Can't ever imagine being able to leave him on his own

[JustAnotherDayWorkingAtHome]

Our puppy is now 9 months old. He is lovely and I wouldn't be without him but things haven't entirely panned out how I planned. He currently sleeps in our bedroom on a bed or on the floor. We tried to get him to use the crate downstairs but he never took to it and after about 4 weeks of sleeping on the sofa in desperation we moved the crate to our room. He instantly settled much better but as time when on he didn't want to be in the crate. The final nail in the coffin was on holiday when DH took him away with the DC for a week and let him sleep out of the crate on a bed.

I would really like him to sleep not in our bedroom and just can't see this ever happening as he literally won't be on his own.

This is our fault I realise but DH or I are always at home (WFH) and over the summer the DC have been around so he is never left. This morning I just tried to shut him in the kitchen to deal with a delivery and he literally howled. How am I ever going to get him to be happy on his own. I don't want to leave him for hours and hours but even just to pop to the shops or something would be good.

When I say sleeps on a bed it is on his dog bed not on our bed just to clarify.

Can he sleep in the kids' room? Our dog hates sleeping on his own and until recently was sleeping with any one of us on our bed however recently he decided out of the blue that he preferred to sleep in his soft playpen (with a doggy bed inside) which is underneath my daughter's bunk bed in her room. No one forced him inside (when we did in the past, he was screaming bloody murder) and the door is always open, but that's where he now chooses to sleep

This is the soft crate/playpen we have

You need to train him and teach him which will take time. If he has true separation anxiety do get proessional advice. Dealing with this takes time and it is best to start with the correct advice than take ancedotal advice from other dog owners.

If it is just a matter of getting him used to being happy on his own you should be able to deal with this.

Start small
What happens to your dog when you have a shower or go to the loo?
Can he be left for seconds or does he follow you every where you go?

I find sometimes they are worse shut behind a door with you in the house as they know you are there but can't see you. I use baby gates to make safe spaces, or depending on what size they will be, you can get playpens which are good in more open plan spaces.
Then start by popping them behind the gate/ in the pen with a chewy treat/ filled Kong/ likimat and bimble around so that you are only out of sight for a few seconds at a time. Take them out before they are upset. Next day, do a few more seconds out of sight, and just really slowly increase it. Always make sure it is a positive thing, and ideally time it for when they are a bit sleepy.
For bed, I move the dog bed very slowly out of the room (like an inch every night and if they need more than 2 settles I leave it in the same place a few nights) until they are on the landing, once on the landing the door stays open for a few days, then its slowly shut using a slipper to hold the door in place

How would I know if it was separation anxiety @PollyRoullson?

So I can have a shower he just potters around upstairs, he does leave me and sometimes lie on the landing. We have been leaving our door open at night and find he starts the night on the landing sometimes and then will move into our room. There is always someone around though so he never truly on his own.

Our cocker spaniel has got terrible separation anxiety.

We use a stair gate across the kitchen, and "de-sensitised" him by lots of going out through the front door and coming in through the back, with lots of praise.

After a while, he just clicked that we always come back..... but having said that, mine are led under my feet at work as they're rarely left anyway. Only for hair and doctors/dentist appointments.

For bed, I move the dog bed very slowly out of the room (like an inch every night and if they need more than 2 settles I leave it in the same place a few nights) until they are on the landing, once on the landing the door stays open for a few days, then its slowly shut using a slipper to hold the door in place

If you really want him out of your room then this is a good strategy.

That said, our dog sleeps in our room but is happily left alone during the day. With you both WFH and with the kids there during the summer it was never going to happen, but start small. Close the door and go out as far as the gate/car and come back in.

I think aswell you going has to equal good things - treats and you returning = nothing special, not making a fuss.

I would start by scattering treats when you leave a room. This will encourage him to stay on his own for a few minutes but good things are happening.

I would build this up to having him in a room with the door shut whilst he eats the treats for a few seconds. Over time you can build this up for him to be left with a chew which takes longer to eat whilst on his own in a room. If this is possible and he is calm and showing no signs of stress then You just need to gently increase the time.

If he is showing stress response to this, howling, weeing, being shut down, panting, barking, being destructive, scratching at the door then get in the professionals.

Thanks Polly. So today I have managed to step outside the kitchen, where there is a stair-gate and leave him for a few minutes although I was in sight the full time and he has been fine.

Going to build on this as you suggest.

I don't think many/any dogs out there are happy to be left on their own. They just tolerate it to different degrees. We used to have a poodle who howled so much for prolonged periods of time when we were out that our next door neighbours complained (we had no idea) so he couldn't be left alone at all and had to stay with my grandparents who were home all day. Our current dog definitely doesn't like to be left alone and loudly cries 1-2 full minutes by the door when we leave, but then goes to sleep (in a huff).

What does your dog do if you al just leave the house and wait outside for a few minutes (maybe with a phone camera on him inside)?

Our dog is perfectly happy to be left home alone. He has a good walk before we leave, he gets in his bed, we shut the kitchen door and he just snoozes. If we do the same routine and then potter about in the house before we go he kicks up a right fuss, same if we shut him away to answer the front door. He knows we're there and he's missing out on something.

My advice would be to see what happens if you actually leave him completely home alone. Set your phone up to fill the room and go out for an hour then watch it back. You might find he fussed for a bit then gives up. Just make sure he's had a good walk before hand.

*film

Having similar here with 3.5 month old pup. We've had him 5 weeks and if I even just go upstairs he barks and gets upset.
As soon as he hears me go up he runs over really fast and waits and barks. I've tried scattering treats but he just ignored them. Not sure what to do.

My ddog won't be on her own while we are in but is absolutely fine left if we go out for a short time. She looks out the window every tome she hears a car, but then she does that when we are in too, and comes to the door to greet us when she knows it's us returning. She is like Velcro indoors. Sleeps on legs when sat on sofa and in my bed or the kids