural skill! Practicing leaving her by desensitisation which I started last week and I think it is going to work as she stopped jumping off the sofa to follow on the 8-10th time I went out the house - so that'll be good too when I can leave her for short periods . Think it is all settling issues (for both of us !)

Good luck @tiddlysquat I hope it all gets better soon.

When I feel ready, I'm going to look at the Cinnamon Trust and see if I can walk other people's dogs.

The grief for my little cat is so horrible, I've been crying so much last night and this morning. I've also got some other big life things going on, so today the idea of even thinking about getting a dog just seems insane. I was obviously just having a weird moment when I had the idea... my mind was desperately searching for something positive that could come from my cat's death, but now I've realised that there are no positives with death.

tiddlysquat that sounds tough going! You've obviously taken on a very sensitive dog but great that you are making progress already. Hope you get outside soon

Op I am sorry you are so upset. There are no positives with death but the depth of your grief corresponds with the depth of relationship you had with your lovely cat. I hope in time that will bring you happy memories. And you will be able to transfer that love , and everything you learned from that relationship, to another per, although your cat will always remain very special to you

@LittleGreyFluffyCat I think that you do have to grieve first. Another animal will just make you miss your cat more because it takes time to build that bond. It does get better but I've definitely had a (bearable) resurgence of grief by getting the dog . When I first lost her I'd never really experienced grief and it hit me like a truck. But it does get better.

Just to counter a pp

You can take dogs on public transport. We’ve been on both buses abs trains locally

I'm so, so sorry about your cat, OP. I have two, both around 15 yrs old now, and I'm dreading the day. I completely feel for you.

It's totally natural to search for something positive when you're grieving. Just allow yourself to go through the process. Cry, and feel terrible, and acknowledge the fact that your heart feels cracked. Then over time, you'll heal.

One positive thing that can come from grief is connection to the deeper meaning of life. Specifically, selflessness. Getting involved in some way and giving something - time, passion, attention, energy. You could look into fostering a litter of kittens, or fostering a dog. Walking someone else's dog, as you've already mentioned.

I also have a dog, along with my two cats. He's only a year old, and we adopted him about 6 months ago. He's been seriously hard work, but I absolutely adore the crap out of him. It's like having a kid. The type of love you feel for them is really unique. No better than the bond with your cat - just different. But definitely more of a commitment in terms of time.

That being said, dogs that are raised well from puppyhood and trained properly tend to be comfortable and secure being left alone. Your mom and SD's circumstances aren't the norm. Rescue dogs often need additional help that a well-raised dog doesn't necessarily need.

Sending you lots of love and a big hug.

I love my dog. He is a beautiful, loving, loyal, funny, clever, playful and an active trusty companion who will walk miles with me, travels well on public transport, very clean in the house, can be left for several hours, never destroys anything and catches flies for me (sky raisins). He is also easily stressed, then can be aggressive to humans, cannot be around children, has a phobia about car travel, has to be muzzled and sedated at the vet, has allergies and anxiety, both medicated. Is difficult when people visit and has to be carefully managed. There is only one other person I can leave him with when I need to go away. Life with him is not always easy.

Oh, and he is a rescue. You have to love them and be prepared to give whatever they need. They are part of your family

If everyone isn't on board with training the dog then it can be an absolute disaster. My df has 3 dogs , refuses to engage with the training and as a result they are a total nightmare, unruly and disobedient. They do what they like , wreck the place and use the nearest spot as a toilet. It's honestly not the animals fault at all. Just the humans refusal to care for them properly but a huge regret on my part because as he gets older , more of the care is left to me and eventually I'll end up having to care for them full time.

There is the odd rescue dog who is so high needs that they are a pain, we had one once and whilst we were sad, it was actually a relief when she died. There is also the OMG what have we done on getting a new puppy which is every bit as disruptive (if not more so) as a new baby in the house, but that usually passes as you get used to it and they get into a routine and understand what's expected of them.